Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 23:43     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:Marriage could have broken due to one of the following reasons:

He is an a-hole or stupid or both

She is an a-hole at home

She gotten fat or could look much more older than her age

She was abusing him by denying him sex


Very true. We've heard one side and no one has any idea what went on in their marriage.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 23:33     Subject: Blindsided
I don't think that ever happens the way you described it. This is a failed marriage and she is trying to say she had no idea that everything wasn't blissful? That it never took a turn at some point and didn't recover? Sorry, I'm not buying it. It's mostly women who tell these stories about being the perfect wife and then, out of the blue, they are blindsided like this. Got traded in for a younger woman by the evil husband. Absolutely no fault of her own that the marriage fell apart. No other possible explanation except for him chasing that young one out of pure selfishness with no regard for his wife and family. Yeah, riggghhht!
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 23:28     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.


What if there were custody disagreements? You must also have sufficient assets that a split won’t derail your retirement.

I generally agree with you if finances make it a comfortable decision but where I question such a rational, calm reaction is in cards where the leaving party wants custody- even if it’s just on paper for their ego. When your holidays are suddenly dictated for the next decade down to the hour and your kids are forced to be somewhere they don’t want to go, that’s when it gets hard to say it’s no big deal.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 22:44     Subject: Blindsided
I didn't play this game. I burned it all down.

Kids despise the father now. I made huge public scenes as did the kids. They were shell-shocked. I had the golden reputation so I used it.

Don't F with me. They learned the hard way.



Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 22:26     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

He made the right decision for himself.

No, it's the right decision for her as well. Do you want her to stay with a man who doesn't love her anymore?


If kids are under age 20 and in the picture, yes.

DP

This is nonsense. It’s 2026 and women don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.


But children do, right?


Living with parents who have a loveless (or disdainful) marriage is very damaging.

They do not learn wfat to look for in their own future partner.

It is much better for them to see a happy role model, who has self esteem and knows how to set boundaries.


I have a couple of friends (both male and female) whose parents had theatrical splits when kids were in their teens. Decades later not a single one of them says their parents either with each other or with a rotating cast of future partners, offered them good role models, or had boundaries. Actually a couple had future spouses who were so boundary free they took the past wife's kids with them to the nudist beach.

So, unhealthy, traumatic, and costly. On the positive side, most of the kids in a reaction to dad's midlife crisis never took up with nudist squash players.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 21:59     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.


You sound really grounded.

I bet your daughters are too!


I disagree.

The wife in the OP will be fine too. People who go through even worse will be fine too. It's silly to downplay the devastation that one rightly feels from having to adjust to new challenges and hurdles because of a divorce because, " they will be fine" when the dust settles.

Pp is stupid/naive if she thinks that these teenagers' lives would not be more difficult if they have to deal with the insecurity of step siblings from their father ( which will probably be the case in the OP since he is marrying a much younger woman).

Which mother wants that for her children? Yes, they will adjust in the end, but there will be trauma. There will be most likely be lifelong tension around step children and insecurities surrounding those relationships.

If marriage is not important to you, don't make the commitment. Go ahead and have your kids outside of the institution. Don't bring up kids under its warm embrace and then snatch it someday because " they will be fine".

Ofcourse no one is saying stay at all cost. But downplaying the downsides of breaking up a marriage when children are involved is stupid and selfish.


She is grounded i reality because she knows this is possible (it always is). And she has built a life that is not entirely dependent on another adult , whom she cannot control.

Very mature and wise.

Talk is cheap. Let’s see how sanguine she remains if reality hits her.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 21:41     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.


You sound really grounded.

I bet your daughters are too!


I disagree.

The wife in the OP will be fine too. People who go through even worse will be fine too. It's silly to downplay the devastation that one rightly feels from having to adjust to new challenges and hurdles because of a divorce because, " they will be fine" when the dust settles.

Pp is stupid/naive if she thinks that these teenagers' lives would not be more difficult if they have to deal with the insecurity of step siblings from their father ( which will probably be the case in the OP since he is marrying a much younger woman).

Which mother wants that for her children? Yes, they will adjust in the end, but there will be trauma. There will be most likely be lifelong tension around step children and insecurities surrounding those relationships.

If marriage is not important to you, don't make the commitment. Go ahead and have your kids outside of the institution. Don't bring up kids under its warm embrace and then snatch it someday because " they will be fine".

Ofcourse no one is saying stay at all cost. But downplaying the downsides of breaking up a marriage when children are involved is stupid and selfish.


She is grounded i reality because she knows this is possible (it always is). And she has built a life that is not entirely dependent on another adult , whom she cannot control.

Very mature and wise.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 21:35     Subject: Re:Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:Either their marriage has been bad for years and she's been oblivious to that, or it's rare.

I used to think that if a couple had lots of kids, things were fine. But I've met enough divorced men now to realize that it's super common to have a baby as a way to try and improve a marriage. I think that's insane, and really unfair to the kid(s). But maybe that's why I'm the divorced mom of an only child.



They're called band-aid babies
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 21:26     Subject: Re:Blindsided
It happened to me too, only he tried to hide the affair. He'd already had one affair when the kids were young and he swore he was reformed and would never do it again. Supposedly he didn't take things physical until he left. Then he waited a year to introduce the AP to people and he still pretends they're just friends in certain contexts (20 months since he left).

He said I didn't do anything wrong. I mean, obviously, but at least he wasn't blame-shifting this time around, I guess. And he immediately offered me lifetime alimony and what he thought was more than half of the assets (but he is generous in his appraisals). I even get to keep the alimony if I cohabitate in the future.

She's only five years younger and has three kids of her own, younger than ours. Have fun buddy.

Even with all of the ways I've landed on my feet, it's still a horrible shock and identity crisis. I wanted my family intact. I'm a SAHM with health issues. I wanted a supportive partner and marriage. So I made a lot of compromises.

Hindsight is 20/20 and I'm grateful to be where I am. But no one wants to be pushed off a cliff with no warning.

The ex still texts me when he's sad or gets an injury. He has not noticed that I've been gray rocking him for a year and a half. That's the kind of man he is and . . . now he's someone else's problem.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 21:26     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.


I agree with your larger point that I will be fine. I’m never going to put myself in a situation where I cannot take care of myself. And perhaps “profound moral obligation” is a bit much. But you seem to be dismissive of really trying to work through things if you have kids.

I’m definitely not sticking around for major dealbreakers. But I think my husband and I both feel a strong obligation to try to be our best selves individually and as a couple for the sake of our family unit. We talk about this and definitely try to make sure we are connecting with each other and the kids.

We have one teenager with profound intellectual disability and the other one had cancer. We both know that we are way better off parenting together than trying to trade off kids from week to week.

My dad remarried at age 70 and managed to create big mess for me and my siblings — even though we are all low drama grown ups. I cannot even imagine doing that kind of thing to my daughters.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 21:15     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.


You are actually naive. There is nothing realistic about thinking you will help your children through the process of feeling rejection from their father "if necessary". You sound like one of those women whose kids would feel the need to bury it all inside because mom said it's not a big deal that Dad is starting a new family. It is a big deal. Refusing to admit it does not make you stronger: it makes you sound ridiculous and emotionally stunted. In this case, since it hasn't happened to you or your children, you sound like someone who lacks empathy.

Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 21:05     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.


You sound really grounded.

I bet your daughters are too!


I disagree.

The wife in the OP will be fine too. People who go through even worse will be fine too. It's silly to downplay the devastation that one rightly feels from having to adjust to new challenges and hurdles because of a divorce because, " they will be fine" when the dust settles.

Pp is stupid/naive if she thinks that these teenagers' lives would not be more difficult if they have to deal with the insecurity of step siblings from their father ( which will probably be the case in the OP since he is marrying a much younger woman).

Which mother wants that for her children? Yes, they will adjust in the end, but there will be trauma. There will be most likely be lifelong tension around step children and insecurities surrounding those relationships.

If marriage is not important to you, don't make the commitment. Go ahead and have your kids outside of the institution. Don't bring up kids under its warm embrace and then snatch it someday because " they will be fine".

Ofcourse no one is saying stay at all cost. But downplaying the downsides of breaking up a marriage when children are involved is stupid and selfish.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 20:44     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.


You sound really grounded.

I bet your daughters are too!
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 20:20     Subject: Blindsided
I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2026 17:05     Subject: Blindsided
Anonymous wrote:Adults who casually implode long-term family systems because they feel internally dissatisfied should be judged more critically, regardless of gender.

Also the “women initiate 75% of divorces” stat gets thrown around constantly with zero nuance. Filing paperwork is not the same thing as causing the breakdown of a marriage. A woman formally initiating a divorce after years of neglect, cheating, emotional abandonment, addiction, untreated mental health issues, refusal to participate in family life, rage, stonewalling, or chronic selfishness does not magically mean she is the primary destroyer of the family.

And yes, women absolutely can do this too. A mother abandoning her family to chase ego validation and novelty is also destructive. I would judge that too. The point is not “men bad.” The point is that adults have responsibilities to the people whose lives are intertwined with theirs.

What I find disturbing is how many people now treat marriage and children as if they’re reversible lifestyle accessories instead of profound moral obligations.

And no, I don’t agree that “nobody cares.” Maybe random acquaintances don’t. But spouses care. Children care. Adult children care. Grandchildren care. Family systems care. These decisions echo for decades in ways that are often invisible from the outside.

You can absolutely end a marriage ethically when it truly needs to end. But a lot of people are not ending marriages because they exhausted every avenue for repair. They’re ending them because modern culture increasingly tells adults that any sustained discomfort, boredom, loss of excitement, aging, sacrifice, or emotional dissatisfaction means they should go reinvent themselves.


AMEN. Why do people not get this?