I feel so sad for OP's 2 year old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP isn’t saying they need a break from the 2 yr old just that he can’t manage the mask and thus they will leave him behind. They just want to go on vacation and can’t be inconvenienced by the weakest member of their family. Animals even stay back with their young! Also why would the nanny need a visa to visit their home country?

Op here. The nanny and the nanny’s DH are from different countries and her DH is taking her kids to his home country for a wedding and she can’t get a visa to that country. I don’t have all the details, but this came to a head before and entirely independently of our own Christmas trip.

It's irrelevant. You can't leave the 2 year old with the nanny for 24/7 care without a real backup. I honestly don't even care how much you pay her -- that's not right (for her or your child). Especially a high needs child. I'm sure she's a great nanny and feels she can handle it, but I'm a terrific mom who can handle a lot and that sounds absolutely miserable to me.

Op here. I’m connecting with her on the schedule and what works best for her and she will get breaks (we have a weekend nanny who is willing to pick up some hours, and there’s also a drop in daycare we’ve used before that she can take him to), but having navigated things like this before, someone has to be the primary “in charge” and that is the role she would play in this equation.

So it sounds like you have made your decision. If you're looking for approval, I don't think you're going to get it here. Clearly, you are having some doubts about it, because why post this fake "question" if you were really as confident as you seem?

What did you decide OP?

I don't understand how you have multiple nannies but can't afford to cancel this trip and book something suitable for the entire family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP isn’t saying they need a break from the 2 yr old just that he can’t manage the mask and thus they will leave him behind. They just want to go on vacation and can’t be inconvenienced by the weakest member of their family. Animals even stay back with their young! Also why would the nanny need a visa to visit their home country?

Op here. The nanny and the nanny’s DH are from different countries and her DH is taking her kids to his home country for a wedding and she can’t get a visa to that country. I don’t have all the details, but this came to a head before and entirely independently of our own Christmas trip.

It's irrelevant. You can't leave the 2 year old with the nanny for 24/7 care without a real backup. I honestly don't even care how much you pay her -- that's not right (for her or your child). Especially a high needs child. I'm sure she's a great nanny and feels she can handle it, but I'm a terrific mom who can handle a lot and that sounds absolutely miserable to me.

Op here. I’m connecting with her on the schedule and what works best for her and she will get breaks (we have a weekend nanny who is willing to pick up some hours, and there’s also a drop in daycare we’ve used before that she can take him to), but having navigated things like this before, someone has to be the primary “in charge” and that is the role she would play in this equation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP isn’t saying they need a break from the 2 yr old just that he can’t manage the mask and thus they will leave him behind. They just want to go on vacation and can’t be inconvenienced by the weakest member of their family. Animals even stay back with their young! Also why would the nanny need a visa to visit their home country?

Op here. The nanny and the nanny’s DH are from different countries and her DH is taking her kids to his home country for a wedding and she can’t get a visa to that country. I don’t have all the details, but this came to a head before and entirely independently of our own Christmas trip.

It's irrelevant. You can't leave the 2 year old with the nanny for 24/7 care without a real backup. I honestly don't even care how much you pay her -- that's not right (for her or your child). Especially a high needs child. I'm sure she's a great nanny and feels she can handle it, but I'm a terrific mom who can handle a lot and that sounds absolutely miserable to me.

Anonymous wrote:The OP isn’t saying they need a break from the 2 yr old just that he can’t manage the mask and thus they will leave him behind. They just want to go on vacation and can’t be inconvenienced by the weakest member of their family. Animals even stay back with their young! Also why would the nanny need a visa to visit their home country?

Op here. The nanny and the nanny’s DH are from different countries and her DH is taking her kids to his home country for a wedding and she can’t get a visa to that country. I don’t have all the details, but this came to a head before and entirely independently of our own Christmas trip.

The OP isn’t saying they need a break from the 2 yr old just that he can’t manage the mask and thus they will leave him behind. They just want to go on vacation and can’t be inconvenienced by the weakest member of their family. Animals even stay back with their young! Also why would the nanny need a visa to visit their home country?

Anonymous wrote:So many dramatic AF people on here as usual.

OP, I would totally do this. It's hard with a SN child and as long as your nanny WANTS this - mine always wants the right of first refusal for our date nights and couple times a year weekend trips without the kids- and you pay her very well, you'll be fine. Good luck either way.

I’m sympathetic to SN but I think this requires two nannies, at a minimum. It doesn’t matter how wonderful the nanny is. You can’t leave your child in the care of one non-family member for a week.

So many dramatic AF people on here as usual.

OP, I would totally do this. It's hard with a SN child and as long as your nanny WANTS this - mine always wants the right of first refusal for our date nights and couple times a year weekend trips without the kids- and you pay her very well, you'll be fine. Good luck either way.

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids. When our oldest two were 5 and 4, we left the 1 year old with her grandparents so we could take the boys to Disney and have an easier time. Everyone had fun, including our daughter with her grandparents.

She’s 9 now, has no memories of this week, knows that we left her for that particular trip, and does not care. She herself has since been to Disney several times. And she’ll probably get special trips alone with just us when she’s a teen and her brothers are away at college. I’m definitely planning to take her to Paris and splash out for her first time there.

This is not the same situation. Your daughter was with family (two caregivers, so they could give each other a break). She presumably did not have special needs nor was a high medical risk. You did not go to a foreign country. And it was a planned trip based on your family's needs and wants, not a last resort decision to leave your baby behind due to public health protocols during a pandemic. Like not even remotely the same situation.

The fact that the 2 year old is unlikely to remember this week is really not the point. It's that it seems unnecessarily risky and burdensome, and is not even what the OP originally wanted to do, all because she wants to avoid losing her money.

Your Paris plans sound fun, though. I have plans to do something similar with my DD when she is old enough to enjoy it properly.

We have 3 kids. When our oldest two were 5 and 4, we left the 1 year old with her grandparents so we could take the boys to Disney and have an easier time. Everyone had fun, including our daughter with her grandparents.

She’s 9 now, has no memories of this week, knows that we left her for that particular trip, and does not care. She herself has since been to Disney several times. And she’ll probably get special trips alone with just us when she’s a teen and her brothers are away at college. I’m definitely planning to take her to Paris and splash out for her first time there.

I think you will spend the whole time miserable and feeling sorry for your 2 yo and nanny. If not maybe your 2 yo is better off with his nanny than you anyway. V

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why everyone is saying the 2 year old won’t know what’s going on- my kids are 2 and 5 and they both would absolutely understand that the family went on vacation without a member of the family! That’s an absurd argument!

Agreed. I do think, though, that he won't have any idea that he's missing Christmas.

I don’t know why everyone is saying the 2 year old won’t know what’s going on- my kids are 2 and 5 and they both would absolutely understand that the family went on vacation without a member of the family! That’s an absurd argument!