OP sent her kid off to overseas school in HS and surprisingly he didn’t love it. College is different.

I paid like $350/mon to live off campus. I checked it for inflation = outrageous amounts we are paying for housing now.

These rules are often implemented to boost graduation rates by reducing commuter students who are less likely to graduate within four years. They are more likely to be working their way through school or have limited financing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are doing semester or more abroad it’s very helpful to have housing that fits with that. Move out end of fall and not return until September.

No way would OP allow study abroad. I find it funny that OP is going on and on about independence and everything when she's a completely overbearing parent who has probably robbed her kid of most independent thought

Hi, the real OP here. DS has already studied abroad during high school! In fact it was actually that experience living in a dorm that turned him off to dorm living.

It's so odd how many people are projecting that I'm smothering when I've said multiple times on this thread that it's my teen who is driving this. He gets to make the final decision. Maybe you don't like my tone or my audacity in questioning 4-year campus living for adults. So be it. That's not the same thing as a hovering mommy.

Well you did redshirt him. And your tone is awful.

Yep, the tone is what did it. 1) You seemingly know little about the college landscape because you were surprised by residential requirements (that's fine). But then 2) Despite this little knowledge, you assert is part of the nanny state/keeping kids from growing up--because you (and your kid) seemingly can only picture what you know about dorms as all there is to know, and then 3) when you get pushback you get all huffy and say you should have known that DCUM is full of people from these little colleges etc. despite many different kinds of colleges/universities worldwide having residential requirements in many different forms for different reasons. It came off to me as the classic tone deaf combo of little knowledge + strong opinions anyway + rigid worldview.

Awesome response! And totally spot on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are doing semester or more abroad it’s very helpful to have housing that fits with that. Move out end of fall and not return until September.

No way would OP allow study abroad. I find it funny that OP is going on and on about independence and everything when she's a completely overbearing parent who has probably robbed her kid of most independent thought

Hi, the real OP here. DS has already studied abroad during high school! In fact it was actually that experience living in a dorm that turned him off to dorm living.

It's so odd how many people are projecting that I'm smothering when I've said multiple times on this thread that it's my teen who is driving this. He gets to make the final decision. Maybe you don't like my tone or my audacity in questioning 4-year campus living for adults. So be it. That's not the same thing as a hovering mommy.

Well you did redshirt him. And your tone is awful.

Yep, the tone is what did it. 1) You seemingly know little about the college landscape because you were surprised by residential requirements (that's fine). But then 2) Despite this little knowledge, you assert is part of the nanny state/keeping kids from growing up--because you (and your kid) seemingly can only picture what you know about dorms as all there is to know, and then 3) when you get pushback you get all huffy and say you should have known that DCUM is full of people from these little colleges etc. despite many different kinds of colleges/universities worldwide having residential requirements in many different forms for different reasons. It came off to me as the classic tone deaf combo of little knowledge + strong opinions anyway + rigid worldview.

Wow, I would hate to get into an argument with you! And I say this with respect. Lol.

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It's hard to imagine a parent getting all twisted up because her kid might not be able to get a cat or drink beer in his or her room senior year. Is this really a decision point, OP? Seriously?

OP here. It's a very significant factor for the student's decision making, yes. It's not about having a beer with your dog. It's about independence and autonomy. You know, making important choices for yourself as the adult that you are.

I should have known that SLAC grads from Tiny Rural Town, NewEngland would be overrepresented in the DCUM responses. If I went to school in Waterville, ME I'd likely stay on campus for 4 yrs, too.

You are just full of biases, instead of having an open mind and considering whether there might be advantages to something different than what you did.

What a shame if you have passed this narrow-mindedness on to your child.

I'm not sure how many different ways that I can say this is my adult son driving the process here.

Also, all the people telling me it's so awesome and juniors will get big apartments with no other roommates and full kitchens -- really? You're basing your blanket statement on an N=1 and you have no idea which colleges I'm talking about.

I'm looking at one college's website that directly contradicts you. That would be the previously frontrunner college.

Sounds like the college that I went to, better known as Notre Dame! The rules worked fine for me though. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this OP, it was great and fostered campus community.

If your dc doesn't want to do that, they can attend another university.

No kidding, really?

You say foster community, I say perpetuates the nanny state and delays growth in life skills like paying utility bills, taking out the garbage on the right night, shoveling snow to be a good neighbor, grocery shopping, cooking, and I can go on like this all day

You are so strange. Why not skip college and just have your kid get a job and move out. That'll teach him.

Some colleges are in locations where the affordable off caput housing is not conducive to learning.

And here I am rolling my eyes at parents at my kids' colleges who somehow didn't realize their kids had chosen places that don't guarantee four years of housing.

(Building dorms is expensive, so state Us and institutions with small endowments in expensive locations aren't going to offer a lot of dorms, and definitely not nice dorms. But drinking? That's determined by whether conservative Christians are in charge)

My kid goes to school in the middle of a city, and local rents are astronomical. I'm thrilled that there's a three year residency requirement; I wish DC could be guaranteed on-campus housing all four years rather than possibly have to deal with finding an apartment as a senior!

If that doesn't work for you or your kid, look elsewhere. Plenty of schools have no residency requirements beyond freshman year, assuming they even require that much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are doing semester or more abroad it’s very helpful to have housing that fits with that. Move out end of fall and not return until September.

No way would OP allow study abroad. I find it funny that OP is going on and on about independence and everything when she's a completely overbearing parent who has probably robbed her kid of most independent thought

Hi, the real OP here. DS has already studied abroad during high school! In fact it was actually that experience living in a dorm that turned him off to dorm living.

It's so odd how many people are projecting that I'm smothering when I've said multiple times on this thread that it's my teen who is driving this. He gets to make the final decision. Maybe you don't like my tone or my audacity in questioning 4-year campus living for adults. So be it. That's not the same thing as a hovering mommy.

Well you did redshirt him. And your tone is awful.

Yep, the tone is what did it. 1) You seemingly know little about the college landscape because you were surprised by residential requirements (that's fine). But then 2) Despite this little knowledge, you assert is part of the nanny state/keeping kids from growing up--because you (and your kid) seemingly can only picture what you know about dorms as all there is to know, and then 3) when you get pushback you get all huffy and say you should have known that DCUM is full of people from these little colleges etc. despite many different kinds of colleges/universities worldwide having residential requirements in many different forms for different reasons. It came off to me as the classic tone deaf combo of little knowledge + strong opinions anyway + rigid worldview.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are doing semester or more abroad it’s very helpful to have housing that fits with that. Move out end of fall and not return until September.

No way would OP allow study abroad. I find it funny that OP is going on and on about independence and everything when she's a completely overbearing parent who has probably robbed her kid of most independent thought

Hi, the real OP here. DS has already studied abroad during high school! In fact it was actually that experience living in a dorm that turned him off to dorm living.

It's so odd how many people are projecting that I'm smothering when I've said multiple times on this thread that it's my teen who is driving this. He gets to make the final decision. Maybe you don't like my tone or my audacity in questioning 4-year campus living for adults. So be it. That's not the same thing as a hovering mommy.

Why would he assume that the rules he didn't like in high school (curfew, no visitors) would apply to college dorms?

+ 1

College dorm rooms rules are not at all the same as high school boarding school.

Older RA living on site for guidance (more useful for [bold]lower class men getting homesick[/bold]

Wait, what?!!

I went to a university that only required freshmen on campus but the vast majority lived on campus all 4 years anyway. Echo what others have said about community but other considerations (obviously YMMV depending on school circumstances):
-Older RA living on site for guidance (more useful for lower class men getting homesick, but mine I know was a sympathetic ear for everything from sexual assault to depression to students dropping out)
-School-run shuttle services late at night to get students safely back home
-Priority based on seniority; upperclassmen could live in singles (within a larger suite) if they wanted
-Cheaper than off campus housing, and move in/out aligned to school year, furnished
-As for alcohol, etc: a couple dorms allowed certain pets, no one policed alcohol (in fact school had sort of an amnesty policy for underage drinking where if you needed medical help they would not report to police or seek any academic punishment)

There was of course plenty to complain about (old facilities, small kitchens, roommate drama, etc) but there are many drawbacks to off campus housing too. would advise your son to talk to some current or former students about the actual living situations at his top schools as dorm experiences vary widely, and also to think hard about his priorities in a college. The dorm restrictions might be an annoyance but is it really so important that he wants to make it a major decision factor in choosing colleges over things like research opportunities, field of study, career prospects, etc.?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are doing semester or more abroad it’s very helpful to have housing that fits with that. Move out end of fall and not return until September.

No way would OP allow study abroad. I find it funny that OP is going on and on about independence and everything when she's a completely overbearing parent who has probably robbed her kid of most independent thought

Hi, the real OP here. DS has already studied abroad during high school! In fact it was actually that experience living in a dorm that turned him off to dorm living.

It's so odd how many people are projecting that I'm smothering when I've said multiple times on this thread that it's my teen who is driving this. He gets to make the final decision. Maybe you don't like my tone or my audacity in questioning 4-year campus living for adults. So be it. That's not the same thing as a hovering mommy.

Well you did redshirt him. And your tone is awful.