Everyone has 1 on my circle.

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Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

Aren't old people men and women?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

How on earth would you not have figured out how fertility and birth control work after having two kids? I suspect many of the people claiming #3 was an oopsie intended to have 3 all along and just need a way to justify it.

I actually told a lot of people this when I was pregnant with #3. I didn’t want their judgement and jealousy.

This doesn't really make sense. I'd think people's reactions would be more harsh if you said #3 was an oopsie. I mean, look at how feisty the people on this board are being about it.

To be honest you are not me so you really have no idea what my day-to-day lived experiences are. I’ve had people who I work with (all women) say nasty things, like having three is showing off and that having three is fine, but I shouldn’t have four. At work.

I have 3 and I have the same experience. People are weird about 3 kids. Actually no, women are weird about 3 kids. Men and old people are generally happy for you when you have your third child, but women get weird, like it’s somehow excessive to have three.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and I think there are two reasons:

1) Increased work from home. We're trying for a third right now, and I just noted this to my husband. If we were still both commuting to the office, 30-40 mins twice a day, every day, five days a week, I don't know if we would have had the bandwidth. I didn't really have kids before the pandemic (I was still on maternity leave with my oldest when the pandemic hit) but that might be giving people the extra wiggle room they need.

2) I literally only know one peer in my UMC bubble who had a surprise child in their 20s, and none as teenagers (though I'm sure there were some abortions). But in the last three years there have been THREE "surprise" third kids. Perhaps people get a bit sloppy with the birth control as they're approaching 40, especially if it wasn't super easy for them to get pregnant the first time or two? I don't know if that's a new phenomenon, but it's a pretty big percentage of the 3 kid families I know. Maybe we're an anomaly.

x

I hear this a lot. Several well educated friends who were able to avoid pregnancy well into their 30s just SHOCKED to find themselves pregnant around 40 or up. They weren't using BC because they thought they were "too old" to get pregnant.

Probably from reading websites like DCUM where some unhinged people scream, “it must be donor eggs!” every time someone over 40 has a baby.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and I think there are two reasons:

1) Increased work from home. We're trying for a third right now, and I just noted this to my husband. If we were still both commuting to the office, 30-40 mins twice a day, every day, five days a week, I don't know if we would have had the bandwidth. I didn't really have kids before the pandemic (I was still on maternity leave with my oldest when the pandemic hit) but that might be giving people the extra wiggle room they need.

2) I literally only know one peer in my UMC bubble who had a surprise child in their 20s, and none as teenagers (though I'm sure there were some abortions). But in the last three years there have been THREE "surprise" third kids. Perhaps people get a bit sloppy with the birth control as they're approaching 40, especially if it wasn't super easy for them to get pregnant the first time or two? I don't know if that's a new phenomenon, but it's a pretty big percentage of the 3 kid families I know. Maybe we're an anomaly.

x

I hear this a lot. Several well educated friends who were able to avoid pregnancy well into their 30s just SHOCKED to find themselves pregnant around 40 or up. They weren't using BC because they thought they were "too old" to get pregnant.

Yes, and I think there are two reasons:

1) Increased work from home. We're trying for a third right now, and I just noted this to my husband. If we were still both commuting to the office, 30-40 mins twice a day, every day, five days a week, I don't know if we would have had the bandwidth. I didn't really have kids before the pandemic (I was still on maternity leave with my oldest when the pandemic hit) but that might be giving people the extra wiggle room they need.

2) I literally only know one peer in my UMC bubble who had a surprise child in their 20s, and none as teenagers (though I'm sure there were some abortions). But in the last three years there have been THREE "surprise" third kids. Perhaps people get a bit sloppy with the birth control as they're approaching 40, especially if it wasn't super easy for them to get pregnant the first time or two? I don't know if that's a new phenomenon, but it's a pretty big percentage of the 3 kid families I know. Maybe we're an anomaly.

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Anonymous wrote:None of my friends with two kids would have one more if they had more money. The one or two kids they have are completely emotionally draining for them. Same for me! As for acquaintances/casual friendships, I have no idea because we don't talk about those kinds of personal things.

Totally believe this. Sometimes it is the emotional/logistical strain rather than finances.

FWIW we have 3 and would’ve had 4 if we had more $$. Different strokes.

I have 3 kids. I would have had a 4th or even a 5th if I was younger. I had my first at 30 (almost 31) and my third at age 38 (almost 39). I was 40 with a toddler. Now I am 45 and would totally be able to care for another but I’m obviously too old now.

Wow those are big age gaps!

3.5 years is a big age gap? I think smaller gaps are more common now because people are cramming two kids in in their mid to late thirties. When I was growing up in the 90s, 3-4 year age gaps were very common. I have a 3 year gap between my kids. Might go for a third with the same spacing. I like it from a developmental and staggering standpoint.

8 years from kid 1 to kid 3 (31 to 39) is a pretty big gap. That's a 4 year gap x 2. Then she says she could have a 4th 6 years later, except she is now 45 and her oldest is 14!!

4 year age gaps don’t seem noteworthy, nor does the lingering “I could have had another” sentiment.

Yes, this seems quite normal. Growing up, many of my friends had 5 year age gaps between them and their older or younger siblings.

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed it. It's a status symbol.

It’s a status symbol in that you have a stable family/marital partnership in order to keep having the kids, and can afford to do so.

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Anonymous wrote:There's lots of data that covid lowered fertility rates overall but there was a baby boom among the UMC+. Suddenly life was slower and more manageable for so many - why not have another baby if you're just hanging out at home.

Also lots of research on how larger families have once again become a status symbol

We realized that we were never going to have that supportive, family-focused extended network that some of our peers have and that I think we used to think was something our families would do as well.

I have a local network of close relatives, but I still don't know how families manage to juggle 3 kids with 2 careers. Perhaps it's because everyone in my network works full-time. The parents I know with 3 kids and 2 full-time careers who don't seem stressed out have a set of grandparents living with them in the same home.

Shut up

+1. Maybe you just feel threatened by the fact that some people are better than you at juggling children and jobs. It happens. The world is full of people who are better at things than you.

Nah. The world is just full of people with lower parenting standards.

NP. The families I know with more kids have the better behaved kids overall. There are a couple of exceptions but it’s obvious enough that I noticed it before now. Maybe they just like kids and are willing to do more of the hard parenting work in the beginning to get the good behavior.

Woah- I know lots of 4+ kid families and the kids are out of control and the parents are incredibly checked out. They say it’s gentle parenting, but it’s basically no parenting.

I've noticed it. It's a status symbol.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's lots of data that covid lowered fertility rates overall but there was a baby boom among the UMC+. Suddenly life was slower and more manageable for so many - why not have another baby if you're just hanging out at home.

Also lots of research on how larger families have once again become a status symbol

We realized that we were never going to have that supportive, family-focused extended network that some of our peers have and that I think we used to think was something our families would do as well.

I have a local network of close relatives, but I still don't know how families manage to juggle 3 kids with 2 careers. Perhaps it's because everyone in my network works full-time. The parents I know with 3 kids and 2 full-time careers who don't seem stressed out have a set of grandparents living with them in the same home.

Shut up

+1. Maybe you just feel threatened by the fact that some people are better than you at juggling children and jobs. It happens. The world is full of people who are better at things than you.

Nah. The world is just full of people with lower parenting standards.

NP. The families I know with more kids have the better behaved kids overall. There are a couple of exceptions but it’s obvious enough that I noticed it before now. Maybe they just like kids and are willing to do more of the hard parenting work in the beginning to get the good behavior.

Not at all my experience, especially the boys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's lots of data that covid lowered fertility rates overall but there was a baby boom among the UMC+. Suddenly life was slower and more manageable for so many - why not have another baby if you're just hanging out at home.

Also lots of research on how larger families have once again become a status symbol

We realized that we were never going to have that supportive, family-focused extended network that some of our peers have and that I think we used to think was something our families would do as well.

I have a local network of close relatives, but I still don't know how families manage to juggle 3 kids with 2 careers. Perhaps it's because everyone in my network works full-time. The parents I know with 3 kids and 2 full-time careers who don't seem stressed out have a set of grandparents living with them in the same home.

Shut up

+1. Maybe you just feel threatened by the fact that some people are better than you at juggling children and jobs. It happens. The world is full of people who are better at things than you.

Nah. The world is just full of people with lower parenting standards.

NP. The families I know with more kids have the better behaved kids overall. There are a couple of exceptions but it’s obvious enough that I noticed it before now. Maybe they just like kids and are willing to do more of the hard parenting work in the beginning to get the good behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Well, considering half the country can no longer choose their own health care options. Yeah I believe birth rates are going to skyrocket and not for the better

No, fewer women will risk getting pregnant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's lots of data that covid lowered fertility rates overall but there was a baby boom among the UMC+. Suddenly life was slower and more manageable for so many - why not have another baby if you're just hanging out at home.

Also lots of research on how larger families have once again become a status symbol

We realized that we were never going to have that supportive, family-focused extended network that some of our peers have and that I think we used to think was something our families would do as well.

I have a local network of close relatives, but I still don't know how families manage to juggle 3 kids with 2 careers. Perhaps it's because everyone in my network works full-time. The parents I know with 3 kids and 2 full-time careers who don't seem stressed out have a set of grandparents living with them in the same home.

Shut up

+1. Maybe you just feel threatened by the fact that some people are better than you at juggling children and jobs. It happens. The world is full of people who are better at things than you.

Nah. The world is just full of people with lower parenting standards.

Anonymous wrote:I have found myself noticing families with 3+ or more kids. It could just be my community/social circles (or my own desire to have a third), but it seems like its becoming more common to have more than 1-2 kids.

Anyone else seeing this in their circles?

No.