Anonymous wrote:Your preferences are valid. Every single man has a hotness “test” for women.

Everyone has requirements for people they date, which may or may not be reasonable. Just own what you are truly seeking and go after it.

People can set any standards that they like when they date. But if it's not working out for you, you should probably reconsider what you're doing.

It's not working out for OP.

Have fun being single, OP. Maybe you should get a cat.

Anonymous wrote:

Even though you offered to go Dutch - that is still NO excuse for a man on a first date to take you up on your offer.

No exceptions‼️
If a man doesn’t pay on the first date, then that is a red flag that he is not a suitable date.

Double standards be damned.
Excellent “test” btw OP.

And if a guy is too physical on the very first date > it is obvious that he is in it to win it.

Double whammy!
Move on!

Next!!

Signed,

OP (but posting as an NP to make my bat$hit crazy posts seem more sane).

DP. I'd agree that it's OP sockpuppeting, but the writing style is too different. OP seems incapable of varying her stilted style enough to have penned the "Double whammy!" of a post you're calling out!

Anonymous wrote:This dude failed your test

But you seem to be failing at life

Worse than that is the lack of awareness or inability to see where you are wrong and learn from lessons that life (and dcum) is giving you

+1 no wonder Op is single.

Even though you offered to go Dutch - that is still NO excuse for a man on a first date to take you up on your offer.

No exceptions‼️
If a man doesn’t pay on the first date, then that is a red flag that he is not a suitable date.

Double standards be damned.
Excellent “test” btw OP.

And if a guy is too physical on the very first date > it is obvious that he is in it to win it.

Double whammy!
Move on!

Next!!

Signed,

OP (but posting as an NP to make my bat$hit crazy posts seem more sane).

What a psycho.

Even though you offered to go Dutch - that is still NO excuse for a man on a first date to take you up on your offer.

No exceptions‼️
If a man doesn’t pay on the first date, then that is a red flag that he is not a suitable date.

Double standards be damned.
Excellent “test” btw OP.

And if a guy is too physical on the very first date > it is obvious that he is in it to win it.

Double whammy!
Move on!

Next!!

Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.

You’re not compatible. Move on.

+1

Your preferences are valid. Every single man has a hotness “test” for women.

Everyone has requirements for people they date, which may or may not be reasonable. Just own what you are truly seeking and go after it.

I have no issue splitting a bill. I prefer to split on the first meet and greet / coffee date so that it feels less date like if that is the first time I am meeting them.

I think a test of gender roles is ridiculous. Should he have you over to see how good you are at cleaning his house and doing the dishes so he can test how well you take on traditional gender roles. Any test is nonsense. And if you want a traditional man then you need to be prepared to be a traditional role woman.

But being touchy feely would be a no go for me. I wouldn’t date someone again if they are too physical off the bat, can’t read cues or don’t ask. That wouldn’t go over well plus I am just incompatible with really touchy feely people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

This guy does sound like one that should get tossed back, but the point the men are making is that even a bad guy doesn’t deserve to get weeded out by a middle aged woman playing at being a teenager.

Whether she is playing a teenager or no, her test gave valid results, did it not? There are only two types of men, the ones who are willing to accept money from the woman they asked on a first date, and the ones who will protest their date’s token gesture and pay without hesitation. It is a test because it reliably (and quickly) weeds out the former type of man. “She only wants the guy who will spend money on her!” the former type of man complains. Why do you think that is? Perhaps he thinks she’s worth it, and she - on some very deep level - understand this.

The problem is the information asymmetry. Yes, her test quickly selects for the guys she wants. However, it doesn’t tell the guys - either the ones she wants or the ones she doesn’t - that she’s the kind of woman who plays unstated games in choosing a guy. The ones she picks deserve to know that, because a lot of men want to be with a woman who communicates clearly rather than playing around. They don’t learn that they should drop her if they don’t like that approach.

Well she could communicate clearly the rest of the time but have reason to test here. Theoretically.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

This guy does sound like one that should get tossed back, but the point the men are making is that even a bad guy doesn’t deserve to get weeded out by a middle aged woman playing at being a teenager.

Whether she is playing a teenager or no, her test gave valid results, did it not? There are only two types of men, the ones who are willing to accept money from the woman they asked on a first date, and the ones who will protest their date’s token gesture and pay without hesitation. It is a test because it reliably (and quickly) weeds out the former type of man. “She only wants the guy who will spend money on her!” the former type of man complains. Why do you think that is? Perhaps he thinks she’s worth it, and she - on some very deep level - understand this.

The problem is the information asymmetry. Yes, her test quickly selects for the guys she wants. However, it doesn’t tell the guys - either the ones she wants or the ones she doesn’t - that she’s the kind of woman who plays unstated games in choosing a guy. The ones she picks deserve to know that, because a lot of men want to be with a woman who communicates clearly rather than playing around. They don’t learn that they should drop her if they don’t like that approach.

You misunderstand the test. The test reveals the type of man who would refuse cash from a woman he invited on a date *even if she offers*. The type of man who freely accepts a woman’s money on a first date has communicated a quality about himself that OP knows will not work for her in a relationship. “She should’ve communicated clearly!” means you require a woman to tell you how to act, which is precisely what OP does not want in a date.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

This guy does sound like one that should get tossed back, but the point the men are making is that even a bad guy doesn’t deserve to get weeded out by a middle aged woman playing at being a teenager.

Whether she is playing a teenager or no, her test gave valid results, did it not? There are only two types of men, the ones who are willing to accept money from the woman they asked on a first date, and the ones who will protest their date’s token gesture and pay without hesitation. It is a test because it reliably (and quickly) weeds out the former type of man. “She only wants the guy who will spend money on her!” the former type of man complains. Why do you think that is? Perhaps he thinks she’s worth it, and she - on some very deep level - understand this.

The problem is the information asymmetry. Yes, her test quickly selects for the guys she wants. However, it doesn’t tell the guys - either the ones she wants or the ones she doesn’t - that she’s the kind of woman who plays unstated games in choosing a guy. The ones she picks deserve to know that, because a lot of men want to be with a woman who communicates clearly rather than playing around. They don’t learn that they should drop her if they don’t like that approach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

This guy does sound like one that should get tossed back, but the point the men are making is that even a bad guy doesn’t deserve to get weeded out by a middle aged woman playing at being a teenager.

Whether she is playing a teenager or no, her test gave valid results, did it not? There are only two types of men, the ones who are willing to accept money from the woman they asked on a first date, and the ones who will protest their date’s token gesture and pay without hesitation. It is a test because it reliably (and quickly) weeds out the former type of man. “She only wants the guy who will spend money on her!” the former type of man complains. Why do you think that is? Perhaps he thinks she’s worth it, and she - on some very deep level - understand this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.

You’re not compatible. Move on.

I don’t think it’s an idiotic test. I was taught by my mother “a decent woman always offers to split and a decent men always politely declines at 1st date”. So far, it helped me to weed out people with hidden intentions of using me or keeping score in relationships

And look where this has landed you! Here on DCUM, asking this question.

Gender roles are trash.

OP here - get the point. It’s upsetting for some men to hear that middle aged women sometimes reject younger “high value” guys. It’s all subjective - maybe for some woman he’s a passionate treasure but not for me