Anonymous
10/29/2021 15:24
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not ok with the person I believe I am in a monogamous sexual relationship with starting to sleep with another person or people without my knowledge. I have a right to control how much risk I want to expose myself to sexually, and no intelligent person would assume that someone who cares more about his own sexual gratification than the health and welfare of his spouse should be trusted to make good decisions.
Add to that the fact that the affair partner also has questionable morals, and seriously.... do the two cheaters really believe that they only lie to their respective spouses, never each other? Please.
I say this as a divorced female who caught her husband cheating after going in to the gyn for treatment of what I assumed was a terrible yeast infection, only to learn it was chlamydia. I don't know if the ex got it from his secretary or if there were others, but yeah.
Also.... clearly we weren't in a sexless marriage since he gave me the STD he picked up from who knows where.
I agree with the bold. I have a right to negotiate how much sexual risk I want to take on - what kind of birth control I use, what kind of STI protection we will use, and degree of monogamy. Just like stealthing is a violation of the mutually negotiated exposure to pregnancy and STI risk, infidelity is a form of stealth with respect to mutually negotiated STI risk.
It was a huge betrayal to find out that my husband had been sleeping with prostitutes while I was in my 6th month of pregnancy with our first child, had an oral herpes outbreak after engaging with prostitutes, had been prescribed medication for it but continued to sleep with me without disclosing the monogamy violations. Thankfully, I didn’t get herpes, but the whole thing was a huge betrayal trauma because a close friend lost a baby in the 8th month due to anencephaly caused by herpes.
It is my right to control under what circumstances others can access my body sexually. Someone who cheats is asserting their right to make those decisions for me. Totally unacceptable under any circumstances.
Omg, I am so sorry for what your husband put you through during your pregnancy. Jus can’t believe that he didn’t think about the potential impact to you and the baby. Are you still with him since you mention my husband in your post? How are you able to reconcile staying with him?
haha. crying lol. are there 2 of them? Of course, I did not stay with that lying jerk. And I have full custody of kids. But it is still sad for all of us. I am tied to him until the kids no longer need $$$ support, and they are tied to him for life thru parent/child relationship. He is a shitty father but not quite as shitty as he was as a husband - which isn’t saying much.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 15:01
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I cheat because I’m not happy with sex once a month with my so
Your SO would rather you divorce.
Why? What if that’s what kept the marriage happy. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 15:01
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
The fact you’re cheating means it’’s not something your spouse would agree to. In this case, the spouse has a right to determine whether it’s better to stay in the marriage or not if you’ve gone outside your marriage. If marriage isn’t all about sex, it’s definitely about trust. So no, cheating is never justified.
Marriage is also not always about trust. You must think everyone's marriage is a storybook marriage built and love and trust. Not.
What do you mean, like it’s also about financial security?
I would not say that...it does not mean financial security...it does mean finances are entangled though...that does not necessarily mean people who are married are financially secure. It does mean taking on debt of another person, not being able to buy and sell property without the consent of another person, it could mean being dependent on another person financially, etc. Many people have two-income households and are equal financial partners. I would say it is mostly a financial partnership...as it has been most of human history historically. It is a legal entanglement. It does NOT mean financial security... you can be very financially insecure in marriage.
Yes that is all true, but there are a lot of divorce laws to deal with that.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 14:59
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
The fact you’re cheating means it’’s not something your spouse would agree to. In this case, the spouse has a right to determine whether it’s better to stay in the marriage or not if you’ve gone outside your marriage. If marriage isn’t all about sex, it’s definitely about trust. So no, cheating is never justified.
Marriage is also not always about trust. You must think everyone's marriage is a storybook marriage built and love and trust. Not.
What do you mean, like it’s also about financial security?
If you can't trust someone and they are seeing someone behind your back, do you really think you have financial security?? They could 'fall in love' and decide to leave and start a new family or start giving the bimbo your joint earned $. She could get knocked up and demand paternity/child support the next 20-some years.
Unless you have an iron-clad pre-nup (very, very few people do), I would NOT trust a cheater with my financial security. They have proved the are disloyal liars. And, chemicals and oxytocin often make people do things they normally never would.
I am divorced. I worked in my marriage. Your comments are irrelevant. It is not about trust. No matter who someone is married to--cheating or not--your finances are entangled.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 14:58
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
The fact you’re cheating means it’’s not something your spouse would agree to. In this case, the spouse has a right to determine whether it’s better to stay in the marriage or not if you’ve gone outside your marriage. If marriage isn’t all about sex, it’s definitely about trust. So no, cheating is never justified.
Marriage is also not always about trust. You must think everyone's marriage is a storybook marriage built and love and trust. Not.
What do you mean, like it’s also about financial security?
I would not say that...it does not mean financial security...it does mean finances are entangled though...that does not necessarily mean people who are married are financially secure. It does mean taking on debt of another person, not being able to buy and sell property without the consent of another person, it could mean being dependent on another person financially, etc. Many people have two-income households and are equal financial partners. I would say it is mostly a financial partnership...as it has been most of human history historically. It is a legal entanglement. It does NOT mean financial security... you can be very financially insecure in marriage.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 14:22
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
The fact you’re cheating means it’’s not something your spouse would agree to. In this case, the spouse has a right to determine whether it’s better to stay in the marriage or not if you’ve gone outside your marriage. If marriage isn’t all about sex, it’s definitely about trust. So no, cheating is never justified.
Marriage is also not always about trust. You must think everyone's marriage is a storybook marriage built and love and trust. Not.
What do you mean, like it’s also about financial security?
If you can't trust someone and they are seeing someone behind your back, do you really think you have financial security?? They could 'fall in love' and decide to leave and start a new family or start giving the bimbo your joint earned $. She could get knocked up and demand paternity/child support the next 20-some years.
Unless you have an iron-clad pre-nup (very, very few people do), I would NOT trust a cheater with my financial security. They have proved the are disloyal liars. And, chemicals and oxytocin often make people do things they normally never would.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 14:11
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
The fact you’re cheating means it’’s not something your spouse would agree to. In this case, the spouse has a right to determine whether it’s better to stay in the marriage or not if you’ve gone outside your marriage. If marriage isn’t all about sex, it’s definitely about trust. So no, cheating is never justified.
Marriage is also not always about trust. You must think everyone's marriage is a storybook marriage built and love and trust. Not.
What do you mean, like it’s also about financial security?
Anonymous
10/29/2021 14:10
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
The fact you’re cheating means it’’s not something your spouse would agree to. In this case, the spouse has a right to determine whether it’s better to stay in the marriage or not if you’ve gone outside your marriage. If marriage isn’t all about sex, it’s definitely about trust. So no, cheating is never justified.
Marriage is also not always about trust. You must think everyone's marriage is a storybook marriage built and love and trust. Not.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 14:09
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
There are very few life circumstances in which divorce won't work. I'm sure it's financially painful and even a poorer living condition for children to divorce in some instances, but it's rare that the children's and spouse's life is in danger in a marriage.
Wrong. There can be very serious financial issues, very serious mental health issues, geographical issues, and very serious health issues that can make divorce much worse than someone cheating. Marriage is more than sex. It it is a legal contract that is mainly financial. Take the emotional crap out of it. There really are cases where divorce was near impossible. My parents had one of those cases. Divorce was not an option. No one cheated...but if either of them had...I would not have blamed either of them one bit.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 14:06
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
The fact you’re cheating means it’’s not something your spouse would agree to. In this case, the spouse has a right to determine whether it’s better to stay in the marriage or not if you’ve gone outside your marriage. If marriage isn’t all about sex, it’s definitely about trust. So no, cheating is never justified.
I am not cheating. I have not cheated. I just think there are cases where it is justified.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 10:02
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
There are very few life circumstances in which divorce won't work. I'm sure it's financially painful and even a poorer living condition for children to divorce in some instances, but it's rare that the children's and spouse's life is in danger in a marriage.
And since cheating puts the spouse and children through emotional harm which is actually physical harm as well as often putting the spouse in physical harms way, that is my barometer for justifying it. Which is not a regular occurrence these cheaters are having. And in fact by them cheating they are putting themselves also in harms way, so it's more about whether or not to divorce, not whether or not to cheat.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 09:59
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
There are very few life circumstances in which divorce won't work. I'm sure it's financially painful and even a poorer living condition for children to divorce in some instances, but it's rare that the children's and spouse's life is in danger in a marriage.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 09:05
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you think?
Specifically thinking about situations with abuse (physical or not), addiction, a "loveless marriage," things of that nature.
Would an emotional affair be better or worse than a physical relationship?
Genuinely just curious what you all think!
Explained, understood, perhaps warranted, but not justified. Justification means you are trying to blame another for what you have done.
End thread. People are getting all tangled up in these different concepts.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 08:50
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there are a lot of instances where it is justified.
Disagree. Leaving the marriage or working on it with specialists can be justified, not cheating.
It really depends. There are some life circumstances in which divorce won't work. Marriage is not all about sex.
The fact you’re cheating means it’’s not something your spouse would agree to. In this case, the spouse has a right to determine whether it’s better to stay in the marriage or not if you’ve gone outside your marriage. If marriage isn’t all about sex, it’s definitely about trust. So no, cheating is never justified.
Anonymous
10/28/2021 18:51
Subject: Can cheating be justified?
Anonymous wrote:I cheat because I’m not happy with sex once a month with my so
Your SO would rather you divorce.