Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 20:11     Subject: Re:15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. My almost 14 year old is really smart and mature and she enjoys talking to adults (at least, to the ones who enjoy talking to her). She's the favorite student of multiple teachers.

I was also that teenager who loved getting to know adults . . . I had, I'm not kidding, four adult women who all mentored me through church and youth group. I think our society is kind of sad and boring for not being more inter-generational; some cultures do that really well. When DH and I were in our 20s, we made friends with neighbors of all ages, all the way up to their 70s . . .

One of my college professors turned out to be our neighbor and she became one of our closest friends. Her kids were 8 and 11 when we met them, and we got to watch them grow up and offer advice and transition into being friends with them as adults. (I remember doing the math that I was 20 years younger than my professor and 15 years older than her daughter, so technically closer in age to her daughter . . . ) None of this has to be weird unless you make it weird. We're all people.

I'm definitely not saying you needed to talk about Taylor Swift or whatever all night, but if the teen was happy to sit with you and engage rather than staring at her phone, it sounds like she's going to be OK in life!



+1 Some teenagers are more mature than adults. I would rather hang out with an interesting teen than a woman who only talks about beauty and diets or a man who only talks sports.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 20:09     Subject: Re:15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine. My almost 14 year old is really smart and mature and she enjoys talking to adults (at least, to the ones who enjoy talking to her). She's the favorite student of multiple teachers.

I was also that teenager who loved getting to know adults . . . I had, I'm not kidding, four adult women who all mentored me through church and youth group. I think our society is kind of sad and boring for not being more inter-generational; some cultures do that really well. When DH and I were in our 20s, we made friends with neighbors of all ages, all the way up to their 70s . . .

One of my college professors turned out to be our neighbor and she became one of our closest friends. Her kids were 8 and 11 when we met them, and we got to watch them grow up and offer advice and transition into being friends with them as adults. (I remember doing the math that I was 20 years younger than my professor and 15 years older than her daughter, so technically closer in age to her daughter . . . ) None of this has to be weird unless you make it weird. We're all people.

I'm definitely not saying you needed to talk about Taylor Swift or whatever all night, but if the teen was happy to sit with you and engage rather than staring at her phone, it sounds like she's going to be OK in life!



It's funny to see these alleged adults feeling intimidated by a polite teenager. Says a lot about their insecurities about their own maturity.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 20:08     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:So for those who do not know how to behave in public-when you go to a dinner party, at some point the kids leave the adults alone for some adult convo. If your kid has not been exposed to this very normal social dynamic, you have likely offended people in the past. This is like making plans with a girlfriend to take your kids out together and showing up with your husband and kids. It’s not the end of the world, but it goes against others’ expectations for the event and can come off as rude. The kid hangs a little and then makes herself scarce. This is called social graces or manners. No one is saying your kid is not welcome, but the kid need not spend 100 percent of the event with the adults. Catch a clue.


The sooner you folks stop inviting mentality well-adjusted folks over, the happier we will all be. We're being kind accepting your invitations.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 20:04     Subject: Re:15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
I think it's fine. My almost 14 year old is really smart and mature and she enjoys talking to adults (at least, to the ones who enjoy talking to her). She's the favorite student of multiple teachers.

I was also that teenager who loved getting to know adults . . . I had, I'm not kidding, four adult women who all mentored me through church and youth group. I think our society is kind of sad and boring for not being more inter-generational; some cultures do that really well. When DH and I were in our 20s, we made friends with neighbors of all ages, all the way up to their 70s . . .

One of my college professors turned out to be our neighbor and she became one of our closest friends. Her kids were 8 and 11 when we met them, and we got to watch them grow up and offer advice and transition into being friends with them as adults. (I remember doing the math that I was 20 years younger than my professor and 15 years older than her daughter, so technically closer in age to her daughter . . . ) None of this has to be weird unless you make it weird. We're all people.

I'm definitely not saying you needed to talk about Taylor Swift or whatever all night, but if the teen was happy to sit with you and engage rather than staring at her phone, it sounds like she's going to be OK in life!

Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:58     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP, not reading the whole thread. Invite them over without kids. I never invite my friends' kids over because I'm not interested in them. There's no reason a 15-yr old can't stay home and babysit the others.


The 15 y/o can't stay home and babysit the others because 3 of them are the OP's kids, and only one was her own half-sibling. Although I'm sure OP pretty much figured this is what would happen when they all came to her house.


Obviously I meant the others in the 15 yr old's own family. OP has to tell her own kids to get lost/ make other arrangements for them if she wants them out of the way.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:56     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
So for those who do not know how to behave in public-when you go to a dinner party, at some point the kids leave the adults alone for some adult convo. If your kid has not been exposed to this very normal social dynamic, you have likely offended people in the past. This is like making plans with a girlfriend to take your kids out together and showing up with your husband and kids. It’s not the end of the world, but it goes against others’ expectations for the event and can come off as rude. The kid hangs a little and then makes herself scarce. This is called social graces or manners. No one is saying your kid is not welcome, but the kid need not spend 100 percent of the event with the adults. Catch a clue.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:55     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:NP, not reading the whole thread. Invite them over without kids. I never invite my friends' kids over because I'm not interested in them. There's no reason a 15-yr old can't stay home and babysit the others.


The 15 y/o can't stay home and babysit the others because 3 of them are the OP's kids, and only one was her own half-sibling. Although I'm sure OP pretty much figured this is what would happen when they all came to her house.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:52     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:OP I think maybe your friend cares more about his daughter than about you. Sorry.


Lol then take your kid out to a fun dinner or movie. Why drag them to a friend’s house who has much younger kids. A real dad of the year.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:51     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not normal and super weird that they brought her. A 15 year old doesn’t want to hang out with an 11 year old.


I agree. The kid shouldn’t have been present for the reason OP listed. The adults can’t fully express themselves in an adult manner with a minor present.

I understand her not wanting to hang out with an 11 year old but it would have been better to let her stay home or maybe invite a friend over for a few hours.


+1

Most 15yo’s would prefer to just stay at home instead, or hang out with friends their own age. We recently attended a dinner with several neighbor families - all with younger kids. One neighbor brought their high school aged son for dinner, but after dinner the dad dropped him at a friend’s house nearby and came back to socialize. That seemed to work well for all. I’m sure the teenage boy did not want to hang out and play with the 12 and under crowd.


Okay but then I'm not bringing my younger kids either. Either the kids are invited or they aren't. You can't tell someone that SOME of their kids are invited but others are not. In the same family.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:49     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The only people who have a problem with this, don't actually HAVE teenagers.


Raises hand.

I have a problem with this and have a teenager.


You have a problem with an invited guest being included in the conversation?
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:16     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate when we hang out with families like this. I do not want to spend my Saturday night having to be polite to the stupid stuff your 15 year old says. I want adult time. Tell your teen to find something to do.


There is much to love about American culture, but this statement features the flaws and failings America society.


This.

I grew up in an immigrant community with multigenerational gatherings of family friends. I had the exact same reaction as PP.

Wanting a teen to just be on their phone all night seems so sad.


I grew up in an immigrant household and had lots of multigenerational gatherings with family friends. We would pop in on the adults table and bug them, nag them or beg them for whatever, and we might chat for a little bit, but they would shoo us away once we'd overstayed our welcome. We were expected to hang out with children. We could not feel so comfortable or as entitled as OP's neighbor's daughter and SIT at the adults' table ALL NIGHT. That's a smooth no. Immigrant cultures respect hierarchy and seniority and definitely believe in adult spaces and adult conversations that aren't for the ears of children.


Im an immigrant but also an only child. At 15 i hung out with the adults and was quiet and listened to all the fun stories. Much more interesting than anything the kids were doing.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:11     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate when we hang out with families like this. I do not want to spend my Saturday night having to be polite to the stupid stuff your 15 year old says. I want adult time. Tell your teen to find something to do.


There is much to love about American culture, but this statement features the flaws and failings America society.


This.

I grew up in an immigrant community with multigenerational gatherings of family friends. I had the exact same reaction as PP.

Wanting a teen to just be on their phone all night seems so sad.


I grew up in an immigrant household and had lots of multigenerational gatherings with family friends. We would pop in on the adults table and bug them, nag them or beg them for whatever, and we might chat for a little bit, but they would shoo us away once we'd overstayed our welcome. We were expected to hang out with children. We could not feel so comfortable or as entitled as OP's neighbor's daughter and SIT at the adults' table ALL NIGHT. That's a smooth no. Immigrant cultures respect hierarchy and seniority and definitely believe in adult spaces and adult conversations that aren't for the ears of children.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:04     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
NP, not reading the whole thread. Invite them over without kids. I never invite my friends' kids over because I'm not interested in them. There's no reason a 15-yr old can't stay home and babysit the others.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 19:01     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not normal and super weird that they brought her. A 15 year old doesn’t want to hang out with an 11 year old.


I agree. The kid shouldn’t have been present for the reason OP listed. The adults can’t fully express themselves in an adult manner with a minor present.

I understand her not wanting to hang out with an 11 year old but it would have been better to let her stay home or maybe invite a friend over for a few hours.


+1

Most 15yo’s would prefer to just stay at home instead, or hang out with friends their own age. We recently attended a dinner with several neighbor families - all with younger kids. One neighbor brought their high school aged son for dinner, but after dinner the dad dropped him at a friend’s house nearby and came back to socialize. That seemed to work well for all. I’m sure the teenage boy did not want to hang out and play with the 12 and under crowd.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 18:54     Subject: 15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP has it not occurred to you that the 15-year-old teen is closer in age to a legal adult then your elementary schooler?


I don't get this argument, did you only play/hang out with kids your exact age growing up? Growing up we hung out in our neighborhood with kids in a wide range, so 11 and 15 isn't strange to me

I grew up in one of those neighborhoods where the kids all hung out too, but there were not 11 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. That is a 6th grader hanging out with a HS sophomore, not happening.

It sounds like OP invited the whole family, which she didn’t realize included a 15 year old, so next time she can plan accordingly. The family, as new acquaintances, might have also told the teen the whole family was invited so she needed to come this once.