Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

I feel super uncomfortable asking my husband to help an unqualified in-law get a job he does not deserve. We’re not talking about an internship to a teenager, he is a graduating senior. They want me to have my husband hand a nephew he hardly knows a highly prestigious job that pays two if not three times more than he’s qualified to get on his own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this kid less deserving? Because his parents are poors?

Even a rich kid with great grades would struggle to get handed such a plum job this late in the year. You're asking an uncle to ask one of his close pals to create a space for an undeserving slacker. The fact s/he is middle class is irrelevant. Going to Duke is also irrelevant. There are 2,000 Duke graduates a year. All would like a $150,000 job after graduation. How many get a $150,000 job? Maybe a few hundred, including computer science students.

Anonymous wrote:Why is this kid less deserving? Because his parents are poors?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

An uncle leading the kid on does him no favors. The kid needs to meet with career center at Duke and take anything he can get at this point. The prime jobs are all filled months ago and the job market lacks the froth it had in 2022 and 2023. Without looking, the big Duke career fair for graduating seniors was way back in September or October. The fact this kid has nothing when it's nearly March is a major red flag.

Anonymous wrote:NP. People on here are acting awfully righteous, but I doubt they would automatically pull strings or stick their necks out for kinfolk they do not deem appropriate or prepared for the role.

That aside, middle-class strivers generally work harder than upper-class dilettantes, who don't have to work for money.

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is how the world works.

But I'll add that your DH should be careful -- if you know this nephew isn't at par, I'd hesitate to open the door for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume.(And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit) ...

This is what DCUM does not understand. These first-year financier jobs pay around 150,000USD. The time to land such a job was 12 to 18 months ago and required years of preparation. Smart kids kill for these jobs. You don't get to be an unmotivated slacker at a top 10 college and cut to the front of the line a month before graduation because an uncle you barely know vouches for you. It is delusional and low class to even ask the uncle for such a favor.

Anonymous wrote:... Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume.(And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit) ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

People are telling OP to get out of the way and let her husband - who as you correctly noted knows all the millions of ways to help, soft-peddle, or not help an applicant based on his read of their resume and abilities - handle this. OP is standing in between the person who knows how to handle this and her family. Maybe you're right and a kid graduating from Duke is a "discombobulated disaster" who would shred OP's DH's reputation if they were ever associated with each other, but I doubt it. And if he is, OP's DH, not OP, can go directly to option 3. I notice you don't have OP's stance - "you're too poor for my husband to see your CV" as an option 4 on your list.

No I would not dismiss any kid based on background or ‘being poor’. Quite the opposite in fact. A kid who excels at Duke from MC or underprivileged background is worth a look! If I read correctly up thread though, Nephew has a 2.9? That may not be disastrous. But it’s not a pulled together successful college career either, that’s more like sleepwalking to commencement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

People are telling OP to get out of the way and let her husband - who as you correctly noted knows all the millions of ways to help, soft-peddle, or not help an applicant based on his read of their resume and abilities - handle this. OP is standing in between the person who knows how to handle this and her family. Maybe you're right and a kid graduating from Duke is a "discombobulated disaster" who would shred OP's DH's reputation if they were ever associated with each other, but I doubt it. And if he is, OP's DH, not OP, can go directly to option 3. I notice you don't have OP's stance - "you're too poor for my husband to see your CV" as an option 4 on your list.

No I would not dismiss any kid based on background or ‘being poor’. Quite the opposite in fact. A kid who excels at Duke from MC or underprivileged background is worth a look! If I read correctly up thread though, Nephew has a 2.9? That may not be disastrous. But it’s not a pulled together successful college career either, that’s more like sleepwalking to commencement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.

People are telling OP to get out of the way and let her husband - who as you correctly noted knows all the millions of ways to help, soft-peddle, or not help an applicant based on his read of their resume and abilities - handle this. OP is standing in between the person who knows how to handle this and her family. Maybe you're right and a kid graduating from Duke is a "discombobulated disaster" who would shred OP's DH's reputation if they were ever associated with each other, but I doubt it. And if he is, OP's DH, not OP, can go directly to option 3. I notice you don't have OP's stance - "you're too poor for my husband to see your CV" as an option 4 on your list.

Anonymous wrote:This post is fascinating. As someone who has pulled strings for my own kids and for former colleagues and friends, and as someone who chose to NOT pull a string bc I did not want to vouch for the applicant, or I doubted the kid’s abilities, and I just didn’t want to risk my reputation, there are a million ways that OP’s DH can handle this. And, he likely knows all the moves:

Send in the resume with a strong, take a look, he’s great!
Send in the resume with a lukewarm noncommittal just “take a look and if you can, maybe have one conversation” message to the recruiter.
Tell the kid that the recruitment cycle for this May’s grads ended in the fall when the previous summer interns received offers so he is too late, but will help with the resume. (And every kid gunning for IB knows this btw, they understand the recruiting cycle is 12 to 18 months Prior To Start date - so it further shows that Nephew is indeed a nitwit)

I believe there is nothing wrong with nepotism. It’s how the world works. But for those deriding the OP for not being more supportive because he is her Nephew, no way, that’s not how it works. I have a dozen nieces and nephews. I might pull some help for one or two of them. The others are discombobulated disasters (many of you have similar relations in your family!) and I’d give them option 3 above.