Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP, just think for a moment, what if I am wrong and accuse my daughter of horrible things and lying.

What if your daughter was raped or roofied or whatever. Maybe she is processing that. Maybe she is lying, but why jump to the conclusion she is lying?

She probably didn't realize you'd get this bill or she didn't want to talk about it.

What are the consequences if you threaten her and go ballistic and you are doing it to a victim?

Take a breath. Some of the responses have this girl in rehab, some say get her on BC? Why are we assuming she is a huge liar?

What you do here can really affect your future relationship. You sound hot headed if your first inclination is to ban her from having a car a year from now. I hope you haven't said this to her.

If you're so concerned, go see her, tell her you're concerned and how can you help?

She posted a drunk TikTok from her hospital bed, flashing peace signs and the like. (A friend of hers showed me). She says she wasn’t raped and while I guess being roofied CAN result in behaving extra drunk, roofies are actually sedatives. Unfortunately, I don’t believe she was roofied — I think that is a story to cover up the fact that she was so trashed that her friends decided to intervene and take her to the hospital. If so, this is now at least the second event I am aware of in the year where she has been blackout drunk. So we clearly need a conversation about substance abuse.

We will have a conversation in two weeks after finals. I have told her to bring a copy of the police report and the tox screen from her hospital visit as well as the itemized bill. We will look at those things together.

If, in fact, she brings those things, the discussion will be limited to does she need support to deal with being crime victim and this basic idea that you call your parents when you are hospitalized.

If she can’t produce them or refuses, then I will have no choice to conclude that she was drunk to the point of being taken to a hospital, which in my mind is very serious. She followed that up with the extremely poor judgment in failing to notify immediately (lie of omission), inventing a story to cover (lie of commission), and gaslighting (“this is why I didn’t tell you.”).

And because of these poor choices, she won’t be allowed to rush this Spring (she has no money of her own since she spent her job money as quickly as she had it despite my continued counsel to build up savings for college expenses. She gets an allowance but doesn’t save that either.) I had agreed previously to pay for rush and sorority dues since she got several scholarships, but there’s no way I am going to pay to put her into a Greek system where attitudes about alcohol are worse than the school at large, under the circumstances.

As for the car, I may place conditions on her to earn it for next year. These include:

— Completing an alcohol awareness class
— Showing me her report card (something I have never asked of her older sister) and granting me FERPA waiver.
— Maintaing her scholarship.
— Getting a job on campus second semester to supplement the allowance (clearly she had the time).
— Getting a source of decent summer income, either at home or like as a camp counselor or something. She’s too young to get an internship, probably, but if she got one of those I would accept it as a substitute even if it didn’t pay.

That’s my “morning after” plan.

I personally wouldn’t punish her so harshly for seeking medical care. She did the right thing and she it seems rightly knew you would freak out if she told you. I’d just pay the bill and tell her to always seek care if she’s worried and that you are always willing provide a nonjudgmental ear. She’s an adult so your relationship needs to change from “punishing” to supporting her into adulthood.

She isn't being PUNISHED.

Tell me, do you not think getting inebretiated to the point of requiring hospitalization doesn't warrant an intervention of some sort? Or are you the sort who embraces alcohol culture and would just laugh this off as not a big deal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just call and pretend to be your DD? Get an itemized bill sent to you. Then you'll know exactly what the real story is by the labs ordered. Create a fake Gmail to use if they have an email option. If not, have it mailed.

Like, I know it's dishonest and illegal, but I'm doing anything needed if I think my kid is not being truthful and is in crisis.

If my parents had pushed harder when they had to rush my barely legal brother to the ER for alcohol poisoning, maybe he wouldn't be a 37 yo alcoholic with multiple DUIs, a failed marriage, kids he never sees, and still living at home.

OP here. I'm not going to impersonate my daughter, that's nuts. I want her to take some accountability and I want to have a discussion about the dangers of substance abuse and how her actions in this incident have made me reluctant to trust her with a car next year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t get an explanation of benefits? She’s on your insurance and you would need to submit that for HSA reimbursement. I don’t think her being an adult makes a difference for that.

No, you can't get an EOB for another adult.

Eventually, I suppose they may mail one to her here at the house and i could open it. But online it says "patient view only."

HIPPA and all that.

Yes, I could ask her to waive it. But given her hostility around asking for details about the police report, I'm guessing she will refuse. I'm not there yet.

Yes you can… if you’re the primary account holder of the insurance. Just log in and see.

The second my oldest turned 18, I could no longer see his insurance EOB information online. Honestly, it took a lot of paperwork just so my husband and I had access to each other's information. The doctor's use HIPPA forms but the insurance company has a much more complicated process.

This true. I’m working through this right now with my 20 year old. I’m trying to dispute some medical charges for her and can’t do it easily because she is 18 and I can’t see the EOB. When I call to discuss it, I can TELL THEM, the date of service in question and they will neither confirm or deny. I also can’t see my DH. I am the primary insurance holder.

Have her create an account on the insurance website and she should be able to see her own EOB. Crazy that the account holder cannot find out what is being billed (though I understand HIPAA).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t get an explanation of benefits? She’s on your insurance and you would need to submit that for HSA reimbursement. I don’t think her being an adult makes a difference for that.

No, you can't get an EOB for another adult.

Eventually, I suppose they may mail one to her here at the house and i could open it. But online it says "patient view only."

HIPPA and all that.

Yes, I could ask her to waive it. But given her hostility around asking for details about the police report, I'm guessing she will refuse. I'm not there yet.

Yes you can… if you’re the primary account holder of the insurance. Just log in and see.

What? No, you definitely can't. My DH is the primary account holder and he can't see my EOBs. Same for adult children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be an "adult" and not provide details to your parent but still be a "dependent" on insurance. She needs to take adult responsibility.

If only your black and white rules were reasonable or made any sense. Of course you can do both. YOu don't WANT to but that's a different issue.

This is why my kid tells me things and yours likely wouldn't.

Clearly you missed the point. Ok you are a great parent with absolutely no reading comprehension.

And you're a dick across the board. So congrats.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is an ER doctor and teen girls are rarely roofied. They barely eat, they weigh all of 100 to 110 pounds, they have low tolerance, and they don't realize "one drink" at a frat or dorm party probably has closer to three shots of high proof alcohol in it. Just as a pull from a bottle isn't one shot. Teen binge drinkers rarely remember every drink or shot they took.

+1. And roofied by definition means a sexual assault after the drink is spiked - not just receiving a spiked drink: "'Being roofied' is a slang term that describes someone being raped or sexually assaulted after being spiked with drugs."

So I'm betting alcohol poisoning and she had to be taken to ER by friends or ambulance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t get an explanation of benefits? She’s on your insurance and you would need to submit that for HSA reimbursement. I don’t think her being an adult makes a difference for that.

No, you can't get an EOB for another adult.

Eventually, I suppose they may mail one to her here at the house and i could open it. But online it says "patient view only."

HIPPA and all that.

Yes, I could ask her to waive it. But given her hostility around asking for details about the police report, I'm guessing she will refuse. I'm not there yet.

Yes you can… if you’re the primary account holder of the insurance. Just log in and see.

The second my oldest turned 18, I could no longer see his insurance EOB information online. Honestly, it took a lot of paperwork just so my husband and I had access to each other's information. The doctor's use HIPPA forms but the insurance company has a much more complicated process.

This true. I’m working through this right now with my 20 year old. I’m trying to dispute some medical charges for her and can’t do it easily because she is 18 and I can’t see the EOB. When I call to discuss it, I can TELL THEM, the date of service in question and they will neither confirm or deny. I also can’t see my DH. I am the primary insurance holder.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is an ER doctor and teen girls are rarely roofied. They barely eat, they weigh all of 100 to 110 pounds, they have low tolerance, and they don't realize "one drink" at a frat or dorm party probably has closer to three shots of high proof alcohol in it. Just as a pull from a bottle isn't one shot. Teen binge drinkers rarely remember every drink or shot they took.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people keep insisting that her daughter sought medical care? It’s highly unlikely that the daughter did that on her own. Much more likely her friends took her to the hospital (good for them!).

OP, I think you need the health care power of attorney going forward.

2 thumbs up for the friends. When DD comes back for spring semester and tells the friends her mom went ballistic over the ER visit, they will think twice when seeking medical care for DD again (or for other friends), potentially endangering others.

I don't think OP has stated their own gender, so we should be neutral about that, but if forced to guess I'm not getting "mom" vibes from the writing style and choice of slurs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t get an explanation of benefits? She’s on your insurance and you would need to submit that for HSA reimbursement. I don’t think her being an adult makes a difference for that.

No, you can't get an EOB for another adult.

Eventually, I suppose they may mail one to her here at the house and i could open it. But online it says "patient view only."

HIPPA and all that.

Yes, I could ask her to waive it. But given her hostility around asking for details about the police report, I'm guessing she will refuse. I'm not there yet.

Yes you can… if you’re the primary account holder of the insurance. Just log in and see.

The second my oldest turned 18, I could no longer see his insurance EOB information online. Honestly, it took a lot of paperwork just so my husband and I had access to each other's information. The doctor's use HIPPA forms but the insurance company has a much more complicated process.

This true. I’m working through this right now with my 20 year old. I’m trying to dispute some medical charges for her and can’t do it easily because she is 18 and I can’t see the EOB. When I call to discuss it, I can TELL THEM, the date of service in question and they will neither confirm or deny. I also can’t see my DH. I am the primary insurance holder.