Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is completely ignoring the fact that her brother has been living with their mother and presumably assisting her way more than OP is, and the burden will only get bigger as she ages. OP should be grateful for that, and recognize that it might come at a price.

This.

a 4 million dollar price? No

^ obviously your situation is an outliner

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s none of your business how she divides things. You should be grateful and appreciative for whatever you get. [/quote]


Check the research and expert advice on this. It's really, really poor parenting that continues from the grave and leads to life long rifts. Parents can do whatever they want and their adult children are allowed to to be hurt. Your response is rude and shows ignorance to the dynamics. Nobody is owed anything.

This of it this way. You have young siblings playing nicely. They you take out a huge cookie and you give one most of the cookie and the other a small piece. Sure it's nice to get any cookie, but you have taken harmony and created extreme dysfunction.[/quote]

This. Parents who do this will create rifts that never go away. It's such a bad idea. My spouse and I had to think hard about this as we have a kid with disabilities. We allocated a little more for a few specifics but for the most part, the money is split evenly.[/quote]

Honestly it’s kind of cute that you think that your non disabled kids will be ok with the money being split “for the most part…evenly”. It’s nice to think but it’s not reality. They will be bitter and resentful that more of your time and attention and funds went to their disabled sibling. [/quote]

Wow, PP, just wow. I am from a family of five kids and one of our older siblings had a developmental disability and remained at home for nearly her entire life. None of us were bitter or resentful about the situation. They were generous with the limited resources they had available and raised us to be community-minded and grateful.

Your comment is sad. I hope your worldview is not permanently skewed that way.[/quote]
+1

My mother is one of three and one has a developmental disability. They all know that the disabled sibling will inherit an unequal portion and do not care. I can’t imagine having grown up to be married and had kids of your own and a full independent life and then begrudging a sibling who can’t take care of themselves an unequal amount of money. It’s so petty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this what people who can't make something of themselves obsess over? No one deserves their parents money because it's their parents money! I don't care if my mother gives everything she has to her church, an animal shelter, my siblings, or decides to burn it in a giant bonfire. I do my best to support and care for her because she raised me, not because of how she chooses to give away her money after she dies. It's pitiful to me that so many of you are obsessed over receiving money that you never earned.

It's not about the money, as has been said over and over and over in this thread. My parent gave something precious to someone outside the family when they dissolved the household rather than leave it to my sibling, who had expressed an interest in it for their entire life. That piece had no sentimental value to this outside person and it was a bizarre choice. Now my sibling has to accept that they will never, ever have this item that they loved but some outsider who doesn't love it will. Our mother is cruel, and used whatever she had at her disposal to inflict pain on us. If you don't have a parent like that, count yourself as lucky. The piece was only worth a few thousand dollars, but to my mother it gave her so much power. Sick.

This is just so sad. I have strong emotions about certain folks, but I always try to act with kindness when big decisions are involved even when I know they will not extend the same to me.

Anonymous wrote:Is this what people who can't make something of themselves obsess over? No one deserves their parents money because it's their parents money! I don't care if my mother gives everything she has to her church, an animal shelter, my siblings, or decides to burn it in a giant bonfire. I do my best to support and care for her because she raised me, not because of how she chooses to give away her money after she dies. It's pitiful to me that so many of you are obsessed over receiving money that you never earned.

It's not about the money, as has been said over and over and over in this thread. My parent gave something precious to someone outside the family when they dissolved the household rather than leave it to my sibling, who had expressed an interest in it for their entire life. That piece had no sentimental value to this outside person and it was a bizarre choice. Now my sibling has to accept that they will never, ever have this item that they loved but some outsider who doesn't love it will. Our mother is cruel, and used whatever she had at her disposal to inflict pain on us. If you don't have a parent like that, count yourself as lucky. The piece was only worth a few thousand dollars, but to my mother it gave her so much power. Sick.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your brothers two kids lived with him and your mom since the divorce since they were 9 and 10. So your brother was a stay at home parent? Of course your mom is going to feel closer to them. How often do you visit or help out?

+1

The kids lived with their mom until they could make the decision not too, when they were later teens. Dad had no rules and their mom did.

It doesn't matter who she feels closer to. Parents need to be fair.

Fair is different than equal. The brother lives with the mother, he deserves more. This is fair.

p.s.: No, I don’t live with mine.

What a dream situation -- to be a single parent and just get to raise your kids without worrying about putting a roof over their heads or clothing them or feeding them, because someone else is doing it all for them. Well of course the grandmother is close to them with a situation like that!! Seems like the brother got a good deal. He deserves his share and no more.

Anonymous wrote:OP is completely ignoring the fact that her brother has been living with their mother and presumably assisting her way more than OP is, and the burden will only get bigger as she ages. OP should be grateful for that, and recognize that it might come at a price.

Bullshit! I've been there

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your brothers two kids lived with him and your mom since the divorce since they were 9 and 10. So your brother was a stay at home parent? Of course your mom is going to feel closer to them. How often do you visit or help out?

+1

The kids lived with their mom until they could make the decision not too, when they were later teens. Dad had no rules and their mom did.

It doesn't matter who she feels closer to. Parents need to be fair.

Fair is different than equal. The brother lives with the mother, he deserves more. This is fair.

p.s.: No, I don’t live with mine.

This would be true only if the brother was actually helpful to the mother and took care of her. It sounds like that is not what is happening and he is just mooching off of her.

Is this what people who can't make something of themselves obsess over? No one deserves their parents money because it's their parents money! I don't care if my mother gives everything she has to her church, an animal shelter, my siblings, or decides to burn it in a giant bonfire. I do my best to support and care for her because she raised me, not because of how she chooses to give away her money after she dies. It's pitiful to me that so many of you are obsessed over receiving money that you never earned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your brothers two kids lived with him and your mom since the divorce since they were 9 and 10. So your brother was a stay at home parent? Of course your mom is going to feel closer to them. How often do you visit or help out?

+1

The kids lived with their mom until they could make the decision not too, when they were later teens. Dad had no rules and their mom did.

It doesn't matter who she feels closer to. Parents need to be fair.

Fair is different than equal. The brother lives with the mother, he deserves more. This is fair.

p.s.: No, I don’t live with mine.

Why does he deserve more? I deserve more since he gets free groceries, pays no rent or utilities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your brothers two kids lived with him and your mom since the divorce since they were 9 and 10. So your brother was a stay at home parent? Of course your mom is going to feel closer to them. How often do you visit or help out?

+1

The kids lived with their mom until they could make the decision not too, when they were later teens. Dad had no rules and their mom did.

It doesn't matter who she feels closer to. Parents need to be fair.

Fair is different than equal. The brother lives with the mother, he deserves more. This is fair.

p.s.: No, I don’t live with mine.

Why is that fair? Her brother is getting rent and utilities for free. That adds up to quite a bit over the years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your brothers two kids lived with him and your mom since the divorce since they were 9 and 10. So your brother was a stay at home parent? Of course your mom is going to feel closer to them. How often do you visit or help out?

+1

The kids lived with their mom until they could make the decision not too, when they were later teens. Dad had no rules and their mom did.

It doesn't matter who she feels closer to. Parents need to be fair.

Fair is different than equal. The brother lives with the mother, he deserves more. This is fair.

p.s.: No, I don’t live with mine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your brothers two kids lived with him and your mom since the divorce since they were 9 and 10. So your brother was a stay at home parent? Of course your mom is going to feel closer to them. How often do you visit or help out?

+1

The kids lived with their mom until they could make the decision not too, when they were later teens. Dad had no rules and their mom did.

It doesn't matter who she feels closer to. Parents need to be fair.

Somewhat similar situation. We host a party for my parents and it is one brother and I who pay, though we sign 3 names. We have both told parents to give $ to the other sib. Seems crazy when we have more money than my parents to expect money from them. Personally, I advocate for them to spend ALL their money, but, so am sure they will leave some to the prodigal child and I can see why. They don’t want him to struggle in retirement. He does however work and currently lives in his own home ( though parents have him the down payment).

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s none of your business how she divides things. You should be grateful and appreciative for whatever you get. [/quote]


Check the research and expert advice on this. It's really, really poor parenting that continues from the grave and leads to life long rifts. Parents can do whatever they want and their adult children are allowed to to be hurt. Your response is rude and shows ignorance to the dynamics. Nobody is owed anything.

This of it this way. You have young siblings playing nicely. They you take out a huge cookie and you give one most of the cookie and the other a small piece. Sure it's nice to get any cookie, but you have taken harmony and created extreme dysfunction.[/quote]

This. Parents who do this will create rifts that never go away. It's such a bad idea. My spouse and I had to think hard about this as we have a kid with disabilities. We allocated a little more for a few specifics but for the most part, the money is split evenly.[/quote]

Honestly it’s kind of cute that you think that your non disabled kids will be ok with the money being split “for the most part…evenly”. It’s nice to think but it’s not reality. They will be bitter and resentful that more of your time and attention and funds went to their disabled sibling. [/quote]

I'm that poster and the non disabled kid knows. Until you live it, you have no clue. Your ignorance isn't helpful.