Anonymous wrote:My mother in law just kept talking and talking about how big my boobs were. That was fun!

She was probably awkwardly trying to let you know that you weren’t wearing the correct size top and your boobs were on display.

My mother in law just kept talking and talking about how big my boobs were. That was fun!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.

It's delusional to expect random people to know the extent of your mental health issues and suffering. "You look great!" Doesn't mean you actually look great or that your body looks great. It's a generic statement equal to
"how are you?"
"I'm good.."

It’s not delusional to expect random people not to comment on your appearance. That’s a very baseline manners lesson readily learned by children.

Wrong. And btw you may try giving someone a genuine compliment on their new appearance - hair cut, outfit, happy face, weight loss, general health and wellness — and most likely you will brighten someone’s day.

You are determined not to get the point. Wake up to the fact that your comments on appearance are not what you think they are. No matter how well meaning, you are being rude. Find new, more substantive and kind ways to brighten someone's day.

And also learn to read. The person upthread said the men where commenting specifically on how she "bounced back" from pregnancy. Like she deserved a special prize. There are a lot of layers to unpack there about how we treat women who have children and what we value about women, in other words, the over-emphasis on women's appearance.

Get a clue, PP.

PP, I think everyone gets your point. We just don't agree because you are twisting benign compliments like “You look great!” into something well beyond anything the speaker intended. Perhaps you want such sentiments to be outlawed but currently they are understood to be normal kindnesses. If I observed someone reacting the way OP appears to have done to such a compliment, I would absolutely understand that OP is not in a normal place, and would exit the conversation and expressly avoid her as a wild card likely to hurl arbitrary accusations. Sorry for whatever she is going through but she is blaming the world for them rather than addressing them and I don't want to be in the line of fire. If you insist on a narrative that defies common meaning and intention, it is not the world that is being obtuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.

It's delusional to expect random people to know the extent of your mental health issues and suffering. "You look great!" Doesn't mean you actually look great or that your body looks great. It's a generic statement equal to
"how are you?"
"I'm good.."

It’s not delusional to expect random people not to comment on your appearance. That’s a very baseline manners lesson readily learned by children.

Wrong. And btw you may try giving someone a genuine compliment on their new appearance - hair cut, outfit, happy face, weight loss, general health and wellness — and most likely you will brighten someone’s day.

Many, many PPs saying that commenting specifically on weight is invasive/unwanted. But keep being obtuse.

You should read Jeff's writeup on this. Most of those PPs are actually one poster -- likely you -- who has responded over 30 times.

DP-- I'm not the 30 post poster but I strongly agree, so it's not just one person.

What people aren't getting us the nuance between saying "you look great" (and ideally actually listening if the person replies that they don't feel great) and the comments OP is talking about. She's size if cally talking about comments about how her body has [apparently] improved/recovered since she had her baby. Like even the "you look amazing," in context, is clearly someone referencing her weight loss, not just generally saying she looks well.

And OP also specifically mentions people saying "you don't look like you just had a baby." That's very much about weight and could also involve a backhanded compliment (whoa, last time I saw you, you were still very fat). It's not just a generic or general complement.

They’re lying? Who knows.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.

It's delusional to expect random people to know the extent of your mental health issues and suffering. "You look great!" Doesn't mean you actually look great or that your body looks great. It's a generic statement equal to
"how are you?"
"I'm good.."

It’s not delusional to expect random people not to comment on your appearance. That’s a very baseline manners lesson readily learned by children.

Wrong. And btw you may try giving someone a genuine compliment on their new appearance - hair cut, outfit, happy face, weight loss, general health and wellness — and most likely you will brighten someone’s day.

Many, many PPs saying that commenting specifically on weight is invasive/unwanted. But keep being obtuse.

You should read Jeff's writeup on this. Most of those PPs are actually one poster -- likely you -- who has responded over 30 times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.

It's delusional to expect random people to know the extent of your mental health issues and suffering. "You look great!" Doesn't mean you actually look great or that your body looks great. It's a generic statement equal to
"how are you?"
"I'm good.."

It’s not delusional to expect random people not to comment on your appearance. That’s a very baseline manners lesson readily learned by children.

Wrong. And btw you may try giving someone a genuine compliment on their new appearance - hair cut, outfit, happy face, weight loss, general health and wellness — and most likely you will brighten someone’s day.

You are determined not to get the point. Wake up to the fact that your comments on appearance are not what you think they are. No matter how well meaning, you are being rude. Find new, more substantive and kind ways to brighten someone's day.

And also learn to read. The person upthread said the men where commenting specifically on how she "bounced back" from pregnancy. Like she deserved a special prize. There are a lot of layers to unpack there about how we treat women who have children and what we value about women, in other words, the over-emphasis on women's appearance.

Get a clue, PP.

Wrong. And btw you may try giving someone a genuine compliment on their new appearance - hair cut, outfit, happy face, weight loss, general health and wellness — and most likely you will brighten someone’s day.

God so many of you are so incapable of seeing the point. We know saying someone looks great is meant as a compliment, as a social nicety. The point is that it shouldn't be. Are we not ever going to evolve to the point where a woman's physical appearance is not considered an accomplishment? As a woman, I'm sick of the state of my body being under constant judgement. If you are making what you consider to be benign comments on women's bodies my problem with it is not that the comment is rude or mean, it's that it's unnecessary. Please stop telling me that that first thing that happens when you see me is that you scrutinize my body.

If you really can't help yourself, say something like, "your dress is such a pretty color!"

Anonymous wrote:You’re so right OP! It’s never ok, honestly, to comment on someone’s body

My first one I gained 50 lbs. No comments. Second one 15 lbs. I went back to 125 lbs right away and tons of comments including the pediatrician, all complimentary. All women. I was happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.

It's delusional to expect random people to know the extent of your mental health issues and suffering. "You look great!" Doesn't mean you actually look great or that your body looks great. It's a generic statement equal to
"how are you?"
"I'm good.."

It’s not delusional to expect random people not to comment on your appearance. That’s a very baseline manners lesson readily learned by children.

Wrong. And btw you may try giving someone a genuine compliment on their new appearance - hair cut, outfit, happy face, weight loss, general health and wellness — and most likely you will brighten someone’s day.

Why wouldn’t I just stick to giving genuine compliments that are also well-mannered? Since I obviously can’t assess someone’s “general health and wellness” by looking at them— and neither can you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.

It's delusional to expect random people to know the extent of your mental health issues and suffering. "You look great!" Doesn't mean you actually look great or that your body looks great. It's a generic statement equal to
"how are you?"
"I'm good.."

It’s not delusional to expect random people not to comment on your appearance. That’s a very baseline manners lesson readily learned by children.

Wrong. And btw you may try giving someone a genuine compliment on their new appearance - hair cut, outfit, happy face, weight loss, general health and wellness — and most likely you will brighten someone’s day.

Many, many PPs saying that commenting specifically on weight is invasive/unwanted. But keep being obtuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.

It's delusional to expect random people to know the extent of your mental health issues and suffering. "You look great!" Doesn't mean you actually look great or that your body looks great. It's a generic statement equal to
"how are you?"
"I'm good.."

It’s not delusional to expect random people not to comment on your appearance. That’s a very baseline manners lesson readily learned by children.

Wrong. And btw you may try giving someone a genuine compliment on their new appearance - hair cut, outfit, happy face, weight loss, general health and wellness — and most likely you will brighten someone’s day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.

It's delusional to expect random people to know the extent of your mental health issues and suffering. "You look great!" Doesn't mean you actually look great or that your body looks great. It's a generic statement equal to
"how are you?"
"I'm good.."

It’s not delusional to expect random people not to comment on your appearance. That’s a very baseline manners lesson readily learned by children.

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.

It's delusional to expect random people to know the extent of your mental health issues and suffering. "You look great!" Doesn't mean you actually look great or that your body looks great. It's a generic statement equal to
"how are you?"
"I'm good.."

Team OP. I also lost the baby weight quickly...and then a ton MORE weight, because I was EP and my baby had severe protein intolerances, plus I was struggling mightily with sleep deprivation and PPA after going back to work at 6 weeks postpartum. I looked unhealthy by any measure - my clothes were hanging off of me like a skeleton, and I was exhausted. But SO MANY people - mostly men! mostly my management consulting clients! - wanted to talk about how quickly I had 'snapped back' and tell me I 'didn't even look like I had been pregnant!'

Those of you who are totally A-OK with the whole wide world policing and commenting on your body are the ones who need to do some introspection.