Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

I disagree. You can invite all kids, and your kid can invite their friends too. When adults also come to the party, all kids behave well and become inclusive. As a result, inclusive behavior becomes the norm after a few such events. The kids also find new friends once they get to interact with everyone.

But, you guys do you.

Sorry but at the middle and high school ages, inviting the parents is just unnecessary helicoptering. My teens would be mortified. Not to mention people have more than one kid, and can’t be expected to attend multiple parties, hand out candy and trick or treat all at once.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

There’s a lot of noise in this thread, but the bottom line is, try not to raise kids who would uninvite someone at the last minute and then go trick-or-treating at that kid’s house. Just try not to raise little a**holes.

OP here

I appreciate this...not sure how everything devolved so fast lol. I guess I'm wondering how to advise DS about the next school morning when they will meet at the corner to walk to school in this group? Assuming say nothing and move on, right?

I can't help but wish he had said something when he was disinvited in the first place - nothing mean but more just why? Or really? or something. He said nothing at the time.

He's generally a very outgoing/active kid and I think it really took him by surprise.

Maybe this is the problem. Maybe he's annoying. Too loud, interrupts too much, commandeers conversations, is too hyper, touches too much - some of those?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s all so disingenuous. All the anti bullying and rah rah inclusivity speech is performative bs on all parenting sites. So many of you justify your kids unnecessarily hurtful behavior because you care more that your kid is included.

And to the immigrant person who keeps posting that most of us don’t host because we have dirty hoarder homes - get lost. I’ve hosted so many groups of kids for over a decade and am done with it. I was used as a free babysitter for so many parents and the entitled behavior I saw from the parents would shock you.

The reality is people are colder and less caring. I was raised differently and you could count on kindness from other people. We all view resources as being so scarce for our children now that every parent would crap on a child if it meant their kid had an advantage.

Would it shock me? No. And I know this entitled behavior did not come from immigrant parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe this is the problem. Maybe he's annoying. Too loud, interrupts too much, commandeers conversations, is too hyper, touches too much - some of those?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

There’s a lot of noise in this thread, but the bottom line is, try not to raise kids who would uninvite someone at the last minute and then go trick-or-treating at that kid’s house. Just try not to raise little a**holes.

OP here

I appreciate this...not sure how everything devolved so fast lol. I guess I'm wondering how to advise DS about the next school morning when they will meet at the corner to walk to school in this group? Assuming say nothing and move on, right?

I can't help but wish he had said something when he was disinvited in the first place - nothing mean but more just why? Or really? or something. He said nothing at the time.

He's generally a very outgoing/active kid and I think it really took him by surprise.

Maybe this is the problem. Maybe he's annoying. Too loud, interrupts too much, commandeers conversations, is too hyper, touches too much - some of those?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

There’s a lot of noise in this thread, but the bottom line is, try not to raise kids who would uninvite someone at the last minute and then go trick-or-treating at that kid’s house. Just try not to raise little a**holes.

OP here

I appreciate this...not sure how everything devolved so fast lol. I guess I'm wondering how to advise DS about the next school morning when they will meet at the corner to walk to school in this group? Assuming say nothing and move on, right?

I can't help but wish he had said something when he was disinvited in the first place - nothing mean but more just why? Or really? or something. He said nothing at the time.

He's generally a very outgoing/active kid and I think it really took him by surprise.

Anonymous wrote:

I guess I'm wondering how to advise DS about the next school morning when they will meet at the corner to walk to school in this group? Assuming say nothing and move on, right?

This is really his decision. Does he want to keep walking with them? If so, I would personally just focus on other conversation topics, but this isn't a situation where there is a clear right or wrong answer, and it is a matter of personal preference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

There’s a lot of noise in this thread, but the bottom line is, try not to raise kids who would uninvite someone at the last minute and then go trick-or-treating at that kid’s house. Just try not to raise little a**holes.

OP here

I appreciate this...not sure how everything devolved so fast lol. I guess I'm wondering how to advise DS about the next school morning when they will meet at the corner to walk to school in this group? Assuming say nothing and move on, right?

I can't help but wish he had said something when he was disinvited in the first place - nothing mean but more just why? Or really? or something. He said nothing at the time.

He's generally a very outgoing/active kid and I think it really took him by surprise.

Sounds like you didn't have school today. We are in APS and don't go back to school until Wednesday, which I think is a real social blessing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents can’t win. If we offer up some pizza, we are socially engineering our kids. If we let them roam, we aren’t involved enough.

Offering some pizza and hosting is perfectly fine, just let your kid decide who to invite and stick with who they invited. It should be a day for the kids IMO - not for the parents.

I disagree. You can invite all kids, and your kid can invite their friends too. When adults also come to the party, all kids behave well and become inclusive. As a result, inclusive behavior becomes the norm after a few such events. The kids also find new friends once they get to interact with everyone.

But, you guys do you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

There’s a lot of noise in this thread, but the bottom line is, try not to raise kids who would uninvite someone at the last minute and then go trick-or-treating at that kid’s house. Just try not to raise little a**holes.

OP here

I appreciate this...not sure how everything devolved so fast lol. I guess I'm wondering how to advise DS about the next school morning when they will meet at the corner to walk to school in this group? Assuming say nothing and move on, right?

I can't help but wish he had said something when he was disinvited in the first place - nothing mean but more just why? Or really? or something. He said nothing at the time.

He's generally a very outgoing/active kid and I think it really took him by surprise.

I guess I'm wondering how to advise DS about the next school morning when they will meet at the corner to walk to school in this group? Assuming say nothing and move on, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

There’s a lot of noise in this thread, but the bottom line is, try not to raise kids who would uninvite someone at the last minute and then go trick-or-treating at that kid’s house. Just try not to raise little a**holes.

OP here

I appreciate this...not sure how everything devolved so fast lol. I guess I'm wondering how to advise DS about the next school morning when they will meet at the corner to walk to school in this group? Assuming say nothing and move on, right?

I can't help but wish he had said something when he was disinvited in the first place - nothing mean but more just why? Or really? or something. He said nothing at the time.

He's generally a very outgoing/active kid and I think it really took him by surprise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There’s a lot of noise in this thread, but the bottom line is, try not to raise kids who would uninvite someone at the last minute and then go trick-or-treating at that kid’s house. Just try not to raise little a**holes.

+1

Absolutely, but I think OP's question is what she and her son can do in light of the fact that this happened. I don't have any great advice, it is a difficult situation, and I think move on and try to focus on other friends is the best answer.

+1 I think also validating (calmly, not making it worse) that this is rude behavior. Comments on this thread are weird. It’s not social engineering to ask your kids what their plans are and remind them that it is rude to cancel because you get a better offer - either include everyone or stick to the original plan. You should know what your middle schooler is up to.

However, it also is true that in our school (Arlington) I have seen that parents are lonely so basically create their social life around kids (travel team, sports teams, etc) and there is a lot of value placed on “block parties” etc that have a specific guest list rather than just distributing fliers to the entire neighborhood. It’s all very cliquey and although I’m hoping it fades (my ildest is MS), I’m not sure it will. A lot of kids don’t have great manners (I have a boy and a lot of his class are little sh*ts) and I think because the families engineer socially, they don’t gain the same social skills we did as kids because the natural consequence of being left out for bad behavior is avoided when mom is planning a block party.

We are trying to teach our kids that people show you who they are and to consider whether they are true friends or not. It is hard, and especially the last few years of elementary up to middle have been hard, but I’m hoping they find their way as they head to high school.

Anonymous wrote:[

There’s a lot of noise in this thread, but the bottom line is, try not to raise kids who would uninvite someone at the last minute and then go trick-or-treating at that kid’s house. Just try not to raise little a**holes.