Anonymous wrote:The real problem here, and what perpetuates the misery, is that the girls are so status-conscious. This is their own issue and their own insecurity. I was in a mid-tier sorority and didn’t for one minute care about the “popularity” of any of the houses. I wanted to go where I felt comfortable, where the girls were kind, and where I felt I could be myself. Accordingly, heartbreak didn’t ensue when “top” houses dropped me.

This is 100% true. +1
I have posted about my DD who is in a "mid" house and guess what? She has friends in the "top" houses and even in the top frats AND the low frats, and hey everyone gets along! How could that be? Because really the only people who care about this whole tier situation are rushees. Once they are in the house, they have to actually LIKE the people and that is nowhere near guaranteed at a "popular' house. Yes at some larger schools, the tiers do generally dictate the mixers, but again, most freshman guys are not going to get into the top frats, just like most freshman girls aren't going to get into the top sororities. When my DD was disappointed that her only options were mid and low tier houses, I reminded her that her best guy friends were rushing mid and low tier frats, so those are clearly the people she likes and gets along with. In her "mid" house, she mixes with hmmmm 15+ frats? Whereas the top tier exclusively mixes with 4 frats. Four. You tell me which would be more fun.

To the poster who said we have no sympathy for girls who have to drop out because they only have one option and they don't like it, I am sorry to hear that. And one of you has been posting consistently these last few posts about greek like about the "loser house" being the only one left. That sounds like entirely the wrong attitude for your DD and its clearly perpetuated by you. Just by calling that, you're making it so. Also, yeah sometimes it just doesn't work out the first time around, so they should rush again next year when they may have more of an idea what they want and where their friends are.

If your daughter grew up outside the south, she’ll probably be happy with any outcome. If she grew up in the south, she’s under much more peer pressure to get into certain houses. As adults, we know it shouldn’t matte, but we’re talking about 18 year olds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real problem here, and what perpetuates the misery, is that the girls are so status-conscious. This is their own issue and their own insecurity. I was in a mid-tier sorority and didn’t for one minute care about the “popularity” of any of the houses. I wanted to go where I felt comfortable, where the girls were kind, and where I felt I could be myself. Accordingly, heartbreak didn’t ensue when “top” houses dropped me.

Not for everyone. People have shared stories about being dropped everywhere but one - and before the week is over. Your affection for insulting the hurt girls is really something. Lots of girls would be happy with “mid tier” houses- but they only got the leftover one because the schools have to save the unpopular houses somehow.

Trust me, I have no affection for insulting anyone. I hate that anyone suffers. The point is - if people weren't so concerned about the coolness factor, there wouldn't be that one "reject" house. There would be a place for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:The real problem here, and what perpetuates the misery, is that the girls are so status-conscious. This is their own issue and their own insecurity. I was in a mid-tier sorority and didn’t for one minute care about the “popularity” of any of the houses. I wanted to go where I felt comfortable, where the girls were kind, and where I felt I could be myself. Accordingly, heartbreak didn’t ensue when “top” houses dropped me.

Not for everyone. People have shared stories about being dropped everywhere but one - and before the week is over. Your affection for insulting the hurt girls is really something. Lots of girls would be happy with “mid tier” houses- but they only got the leftover one because the schools have to save the unpopular houses somehow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

Rush and Greek life are completely optional. If it doesn’t make sense for your kid, they shouldn’t rush.

This is what I don't get. All of the pearl clutching and judgemental comments over a totally voluntary endeavor. Everyone knows the process and potential outcomes so do it or not, no one cares. If you don't get the result you want have some confidence and do something else. There are roughly 750,000 active members and 9 million alumni members involved in the Greek system in America so obviously it is a choice of many students and no one held a gun to their head forcing them to do it.

PP here. I should hasten to add that “cool” guys never appealed to me. I have always been drawn to nice. It has worked out very well for me and is what I want for all girls. “Cool” is dangerous.

The real problem here, and what perpetuates the misery, is that the girls are so status-conscious. This is their own issue and their own insecurity. I was in a mid-tier sorority and didn’t for one minute care about the “popularity” of any of the houses. I wanted to go where I felt comfortable, where the girls were kind, and where I felt I could be myself. Accordingly, heartbreak didn’t ensue when “top” houses dropped me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no reason why a grown woman would be so defensive of these organizations and the process unless she works for them.

Lots of sad moms and girls here and so little compassion from the defender, it tells me what I need to know.

Lol, I don’t work for them, but I was rush director of my sorority and just trying to clarify the rampant misinformation being spread here, particularly for op, who had genuine questions about how the process works.

I’m sorry your daughter was disappointed with the process. With my own children, I usually try to help them put their disappointments in perspective rather than adopting them as my own tragedies. You do you.

People having different experiences than you is not misinformation.

Actually rush is very uniform across schools, they might differ in size of rush and how that affects final numbers. Most sororities have a rep from the National office present during rush who makes sure a sorority is uniform in how it deals with rush across campuses.

Every school that has a formal rush will use the match process designed to get bids in hands of the most girls, and give every house the opportunity for a full pledge class. If the rules were different, some houses would get a lot more girls and some girls would get a lot more bids, but that is not the structure that was chosen.

Maybe my college was unique, but we had some houses that were much larger than others

and how long ago was this? They use new software nowadays and have done alot to try to ensure equity. My DD is at UVA and of the 15 sororities, 14 of them are roughly the same size. One is smaller because it doesn't do as well in rush. They try to keep them level as much as possible, by allowing the smaller houses the opportunity to add pledges during informal rush etc. They have a quota for each formal rush reason that is based on the total number of girls who finish the rush process. Its been in the 55 range these last couple of years. So no house can get significantly bigger than the others as they are all limited to that number. Yes some don't meet it, so those are smaller, but that's probably really only one house.

The reject house that PP claimed doesn't exist?

clearly there is always a house that is deemed "less popular" and is more of a catch all, for people who want to be in greek life but this was their only option. Yes it's typically smaller but the girls who are in it are still great (in most cases) and provide a good experience. Unfortunately just by virtue of being that house, it's less popular and as we have already established, girls are status conscious so they do not accept a bid there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

Rush and Greek life are completely optional. If it doesn’t make sense for your kid, they shouldn’t rush.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

and guess what? you still have the opportunity to do that once you accept a bid. Plenty of people do and find, hey I don't really mesh with these girls, we have not as much in common as I thought and it's not what I want, and they depledge. No harm no foul.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no reason why a grown woman would be so defensive of these organizations and the process unless she works for them.

Lots of sad moms and girls here and so little compassion from the defender, it tells me what I need to know.

Lol, I don’t work for them, but I was rush director of my sorority and just trying to clarify the rampant misinformation being spread here, particularly for op, who had genuine questions about how the process works.

I’m sorry your daughter was disappointed with the process. With my own children, I usually try to help them put their disappointments in perspective rather than adopting them as my own tragedies. You do you.

People having different experiences than you is not misinformation.

Actually rush is very uniform across schools, they might differ in size of rush and how that affects final numbers. Most sororities have a rep from the National office present during rush who makes sure a sorority is uniform in how it deals with rush across campuses.

Every school that has a formal rush will use the match process designed to get bids in hands of the most girls, and give every house the opportunity for a full pledge class. If the rules were different, some houses would get a lot more girls and some girls would get a lot more bids, but that is not the structure that was chosen.

Maybe my college was unique, but we had some houses that were much larger than others

and how long ago was this? They use new software nowadays and have done alot to try to ensure equity. My DD is at UVA and of the 15 sororities, 14 of them are roughly the same size. One is smaller because it doesn't do as well in rush. They try to keep them level as much as possible, by allowing the smaller houses the opportunity to add pledges during informal rush etc. They have a quota for each formal rush reason that is based on the total number of girls who finish the rush process. Its been in the 55 range these last couple of years. So no house can get significantly bigger than the others as they are all limited to that number. Yes some don't meet it, so those are smaller, but that's probably really only one house.

The reject house that PP claimed doesn't exist?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no reason why a grown woman would be so defensive of these organizations and the process unless she works for them.

Lots of sad moms and girls here and so little compassion from the defender, it tells me what I need to know.

Lol, I don’t work for them, but I was rush director of my sorority and just trying to clarify the rampant misinformation being spread here, particularly for op, who had genuine questions about how the process works.

I’m sorry your daughter was disappointed with the process. With my own children, I usually try to help them put their disappointments in perspective rather than adopting them as my own tragedies. You do you.

People having different experiences than you is not misinformation.

Actually rush is very uniform across schools, they might differ in size of rush and how that affects final numbers. Most sororities have a rep from the National office present during rush who makes sure a sorority is uniform in how it deals with rush across campuses.

Every school that has a formal rush will use the match process designed to get bids in hands of the most girls, and give every house the opportunity for a full pledge class. If the rules were different, some houses would get a lot more girls and some girls would get a lot more bids, but that is not the structure that was chosen.

Maybe my college was unique, but we had some houses that were much larger than others

No, some houses may wind up larger under the standard system is girls reject bids. The system guarantees each house gets to invite an equal number of girls, but can’t guarantee that girls accept those invites.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no reason why a grown woman would be so defensive of these organizations and the process unless she works for them.

Lots of sad moms and girls here and so little compassion from the defender, it tells me what I need to know.

Lol, I don’t work for them, but I was rush director of my sorority and just trying to clarify the rampant misinformation being spread here, particularly for op, who had genuine questions about how the process works.

I’m sorry your daughter was disappointed with the process. With my own children, I usually try to help them put their disappointments in perspective rather than adopting them as my own tragedies. You do you.

People having different experiences than you is not misinformation.

Actually rush is very uniform across schools, they might differ in size of rush and how that affects final numbers. Most sororities have a rep from the National office present during rush who makes sure a sorority is uniform in how it deals with rush across campuses.

Every school that has a formal rush will use the match process designed to get bids in hands of the most girls, and give every house the opportunity for a full pledge class. If the rules were different, some houses would get a lot more girls and some girls would get a lot more bids, but that is not the structure that was chosen.

Maybe my college was unique, but we had some houses that were much larger than others

and how long ago was this? They use new software nowadays and have done alot to try to ensure equity. My DD is at UVA and of the 15 sororities, 14 of them are roughly the same size. One is smaller because it doesn't do as well in rush. They try to keep them level as much as possible, by allowing the smaller houses the opportunity to add pledges during informal rush etc. They have a quota for each formal rush reason that is based on the total number of girls who finish the rush process. Its been in the 55 range these last couple of years. So no house can get significantly bigger than the others as they are all limited to that number. Yes some don't meet it, so those are smaller, but that's probably really only one house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no reason why a grown woman would be so defensive of these organizations and the process unless she works for them.

Lots of sad moms and girls here and so little compassion from the defender, it tells me what I need to know.

Lol, I don’t work for them, but I was rush director of my sorority and just trying to clarify the rampant misinformation being spread here, particularly for op, who had genuine questions about how the process works.

I’m sorry your daughter was disappointed with the process. With my own children, I usually try to help them put their disappointments in perspective rather than adopting them as my own tragedies. You do you.

People having different experiences than you is not misinformation.

Actually rush is very uniform across schools, they might differ in size of rush and how that affects final numbers. Most sororities have a rep from the National office present during rush who makes sure a sorority is uniform in how it deals with rush across campuses.

Every school that has a formal rush will use the match process designed to get bids in hands of the most girls, and give every house the opportunity for a full pledge class. If the rules were different, some houses would get a lot more girls and some girls would get a lot more bids, but that is not the structure that was chosen.

Maybe my college was unique, but we had some houses that were much larger than others

And some that wouldn’t grow without manipulating the process.