Choking during sex is very dangerous, even if you don't pass out - people are delusional when they think "light choking" is OK.


"Many respondents who had a positive view of choking or strangling believed the act could be safe, the study found.

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Study co-author Prof Heather Douglas, from Melbourne University Law School, said choking a person during sex can cause brain injury, even when the person remains conscious, and even when there are no visible injuries. It can also cause death.

“The risks associated with brain injury increase with each subsequent strangulation,” Douglas said.

“So it’s a little bit like head injury in that injuries can accumulate. Miscarriage can also result from strangulation, and can occur a week or months down the track. Strangulation can lead to stroke. There can also be an incremental reduction in memory.”


Douglas said among the most concerning findings was that many respondents had not clearly consented to strangling, with consent given during one sexual encounter perceived as consenting to strangling during subsequent encounters with that partner."
https://www.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/jul/02/risk-of-serious-injury-as-strangling-during-sex-becomes-normalised-among-young-australians

I do not understand why any woman would agree to this. Even with consent, choking is a bad idea. Without consent, it is a crime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

DP, sorry, but your way of thinking is very warped. OP flat out told her husband NO. He didn’t misunderstand her, he says he didn’t hear her. He was too focused on his own pleasure and kink to think about his partner and put her in a seemingly dangerous situation.

I’m a bit wrapped up in how does someone say “no” when being choked. Makes me think this whole post is a tall tale.

A good man gets off by pleasing a woman, whatever her thing is. It makes him feel like a manly man. In this situation, OP had already expressed she doesn't like being choked. Her husband does it anyway. And then went too far. He knew exactly what he was doing.

This is a terrible relationship. I don't think this is a sustainable marriage.

100%

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

DP, sorry, but your way of thinking is very warped. OP flat out told her husband NO. He didn’t misunderstand her, he says he didn’t hear her. He was too focused on his own pleasure and kink to think about his partner and put her in a seemingly dangerous situation.

I’m a bit wrapped up in how does someone say “no” when being choked. Makes me think this whole post is a tall tale.

A good man gets off by pleasing a woman, whatever her thing is. It makes him feel like a manly man. In this situation, OP had already expressed she doesn't like being choked. Her husband does it anyway. And then went too far. He knew exactly what he was doing.

This is a terrible relationship. I don't think this is a sustainable marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

DP, sorry, but your way of thinking is very warped. OP flat out told her husband NO. He didn’t misunderstand her, he says he didn’t hear her. He was too focused on his own pleasure and kink to think about his partner and put her in a seemingly dangerous situation.

I’m a bit wrapped up in how does someone say “no” when being choked. Makes me think this whole post is a tall tale.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no. I’m so sorry OP, I can only imagine how terrifying that must have been, and still is. It would be a long while before we had sex again. And choking would be off the table forever. I don’t know how you put up with that in the first place, the thought of someone’s hands around my neck gives me chills. That would be a total turn off if a man asked to do that to me.

Agree. I didn't know that it was even a thing.

It's always been a thing. It's even mentioned in tons of movies or tv programs.

Yeah, but typically the person with this link wants to be choked, not choke someone else.

I love that uncomprehending posters here are apparently still responding and trying to find a way for OP to continue to engage in what she has already expressed she does not wish to continue. She doesn't want your choking tips, weirdos, she's done.

PS, posters- you aren't weird for the choking (if that's your kink). You are weird for trying to force this to happen for her. You're like therapists trying to offer better solutions for a successful suicide. Stop it.

Leave

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take some classes in Brazilian ju jitsu. Learn a few chokeholds and submission techniques. The next time he tries it and won't stop, break a few bones

Came here to say this.

Or divorce. I'm sorry, if you don't feel safe around your husband, you need to get out.

Jujitsu wouldn't help unless the man is very tiny compared to her. Men are twice as strong as women pound per pound on average, many are 3 to 5 times stronger.

Anonymous wrote:Take some classes in Brazilian ju jitsu. Learn a few chokeholds and submission techniques. The next time he tries it and won't stop, break a few bones

Came here to say this.

Or divorce. I'm sorry, if you don't feel safe around your husband, you need to get out.

An alternative to using hands for choking is using something with more surface area, such as a fluffy scarf or rolled up hand towel.
These are less likely to cause ligature marks and harm to the neck area.

I think there is a huge difference between a hand/hands on the neck and slight pressure (NOT enough to restrict the airway!) versus actual choking (holding the neck or putting pressure on it in any way that restricts breathing). The first is fine and can be sexy: it is one person showing vulnerability and giving power to the other in the knowledge that this power will not be misused to hurt. The second is dangerous and a bad idea.

OP, if you have been doing the latter, definitely stop, and your husband should stop. If you have been doing the former and in the heat of the moment you felt it crossed to the latter, you should (As you have) tell him never again. But unless he routinely violates your boundaries, dissociates during sex, or is otherwise abusive (in which case, multiple red flags), I would not write him off. I'd just be really really clear that that can't happen again. If he is not a jerk he will get it and be careful.

I would end it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH likes to choke in the bedroom. It’s not my thing, but I’ve indulged him. Last night he choked me too hard and I said to stop and he didn’t stop right away.

This made me terrified and I feel really uncomfortable. I told him right after the fact that this was not ok and he apologized. But I still do not feel comfortable around him. What should I do?

I think this is a troll post. Who on earth will allow to be choked a bit. You have to be sick to let that happen in the XXI century.

Yes, you are trolling. It's a common kink. Nobody believes you don't know about it.

Things around the neck are hot. Some choking when someone is railing me could be hot but idk how people stop it from going too far. The choking shouldn't be in anger or strong.

Sometimes it does go a tad too far. Death is rare. Being on the edge is not that uncommon though. That's part of the kink, the risk of it all.

Tell him to stop watching porn

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH likes to choke in the bedroom. It’s not my thing, but I’ve indulged him. Last night he choked me too hard and I said to stop and he didn’t stop right away.

This made me terrified and I feel really uncomfortable. I told him right after the fact that this was not ok and he apologized. But I still do not feel comfortable around him. What should I do?

I think this is a troll post. Who on earth will allow to be choked a bit. You have to be sick to let that happen in the XXI century.

Yes, you are trolling. It's a common kink. Nobody believes you don't know about it.

Things around the neck are hot. Some choking when someone is railing me could be hot but idk how people stop it from going too far. The choking shouldn't be in anger or strong.