Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why going to dinner in a public place is any different than meeting him for coffee or whatever?

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Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I need to know he’s John Smith and not somebody else married. It can only be confirmed if he shared his actual phone number and name, which he didn’t. What’s unclear there?

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Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I need to know he’s John Smith and not somebody else married. It can only be confirmed if he shared his actual phone number and name, which he didn’t. What’s unclear there?

you have his name and phone number. you can pay to get the details of the phone number if you wish, use the free trial on any number of reverse phone search sites. your sleuthing skills seem to suck.

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Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I need to know he’s John Smith and not somebody else married. It can only be confirmed if he shared his actual phone number and name, which he didn’t. What’s unclear there?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

Why is it a romantic dinner? Nobody has the right to touch you and you don’t have to go back to their house because they took you out. You go for dinner at a restaurant, a public place. You have conversation, over dinner, so you get to know each other better.

I don’t go to restaurants with strangers, no thank you. I have other commitments and offered him to meet in the afternoon

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Anonymous wrote:Are you the same op as the video dates thread

Why would that matter? I do video dates sometimes, this guy said he wasn't comfortable with a video date. He was more attractive in real life than on photos. Btw I had a video date with someone else just recently who really liked me. He immediately offered his actual phone number, job place, position, connect on LinkedIn. Name matched the number and location on google, he is an involved dad. I liked that openness, and although he's not as tall/hot, he is more educated, has well established career and better mannered.

Men don't realize they also have a competition for female attention and we will drop out if they try to install privacy locks on everything about them online. We live in modern world: it's not like I expect everyone to twit or Facebook but something should come up about a person when you google IMHO.

This also comes from my experience in hospitality business; when you don't check an ID and someone's name doesn't match the phone number on google it ends up in 90% cases with credit card fraud.

I am not a stalker (god forbid never call men first, or text them first). But ultimate purpose of dating is to find a sexual and hopefully life partner, and I want that search to be transparent.

Well, you obviously feel that this information should be easily accessible to the public or that the man who is the subject of this thread should give it to you, and he hasn't. You have multiple men competing for your attention and giving you all of this information, including one who is more educated, better mannered, and has a well established career. Seems to me like you should just forget about this man who you find suspicious and focus on all the better, un-shady ones calling and texting you.

OP here. He offered to meet for dinner yesterday. I woke up and there was no response from him to my text suggesting to spend an afternoon together over this long weekend for drinks and learn more about each other. Seems like a player to me, not really interested in learning more beside meeting in intimate settings while using his burner number. I moved on to schedule the LinkedIn IT guy to spend my afternoon with. I do try my online dating experience to be maximum approaching meeting someone via friends or colleagues. It just gives me a sense of trust.

Thanks everyone.

I wouldn't say he sounds like a player.
I would say good luck with IT guy, but you'll find a reason to red flag him too

He did respond that it’s a great idea to spend an afternoon, but it took him over 24 hrs to respond to my text. He’s probably not that interested and dating many women as he’s objectively tall and handsome. Regardless, I am not wasting my time on secretive guys who use burner phones, and take too long to come up with alternate date ideas. Life is too short to allow in it total strangers who only need one thing from me

You aren't a couple so 24 to 48 hours is a reasonable response time

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Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

NP and she does not seem like a nut. People are taking OP literally about knowing the guy first, but she just means knowing he’s who he says he is. Most people can be googled for basic name, address, possibly job. I gave zero internet presence but you can find my name and where I live.

This is about safety and not inadvertently saying a married man. It’s common sense.

I started dating before the internet, when men approached women in person, and women agreed to dates without verifying the man's name, address, and employment history. You judged a man by the way he talked to you and behaved, and yes by his appearance, grooming, and other clues. If anything was creepy or unattractive then you stopped seeing him.

(shrug) Yes I'm old, but this idea that "basic safety" requires two forms of ID and a copy of his credit report just seems crazy to me.

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Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

NP and she does not seem like a nut. People are taking OP literally about knowing the guy first, but she just means knowing he’s who he says he is. Most people can be googled for basic name, address, possibly job. I gave zero internet presence but you can find my name and where I live.

This is about safety and not inadvertently saying a married man. It’s common sense.

Sockpuppeting makes you seem nuttier

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

NP and she does not seem like a nut. People are taking OP literally about knowing the guy first, but she just means knowing he’s who he says he is. Most people can be googled for basic name, address, possibly job. I gave zero internet presence but you can find my name and where I live.

This is about safety and not inadvertently saying a married man. It’s common sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

Why is it a romantic dinner? Nobody has the right to touch you and you don’t have to go back to their house because they took you out. You go for dinner at a restaurant, a public place. You have conversation, over dinner, so you get to know each other better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

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Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

Said by someone "wasting time" on social media

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Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

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Anonymous wrote:OP I am on page 1. I get it. I took time to erase my online presence as much as possible a while back, because I don’t want nosy people looking me up. I use my last name initial for my LinkedIn. I use a completely different name for FB and my instagram has a third one (and fb and insta aren’t connected).
I have a common foreign name (think along the lines of Patel Kumar or Jose Martinez)
I am not dangerous just super insignificant and I like it that way.

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