Anonymous wrote:Am I a jerk for getting annoyed that FIL orders two entrees, an appetizer, and a dessert every time we pay the restaurant bill?

My husband and I are both feds and make a nice living but live pretty frugally since we have two kids with lots of expenses. Every time we visit our father in law who lives across the country or when he visits here, FIL insists we pay for everything. I find this annoying because FIL is wealthy (my husband has seen his financial records) and he brags about things like never flying economy when he visits Europe (which happens at least once a year).

FIL rarely pays for anything, ever except maybe the occasional fast food lunch where won’t let the kids order happy meals because they’re “too expensive”. I don’t know why this bugs me so much but it does. I have never seen anyone order two entrees at once. Is this normal? No he’s not fat, just chubby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would irritate me in so many small ways.

1. He shouldn't be eating that much, honestly. Restaurant dishes are usually higher in calories than their home-made counterparts.

2. Try something radical. When he visits, don't go out to eat. Cook at home, or order less-expensive take-out. Tell him you're on a budget, even if it's not true. Watch him struggle with that, then when he's not around, splurge!

Op here with an update. FIL came for Easter. To say he was infuriating was a huge understatement. Wallet stayed firmly in his back pocket but he was full of suggestions about where he wanted to go (meaning where he wanted us to treat him).

I took the advice of many like this PP and got takeout the Saturday before Easter. First of all, he insisted on ordering multiple entrees because “nothing tastes better than leftovers”. I ignored him and ordered one entree per adult, one of the appetizers he ordered, and didn’t order dessert at all. Fil did not offer to pay. When the food arrived, he ripped the bags from my husbands hands immediately started serving himself. He didn’t even wait for everyone to get to the table before he was gobbling. By the time we managed to sit down he had consumed two entrees completely and was working on the one he ordered. There was nothing really left for my husband and I to eat, and FIL said well i ordered two entrees and a bunch of apps but it looks like the restaurant didn’t put them in the bag!! My husband through clenched teeth told him to please wait for everyone to sit down before eating and for the love of God each person is entitled to eat the entree they ordered. He looked utterly wounded and tearful, but did not offer to pay or apologize. He spent the rest of Saturday sulking.

Do I think he learned his lesson? No because my kids caught him eating out of their Easter baskets. He then asked me where the leftover candy went, and I had to tell him that the Easter bunny brought the baskets not me. My kids definitely now know there is no such thing as the easter bunny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would irritate me in so many small ways.

1. He shouldn't be eating that much, honestly. Restaurant dishes are usually higher in calories than their home-made counterparts.

2. Try something radical. When he visits, don't go out to eat. Cook at home, or order less-expensive take-out. Tell him you're on a budget, even if it's not true. Watch him struggle with that, then when he's not around, splurge!

Op here with an update. FIL came for Easter. To say he was infuriating was a huge understatement. Wallet stayed firmly in his back pocket but he was full of suggestions about where he wanted to go (meaning where he wanted us to treat him).

I took the advice of many like this PP and got takeout the Saturday before Easter. First of all, he insisted on ordering multiple entrees because “nothing tastes better than leftovers”. I ignored him and ordered one entree per adult, one of the appetizers he ordered, and didn’t order dessert at all. Fil did not offer to pay. When the food arrived, he ripped the bags from my husbands hands immediately started serving himself. He didn’t even wait for everyone to get to the table before he was gobbling. By the time we managed to sit down he had consumed two entrees completely and was working on the one he ordered. There was nothing really left for my husband and I to eat, and FIL said well i ordered two entrees and a bunch of apps but it looks like the restaurant didn’t put them in the bag!! My husband through clenched teeth told him to please wait for everyone to sit down before eating and for the love of God each person is entitled to eat the entree they ordered. He looked utterly wounded and tearful, but did not offer to pay or apologize. He spent the rest of Saturday sulking.

Do I think he learned his lesson? No because my kids caught him eating out of their Easter baskets. He then asked me where the leftover candy went, and I had to tell him that the Easter bunny brought the baskets not me. My kids definitely now know there is no such thing as the easter bunny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I a jerk for getting annoyed that FIL orders two entrees, an appetizer, and a dessert every time we pay the restaurant bill?

My husband and I are both feds and make a nice living but live pretty frugally since we have two kids with lots of expenses. Every time we visit our father in law who lives across the country or when he visits here, FIL insists we pay for everything. I find this annoying because FIL is wealthy (my husband has seen his financial records) and he brags about things like never flying economy when he visits Europe (which happens at least once a year).

FIL rarely pays for anything, ever except maybe the occasional fast food lunch where won’t let the kids order happy meals because they’re “too expensive”. I don’t know why this bugs me so much but it does. I have never seen anyone order two entrees at once. Is this normal? No he’s not fat, just chubby.

My BIL would do the same thing if we were footing the bill. One to two appetizers and two entrees of the most expensive things on the menu, then he'd take it to go. It's rude, so either stop paying for him or let it go.

Anonymous wrote:It's very odd. What does this look like at the restaurant? Does the sever comment on it? When he orders two entrees do you say anything? Does he do it bravado? Or sheepishly?

Sorry for the questions, I just can't picture this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would irritate me in so many small ways.

1. He shouldn't be eating that much, honestly. Restaurant dishes are usually higher in calories than their home-made counterparts.

2. Try something radical. When he visits, don't go out to eat. Cook at home, or order less-expensive take-out. Tell him you're on a budget, even if it's not true. Watch him struggle with that, then when he's not around, splurge!

Op here with an update. FIL came for Easter. To say he was infuriating was a huge understatement. Wallet stayed firmly in his back pocket but he was full of suggestions about where he wanted to go (meaning where he wanted us to treat him).

I took the advice of many like this PP and got takeout the Saturday before Easter. First of all, he insisted on ordering multiple entrees because “nothing tastes better than leftovers”. I ignored him and ordered one entree per adult, one of the appetizers he ordered, and didn’t order dessert at all. Fil did not offer to pay. When the food arrived, he ripped the bags from my husbands hands immediately started serving himself. He didn’t even wait for everyone to get to the table before he was gobbling. By the time we managed to sit down he had consumed two entrees completely and was working on the one he ordered. There was nothing really left for my husband and I to eat, and FIL said well i ordered two entrees and a bunch of apps but it looks like the restaurant didn’t put them in the bag!! My husband through clenched teeth told him to please wait for everyone to sit down before eating and for the love of God each person is entitled to eat the entree they ordered. He looked utterly wounded and tearful, but did not offer to pay or apologize. He spent the rest of Saturday sulking.

Do I think he learned his lesson? No because my kids caught him eating out of their Easter baskets. He then asked me where the leftover candy went, and I had to tell him that the Easter bunny brought the baskets not me. My kids definitely now know there is no such thing as the easter bunny.

Team FIL !

Anonymous wrote:Am I a jerk for getting annoyed that FIL orders two entrees, an appetizer, and a dessert every time we pay the restaurant bill?

My husband and I are both feds and make a nice living but live pretty frugally since we have two kids with lots of expenses. Every time we visit our father in law who lives across the country or when he visits here, FIL insists we pay for everything. I find this annoying because FIL is wealthy (my husband has seen his financial records) and he brags about things like never flying economy when he visits Europe (which happens at least once a year).

FIL rarely pays for anything, ever except maybe the occasional fast food lunch where won’t let the kids order happy meals because they’re “too expensive”. I don’t know why this bugs me so much but it does. I have never seen anyone order two entrees at once. Is this normal? No he’s not fat, just chubby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would irritate me in so many small ways.

1. He shouldn't be eating that much, honestly. Restaurant dishes are usually higher in calories than their home-made counterparts.

2. Try something radical. When he visits, don't go out to eat. Cook at home, or order less-expensive take-out. Tell him you're on a budget, even if it's not true. Watch him struggle with that, then when he's not around, splurge!

Op here with an update. FIL came for Easter. To say he was infuriating was a huge understatement. Wallet stayed firmly in his back pocket but he was full of suggestions about where he wanted to go (meaning where he wanted us to treat him).

I took the advice of many like this PP and got takeout the Saturday before Easter. First of all, he insisted on ordering multiple entrees because “nothing tastes better than leftovers”. I ignored him and ordered one entree per adult, one of the appetizers he ordered, and didn’t order dessert at all. Fil did not offer to pay. When the food arrived, he ripped the bags from my husbands hands immediately started serving himself. He didn’t even wait for everyone to get to the table before he was gobbling. By the time we managed to sit down he had consumed two entrees completely and was working on the one he ordered. There was nothing really left for my husband and I to eat, and FIL said well i ordered two entrees and a bunch of apps but it looks like the restaurant didn’t put them in the bag!! My husband through clenched teeth told him to please wait for everyone to sit down before eating and for the love of God each person is entitled to eat the entree they ordered. He looked utterly wounded and tearful, but did not offer to pay or apologize. He spent the rest of Saturday sulking.

Do I think he learned his lesson? No because my kids caught him eating out of their Easter baskets. He then asked me where the leftover candy went, and I had to tell him that the Easter bunny brought the baskets not me. My kids definitely now know there is no such thing as the easter bunny.

Anonymous wrote:That would irritate me in so many small ways.

1. He shouldn't be eating that much, honestly. Restaurant dishes are usually higher in calories than their home-made counterparts.

2. Try something radical. When he visits, don't go out to eat. Cook at home, or order less-expensive take-out. Tell him you're on a budget, even if it's not true. Watch him struggle with that, then when he's not around, splurge!