Anonymous
Post 06/02/2025 17:52     Subject: Re:My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Here you go, OP. Maybe you can find her the one she wants (or likes enough) on sale or in the "authentic, pre-loved" department of an online liquidator or consigner:

https://www.gilt.com/search/?q=chanel+handbag&dsi=SRQ-1972505983--4b6fe649-ca94-4aad-9eac-5693aa0cbb09&lsi=94dd9c10-3f14-4e7c-a4fb-4880643d0b80


Interesting. That’s an option.
I really love her. She does a great job taking care of our kids. I want her to be happy.



Honestly, OP, you'd be better off spending the money on a therapist for yourself to figure out why you value someone who clearly doesn't value you. Also, once people hit a certain threshold of security and opportunity, material acquisitions don't increase happiness in a meaningful way. It has to come from within.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2025 17:30     Subject: My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:S/O question - what is the minimum HHI/NW/working situation that would allow the purchase of this handbag or another big unnecessary item?

I have a high HHI/high NW and still have a lot of guilt about spending $ on myself, which is a personal hang-up. Always nice to know what amount would red-light it.


I think this is impossible to answer Everyone spends money on frivolous things. I know some people that prefer to live in a small simple house, no car, no vacations, so that they can wear designer clothes because that brings them joy. Some people might spend 8K on a vacation, or towards a more expensive car or they like to go to concerts or whatever. I think what’s important is to decide your budget for frivolities and then decide which frivolities bring you most joy.
The problem with OP’s situation is that it reads like this is probably just one of a list that also probably includes designer clothes, a nice car, vacations. He should sit down with her and decide what they can cut from their budget to afford an 8K purse. Maybe she wants to skip vacation this year, or can commit to buying no new clothes for herself for the rest of the year, or they can reallocate their dinner out budget. But it sounds like this expensive is about 5% of their after tax income so should not be spent thoughtlessly.


It's not just one's own personal budget alone that determines what's frivolous or not. It's one thing to have enough income that one doesn't have to or want to settle for the absolute cheapest (and possibly shoddiest) accessories on the market. But even if I were a billionaire, I'd have a hard time spending 8k on a purse given how little access some people have to basic necessities. Also, the research shows that people attain longer-lasting satisfaction from experiences, especially when they bring people together, than from material things. In any case, someone supporting a family of four on an income of 250k definitely doesn't have 8k to spend on a purse.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2025 12:23     Subject: Re:My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Isn’t there a less expensive Chanel bag you can buy? Meet her in the middle.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2025 12:08     Subject: My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
This is not a milestone birthday. She is turning 34. I’m 32.
Our kids are 3 and 5. After our second child was born, we decided she will stay home until both kids start school.
I’m the sole breadwinner. HHI is $250k.
We have a mortgage but our cars are paid off.
We only started funding our 529s last year.
Our net worth is approximately $700k including home equity.

I don’t think we can afford to spend $8k on a handbag.

I believe she is being influenced by some of her friends.
She said that if I don't get her that handbag, she'll just buy it herself and remember that I'm a worthless husband.



With these stats it’s insane to buy an $8k bag. She needs to dial it down to a Coach bag.


Stupid. This is a test of OP as a provider. He either steps up or his wife looks for a better option (she would be anyway). Doubtful that she wants to be struck with a scrub.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2025 11:59     Subject: My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
This is not a milestone birthday. She is turning 34. I’m 32.
Our kids are 3 and 5. After our second child was born, we decided she will stay home until both kids start school.
I’m the sole breadwinner. HHI is $250k.
We have a mortgage but our cars are paid off.
We only started funding our 529s last year.
Our net worth is approximately $700k including home equity.

I don’t think we can afford to spend $8k on a handbag.

I believe she is being influenced by some of her friends.
She said that if I don't get her that handbag, she'll just buy it herself and remember that I'm a worthless husband.



With these stats it’s insane to buy an $8k bag. She needs to dial it down to a Coach bag.

+1. Lord, when this was us, we didn’t even spend 8k on a family vacation. Now that our HHI is double, we still wouldn’t. It’s insane that an 8k bag exists, even dumber to buy one. The people who influence women to buy these things are given the bags for free anyway. The whole racket is pathetic and sad.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2025 11:38     Subject: My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
If you can afford it I would say buy it, but the worthless comment is really problematic for both of you.

I’m guessing she feels like you see her as not worth it (aka “worthless”), and is therefore projecting what she makes it mean if you don’t buy it onto you. Hereby calling you worthless.

If I were you I would say “hey, I’m going to buy this bag because I see how much you love it and I really want you to have the things you want when we can afford it. More importantly I want you to know that you are worth so much to me, and it really hurts when you tell me I am worthless if I don’t buy you something. I believe maybe I make you feel like I don’t value your worth though, and I want you to know I do, but it’s not this bag that proves it, it’s something that holds true all the time regardless of our circumstances. Let’s not tie our worth to each other to things. Let’s connect in ways and learn to speak to each other in ways that make us feel valued and seen.”
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2025 11:33     Subject: My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Anonymous wrote:My wife's birthday is coming up.
She told me that she wants a Chanel handbag for her birthday. I checked the price, and it was $8,000. I'm shocked! $8,000 for a handbag? That's crazy. Is she crazy?

I told her it's silly to spend so much money on a handbag.
She is insisting on a Chanel handbag and says it's an investment.
She doesn’t want anything else.

I love her and want to make her happy, but I can't justify spending $8k on a handbag. It’s a lot of money.

She is a SAHM. We have 2 children.

Any advice?


Consider a $200 handbag with $7,800 in cash inside the bag.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2025 11:30     Subject: My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
This is not a milestone birthday. She is turning 34. I’m 32.
Our kids are 3 and 5. After our second child was born, we decided she will stay home until both kids start school.
I’m the sole breadwinner. HHI is $250k.
We have a mortgage but our cars are paid off.
We only started funding our 529s last year.
Our net worth is approximately $700k including home equity.

I don’t think we can afford to spend $8k on a handbag.

I believe she is being influenced by some of her friends.
She said that if I don't get her that handbag, she'll just buy it herself and remember that I'm a worthless husband.



With these stats it’s insane to buy an $8k bag. She needs to dial it down to a Coach bag.
Anonymous
Post 06/02/2025 10:38     Subject: My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:S/O question - what is the minimum HHI/NW/working situation that would allow the purchase of this handbag or another big unnecessary item?

I have a high HHI/high NW and still have a lot of guilt about spending $ on myself, which is a personal hang-up. Always nice to know what amount would red-light it.


HHI of $1m, NW of ~12m. I have one LV that was $4k because I bought it in Europe where they are cheaper and you get the VAT back. Nothing else over $1k.

Everyone is different.

No minimum HHI/NW required. You just have to be a douchebag.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2025 22:50     Subject: My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That is incredibly stupid and I have a 48k wedding ring.

48k is not that much. Mine was 200k, custom made, large mined natural diamond.


That's nothing. Mine was over $1m. It's pink diamond, triple excellent cut. I love it.


Kanye spent $8M on my ring. $1M is sad.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2025 14:03     Subject: My wife wants a $8,000 handbag. Please help!
Anonymous wrote:S/O question - what is the minimum HHI/NW/working situation that would allow the purchase of this handbag or another big unnecessary item?

I have a high HHI/high NW and still have a lot of guilt about spending $ on myself, which is a personal hang-up. Always nice to know what amount would red-light it.


HHI of $1m, NW of ~12m. I have one LV that was $4k because I bought it in Europe where they are cheaper and you get the VAT back. Nothing else over $1k.

Everyone is different.