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Anonymous wrote:It annoys me when the “seven figure DH” SAHMs parachute in bc because for them, it wasn’t much of a choice. Since they’re not into having careers, then they weren’t giving up much.

The type of woman who attracts a man who earns seven figures is usually well educated. Most of the women I know married to successful men were also successful in their careers. I gave up my career to stay home with my kids. I didn’t expect to stay home. I didn’t expect to miss my baby so much when I was at work at my demanding job. I went expecting the juggling of kids and a career to be so difficult, especially when your husband has a very demanding job. I really hated leaving my baby with a nanny.

Well educated? It’s called pretty privilege.

What a shallow view.

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Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

I agree with you in theory but in practice… the SAHMs and hobby-jobbers I know personally are among the most vapid and shallow women. I don’t think they are all reading the NYT and intellectual books all day. I think they are scrolling Insta and TikTok and obsessing over their own and their kids’ social lives.

Agree.
Probably a 1 in 1000 chance of a SAHM who is as intellectual/sharp/creative as someone who actually works for money.
I think given ample time and resources most UMC women will focus on their own and their kids health, well-being, and social lives at most.

You really think that your average worker is intellectual and sharp? I’d argue that you might not be that bright if you actually think your boring corporate job is intellectually stimulating. I work and can admit that.

I’ve been in science/medicine, sahm for a while, then corporate for a while now and can say with confidence that while people working for pay are not genius level sharp, as a group they are way more capable (and less myopic) than sahms.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Are you able to understand that most people are not interested in doing their job or a similar one for free?

It sounds like you have low expectations if you’re really that content spending your day in your yoga pants in front of a screen. You say you’ve had one pointless meeting this year which is comical.

I don’t think people realize how uninterested others are in their jobs. They can be very boring without realizing it. I’m a SAHM with friends who are physicians, lawyers, various consultants and business owners. Many women I hang out with have very successful husbands. The worst people are the ones rambling about work. They seem to lack awareness in certain social situations. If we are hanging out, we don’t want to hear about your job and a lot of job talk is often job complaining. It makes me wonder if the job is really so wonderful because everyone I know complains about their work.

I am not a SAHM but I lost my job a few months ago and have been slow to look for a new one since I was burnt out. I have noticed the same thing more- people HATE their jobs but always want to talk about them. Also people always want to talk to me about looking for a new job and ask what I am doing...it makes me feel so reduced to the small thing that a company might value me for.

Dunno maybe there are tons of people who like their jobs but when people start complaining about their jobs those people don't speak up? Or maybe I am just not friends with any of them.

People talk about their jobs because it’s where they spend most of their time. Someone in a white collar job with kids doesn’t have much time for hobbies or fun. It’s all work and that’s why they talk about it.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Are you able to understand that most people are not interested in doing their job or a similar one for free?

It sounds like you have low expectations if you’re really that content spending your day in your yoga pants in front of a screen. You say you’ve had one pointless meeting this year which is comical.

I don’t think people realize how uninterested others are in their jobs. They can be very boring without realizing it. I’m a SAHM with friends who are physicians, lawyers, various consultants and business owners. Many women I hang out with have very successful husbands. The worst people are the ones rambling about work. They seem to lack awareness in certain social situations. If we are hanging out, we don’t want to hear about your job and a lot of job talk is often job complaining. It makes me wonder if the job is really so wonderful because everyone I know complains about their work.

I am not a SAHM but I lost my job a few months ago and have been slow to look for a new one since I was burnt out. I have noticed the same thing more- people HATE their jobs but always want to talk about them. Also people always want to talk to me about looking for a new job and ask what I am doing...it makes me feel so reduced to the small thing that a company might value me for.

Dunno maybe there are tons of people who like their jobs but when people start complaining about their jobs those people don't speak up? Or maybe I am just not friends with any of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Are you able to understand that most people are not interested in doing their job or a similar one for free?

It sounds like you have low expectations if you’re really that content spending your day in your yoga pants in front of a screen. You say you’ve had one pointless meeting this year which is comical.

I don’t think people realize how uninterested others are in their jobs. They can be very boring without realizing it. I’m a SAHM with friends who are physicians, lawyers, various consultants and business owners. Many women I hang out with have very successful husbands. The worst people are the ones rambling about work. They seem to lack awareness in certain social situations. If we are hanging out, we don’t want to hear about your job and a lot of job talk is often job complaining. It makes me wonder if the job is really so wonderful because everyone I know complains about their work.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

They're probably better at it than you.

Why would a random daycare worker be better at taking care of kids than their own parent?

Yes, every parent is a fit to parent by virtue of being a parent. Anyone who is paid to provide childcare could never be as fit. 🙄

Yeah I think parents are more fit to be a parent than some low paid daycare worker who focuses 9-5. A parent is more invested and more loving to the child than any paid employee. That’s reality.

I've heard so many people say about their hired caregivers "She really cares about our child."
No doofus, she cares about a paycheck.

I mean he or she might very much care about the child. Does the parent care more? Most likely yes.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Are you able to understand that most people are not interested in doing their job or a similar one for free?

It sounds like you have low expectations if you’re really that content spending your day in your yoga pants in front of a screen. You say you’ve had one pointless meeting this year which is comical.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

I agree with you in theory but in practice… the SAHMs and hobby-jobbers I know personally are among the most vapid and shallow women. I don’t think they are all reading the NYT and intellectual books all day. I think they are scrolling Insta and TikTok and obsessing over their own and their kids’ social lives.

SAHM here. I don’t know one SAHM like this. I barely post on social media. Almost none of my friends post on social media.

I am a longtime SAHM and I have to say that once the kids aged out of playdates and activities where parents were present, I’ve struggled to maintain friendships. I don’t feel like I have much in common with or much to talk about with the (relatively few) other SAHMs who did not go back to work. Most of my good friends now work, even though when my kids were small, most of my friends did not. The loneliness is my biggest complaint SAH with older kids, even though it otherwise works for our family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Yes thank you. 100% if we could afford it, neither my husband nor I would work for money. This cannot be uncommon.

I just went on a girls trip with friends. I am the only SAHM. Everyone else works. Some are divorced. DH earns more than possibly everyone combined on the trip, including their spouses. My friends all said they wished they had my life and I am living the dream. The most competent one in the group is high earning but like high six figure earning so very high for a woman, but not so high for a man. She is going through a divorce and likely will have to buy her husband out on the house and pay him alimony and child support. She will also be on hook for kids’ college.

Meh, to each their own. I think being financially dependent on a man who is in no way an equal parent sounds awful to me so I wouldn't want your life. Luckily I like mine. Sounds like your friends are going through tough times so no wonder your life sounds better to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Yes thank you. 100% if we could afford it, neither my husband nor I would work for money. This cannot be uncommon.

I just went on a girls trip with friends. I am the only SAHM. Everyone else works. Some are divorced. DH earns more than possibly everyone combined on the trip, including their spouses. My friends all said they wished they had my life and I am living the dream. The most competent one in the group is high earning but like high six figure earning so very high for a woman, but not so high for a man. She is going through a divorce and likely will have to buy her husband out on the house and pay him alimony and child support. She will also be on hook for kids’ college.

She would probably have a much worse quality of life if she was a SAHM in her 50s divorcing. My mom was SAHM and gave up her career to support my father’s career, which required frequent moves. They separated when I was in high school, but she felt trapped in the marriage for years before they separated. I realized she was unhappy when I was in 3rd grade, mainly because she was pretty vocal about how miserable she was. If you have millions banked or tons of family money it may worth the risk. For lots of people, however, it is a big stretch financially and risky if things don’t work out.

DP. Maybe? Divorce sucks. Alimony and child support exist for a reason, although obviously the way that plays out varies wildly. I understand that people get screwed by divorce every day but I still think the lesson is to try not to have children with someone who would treat you poorly if things go wrong; NOT to live your life unhappily working and outsourcing childcare (if that describes your situation) because of what if. There are so many good reasons to work and good reasons to stay home (depending on the person), but this logic always strikes me as the absolute saddest.

It only takes seeing one person’s life (and their kids lives) be completely overturned by the person they trusted most to make you want to be a little careful. If you have family or your own millions in the bank where no one can touch it that’s obviously different. TBH I’m more willing to trust my spouse with my own future than my kids’. I’m going to make sure they have a good shot at everything even if their dad has some crazy midlife crisis some day. YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Well, your job sounds like it sucks. I work at home, help people, and find my job mostly fulfilling. I can think of one pointless meeting I've had this year, the rest have had purpose. Of course I email people, but the communications serve a purpose. I like interacting with my co-workers and laugh with them at least once a day. And I do find my job intellectually stimulating. I think everyone is different, and many jobs are different. If I didn't get paid to do this I would do some version of it for free, so why not get paid a ton to work at home in my yoga pants?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Yes thank you. 100% if we could afford it, neither my husband nor I would work for money. This cannot be uncommon.

I just went on a girls trip with friends. I am the only SAHM. Everyone else works. Some are divorced. DH earns more than possibly everyone combined on the trip, including their spouses. My friends all said they wished they had my life and I am living the dream. The most competent one in the group is high earning but like high six figure earning so very high for a woman, but not so high for a man. She is going through a divorce and likely will have to buy her husband out on the house and pay him alimony and child support. She will also be on hook for kids’ college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really amazing to me that so many smart and well educated women seem to believe that the only way to be intellectually engaged is by working some job.

What other ways do you suggest?

Idk, I’m a working mom and my job at a F500 stopped being intellectually stimulating around the time I returned from my first maternity leave six years ago. I am burnt out from trying to be both a mother and employee to my standards. Frankly, I’m not sure why people feel it’s their place to pressure women to be “intellectually stimulated” through full time work while also carrying most of the weight of childcare.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but it’s okay to want to be a present, full time parent and make room for that in your life. It’s okay if being “intellectually stimulated” takes a back seat to raising your kids in that season of life.

And yes, there are ways to be intellectually stimulated without working in some corporate job. Most jobs are not exactly intellectual or stimulating. I work in a stuffy corporate financial services environment and my job bores me to death.

I’d rather be reading, at a book club, writing, reading a NYT article, teaching my kids their alphabet, or spending time with the amazing people they are and are becoming. All of those things are both more stimulating and meaningful to me than redundant meetings and town halls done by one of thousands of cogs in the wheel. I am replaceable at work, but I’m not replaceable to my kids.

If I could afford to, I’d quit and go back to work when I was ready

I’m baffled by really anyone who would rather work for a corporation/organization than be free to do whatever they’d like. I can possibly understand if you own your own company that is somewhat interesting work. But a corporation or the federal government? No way. I have a desirable career and know at the end of the day I’m a cog in the wheel. I have to attend pointless meetings, enter leave in a system, spend most of my day responding to emails and Teams chats, and subject to ridiculous RTO rules where I commute to sit alone in a conference room in Teams. I am working because they pay me money. Reading a book of my choice is more intellectually stimulating than this.

I agree with you in theory but in practice… the SAHMs and hobby-jobbers I know personally are among the most vapid and shallow women. I don’t think they are all reading the NYT and intellectual books all day. I think they are scrolling Insta and TikTok and obsessing over their own and their kids’ social lives.

Agree.
Probably a 1 in 1000 chance of a SAHM who is as intellectual/sharp/creative as someone who actually works for money.
I think given ample time and resources most UMC women will focus on their own and their kids health, well-being, and social lives at most.

You really think that your average worker is intellectual and sharp? I’d argue that you might not be that bright if you actually think your boring corporate job is intellectually stimulating. I work and can admit that.

I’ve been in science/medicine, sahm for a while, then corporate for a while now and can say with confidence that while people working for pay are not genius level sharp, as a group they are way more capable (and less myopic) than sahms.

Yes, that's my impression as well. There is also a difference in judgment that I've noticed. I personally trust my working mom friends' judgment more than the SAHMs.