Anonymous wrote:Most societies favor boys, which lends to coddling of boys and - in the extreme- harm to girls.

This carries into parenting where boys are often coddled.

This! Even the moms who “make their kids do chores and work hard” don’t recognize all the coddling and how much it hampers their sons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

My son just turned 6 and is in K in private and hates drawing. He is also very bad at it especially when compared to the girls. I have 2 older girls and the story is always the same. Girls love to sit and color and are mostly well behaved. Boys like to build stuff, wrestle and push buttons.

My son is my third and I am much more worried about him than about my girls. The girls are built for school. They are smart, but they are also tough and confident in their abilities.
My son keeps saying how he is not good at cutting or drawing and that his drawings are always bad when they are displayed in the hallway. I wish the teachers would display his Lego creations or his building with boxes. Even his writing is great compared to most of the other kids, but his drawings… yeah they are bad and my son feels really insecure because of them and how much emphasis is put on them.

The “bad” drawings are my favorite ones hanging in the hallway. Show him some art by Cy Twombly. Coloring in the lines is fine for some, but those primal scribbles are what so many great artists wish they could get back to.

Amen!

Anyone who thinks life is easier for girls must live in some kind of twilight bubble. Seriously.


If your kid, boy or girl, can’t sit still in school
But h Th en spends hrs on video games … smh.

Put your kid in sports or other active things. Get dad to be involved and be a role model. Clearly dad has a job supporting your family so can show son how it’s done. Have son do more active chores. Or choose a different school with more stuff to your liking.

But messaging?!? Do your own
Messaging. You want handouts from the school? Teach your son to lift himself up by his bootstraps. There’s no more DEI fo boys. It’s all merit based now so bring your boy up to speed. And don’t rely on the system to hand it to you

Pew Research Center paper -
The Gender Gap in Teen Experiences
%20Men%20&%20Masc%20General%20Distribution&org=982&lvl=100&ite=15678&lea=4232065&ctr=0&par=1&trk=a0DQm000004lUMvMAM

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

We had an ES teacher that would wear the "Girls Rule/Boys Drool" shirt and my DS would come home and say "my teacher doesn't like boys"

We had another teacher that told the classroom "no boys are to run for the student government. its time for the girls to be in charge". we didn't learn of this until after the elections.

I could keep going on, but yes, there is a toxic/hostile environment for boys in school which doesnt clear up until HS.

this is insane. MCPS?

The tshirt being worn by the teacher is a bit extreme, but we saw this same theme is more subtle ways throughout elementary and to some degree middle school with my son. Tehre were absolutely lots of girls who wore shirts like that, and my son didn't understand it in k-3. Such a weird zero-sum way people must see the world to send that message in any manner. He also had several elementary teachers who had very clear, undeniable preferences for girls, and this was obvious to the boys, not just to parents.

Same PP here again. I also have a DD who goes to the same school system, and will also say there are so many positive, supportive messages to the girls, and cool programs for them, and curriculum aimed at their interests and strengths, and just absolutely none of that for the boys. No surprise, DS, who is just as smart and capable as DD by all objective measures, loathes school, and DD loves it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

We had an ES teacher that would wear the "Girls Rule/Boys Drool" shirt and my DS would come home and say "my teacher doesn't like boys"

We had another teacher that told the classroom "no boys are to run for the student government. its time for the girls to be in charge". we didn't learn of this until after the elections.

I could keep going on, but yes, there is a toxic/hostile environment for boys in school which doesnt clear up until HS.

this is insane. MCPS?

The tshirt being worn by the teacher is a bit extreme, but we saw this same theme is more subtle ways throughout elementary and to some degree middle school with my son. Tehre were absolutely lots of girls who wore shirts like that, and my son didn't understand it in k-3. Such a weird zero-sum way people must see the world to send that message in any manner. He also had several elementary teachers who had very clear, undeniable preferences for girls, and this was obvious to the boys, not just to parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

My son just turned 6 and is in K in private and hates drawing. He is also very bad at it especially when compared to the girls. I have 2 older girls and the story is always the same. Girls love to sit and color and are mostly well behaved. Boys like to build stuff, wrestle and push buttons.

My son is my third and I am much more worried about him than about my girls. The girls are built for school. They are smart, but they are also tough and confident in their abilities.
My son keeps saying how he is not good at cutting or drawing and that his drawings are always bad when they are displayed in the hallway. I wish the teachers would display his Lego creations or his building with boxes. Even his writing is great compared to most of the other kids, but his drawings… yeah they are bad and my son feels really insecure because of them and how much emphasis is put on them.

The “bad” drawings are my favorite ones hanging in the hallway. Show him some art by Cy Twombly. Coloring in the lines is fine for some, but those primal scribbles are what so many great artists wish they could get back to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl and I think there is enough worry to go around.

Toxic masculinity is alive and well. The lane boys are supposed to fit into or they will get made fun of and socially rejected is much narrower than girls. Early elementary education is set up for them to feel like failures. There is also a level of hostility toward them (see it on this thread) that they know is there. White boys in particular are simultaneously on the top of the pecking order in every way societally still, but also told they completely suck much of the time in popular culture. No one feels bad for them and no one should, but when you're raising one you notice and they notice too.

Girls, does anyone need to even debate this? Being a woman in this world is rough. I have thought about this a lot and girls so clearly have their shit together more than boys, on average. And then puberty. Testosterone, brute strength of one sex over the other, and women having babies. No turning back and it's never a fair fight and never will be. And they can be awful to each other in a way that will take your breath away.

I want to agree with the bolded so, so much. Even my son who is very bright and likes to learn really struggled with elementary school. The expectation that every 6 year old boy is going want to spend a lot of time sitting at his desk coloring and doing crafts every day is ridiculous. This targets a specific group of kids, mostly girls. It would be like teaching math and history through daily Nerf gun battles and giving poor grades to kids who don’t like Nerf and got sick of it. DS literally silently cried when he got his school supply list going into fifth grade and saw crayons and glue sticks were still on it.

He is in high school now and doing very well.

I don’t know what’s going on, OP, but hang in there. There are ups and downs for everyone.

My son just turned 6 and is in K in private and hates drawing. He is also very bad at it especially when compared to the girls. I have 2 older girls and the story is always the same. Girls love to sit and color and are mostly well behaved. Boys like to build stuff, wrestle and push buttons.

My son is my third and I am much more worried about him than about my girls. The girls are built for school. They are smart, but they are also tough and confident in their abilities.
My son keeps saying how he is not good at cutting or drawing and that his drawings are always bad when they are displayed in the hallway. I wish the teachers would display his Lego creations or his building with boxes. Even his writing is great compared to most of the other kids, but his drawings… yeah they are bad and my son feels really insecure because of them and how much emphasis is put on them.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this thread is so charged.

Maybe all humans n earth have it hard because life is hard. Life includes suffering - for everyone. Maybe at different times but no one escapes hardship.

To debate who has it harder seems odd.

Best comment.

Making blanket statements about an entire gender is the height of ignorance.

It is not better or worse to have daughters vs sons.

Why do men need women to be oppressed in order to feel they have purpose or identity? Now women and girls are told they can be anything and so boys and men feel useless???
Boys have always been able to do whatever they want… that hasn’t changed.

Yes history has mostly men oppressing others. Not just white men were oppressors but all races of men. If men don’t like that, then maybe they should stop being oppressors. Genius! In history they also teach about male inventors and achievements… like George Washington, Lincoln, MLK Jr, Edison, etc. history is history- you can’t ignore the unethical stuff just because it makes boys now feel uncomfortable.

All this whining about boys … they still have more opportunities than girls, higher earnings in the same job, less work at home, less likely to be the victim of violence, less likely to be objectified, more likely to be promoted to higher positions, less societal expectations and given more rights in most modern religions.

So stop crying a river about life not being fair to boys. Teach your boys they can be anything. Teach them to be strong and empathetic and a team player. If you don’t like everything the school is having them do, then supplement at home with whatever is missing.

And There are plenty of things for non athletic boys to do.

So stop treating your sons like victims and empower them to do better than the oppressors.

My MIL says that while DH and my BIL were a handful at times, it was my SIL that kept my inlaws up at night.

Wow, this thread is so charged.

Maybe all humans n earth have it hard because life is hard. Life includes suffering - for everyone. Maybe at different times but no one escapes hardship.

To debate who has it harder seems odd.

Anonymous wrote:I only have sons. Both are thriving and in medical school. I only hope they meet smart and accomplished women. Which I'm sure they will. Given the environment they're in.

If they marry women from immigrant families , they should both get solo therapy to learn soft skills. I wish I was joking (Obviously, you can not be the messenger)
* I can speak for myself. I did not get this/ and I had to learn it myself. It doesn’t show up for 20 years Smart as a whip and hard working but SO bad at marriage

Anonymous wrote:I only have girls, hoped for girls and also thought girls would be easier (I am a woman after all) but they are teens now and there is constant drama and the thoughts are increasingly crossing my mind that boys are easier to raise and that their lives are simpler. Yes, there is more pressure to on them to achieve, but at least it's clear they are supposed to achieve. With girls, they are supposed to be pretty but also not too much into appearance, and kind but also not too kind, and achievers but also not so focused on achievement. It's just much less clear what women are supposed to be and what kind of person you are supposed to be raising.

I think boys just have more to deal with in their 20s. — that’s my theory right now. I have a couple. haven’t reached that pt yet. I think they think relationships are hard “these days.” But maybe I am projecting