Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We met and married later in life (me late 30s, him about 50). Thirteen years later, we are divorcing. We have one child, in elementary school. We want to do this without lawyers. There are no disagreements about dividing property, but he is afraid I'm going to take him to the cleaners, which I don't intend to do. Still, I am not sure what is a fair division of our money. He doesn't think I'm entitled to any of his retirement funds, since he had already saved a lot of it (probably most) before we met. He is mid-60s, self-employed, has variable income (not much lately), and no inheritance coming. I am 50, stopped working 18 months ago to care for family, and do expect some inheritance eventually (not f$#%-you money, but maybe around $2M).

Here is what we have:

$670K non-retirement funds between us ($40K mine, $400K his, $230K in a joint account)
About $1.5M retirement funds between us ($285K mine, $1.2M his)

The money conversation is already contentious, because of his fear of losing what he worked for before we met, but he told me to "tell him what I want" as a starting point. I don't even know where to begin.

Take what’s yours and take the joint account. You will be comfortable. He can leave everything else to his kid.

It's very questionable whether he would leave OP's rightful share in assets to their kids. It' more likely to end up in end of life care facility and spent down. OP should take 50% of the marital share of all accounts which is what she's eligible for by law, period.

OP: don't listen to people here who say only tell your accounts. Hire a CPA and an actuary =they'll calculate the exact marital share of his retirement account and you will be eligible to A LOT of money (in my opinion, likely $800K is joint in his account due to stock market appreciation in 13 years). You absolutely should not be giving up on half a million in your STBX favor. He is already ahead of you financially as he's eligible for social security and you won't be for 12 years.

Stop making up stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We met and married later in life (me late 30s, him about 50). Thirteen years later, we are divorcing. We have one child, in elementary school. We want to do this without lawyers. There are no disagreements about dividing property, but he is afraid I'm going to take him to the cleaners, which I don't intend to do. Still, I am not sure what is a fair division of our money. He doesn't think I'm entitled to any of his retirement funds, since he had already saved a lot of it (probably most) before we met. He is mid-60s, self-employed, has variable income (not much lately), and no inheritance coming. I am 50, stopped working 18 months ago to care for family, and do expect some inheritance eventually (not f$#%-you money, but maybe around $2M).

Here is what we have:

$670K non-retirement funds between us ($40K mine, $400K his, $230K in a joint account)
About $1.5M retirement funds between us ($285K mine, $1.2M his)

The money conversation is already contentious, because of his fear of losing what he worked for before we met, but he told me to "tell him what I want" as a starting point. I don't even know where to begin.

Take what’s yours and take the joint account. You will be comfortable. He can leave everything else to his kid.

It's very questionable whether he would leave OP's rightful share in assets to their kids. It' more likely to end up in end of life care facility and spent down. OP should take 50% of the marital share of all accounts which is what she's eligible for by law, period.

OP: don't listen to people here who say only tell your accounts. Hire a CPA and an actuary =they'll calculate the exact marital share of his retirement account and you will be eligible to A LOT of money (in my opinion, likely $800K is joint in his account due to stock market appreciation in 13 years). You absolutely should not be giving up on half a million in your STBX favor. He is already ahead of you financially as he's eligible for social security and you won't be for 12 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We met and married later in life (me late 30s, him about 50). Thirteen years later, we are divorcing. We have one child, in elementary school. We want to do this without lawyers. There are no disagreements about dividing property, but he is afraid I'm going to take him to the cleaners, which I don't intend to do. Still, I am not sure what is a fair division of our money. He doesn't think I'm entitled to any of his retirement funds, since he had already saved a lot of it (probably most) before we met. He is mid-60s, self-employed, has variable income (not much lately), and no inheritance coming. I am 50, stopped working 18 months ago to care for family, and do expect some inheritance eventually (not f$#%-you money, but maybe around $2M).

Here is what we have:

$670K non-retirement funds between us ($40K mine, $400K his, $230K in a joint account)
About $1.5M retirement funds between us ($285K mine, $1.2M his)

The money conversation is already contentious, because of his fear of losing what he worked for before we met, but he told me to "tell him what I want" as a starting point. I don't even know where to begin.

Take what’s yours and take the joint account. You will be comfortable. He can leave everything else to his kid.

It's very questionable whether he would leave OP's rightful share in assets to their kids. It' more likely to end up in end of life care facility and spent down. OP should take 50% of the marital share of all accounts which is what she's eligible for by law, period.

OP: don't listen to people here who say only tell your accounts. Hire a CPA and an actuary =they'll calculate the exact marital share of his retirement account and you will be eligible to A LOT of money (in my opinion, likely $800K is joint in his account due to stock market appreciation in 13 years). You absolutely should not be giving up on half a million in your STBX favor. He is already ahead of you financially as he's eligible for social security and you won't be for 12 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

This isn’t how the law works. If he can document what he had before the marriage, she cannot touch it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We met and married later in life (me late 30s, him about 50). Thirteen years later, we are divorcing. We have one child, in elementary school. We want to do this without lawyers. There are no disagreements about dividing property, but he is afraid I'm going to take him to the cleaners, which I don't intend to do. Still, I am not sure what is a fair division of our money. He doesn't think I'm entitled to any of his retirement funds, since he had already saved a lot of it (probably most) before we met. He is mid-60s, self-employed, has variable income (not much lately), and no inheritance coming. I am 50, stopped working 18 months ago to care for family, and do expect some inheritance eventually (not f$#%-you money, but maybe around $2M).

Here is what we have:

$670K non-retirement funds between us ($40K mine, $400K his, $230K in a joint account)
About $1.5M retirement funds between us ($285K mine, $1.2M his)

The money conversation is already contentious, because of his fear of losing what he worked for before we met, but he told me to "tell him what I want" as a starting point. I don't even know where to begin.

Take what’s yours and take the joint account. You will be comfortable. He can leave everything else to his kid.

Anonymous wrote:Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honor the prenup basically to be a decent human being.

OP here - this is what I'm thinking. He will push back on determining what he contributed and yielded on his retirement in the last 13 years, but I think he should.

I strongly disagree. There is a reason someone put an expiration date on the prenup and the other person agreed to the expiration date. The prenup no longer exists. It’s completely irrelevant. This was not a very short marriage and there’s a child involved. There’s no benefit to walking away from money you’re legally entitled to.

That’s not to say that you should push for half his retirement savings prior to your marriage. You don’t need to be vindictive, but you also don’t need to pretend you still have a prenup in effect. Just be fair.

Obviously, they both felt the prenup was fair when they signed it. What changed since then in your mind?

They felt it was fair for a short term (5 years or less) marriage. They did not feel that it was fair for a longer marriage. They’ve been married 13 years.

You don't know that

Anonymous wrote:I agree you're not really entitled to what he saved up before you met. I'd probably ask for 200,000 of the non-retirement funds plus generous child support.

Anonymous wrote:We met and married later in life (me late 30s, him about 50). Thirteen years later, we are divorcing. We have one child, in elementary school. We want to do this without lawyers. There are no disagreements about dividing property, but he is afraid I'm going to take him to the cleaners, which I don't intend to do. Still, I am not sure what is a fair division of our money. He doesn't think I'm entitled to any of his retirement funds, since he had already saved a lot of it (probably most) before we met. He is mid-60s, self-employed, has variable income (not much lately), and no inheritance coming. I am 50, stopped working 18 months ago to care for family, and do expect some inheritance eventually (not f$#%-you money, but maybe around $2M).

Here is what we have:

$670K non-retirement funds between us ($40K mine, $400K his, $230K in a joint account)
About $1.5M retirement funds between us ($285K mine, $1.2M his)

The money conversation is already contentious, because of his fear of losing what he worked for before we met, but he told me to "tell him what I want" as a starting point. I don't even know where to begin.

Anonymous wrote:Please see a lawyer.