Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

I’m OP and I assure you his email out of the blue telling me I’ll be served sometime next week late on a Friday night was certainly not what I would call courteous in content, tone or intent. Not sockpuppeting.

Lady. Your husband is divorcing you. This is a legal process. Courtesy is not really a relevant concept here.

True. But it’s a really messy thing to do when you have a child/house/money and and an unstable partner involved. As of this morning STBX doesn’t understand why I don’t want to go on with life as usual as if he never filed or why I will only communicate via writing. He doesn’t get that by filing he jumped past the “let’s have some casual chit chat” and place to a land of temporary orders, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

I’m OP and I assure you his email out of the blue telling me I’ll be served sometime next week late on a Friday night was certainly not what I would call courteous in content, tone or intent. Not sockpuppeting.

Lady. Your husband is divorcing you. This is a legal process. Courtesy is not really a relevant concept here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

THINK. Smart people discuss the terms of their divorce before dragging it out in front of a court. "they were separated". Yeah. SEPARATED. It's not the same. Sometimes people separate and then reconnect. Sometimes, they separate so they can cool off and file with a clear head. "Hey, btw, I filed" isn't the mature, respectful, decent thing to do. A divorce is a 2-party event. "Hey, this is happening" is a unilateral decision.

Sorry you're so selfish/myopic.

I mean yes, it is an aggressive move to file immediately, but it doesn’t mean you can’t mediate and settle. It just means the filing party is serious and and wants to get things moving. There are many reasons I can imagine someone doing this. I found that the whole “collaborative divorce” thing was a fiction and did not reduce stress or help us work things out. (I did find working with one parenting coordinator to be useful because neither of us had thought of all the items that should go in a parenting plan - but another parenting coordinator was totally useless.)

The faster both parties to a divorce wrap their heads around the fact that everything will work better as an arms-length transaction, the better. Filing in court is something that has to be done at some point. You’re divorcing and can no longer believe they should be taking your feelings into account. Conversely, a spouse taking actions to decisively resolve the legal and financial matters is not (without more) acting in some kind of ill intentioned way. They are done and moving on, and you should too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.

Are you a bot? OP isn’t leaving an abusive situation. Her husband moved out on her and child recently, and has now filed for divorce. The biggest danger OP faces is her ex husbands total lack of effs. He’s out.

I’m OP and I won’t post the details of my situation but in a general way I will say that with mental illness comes abuse. And I will leave it at that because I think some people are jumping on this thread in the mood to pick me apart for sport.

I believe you, OP. Covert narcissists and other pathological people often do things that look "okayish" or even fine on the surface, because they know most people won't care enough to look closer. On closer inspection, especially looking at patterns over time, it becomes clear that these people are dangerously dysfunctional, often to the point of abuse. They're hard to pin down; it's often impossible to "prove" they're being a dick. And that's the whole point. The jerk who punches you is obviously a jerk. The jerk who destabilizes your life and makes you walk on eggshells for years, then DARVOs like a pro and twists the narrative to make themselves look like the victim, is insidious, and far more dangerous to your health and well-being. If he were obviously, inarguably an asshat, you'd have left him long ago.

I know the type. Just know that you'll get through this and your life will be SO much better without his BS. I'm sorry he's power-tripping on the way out instead of collaborating like a partner, but that's the reason he's on the way out. In the end, you may thank him for making it so obvious. I did. Keep going, OP. One day at a time. You can do this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

THINK. Smart people discuss the terms of their divorce before dragging it out in front of a court. "they were separated". Yeah. SEPARATED. It's not the same. Sometimes people separate and then reconnect. Sometimes, they separate so they can cool off and file with a clear head. "Hey, btw, I filed" isn't the mature, respectful, decent thing to do. A divorce is a 2-party event. "Hey, this is happening" is a unilateral decision.

Sorry you're so selfish/myopic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Document it all. Did you video the verbal abuse? Verbal abuse by men is an intimidation tactic because it shows the threat of violence. It is very real. Document it all. Go write it down right now. Honestly.

That is irrelevant

OP for the last time tonight and for the sake of anyone reading this in a similar situation- if you are in a two-party consent state, don’t do this.

What I have done over the years is keep a password protected file on my phone so I can quickly document conversations and incidents that were not necessarily bad on their own but as part of a pattern were really bad. Some of it is probably more useful for therapy than court.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.

Are you a bot? OP isn’t leaving an abusive situation. Her husband moved out on her and child recently, and has now filed for divorce. The biggest danger OP faces is her ex husbands total lack of effs. He’s out.

I’m OP and I won’t post the details of my situation but in a general way I will say that with mental illness comes abuse. And I will leave it at that because I think some people are jumping on this thread in the mood to pick me apart for sport.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

I’m OP and I assure you his email out of the blue telling me I’ll be served sometime next week late on a Friday night was certainly not what I would call courteous in content, tone or intent. Not sockpuppeting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.

OP and I won’t put my safety plan here but when I woke up that first morning. I don’t know if you are the person who’s posted about them over the past 6 months here on DCUM but someone or multiple people keep mentioning it in threads and I woke up in the middle of the night and remembered that.

At first I felt embarrassed and like I was overreacting when I explained my situation and ask friends and neighbors to help with it but their reaction was generous and supportive. I will say that in the last 72 hours STBX has become quite volatile and I am glad to have rehearsed the plan with DS while assuring them that it is something that we will probably never need. I hope. It’s crazy to contemplate the person intiating the divorce being mad about it, but rather than relieving whatever pent-up emotions STBX had, it seemed to have ignited them.

Attorney consults start tomorrow. Lots of tears but a lot of fun these past few days, too. We’re surviving. Thank you PPs on this thread who got me through the worst 48 hours of my life so far. I mean it sincerely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

READ. She hasn’t been served. He did the courteous thing and notified her that he’d filed. Are you sockpuppeting, OP; or are there this many hapless people on DCUM?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.

Are you a bot? OP isn’t leaving an abusive situation. Her husband moved out on her and child recently, and has now filed for divorce. The biggest danger OP faces is her ex husbands total lack of effs. He’s out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Nah, only a monster serves the person watching their kids w/o notice or warning. This is inarguably a dick move. It's also going to work against him if he starts being uncooperative, and it's going to cost him more because they're going to duke shit out in court rather than having civil conversations and getting their ducks in a row before filing.

He's a gobshite. No question. He's the AH.

Anonymous wrote:Document it all. Did you video the verbal abuse? Verbal abuse by men is an intimidation tactic because it shows the threat of violence. It is very real. Document it all. Go write it down right now. Honestly.

That is irrelevant

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, after moving for an ex and then ending up in a far away state across the country (literally the farthest point I could possible live) I have been living a nightmare. If I could go back in time I would’ve consulted a lawyer immediately. It could’ve saved me a bunch of moves which have burned me - I thought going back to work, finding my own place that was bigger to fit my kids would help me but they haven’t. If I could back I would stay in the house and not work so I could collect alimony and child support. Please get a lawyer asap.

Thank you and I’m sorry. I’m so angry that he would tell me after business hours and when he knows I am caring for our child full-time this week with zero camps or sports practices. I’m furious. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Tell him he needs to take your son for a couple of days next week, since you need to look for and consult an attorney. You’re not obligated to make sure he can work unbothered by parental responsibilities. He did this, and now he can deal with some of the immediate fallout.

Jokes on me. Kid and I were supposed to go on a quick trip next week before school started and DH was going to meet with some workers at the house and watch the dog (dogsitter/ranches all booked because of the holiday week). At the “last minute” early last week, a work trip for this week popped up. Conveniently.

I have been talking to friends all evening sharing the amount of information that is appropriate and one of them might be able to take my kid for a morning if any of the attorneys are in town next week. Pray they’re haven’t already been conflicted out by DH.

Go on the trip. You can talk to the lawyers on the phone there. This is a marathon not a sprint.

I can’t. DH was going to WFH with the dog and we don’t have a dogsitter or spot at a dog camp. All of DH’s stuff is here and he’s been coming a few times a week to eat dinner with us and watch our kid’s activities. I thought he was being true to what we had discussed- taking some time and space to regroup. Apparently he was happy to eat off plates I had washed and grab laundry I’d washed last month before going off to his lawyer’s lair.

I didn’t fully understand when he told me last night because I was a wreck but the *actual filing* is happening and I’m being served next week. Which may be why he hightailed out of town and forced me to stay in town.

Who serves the mother of his child?

Monster.

Everyone serves their spouse. Nothing monstrous about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick update: I have a long list of attorneys from my friends for Monday morning and a safety plan for my child just in case. Am telling close friends and family the facts for safety. Have most documents in hand now but some are missing. Have contacted financial advisor and informed him of the situation in case DH has not and have told him that I will be in touch as soon as I have an attorney and in meantime to freeze all transactions on our accounts. Nothing should be happening without dual authorization but wanted to make sure it was in writing. Contacting tax guy on Monday to see if he can chase down a few missing forms.

Good for you OP.

Why does your son need a safety plan? I didn’t see child abuse in your posts?

Wishing you and your son the best, you will get through this.

Any woman leaving any man should have a safety plan in place for herself and her children. Sometimes the first episode of physical violence occurs when the emotionally abusive partner is faced with the end of the relationship and more importantly, a loss of control. In my years as a DV advocate and later prosecutor, I saw too many cases where men who were losing their families - even if they initiated the relationship disruption to begin with - ended up losing their sh*t and hurting or killing their kids/partners. If the husband already has a significant mental illness issue, it's even more important to have a safety plan in mind - do whatever you can to protect yourself in the leaving process.