Paternity leave is to stay home and help with baby not a gambling, drinking, weekend in Las Vegas. You are married to an a$$hole.

I can't imagine my DH even considering this. I also can't imagine him asking his friend to go on a boy's weekend to Vegas if the friend had a newborn at home. WTF?

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Do others’ husbands ask to do similar things when their wife is on maternity leave? Did I marry a jerk?

When my first born was about five weeks old, my husband went away for a weekend to go scuba diving with his sister and brother in law.
He wasn’t on paternity leave though, as he only had ten days.

Oh hell no. If my H wanted to go to Vegas to ogle 19 year old strippers while I'm sitting at home with 2 kids, leaky tits, a shredded vag, and floppy stomach he'd come home to all his sh!t on the front lawn.

If you can't act like part of the family, you can't be part of the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good man would never dream of asking this. There are so many "cool girls" on this thread who are just oh so fine with absolutely anything their DH wants, because they are desperate to keep a man. Pathetic.

Believe me honey it's the women who won't let their husbands go on vacation that should be worried about keeping their man.

I disagree. It’s not about the “cool girls” or “women who won’t let their husbands”. It’s about the kind of man who wants to go to Vegas twice in four months, or the kind of man who prioritizes a random boys weekend over their newborn.

Yup. OP married a selfish man child who probably has serious insecurities and attachment issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good man would never dream of asking this. There are so many "cool girls" on this thread who are just oh so fine with absolutely anything their DH wants, because they are desperate to keep a man. Pathetic.

Believe me honey it's the women who won't let their husbands go on vacation that should be worried about keeping their man.

I disagree. It’s not about the “cool girls” or “women who won’t let their husbands”. It’s about the kind of man who wants to go to Vegas twice in four months, or the kind of man who prioritizes a random boys weekend over their newborn.

F that clown. Tell him to go and start apartment hunting ‘cause he ain’t coming home after that.

Reminds me of my divorce

Anonymous wrote:A good man would never dream of asking this. There are so many "cool girls" on this thread who are just oh so fine with absolutely anything their DH wants, because they are desperate to keep a man. Pathetic.

Believe me honey it's the women who won't let their husbands go on vacation that should be worried about keeping their man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but a newborn baby and a toddler when you're not doing anything else is just not that hard. It just is not. I realty don't care if you wildly disagree, for most people, it is not a big deal.

How obtuse. I don’t think staying calm when you’re surrounded by screaming children is hard. My husband doesn’t think doing complicated things in excel is hard. Some people don’t think differential calculus or writing a thesis is hard. Just because something isn’t hard for you doesn’t mean its not hard for everybody. You can’t just disagree that something is hard for somebody else.

And for the vast majority of people, caring for a 3-year old and a newborn for a weekend when you’re alone is hard. For me it would be massively difficult because my 3-year old was inconsolably jealous when I had my second.

If it isn’t for you, that’s fine, but learn to accept the fact that everybody is different.

No.

I would say for the vast majority of people caring for an infant and 3 yo is NOT hard but who cares if it’s hard for OP. If she can’t care for her own child for 3 days alone she just needs to communicate that to her H and that’s the situation he is living with.

This. It’s only hard because we act like omg! Jealous toddlers! Not sleeping 8 hours straight! Mommy life amiright! But no. It’s not that hard.

Not everyone has your low standards or is a martyr like you. Must suck to have such a crappy partner but then you’re too dumb to even realize that.

Or maybe your spouse has low standards and is stuck with a crappy partner.

Yeah, I’m not that dumb. I just found studying for the bar, trial prep, trying to make partner, dealing with a dying parent, climbing hard climbs, etc., all much harder than I found kids. I think a lot of people whine way too much about it and are frankly really over the top about it. And don’t feel sorry for me. I have a cute, helpful, fun husband and I like my life. I encourage him to spend time with friends and I do the same. We had a blast on our respective parental leaves together and I spent a couple nights out. It was not hard for anyone.

Cool. I found all of those things much easier than having young children. I never pulled an all-nighter ever in school or work. But with hard babies who didn't sleep, I was incredibly sleep deprived. I made it through Ivy college and law school without ever resorting to caffeine. With young kids, I rely on it. Oh yeah, and then there was the crippling post-partum anxiety with my first. I rejoiced when I went back to work after maternity leave because it was so much easier and more enjoyable than being home with a small child. I love my kids but I did not enjoy the early months of parenting, especially with my first.

I absolutely would have broken down and cried if my husband had left me alone for a whole weekend with a nursing infant and a toddler so he could have fun with his buddies. One evening - sure. More than 24 hours? Hell no. And he never would have, because he did his paternity leave after my leave, when I was back at work, and he found it very difficult too. I'm not sure husbands who do their leave concurrently with the wives get the full brunt. He was alone during the day with a screaming kid who wouldn't take a bottle. When I came home the first day, he said "I get it."

If you can handle it, I would say yes as long as you get to go on a weekend trip too, even if it’s after weaning or whatever. Then have fun planning it and going on it!

A good man would never dream of asking this. There are so many "cool girls" on this thread who are just oh so fine with absolutely anything their DH wants, because they are desperate to keep a man. Pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but a newborn baby and a toddler when you're not doing anything else is just not that hard. It just is not. I realty don't care if you wildly disagree, for most people, it is not a big deal.

How obtuse. I don’t think staying calm when you’re surrounded by screaming children is hard. My husband doesn’t think doing complicated things in excel is hard. Some people don’t think differential calculus or writing a thesis is hard. Just because something isn’t hard for you doesn’t mean its not hard for everybody. You can’t just disagree that something is hard for somebody else.

And for the vast majority of people, caring for a 3-year old and a newborn for a weekend when you’re alone is hard. For me it would be massively difficult because my 3-year old was inconsolably jealous when I had my second.

If it isn’t for you, that’s fine, but learn to accept the fact that everybody is different.

No.

I would say for the vast majority of people caring for an infant and 3 yo is NOT hard but who cares if it’s hard for OP. If she can’t care for her own child for 3 days alone she just needs to communicate that to her H and that’s the situation he is living with.

This. It’s only hard because we act like omg! Jealous toddlers! Not sleeping 8 hours straight! Mommy life amiright! But no. It’s not that hard.

Not everyone has your low standards or is a martyr like you. Must suck to have such a crappy partner but then you’re too dumb to even realize that.

Or maybe your spouse has low standards and is stuck with a crappy partner.

Yeah, I’m not that dumb. I just found studying for the bar, trial prep, trying to make partner, dealing with a dying parent, climbing hard climbs, etc., all much harder than I found kids. I think a lot of people whine way too much about it and are frankly really over the top about it. And don’t feel sorry for me. I have a cute, helpful, fun husband and I like my life. I encourage him to spend time with friends and I do the same. We had a blast on our respective parental leaves together and I spent a couple nights out. It was not hard for anyone.

If you’re doing all that with four kids, you don’t find the kids all that difficult because they’re completely outsourced.

And this is why childless people object to paternity/maternity leave. Some people treat it like vacation. Those are the cases in which I oppose government subsidizing that kind of leave. Clearly people using it as vacation to go on Vegas drinking trips don’t need paternity leave.

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

So you’re saying paternity leave isn’t necessary?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but a newborn baby and a toddler when you're not doing anything else is just not that hard. It just is not. I realty don't care if you wildly disagree, for most people, it is not a big deal.

How obtuse. I don’t think staying calm when you’re surrounded by screaming children is hard. My husband doesn’t think doing complicated things in excel is hard. Some people don’t think differential calculus or writing a thesis is hard. Just because something isn’t hard for you doesn’t mean its not hard for everybody. You can’t just disagree that something is hard for somebody else.

And for the vast majority of people, caring for a 3-year old and a newborn for a weekend when you’re alone is hard. For me it would be massively difficult because my 3-year old was inconsolably jealous when I had my second.

If it isn’t for you, that’s fine, but learn to accept the fact that everybody is different.

No.

I would say for the vast majority of people caring for an infant and 3 yo is NOT hard but who cares if it’s hard for OP. If she can’t care for her own child for 3 days alone she just needs to communicate that to her H and that’s the situation he is living with.

This. It’s only hard because we act like omg! Jealous toddlers! Not sleeping 8 hours straight! Mommy life amiright! But no. It’s not that hard.

Not everyone has your low standards or is a martyr like you. Must suck to have such a crappy partner but then you’re too dumb to even realize that.

Or maybe your spouse has low standards and is stuck with a crappy partner.

Yeah, I’m not that dumb. I just found studying for the bar, trial prep, trying to make partner, dealing with a dying parent, climbing hard climbs, etc., all much harder than I found kids. I think a lot of people whine way too much about it and are frankly really over the top about it. And don’t feel sorry for me. I have a cute, helpful, fun husband and I like my life. I encourage him to spend time with friends and I do the same. We had a blast on our respective parental leaves together and I spent a couple nights out. It was not hard for anyone.

If you’re doing all that with four kids, you don’t find the kids all that difficult because they’re completely outsourced.