I left a toxic work environment after trying to fit in, change the culture, come out ahead, etc. best decision I ever made. No one I talked to told me to toughen up or fight back. It is ok to leave the cage if lions are attacking.

Some parents may wish to avoid admitting guilt b/c they fear you MAY sue and ask for medical bill coverage. That's why you need to file a police report.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'd change teams and schools, that is the best set up for a safer and happier future.

Ask your DH how he thinks it will go going forward? He will be ostracized on the team at best, more likely more bullying. What is the upside of that? Teaching your outsider kid to continue to offer himself up as a victim to people who have assaulted him is a REALLY fu message. Your kid is following DH's lead and it's not a wise nor safe one.

How does DH think your humiliated kid is going to change the group dynamic? Any healthy person would stay the hell away from them, thus controlling what you can and taking power back. This was not one kid targeting him it was the whole large group.

Agree with your post about OP’s DH and switching teams, but don’t think switching schools is called for.
1. Host child does not attend same school
2. OP noted that DC has a group of friends at school outside the team.

Anonymous wrote:Tell your macho husband he absolutely needs to leave team and you need to tell soccer coach.(man here and I wrote 1st reply to you).
Provide emergency room documentation visit as proof to parents if they do not believe you.
They are most likely taking the denial route because they silently know the risks they face.
Now I would consider filing a police report to document this.

100%. I would file a police report.

OP, I'd change teams and schools, that is the best set up for a safer and happier future.

Ask your DH how he thinks it will go going forward? He will be ostracized on the team at best, more likely more bullying. What is the upside of that? Teaching your outsider kid to continue to offer himself up as a victim to people who have assaulted him is a REALLY fu message. Your kid is following DH's lead and it's not a wise nor safe one.

How does DH think your humiliated kid is going to change the group dynamic? Any healthy person would stay the hell away from them, thus controlling what you can and taking power back. This was not one kid targeting him it was the whole large group.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP—we need an update. What’s your thinking about next steps?

We’ve contacted all the parents and both coaches. We haven’t gotten a response from everyone.

Still deciding on whether or not DS will be leaving the team. I think it’s the best, but DH & DS said it will make it worse for DS. I do understand.

As far as pursuing this legally, I’m honestly not sure if we’re up to it. All really hard to prove at this point and we already have a parent who has refused to acknowledge it’s even a possibility.

Frankly, we are already stretched thin and can’t afford the lawyers a lot of these teammates can. Plus we really don’t know exactly who is involved and who is not. DS remembers very little.

NP. HOW is it going to make anything worse for your son to get away from these kids? Do you think that after everything that has transpired, it's safe for him to continue to play with them? At best, they'll shut him out, not pass the ball, verbally harass him, etc. It's not going to be good for him to stay on. Especially since it seems like at least some of the kids will have absolutely no consequences as a result.

OP, i'm not saying it is right but it is very possible that the hosts are downplaying because of the home insurance/suing thing. You see how everyone is jumping to you needing to do that, which personally I don't agree with. The kids need punishment and to learn the severity of what they did, but I doubt they understood what they were doing fully and involving courts isn't the answer. But unfortunately, the litigious nature of things these days can make people respond incorrectly, in my opinion. More worried about protecting than doing the right thing. So they are denying so that they never take responsibility. Again, wrong thing in my opinion but that may be why.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you friends with any other parents on the team? I'd probably start there, talk to them to see if maybe their kid said anything about it?

And I think I would tell the coach. My kid's coach would be horrified at this kind of behavior.

I'm sorry this happened to your kid. We've had similar issues with ours trying to keep up with the cool kids who aren't nice, and I've got a daughter.

Not really friends. We are all cordial.

I’m friendliest with these two moms who have a boy that’s always been the nicest to DS. I called them and they were pretty validating and spoke to their son and confirmed that he knew it was happening but wasn’t involved. They seem to be taking it seriously.

The host parents were outright dismissive and implied my son lied.

I’ve been able to get a response from a few others who mostly just respond with, “thanks for letting us know”. Not sure if they’ll address it with their kids.

I do want to know who came up with the idea and the dosage of the melatonin but I’m not sure I ever will.

I am furious for you, OP.
I wasn’t of the mindset to involve the police but I might after that reaction. I don’t believe pursuing legal action is a good idea, but filing a police report will cost you nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP—we need an update. What’s your thinking about next steps?

We’ve contacted all the parents and both coaches. We haven’t gotten a response from everyone.

Still deciding on whether or not DS will be leaving the team. I think it’s the best, but DH & DS said it will make it worse for DS. I do understand.

As far as pursuing this legally, I’m honestly not sure if we’re up to it. All really hard to prove at this point and we already have a parent who has refused to acknowledge it’s even a possibility.

Frankly, we are already stretched thin and can’t afford the lawyers a lot of these teammates can. Plus we really don’t know exactly who is involved and who is not. DS remembers very little.

Good for you, OP, for contacting everyone. They needed to be informed. You can't control what they do with that information but you did your part.

Regarding whether your DS leaves the team: maybe the way to discuss it with him is to ask him what he gets out of sticking with them. He and your DH think he'll "look weak" if he leaves but should that come at the cost of him being treated with the respect he deserves? Frame it not as him fleeing the team but turning them down and seeking out a team that will value him and treat him with respect. (I feel for you here especially. My DS is younger but is also the odd kid out who keeps trying to befriend kids who want nothing to do with him.)

As far as legal options, I think you're wise to consider whether it's worth it, both emotionally and financially. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I would. You have notified people who need to know and let everyone know this is something to take seriously.

typo, that should say "at the cost of him NOT being treated with the respect he deserves."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP—we need an update. What’s your thinking about next steps?

We’ve contacted all the parents and both coaches. We haven’t gotten a response from everyone.

Still deciding on whether or not DS will be leaving the team. I think it’s the best, but DH & DS said it will make it worse for DS. I do understand.

As far as pursuing this legally, I’m honestly not sure if we’re up to it. All really hard to prove at this point and we already have a parent who has refused to acknowledge it’s even a possibility.

Frankly, we are already stretched thin and can’t afford the lawyers a lot of these teammates can. Plus we really don’t know exactly who is involved and who is not. DS remembers very little.

Good for you, OP, for contacting everyone. They needed to be informed. You can't control what they do with that information but you did your part.

Regarding whether your DS leaves the team: maybe the way to discuss it with him is to ask him what he gets out of sticking with them. He and your DH think he'll "look weak" if he leaves but should that come at the cost of him being treated with the respect he deserves? Frame it not as him fleeing the team but turning them down and seeking out a team that will value him and treat him with respect. (I feel for you here especially. My DS is younger but is also the odd kid out who keeps trying to befriend kids who want nothing to do with him.)

As far as legal options, I think you're wise to consider whether it's worth it, both emotionally and financially. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I would. You have notified people who need to know and let everyone know this is something to take seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you friends with any other parents on the team? I'd probably start there, talk to them to see if maybe their kid said anything about it?

And I think I would tell the coach. My kid's coach would be horrified at this kind of behavior.

I'm sorry this happened to your kid. We've had similar issues with ours trying to keep up with the cool kids who aren't nice, and I've got a daughter.

Not really friends. We are all cordial.

I’m friendliest with these two moms who have a boy that’s always been the nicest to DS. I called them and they were pretty validating and spoke to their son and confirmed that he knew it was happening but wasn’t involved. They seem to be taking it seriously.

The host parents were outright dismissive and implied my son lied.

I’ve been able to get a response from a few others who mostly just respond with, “thanks for letting us know”. Not sure if they’ll address it with their kids.

I do want to know who came up with the idea and the dosage of the melatonin but I’m not sure I ever will.

Those people would be dead to me.
And no way should your kid do anything with these kids. Is this a big school where he could fund another friend group?

You may find out from the kids of the moms you're friendliest with of you wait a while to ask. Right now their kid may be worried about being labeled a snitch and deny knowing that info.

The school isn’t huge but he has friends at his school already. A group of about 6 dorky, sweet boys.

Only five other soccer teammates go to DS school, the hosts families kid does not.

Sorry 3rd reply

Tell your macho husband he absolutely needs to leave team and you need to tell soccer coach.(man here and I wrote 1st reply to you).
Provide emergency room documentation visit as proof to parents if they do not believe you.
They are most likely taking the denial route because they silently know the risks they face.
Now I would consider filing a police report to document this.

Anonymous wrote:Im surprised the urgent care didnt report it to the police. Did you tell them the truth?

Yes.

Anonymous wrote:OP—we need an update. What’s your thinking about next steps?

We’ve contacted all the parents and both coaches. We haven’t gotten a response from everyone.

Still deciding on whether or not DS will be leaving the team. I think it’s the best, but DH & DS said it will make it worse for DS. I do understand.

As far as pursuing this legally, I’m honestly not sure if we’re up to it. All really hard to prove at this point and we already have a parent who has refused to acknowledge it’s even a possibility.

Frankly, we are already stretched thin and can’t afford the lawyers a lot of these teammates can. Plus we really don’t know exactly who is involved and who is not. DS remembers very little.