Anonymous wrote:Maybe men do a ton, an equal share let’s say, but are simply less vocal about their contributions and, especially, their complaints. Women, biologically, are programmed to be more emotional. They’re more chatty. They initiate 70% of divorces and 90% if they’re college educated. They’re more flighty, and variant in temperament, and neurotic in general as has been reported by top scientists. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3149680/

So a woman might complain a lot about feeling the emotional burden of parenthood, and a career, but perhaps that’s just her subjective, emotion-based, rather than a fact-based, objective assessment of her situation, we’re outside observers able to quantify her particular case.

Anonymous wrote:You're not mad because they don't help more.

You're mad because they don't earn more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X says hold my beer.
Did I use that right? Probably not, I’m old. Anyway, we also definitely were sold the same bill of goods by guys who purported to be feminists who were looking for career women who would be equal partners yada yada. Fast forward 20 years and they still don’t know where to put away the colander or check the school schedule to find out which days the kids will be off, or know how to check the kids grades online.
From where I sit, you millennials aren’t doing somewhat better. Each generation is a slow grind towards progress.

Amen! Exactly.

When we had a two month old (who I stayed home with) my Gen X husband told our friends he wished he could stay at home with her so he could PLAY HIS ELECTRIC GUITAR ALL DAY. The fact that he had been a father of a newborn for two months living in a little rambler and still thought he would have been able to play his loud guitar a lot made me want to burn his guitar in the fireplace.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this as a woman who breastfed (for a while): If you do exclusive breastfeeding you are setting yourself up for a "Mom does everything" dynamic from the get-go.

This right here.

In terms of “what happened?” I’d argue a push to breastfeed is one of main drivers of inequality. The mom is the only one who can feed the baby and is in charge of feeding the baby. Meaning she takes on the emotional labor of when to feed.

I completely disagree. Y'all just married terrible husbands and come from dysfunctional families. OMG!

I EBF for 9 months and breastfed for 3 yrs. My DH was my rock who took care of most of the household chores for the longest time, arranged the outsourcing etc, on a very tight budget, so that I could breastfeed. I pumped one feed so that he could do the 4am feed in the morning and could sleep in. I am shocked to hear ho little DHs are helping. Yikes. Also I am a sahm. Only women disparage my choice. Not only the choice to be a sahm, but they are usually pissed that my DH helps at home a lot.

Anonymous wrote:I say this as a woman who breastfed (for a while): If you do exclusive breastfeeding you are setting yourself up for a "Mom does everything" dynamic from the get-go.

This right here.

In terms of “what happened?” I’d argue a push to breastfeed is one of main drivers of inequality. The mom is the only one who can feed the baby and is in charge of feeding the baby. Meaning she takes on the emotional labor of when to feed.

Anonymous wrote:Gen X says hold my beer.
Did I use that right? Probably not, I’m old. Anyway, we also definitely were sold the same bill of goods by guys who purported to be feminists who were looking for career women who would be equal partners yada yada. Fast forward 20 years and they still don’t know where to put away the colander or check the school schedule to find out which days the kids will be off, or know how to check the kids grades online.
From where I sit, you millennials aren’t doing somewhat better. Each generation is a slow grind towards progress.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is an equal partner. I've never downshifted my career.

Who raised the children? Daycares or nannies?

Anonymous wrote:You're not mad because they don't help more.

You're mad because they don't earn more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO It’s because people are specifically socialized *out of* traditional relationships and buy into utopic visions of egalitarianism. Then real life hits and nature reveals herself to be uncompromising, thus the gender roles revert to the old fashioned no-fun way that things have been for thousands of years.

What a steaming pile of nonsense. Take this crap back to 1955 where it belongs, fossil.

Anonymous wrote:IMO It’s because people are specifically socialized *out of* traditional relationships and buy into utopic visions of egalitarianism. Then real life hits and nature reveals herself to be uncompromising, thus the gender roles revert to the old fashioned no-fun way that things have been for thousands of years.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is an equal partner. I've never downshifted my career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this as a woman who breastfed (for a while): If you do exclusive breastfeeding you are setting yourself up for a "Mom does everything" dynamic from the get-go.

This right here.

In terms of “what happened?” I’d argue a push to breastfeed is one of main drivers of inequality. The mom is the only one who can feed the baby and is in charge of feeding the baby. Meaning she takes on the emotional labor of when to feed.

This is such BS. As Ive stated before, if you are nursing then Dad can do everything else. But most men don't - why? Its not because of breastfeeding.

I tried the "Dad does everything else" approach and changing diapers, cleaning pump parts etc. is simply NOT the same amount of physically taxing as breastfeeding, sorry. If you want a truly egalitarian partnership from the get-go you have to be flexible on feeding. Just my 2 cents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this as a woman who breastfed (for a while): If you do exclusive breastfeeding you are setting yourself up for a "Mom does everything" dynamic from the get-go.

This right here.

In terms of “what happened?” I’d argue a push to breastfeed is one of main drivers of inequality. The mom is the only one who can feed the baby and is in charge of feeding the baby. Meaning she takes on the emotional labor of when to feed.

This is such BS. As Ive stated before, if you are nursing then Dad can do everything else. But most men don't - why? Its not because of breastfeeding.

Anonymous wrote:This is a very privileged conversation. If this is the kind of thing that families with top flight professionals with HHI of $300k+ are going through, what the hell are the nannies, housekeepers, and contractors who work for these people experiencing in their own roles as mothers, fathers, and spouses?