Anonymous
11/28/2021 07:27
Subject: Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
I posted upthread.
She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:
1. My nephew kept calling her my name the first two days.
2. When she complained that my nephew was trying to touch her with sticky hands, my SIL took him to another room.
3. She didn’t have her hairspray.
4. On Thanksgiving, we only took one photo of the 4 of us. She felt the photo was unflattering and when her relatives posted online she “didn’t have anything to post.”
5. I am a nanny and gave my SIL some outgrown winter gear from my nanny kids for my nephew. My mom has local friends with kids his age and tried to get me to promise to give the clothes to them instead. I said that I would not have time to drive from Alexandria to Rockville to meet up with her friend.
6. We planned to do a Christmas gift exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Mom asked me the night before whether we would be taking pictures of that. I said that yes, we would for sure be taking photos to send to brother and she might be in some of them, but we wouldn’t post online without her approval. She took this to mean that she should wake up early to do her hair an makeup and was upset that nephew ended up being awake half the night then sleeping in late-ish. She accused SIL and I of coordinating this and not telling her.
7. We did photos with Santa and she wanted to buy everyone dinner after. When we got to the restaurant I said that I felt uncomfortable dining indoors unmasked but was happy to just sit with them and entertain nephew.
8. Same mall outing, she was upset that we said we would keep walking and meet up with her in a few minutes rather than bring nephew (who tbh is a real handful) into Pottery Barn.
In general she has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on situations that might be unpleasant as if they are a disaster to be avoided at all costs. For example, we went to the mall where there is a little train kids can ride on and she spent two days before seeking reassurance that she could choose for herself to ride or not ride. We do not have a history of forcing her to do things.
Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.
She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.
Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.
She flew in on Monday and here are things she has cried about during her visit:
1. My nephew kept calling her my name the first two days.
2. When she complained that my nephew was trying to touch her with sticky hands, my SIL took him to another room.
3. She didn’t have her hairspray.
4. On Thanksgiving, we only took one photo of the 4 of us. She felt the photo was unflattering and when her relatives posted online she “didn’t have anything to post.”
5. I am a nanny and gave my SIL some outgrown winter gear from my nanny kids for my nephew. My mom has local friends with kids his age and tried to get me to promise to give the clothes to them instead. I said that I would not have time to drive from Alexandria to Rockville to meet up with her friend.
6. We planned to do a Christmas gift exchange the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Mom asked me the night before whether we would be taking pictures of that. I said that yes, we would for sure be taking photos to send to brother and she might be in some of them, but we wouldn’t post online without her approval. She took this to mean that she should wake up early to do her hair an makeup and was upset that nephew ended up being awake half the night then sleeping in late-ish. She accused SIL and I of coordinating this and not telling her.
7. We did photos with Santa and she wanted to buy everyone dinner after. When we got to the restaurant I said that I felt uncomfortable dining indoors unmasked but was happy to just sit with them and entertain nephew.
8. Same mall outing, she was upset that we said we would keep walking and meet up with her in a few minutes rather than bring nephew (who tbh is a real handful) into Pottery Barn.
In general she has a lot of anxiety and tends to fixate on situations that might be unpleasant as if they are a disaster to be avoided at all costs. For example, we went to the mall where there is a little train kids can ride on and she spent two days before seeking reassurance that she could choose for herself to ride or not ride. We do not have a history of forcing her to do things.
Also SIL and nephew and I all LOVE sushi so we usually order sushi when she visits me and nephew remembers and asked about it on day 1. My mom hates sushi and has mentioned at least twice a day every day that she does not like sushi and does not want to order sushi and please don’t make her eat sushi. We have never tried to get her to eat sushi.
She has a lot of food issues in general and wants to make sure that everyone is eating the same thing she wants to eat so that we are all agreeing that her food preferences are normal. She was personally offended that I ordered a kale salad to go along with Thanksgiving dinner and literally complained for 5 minutes, including retching noises. She also feels that only thin people deserve dessert but has a major sweet tooth so it’s a careful balancing act where if she wants to eat something sweet she has to first convince someone else to eat that thing so she can have slightly less than they had. But if I (her fat daughter) have a big dessert then that is also upsetting. I have to eat more than her but only by a little. We did this dance for every slice of pie all weekend.
Whew. It feels good just to type it all up.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 21:50
Subject: Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
We live overseas but celebrate Thanksgiving every year (on the Saturday after) and invite different friends / family to join. This year, DH called his cousin and invited him plus his wife and kids. DH’s cousin said she they would love to come. DH told his cousin the date over the phone, he said he would send through more details on time etc.
Come to find out DH didn’t send his cousin anything in writing until a few days before Thanksgiving, and he didn’t hear anything back.
Found out through MIL / DH’s uncle / cousin’s dad that DH’s cousin and family went out of town to visit his wife’s family so wouldn’t be coming. DH finally got a hold of him on the phone and was rude and passive aggressive about them bailing, cousin pointed out he never sent anything through so he forgot about it.
I’m annoyed at both DH and his cousin because I know this situation would not have happened between two women.
Come to find out DH didn’t send his cousin anything in writing until a few days before Thanksgiving, and he didn’t hear anything back.
Found out through MIL / DH’s uncle / cousin’s dad that DH’s cousin and family went out of town to visit his wife’s family so wouldn’t be coming. DH finally got a hold of him on the phone and was rude and passive aggressive about them bailing, cousin pointed out he never sent anything through so he forgot about it.
I’m annoyed at both DH and his cousin because I know this situation would not have happened between two women.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 10:52
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
We hosted. SIL is big on healthy food and complained this holiday was all about meat. So, I made portobello wellingtons for a main course and lentil and pomegranate and sweet potato and Brussels sprout side dishes. Dessert was oranges with coconut and pomegranate seeds.
Anyway, SIL pulled the portobellos out of the Wellingtons and announced she’d just eat those because the rest was too rich for her. We all had the casing and the puréed duxelles. I felt furious and her husband said later he was so embarrassed. She made beef Wellington a couple years ago but now she can’t be polite and eat a small portion?
My SIL talks big about healthy food but is a size 12. It’s more like she expects everyone else to make her healthy. I just don’t get it.
THEN today, we got a text from SIL’s brother who we are friends with but haven’t seen in forever because he lives in CA, saying that he’s sorry to hear our daughter is autistic. Our daughter isn’t autistic or special needs in any way. (On the other hand, SIL’s middle son is schizophrenic.) Why would SIL go around spreading likes about a child???
You are making a huge leap that SIL said that. Text the brother back: “Can you say more about Larla being autistic? What makes you say that?” If he says, “Buffy told me,” then yes, go after her and call her out: “Why would you tell Bill that Larla is autistic?”
Do not let this go.
DH had already called him to discuss. It was SIL who told him. SIL is a known gossip. DH discussed it with his brother, who already knew what his wife said but said SIL will never apologize.
Don’t expose your children to this woman. Your dh and his brother can see each other without the rest of the family.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 10:47
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
We hosted. SIL is big on healthy food and complained this holiday was all about meat. So, I made portobello wellingtons for a main course and lentil and pomegranate and sweet potato and Brussels sprout side dishes. Dessert was oranges with coconut and pomegranate seeds.
Anyway, SIL pulled the portobellos out of the Wellingtons and announced she’d just eat those because the rest was too rich for her. We all had the casing and the puréed duxelles. I felt furious and her husband said later he was so embarrassed. She made beef Wellington a couple years ago but now she can’t be polite and eat a small portion?
My SIL talks big about healthy food but is a size 12. It’s more like she expects everyone else to make her healthy. I just don’t get it.
THEN today, we got a text from SIL’s brother who we are friends with but haven’t seen in forever because he lives in CA, saying that he’s sorry to hear our daughter is autistic. Our daughter isn’t autistic or special needs in any way. (On the other hand, SIL’s middle son is schizophrenic.) Why would SIL go around spreading likes about a child???
You are making a huge leap that SIL said that. Text the brother back: “Can you say more about Larla being autistic? What makes you say that?” If he says, “Buffy told me,” then yes, go after her and call her out: “Why would you tell Bill that Larla is autistic?”
Do not let this go.
DH had already called him to discuss. It was SIL who told him. SIL is a known gossip. DH discussed it with his brother, who already knew what his wife said but said SIL will never apologize.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 08:27
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:
We hosted. SIL is big on healthy food and complained this holiday was all about meat. So, I made portobello wellingtons for a main course and lentil and pomegranate and sweet potato and Brussels sprout side dishes. Dessert was oranges with coconut and pomegranate seeds.
Anyway, SIL pulled the portobellos out of the Wellingtons and announced she’d just eat those because the rest was too rich for her. We all had the casing and the puréed duxelles. I felt furious and her husband said later he was so embarrassed. She made beef Wellington a couple years ago but now she can’t be polite and eat a small portion?
My SIL talks big about healthy food but is a size 12. It’s more like she expects everyone else to make her healthy. I just don’t get it.
THEN today, we got a text from SIL’s brother who we are friends with but haven’t seen in forever because he lives in CA, saying that he’s sorry to hear our daughter is autistic. Our daughter isn’t autistic or special needs in any way. (On the other hand, SIL’s middle son is schizophrenic.) Why would SIL go around spreading likes about a child???
This is obnoxious and judgey.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 08:18
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
We hosted. SIL is big on healthy food and complained this holiday was all about meat. So, I made portobello wellingtons for a main course and lentil and pomegranate and sweet potato and Brussels sprout side dishes. Dessert was oranges with coconut and pomegranate seeds.
Anyway, SIL pulled the portobellos out of the Wellingtons and announced she’d just eat those because the rest was too rich for her. We all had the casing and the puréed duxelles. I felt furious and her husband said later he was so embarrassed. She made beef Wellington a couple years ago but now she can’t be polite and eat a small portion?
My SIL talks big about healthy food but is a size 12. It’s more like she expects everyone else to make her healthy. I just don’t get it.
THEN today, we got a text from SIL’s brother who we are friends with but haven’t seen in forever because he lives in CA, saying that he’s sorry to hear our daughter is autistic. Our daughter isn’t autistic or special needs in any way. (On the other hand, SIL’s middle son is schizophrenic.) Why would SIL go around spreading likes about a child???
PP does not sound awful. She was just providing the facts of the situation. You are projecting.
She sounds really awful, but so do you — acting as if her being a size 12 and having a schizophrenic son are her dirty secrets that make you superior. Why don’t you stop having Thanksgiving with her, when you obviously don’t like each other?
Anonymous
11/27/2021 08:14
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:
We hosted. SIL is big on healthy food and complained this holiday was all about meat. So, I made portobello wellingtons for a main course and lentil and pomegranate and sweet potato and Brussels sprout side dishes. Dessert was oranges with coconut and pomegranate seeds.
Anyway, SIL pulled the portobellos out of the Wellingtons and announced she’d just eat those because the rest was too rich for her. We all had the casing and the puréed duxelles. I felt furious and her husband said later he was so embarrassed. She made beef Wellington a couple years ago but now she can’t be polite and eat a small portion?
My SIL talks big about healthy food but is a size 12. It’s more like she expects everyone else to make her healthy. I just don’t get it.
THEN today, we got a text from SIL’s brother who we are friends with but haven’t seen in forever because he lives in CA, saying that he’s sorry to hear our daughter is autistic. Our daughter isn’t autistic or special needs in any way. (On the other hand, SIL’s middle son is schizophrenic.) Why would SIL go around spreading likes about a child???
You are making a huge leap that SIL said that. Text the brother back: “Can you say more about Larla being autistic? What makes you say that?” If he says, “Buffy told me,” then yes, go after her and call her out: “Why would you tell Bill that Larla is autistic?”
Do not let this go.
Anonymous
11/27/2021 08:04
Subject: Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I realized that my brother and SIL cut me off from seeing their social media. Everyone kept asking about their vacation and other things that they had posted pics of on Instagram but I had not seen any posts or stories. I said I must have missed seeing the pics and a younger cousin said that stories disappear after 24 hours. I already knew this and saw my brother looking very uncomfortable. I asked my husband privately if he had seen anything from them recently and he had not. I don’t know why they would hide their pictures from us, but it was very hurtful to realize that is what they did.
Are you—or they—anti-vaxxer, Fox News types, etc.?
No, we are all vaccinated, boosted, careful but traveling. Agree politically on most things.
Then they just don’t like you. Move on.
Anonymous
11/26/2021 15:30
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
We hosted. SIL is big on healthy food and complained this holiday was all about meat. So, I made portobello wellingtons for a main course and lentil and pomegranate and sweet potato and Brussels sprout side dishes. Dessert was oranges with coconut and pomegranate seeds.
Anyway, SIL pulled the portobellos out of the Wellingtons and announced she’d just eat those because the rest was too rich for her. We all had the casing and the puréed duxelles. I felt furious and her husband said later he was so embarrassed. She made beef Wellington a couple years ago but now she can’t be polite and eat a small portion?
My SIL talks big about healthy food but is a size 12. It’s more like she expects everyone else to make her healthy. I just don’t get it.
THEN today, we got a text from SIL’s brother who we are friends with but haven’t seen in forever because he lives in CA, saying that he’s sorry to hear our daughter is autistic. Our daughter isn’t autistic or special needs in any way. (On the other hand, SIL’s middle son is schizophrenic.) Why would SIL go around spreading likes about a child???
She sounds really awful, but so do you — acting as if her being a size 12 and having a schizophrenic son are her dirty secrets that make you superior. Why don’t you stop having Thanksgiving with her, when you obviously don’t like each other?
Our husbands are brothers and they are very close.
I don’t think I’m superior because she’s a size 12. I’m actually a 14 but I don’t put up a fuss about what people serve me when I’m a guest. I didn’t when I had an eating disorder and wore a size 2.
I definitely don’t think I’m superior because her son is schizophrenic - but I am surprised that with her background she would use something like autism to spread a harmful rumor.
I don’t appreciate you calling me awful, PP. Not nice.
Anonymous
11/26/2021 15:21
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:
We hosted. SIL is big on healthy food and complained this holiday was all about meat. So, I made portobello wellingtons for a main course and lentil and pomegranate and sweet potato and Brussels sprout side dishes. Dessert was oranges with coconut and pomegranate seeds.
Anyway, SIL pulled the portobellos out of the Wellingtons and announced she’d just eat those because the rest was too rich for her. We all had the casing and the puréed duxelles. I felt furious and her husband said later he was so embarrassed. She made beef Wellington a couple years ago but now she can’t be polite and eat a small portion?
My SIL talks big about healthy food but is a size 12. It’s more like she expects everyone else to make her healthy. I just don’t get it.
THEN today, we got a text from SIL’s brother who we are friends with but haven’t seen in forever because he lives in CA, saying that he’s sorry to hear our daughter is autistic. Our daughter isn’t autistic or special needs in any way. (On the other hand, SIL’s middle son is schizophrenic.) Why would SIL go around spreading likes about a child???
She sounds really awful, but so do you — acting as if her being a size 12 and having a schizophrenic son are her dirty secrets that make you superior. Why don’t you stop having Thanksgiving with her, when you obviously don’t like each other?
Anonymous
11/26/2021 15:16
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We still need to know where Aunt Carol was going. Why did she blow you off this year?
And also, did she take her jello dessert wherever she went? I hope she had a really nice Thanksgiving.
Because she got married to some old guy, and she did take her jello to her new in-laws, and she did have a nice Thanksgiving but I still wish she was with us.
I bet he married her for the jello. Go get it, Aunt Carol.
Anonymous
11/26/2021 15:13
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
We hosted. SIL is big on healthy food and complained this holiday was all about meat. So, I made portobello wellingtons for a main course and lentil and pomegranate and sweet potato and Brussels sprout side dishes. Dessert was oranges with coconut and pomegranate seeds.
Anyway, SIL pulled the portobellos out of the Wellingtons and announced she’d just eat those because the rest was too rich for her. We all had the casing and the puréed duxelles. I felt furious and her husband said later he was so embarrassed. She made beef Wellington a couple years ago but now she can’t be polite and eat a small portion?
My SIL talks big about healthy food but is a size 12. It’s more like she expects everyone else to make her healthy. I just don’t get it.
THEN today, we got a text from SIL’s brother who we are friends with but haven’t seen in forever because he lives in CA, saying that he’s sorry to hear our daughter is autistic. Our daughter isn’t autistic or special needs in any way. (On the other hand, SIL’s middle son is schizophrenic.) Why would SIL go around spreading likes about a child???
Anonymous
11/26/2021 15:08
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We still need to know where Aunt Carol was going. Why did she blow you off this year?
And also, did she take her jello dessert wherever she went? I hope she had a really nice Thanksgiving.
Because she got married to some old guy, and she did take her jello to her new in-laws, and she did have a nice Thanksgiving but I still wish she was with us.
Anonymous
11/26/2021 14:56
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:We still need to know where Aunt Carol was going. Why did she blow you off this year?
And also, did she take her jello dessert wherever she went? I hope she had a really nice Thanksgiving.
Anonymous
11/26/2021 14:53
Subject: Re:Thanksgiving 2021 Grievances Thread
Anonymous wrote:My 11-year-old son vomited on my mother-in-law's lap during dessert -- just completely, unexpectedly projectile vomited. Needless to say, dinner ended promptly.
Yikes. I hope your ds feels better and everyone else (especially MIL) is not forever traumatized. I really, really hope your family isn’t the type that will talk about this incident every holiday for the rest of their lives. I’m pretty sure your son will not want to revisit this forever.