Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 18:04     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
In my experience (3 kids) I think what happens in part is that these schools grade to the smartest kid in the room and then curve down accordingly. For instance, there will be one kid (or a handful) in sophomore English who can write an essay worthy of a senior seminar class in a college English class. So there are your As. And the grades go down from that. The kids who are just "very good writers" and turn in "very good for a sophomore in high school" level work get a B.

It's the same in math. My kid is currently in math class beyond calculus. She has a perfect math SAT score. She's good at math but this class is HARD. The average on tests is about a 75. But there is always one kid who manages to get a 98. So there goes any curve or corrections. There is your A. And everyone goes down from there.

I don't know what other schools or districts do in these cases when you have a few extreme outliers. The kids at these top privates are almost all very strong students and were admitted to the private (most of them) because they were at the top at their sending schools. But in each subject there tend to be few kids who is outlandishly gifted. And then they scoop up the 2 As in that class.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 14:57     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where does potomac fall on the stress/grade deflation? What about maret?


The complaints in this thread match Potomac’s grading scheme. Extremely stressful and the administration truly does not care.


We went through this last year and had to hire a college counselor. If you do not have a legacy connection to a school or are a donor then it will be difficult getting into college. No one cares and my child was upset and it made for an unnecessary stressful senior year. We regret turning down Flint Hill years back.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 13:52     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Transferring high schools is a huge academic and social disruption for a student who isn’t struggling. With rare exception, these schools should be able to educate the students who they accept without damaging their mental health: Your whole tone is precisely why so many students are deeply unhappy.


I take the stress experienced at high-pressure schools very seriously. However, I am trying to be realistic. Critique against these schools’ cultures has been going on for over a half century. Your DCUM post or artful letter to the head won’t be the thing that dials down the pressure cooker: It’s like sweeping the tide. Yes, enrolling elsewhere is challenging, but it may be the thing that saves your kid’s mental and physical health if school feels overwhelming. You can’t control the teachers, the other parents, or the administration, but you can control the choices your family makes.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 07:17     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:Where does potomac fall on the stress/grade deflation? What about maret?


The complaints in this thread match Potomac’s grading scheme. Extremely stressful and the administration truly does not care.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 04:08     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What kind of GPA are you talking about? At what GPA is a Big 3 probably not worth it?


Frankly? Under about a 3.7.


I'm curious about your post. Can you explain your thought process? Why, in your opinion, is a 3.7 UW GPA at a big 3 not worth it?


well below a 3.7 from a Big3 and your college options start to be spotty or random--you may get into a selective school or you may not. And this kid would likely have a much higher GPA in public and probably more options.


OP this is your first/ only child isn’t it?

I’ve got news for you, toots, as one who has / had 3 at Big 3s. I don’t care what GPA or test score your kid ends up with. S/he could have a 4.0/ 1600 and I would still bet my house against the chance that your kid will be admitted to HYP. It just doesn’t happen that often except in the rarest of circumstances and if your child meets those you would have known it by middle school

Best advice for you is to lower your expectations considerably. Fall in love with safety schools, not reaches or even targets.


switch schools. our school a 3.7 is an A- and teachers rarely give A in honors classes.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 22:29     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What kind of GPA are you talking about? At what GPA is a Big 3 probably not worth it?


Frankly? Under about a 3.7.


I'm curious about your post. Can you explain your thought process? Why, in your opinion, is a 3.7 UW GPA at a big 3 not worth it?


well below a 3.7 from a Big3 and your college options start to be spotty or random--you may get into a selective school or you may not. And this kid would likely have a much higher GPA in public and probably more options.


OP this is your first/ only child isn’t it?

I’ve got news for you, toots, as one who has / had 3 at Big 3s. I don’t care what GPA or test score your kid ends up with. S/he could have a 4.0/ 1600 and I would still bet my house against the chance that your kid will be admitted to HYP. It just doesn’t happen that often except in the rarest of circumstances and if your child meets those you would have known it by middle school

Best advice for you is to lower your expectations considerably. Fall in love with safety schools, not reaches or even targets.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 22:21     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
[mastodon]
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
The point of going to a top 3 school is to get a demanding, rigorous education.

If you’re not happy with it, switch to public or Maret or field or someplace like that.

Was your child admitted early, like in kindergarten or elementary? Maybe it’s not the right fit.

Bs are one thing by getting multiple scores like 75 or 65 could be a sign your kid shouldn’t be of the school.

I tire The people who get their kids into super progress schools and then complain that they are too rigorous.


OP here. No, kid was admitted in 9th. Has straight As (some version of them) so far but at such a high cost.
The 65s and 75s are class averages. My kids is above average but still below an A. Will probably eek out As again with a little luck and an immense amount of work.
But the stress getting to that point is so, so high and most peers are not getting As. Playing this game is getting old. Studying for hours and hours
and still getting a B or C on every exam because that is how things are written. When essay exams are graded so that the average is an 82 and only 2 kids get above a 90 (had one of these recently). I guess I get it if a math exam an 82 average. But why grade an essay exam to an 82?
(when your entire cohort can write and has read ALL the material and discussed it in class for weeks, etc).


The problem is that you are expecting your kid to get a public school gpa, probably because he was in public school through eighth. Stop putting that pressure on him. It is fine to get As and Bs at a big three. Aiming for straight As at a big three is unrealistic and ridiculous for most kids. Get over that goal.


yes, but a couple of Bs and a GPA quickly trends down to a 3.5 or thereabouts...
and kids at the 75th percentile or below in the class are increasingly having a hard time getting into decent colleges.

what i don't understand is why the schools don't help out their own kids. They are in charge of the grading. They don't have to grade an essay to an average of an 82 and give half the class a final grade of a straight B or lower And then turn around and wonder why their kids with under a 3.5 can't get into Penn State.


Oh no. A 3.5. That’s so so terrible.

Quit whining OP. My kids are/ were at probably the same school. Yes it’s hard. I’m paying $45k a year for rigor and high expectations. I get so annoyed by parents like you. Lighten up; YOU are your kid’s biggest problem here.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 22:15     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP here. Child at Big3. It’s so hard to see my child struggle with these grades but I am so grateful they are getting to experience this while I can guide them. I see enormous value in kids learning to deal with hiccups/stress/“failure” (no, not actual Fs but, you know, imperfection) during these formative years. How do you handle it? Not in the sense of, does it break you, which of course is too much and not right for some kids, but in the sense of — how can I as a growing person navigate a complex and stressful environment and learn to tolerate somethings not being exactly what I expect/want? I have to balance mental stress in class with healthy exercise and healthy diet and learning when/how to take breaks and what I like/don’t like when I have limited free time, and which topics get me really excited and which I absolutely hate with a passion.

These kids who get straight As in life, many of whom are in public schools and have never really worked hard at anything, are not better off. Ok, so they can all go to Harvard, but I don’t care a wit about that. Wake up call: there’s lots of really unhappy adults who graduated from HYP. I want a resilient adult who can life their life to the fullest and knows what drives them and makes them happy. I see the Big3 education as a step on my child’s path in life and not as a ticket to a particular college. It’s hard not to get wrapped up in it all and the rat race but some perspective is why I am sending them there and I think we a parents need to do a better job on that front.


Oh my goodness, I have a *feeling* that your child is struggling at their Big 3 because of your parenting. Can you imagine having a you as a mom? And, when you write what you typically share in your school chats, you also give yourself away. Not a good look.
"These kids who get straight As in life, many of whom are in public schools and have never really worked hard at anything, are not better off. Ok, so they can all go to Harvard, but I don’t care a wit about that. "
Public school kids who get As don't work hard!


Yep, having me as a parent is terrible and causing my child irreparable harm. Choosing to take the best from this difficult and challenging academic situation and see the more important life lessons or screaming about the unfair refs who make bad calls hindering my child’s athletic success or wait, I’m sorry, teachers/a school I pay for who are harming my child’s right to go to Harvard.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 21:49     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:NP here. Child at Big3. It’s so hard to see my child struggle with these grades but I am so grateful they are getting to experience this while I can guide them. I see enormous value in kids learning to deal with hiccups/stress/“failure” (no, not actual Fs but, you know, imperfection) during these formative years. How do you handle it? Not in the sense of, does it break you, which of course is too much and not right for some kids, but in the sense of — how can I as a growing person navigate a complex and stressful environment and learn to tolerate somethings not being exactly what I expect/want? I have to balance mental stress in class with healthy exercise and healthy diet and learning when/how to take breaks and what I like/don’t like when I have limited free time, and which topics get me really excited and which I absolutely hate with a passion.

These kids who get straight As in life, many of whom are in public schools and have never really worked hard at anything, are not better off. Ok, so they can all go to Harvard, but I don’t care a wit about that. Wake up call: there’s lots of really unhappy adults who graduated from HYP. I want a resilient adult who can life their life to the fullest and knows what drives them and makes them happy. I see the Big3 education as a step on my child’s path in life and not as a ticket to a particular college. It’s hard not to get wrapped up in it all and the rat race but some perspective is why I am sending them there and I think we a parents need to do a better job on that front.


Stop using public schools as your example.

The top PRIVATE schools in NYC and LA are awarding an A- or higher to 70% of their students.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 21:47     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:NP here. Child at Big3. It’s so hard to see my child struggle with these grades but I am so grateful they are getting to experience this while I can guide them. I see enormous value in kids learning to deal with hiccups/stress/“failure” (no, not actual Fs but, you know, imperfection) during these formative years. How do you handle it? Not in the sense of, does it break you, which of course is too much and not right for some kids, but in the sense of — how can I as a growing person navigate a complex and stressful environment and learn to tolerate somethings not being exactly what I expect/want? I have to balance mental stress in class with healthy exercise and healthy diet and learning when/how to take breaks and what I like/don’t like when I have limited free time, and which topics get me really excited and which I absolutely hate with a passion.

These kids who get straight As in life, many of whom are in public schools and have never really worked hard at anything, are not better off. Ok, so they can all go to Harvard, but I don’t care a wit about that. Wake up call: there’s lots of really unhappy adults who graduated from HYP. I want a resilient adult who can life their life to the fullest and knows what drives them and makes them happy. I see the Big3 education as a step on my child’s path in life and not as a ticket to a particular college. It’s hard not to get wrapped up in it all and the rat race but some perspective is why I am sending them there and I think we a parents need to do a better job on that front.


I am having a hard time understanding why the stress and grade deflation is such a great thing when these kids are…well kids vs when they are adults and one would argue much better to handle. Not sure why those kids grow up to be happier than your average HYP grad.

BTW, those schools are fine with grade inflation if you want to call it that. It is nearly impossible to get less than a B and many classes award 50%+ As
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 21:37     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:NP here. Child at Big3. It’s so hard to see my child struggle with these grades but I am so grateful they are getting to experience this while I can guide them. I see enormous value in kids learning to deal with hiccups/stress/“failure” (no, not actual Fs but, you know, imperfection) during these formative years. How do you handle it? Not in the sense of, does it break you, which of course is too much and not right for some kids, but in the sense of — how can I as a growing person navigate a complex and stressful environment and learn to tolerate somethings not being exactly what I expect/want? I have to balance mental stress in class with healthy exercise and healthy diet and learning when/how to take breaks and what I like/don’t like when I have limited free time, and which topics get me really excited and which I absolutely hate with a passion.

These kids who get straight As in life, many of whom are in public schools and have never really worked hard at anything, are not better off. Ok, so they can all go to Harvard, but I don’t care a wit about that. Wake up call: there’s lots of really unhappy adults who graduated from HYP. I want a resilient adult who can life their life to the fullest and knows what drives them and makes them happy. I see the Big3 education as a step on my child’s path in life and not as a ticket to a particular college. It’s hard not to get wrapped up in it all and the rat race but some perspective is why I am sending them there and I think we a parents need to do a better job on that front.


Oh my goodness, I have a *feeling* that your child is struggling at their Big 3 because of your parenting. Can you imagine having a you as a mom? And, when you write what you typically share in your school chats, you also give yourself away. Not a good look.
"These kids who get straight As in life, many of whom are in public schools and have never really worked hard at anything, are not better off. Ok, so they can all go to Harvard, but I don’t care a wit about that. "
Public school kids who get As don't work hard!
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 20:41     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:Where does potomac fall on the stress/grade deflation? What about maret?


They have it also. This has been mentioned in so many posts on the math department.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 19:46     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Anonymous wrote:Big Three are BIM, Sidwell, and GDS.

No, it’s just BIM BIM and BIM. Have you seen their great schools scores and other marketing material?!?!!!!
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 19:29     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Where does potomac fall on the stress/grade deflation? What about maret?
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 18:57     Subject: The deflated grading is just exhausting.
Big Three are BIM, Sidwell, and GDS.