Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the feedback. I am the OP. I think the answer that resonated with me the most is that if you treat kids as “smart,” they also see themselves as smarter and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I think this is true. Since my son got in, he already feels more confident in himself. Its like when someone tells you that you are attractive, you suddenly believe it more and it shows in your confidence. Also, being pushed to think to your potential is a good thing instead of sailing through (which is what he was doing.)

BTW, we live in a high income area, so even gen ed has been great. I do understand that there is way more distinction in lower SES areas.

I see that backfiring later on because kids get frustrated if they don't get something right away "because they are smart." I try to instill a work ethic in my kids vs. just calling them smart.

Not sure about that. There are far more kids with ADHD diagnoses in UMC areas. In the last decade alone according to the article I read in the NYT the number has even risen 300% in UMC schools. Further, low-income schools often have smaller class sizes.

A diagnosis costs money. The same correlation exists with most mental health issues too. The same ADHD behavior in a poor black or hispanic kids is called a discipline problem and dealt with accordingly

This. Schools do their best to avoid paying for testing, because it is expensive. Schools are more likely to test a kid whose parents are pushing for testing, but those parents need to know to ask for testing and parents who recognize the signs of possible ADHD or mental illness are better off. If the school won't pay for the testing and the parents think it is important, they can pay for the testing.

Lower income families are less likely to understand that certain types of behavior are associated with ADHD or ASD or mental illness and are more likely to accept that their kid is being punished for bad behavior. Lower income families tend not to have the educational experience or background to know the medical causes for some behavior issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the feedback. I am the OP. I think the answer that resonated with me the most is that if you treat kids as “smart,” they also see themselves as smarter and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I think this is true. Since my son got in, he already feels more confident in himself. Its like when someone tells you that you are attractive, you suddenly believe it more and it shows in your confidence. Also, being pushed to think to your potential is a good thing instead of sailing through (which is what he was doing.)

BTW, we live in a high income area, so even gen ed has been great. I do understand that there is way more distinction in lower SES areas.

I see that backfiring later on because kids get frustrated if they don't get something right away "because they are smart." I try to instill a work ethic in my kids vs. just calling them smart.

Not sure about that. There are far more kids with ADHD diagnoses in UMC areas. In the last decade alone according to the article I read in the NYT the number has even risen 300% in UMC schools. Further, low-income schools often have smaller class sizes.

A diagnosis costs money. The same correlation exists with most mental health issues too. The same ADHD behavior in a poor black or hispanic kids is called a discipline problem and dealt with accordingly

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To make wealthy white praents feel good about their kids.

Yes - this. They relive through the kids. School, friends, afterschool sports, etc. They are shitty micromanagers of their kids lives!
No AAP means they cry every night in embarrassment and shame while hugging their pillow.

Wow. You are a very bitter person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the feedback. I am the OP. I think the answer that resonated with me the most is that if you treat kids as “smart,” they also see themselves as smarter and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I think this is true. Since my son got in, he already feels more confident in himself. Its like when someone tells you that you are attractive, you suddenly believe it more and it shows in your confidence. Also, being pushed to think to your potential is a good thing instead of sailing through (which is what he was doing.)

BTW, we live in a high income area, so even gen ed has been great. I do understand that there is way more distinction in lower SES areas.

I see that backfiring later on because kids get frustrated if they don't get something right away "because they are smart." I try to instill a work ethic in my kids vs. just calling them smart.

Not sure about that. There are far more kids with ADHD diagnoses in UMC areas. In the last decade alone according to the article I read in the NYT the number has even risen 300% in UMC schools. Further, low-income schools often have smaller class sizes.

300% in UMC.... because diagnosis is better in that timeframe? Because UMC households likely have money and access to diagnosing issues, which then helps get additional resources? Because covid was a tough time for kids at home? Because parents may also recognize that they had undiagnosed ADHD and now know there is a way to help their kids? Your use of that stat in response to the backfiring is quite awkward at minimum.

It's ok to tell your kids they are smart, but celebrate the effort and don't expect perfection. We tell our kids that Tom Brady may be one of the best quarterbacks, but it's not just innate talent. He works at it. A concert pianist isn't just natually talented. They practice. Their favorite author didn't just write the book in one shot. They likely wrote many pieces before their break and/or had a greater editor. The artist studied their craft, etc, etc. Be open to feedback and don't give up. We need to make sure kids are resilient.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the feedback. I am the OP. I think the answer that resonated with me the most is that if you treat kids as “smart,” they also see themselves as smarter and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I think this is true. Since my son got in, he already feels more confident in himself. Its like when someone tells you that you are attractive, you suddenly believe it more and it shows in your confidence. Also, being pushed to think to your potential is a good thing instead of sailing through (which is what he was doing.)

BTW, we live in a high income area, so even gen ed has been great. I do understand that there is way more distinction in lower SES areas.

I see that backfiring later on because kids get frustrated if they don't get something right away "because they are smart." I try to instill a work ethic in my kids vs. just calling them smart.

Not sure about that. There are far more kids with ADHD diagnoses in UMC areas. In the last decade alone according to the article I read in the NYT the number has even risen 300% in UMC schools. Further, low-income schools often have smaller class sizes.

link?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the feedback. I am the OP. I think the answer that resonated with me the most is that if you treat kids as “smart,” they also see themselves as smarter and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I think this is true. Since my son got in, he already feels more confident in himself. Its like when someone tells you that you are attractive, you suddenly believe it more and it shows in your confidence. Also, being pushed to think to your potential is a good thing instead of sailing through (which is what he was doing.)

BTW, we live in a high income area, so even gen ed has been great. I do understand that there is way more distinction in lower SES areas.

I see that backfiring later on because kids get frustrated if they don't get something right away "because they are smart." I try to instill a work ethic in my kids vs. just calling them smart.

Not sure about that. There are far more kids with ADHD diagnoses in UMC areas. In the last decade alone according to the article I read in the NYT the number has even risen 300% in UMC schools. Further, low-income schools often have smaller class sizes.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the feedback. I am the OP. I think the answer that resonated with me the most is that if you treat kids as “smart,” they also see themselves as smarter and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I think this is true. Since my son got in, he already feels more confident in himself. Its like when someone tells you that you are attractive, you suddenly believe it more and it shows in your confidence. Also, being pushed to think to your potential is a good thing instead of sailing through (which is what he was doing.)

BTW, we live in a high income area, so even gen ed has been great. I do understand that there is way more distinction in lower SES areas.

I see that backfiring later on because kids get frustrated if they don't get something right away "because they are smart." I try to instill a work ethic in my kids vs. just calling them smart.