Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

Is this for real? A 15 year old having sex with a same age peer she's been in a long term relationship with is very much the definition of age appropriate. Sure, we as parents would like them all to wait until 18, but did any of us wait that long by choice?

Uh, I was barely past the "boys are gross" phase at 15. I had my first crush at around 16. My first kiss at 18. Had sex at 22.
Do fifteen year old girls even orgasm?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15 year olds shouldn't be having sex. Full stop.

Problem is that 15 year olds tend to disagree

Most people I know started having sex in college or not long before. I have met some people who claim to have had sex in their early to mid teens or even earlier, but they all had less than healthy family lives.

I was the the opposite of fast. I didn't go through puberty until my late teens. Didn't have any interest in dating until my twenties. My parents thought they were so lucky. When I was in high school, they'd go out on Saturday nights and I'd stay home and read. I was a straight A student, athlete, volunteer, etc. When I went off to school, I was so poorly socialized that I couldn't live in a dorm, so I got my own apartment and just stayed in and studied. No drinking, no drugs, no sex. Problem is that at 30 I decided I'd never had any fun or experienced life like a normal person. Now I'm a single childless alcoholic in my mid forties, I've never been in a serious relationship or held down a job (despite having a handful of degrees from top schools) and my parents are spending their elderly years afraid to die while I'm like this. I think in retrospect they probably would've preferred to deal with a teen abortion or bailing me out of jail when they were in their forties, if it would have meant me being a functional adult when they were in their seventies. Most of the "fast" kids slow down in their twenties. If they can get through the rough years without a criminal record or face tattoo, I think they're better off than the other extreme.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that being mature means dating young and drinking? Because I don't.

I mean mature in their interests, dress, etc.

OP, I think you're talking around something, and it's making your post confusing.

Do you mean mature as in dressing like an urban 20 year old? Mature as in connecting better with adults? Mature as in wearing revealing clothing?

Are you asking why some kids are interested in romantic relationships (or just hooking up) early? Are you asking why some kids drink?

Can you describe a "fast" boy?

give us a break, we all know what the question means. answer it or move on.

Actually, PP raises an interesting question. For some strange reason, questions about being "fast" never seem to be applied to boys. Golly Gee Whiz Whillikers, I wonder why that is?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking about kids who date young, who seem super mature, experiment with drinking early and so forth.

Oh this should be interesting. Ones I have seen have had some sort of trauma - one that seems to have the most impact is mother died young. Also just being the youngest child will sometimes do it

Ohh yeah! I can already smell the DCUM sharks circling the chum!

Anonymous wrote:15 year olds shouldn't be having sex. Full stop.

Problem is that 15 year olds tend to disagree

15 year olds shouldn't be having sex. Full stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

Oh, please, dear, cite your authority for what is age-appropriate and what is consistent with social norms. Otherwise, this is just your judgy little opinion. Grow up.

Sounds like a teen wrote this response.

Anonymous wrote:The 2 "fast girls" I know both happened to turn pretty and grown-up looking overnight and that got lots of attention from boys. They both went on to have kids fairly young, but "slowed down ageing at 30" and now are dragging this looking like 35 into their 40s. They also went on to have 2nd child after 1st one was almost a grown-up. Simply different speeds of doing things.

What?

The ones whose mothers want to be their daughters’ best friend. They start sexualizing them early for male attention, makeup and clothes that belong on older women, etc.. They take satisfaction in boys finding their daughter’s “hot”. Mothers are generally slutty themselves. The kind that used to buy alcohol for teen parties and let everyone crash.

If by "fast" you mean the ones going off the rails - in my experience it has been the kids who A) are bored and B) are not being supervised well by their parents. Sure, all kids test the limits, and some will sneak out, try to circumvent parental rules, etc. Very normal.

In our extended family, the kids who have gone off the rails were, oddly enough, kids whose parents were super strict when they were small, then in the teenage years sort of threw their hands up and said "Well, we can't control them, they are going to do what they're going to do..." As in, 14 year old says she's staying over at the house of friend whom Mom has never met, and Mom doesn't even attempt to check up on it. This is the same relative who told another cousin that she has been having sex since age 14 but her idea of BC is withdrawl, and to go to PP for a pregnancy test each month. Same family, older boys living in rural area, not involved in school activities, fell in with kids whose weekend entertainment was drinking and drugs. Again, not supervised. Kids were posting all kinds of shit on their IGs but parents never checked them, and were firmly in denial that anything was wrong. One has since been through four rehabs.

The parents were also of the "at 18, get a job, college or get out" but did little to really prepare the kids. College does not just magically happen. One kid was convinced he was going to University of Hawaii - parents had no money saved and the kid had subpar grades that would barely get him into a community college. Kids on the whole were told "school is all your responsibility" and guess what, left to their own devices, all but one bombed out. If you don't invest the time to prepare your teen for adulthood, not all of them are going to magically figure it out. They are going to operating at a deficit to the kids whose parents were more involved and hel them to certain standards.

I remember 2 girls in particular from ES and HS. One went to my church, she was an only child. I remember being stunned that she drove herself to our church confirmation class--at 14, too young for even a permit. She was tall which probably helped her get away with it. And I remember once she was sitting behind me in class and falling asleep one morning, she had hitchhiked to another town over the weekend, 40 miles away, it was 30 below (Minnesota) and got back at 4 am that morning. Her parents were older than most and very quiet and sort of genteel people. I think she was just tougher than them and ordered them around and took the keys when she wanted. She's actually done just fine as an adult.

The other claimed fame in 2nd grade for being a flower girl for her sister's wedding. Figured out years later her sister was 16 at the time. In 10th grade they made her my lab partner in chemistry. She showed up a few days every few weeks. She was pretty voluptuous--very mature woman's body, not teen body, and work black satin miniskirts and pink mohair cardigan sweaters (it really stands out in my memory!) sweaters as long as her skirt, with her blouse buttons almost popping. Then she was gone for months due to a car accident.

Later I actually met her older sister, who was by then divorced with a pile of kids and on AFDC. What was interesting was what a voracious reader she was--classical literature. I mentioned her to my mom who said yes, those girls were always very smart. Their mom was divorced and struggling in our working class town.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

Is this for real? A 15 year old having sex with a same age peer she's been in a long term relationship with is very much the definition of age appropriate. Sure, we as parents would like them all to wait until 18, but did any of us wait that long by choice?

I did.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone posting that these kids are "unsupervised" and have a "lack of parenting" are just trying to make yourselves feel better. This could be any kid. My parents were up my a$$. My mom scared the $hit out of me, but I still did things, sexually, at a very young age that I should not have been doing. I had a boyfriend, we were the same age, in middle school, that everyone thought we were super cute and innocent. And we did love each other very much, but we had basically done everything but sleep together by the time we were 12. TWELVE.

How did you find the privacy?

Anonymous wrote:I think they tend to be kids who have an innately high EQ, such that their parents stop worrying about them and so stop supervising them at a much younger age that is typical. So, while they seem mature and know how to manipulate adults (and others), they do not in fact have fully developed frontal lobes yet, so they do stupid things without getting caught.

Um, whoa, you just described me as a teen exactly. My parents were involved and loving but I was a straight A student and adept at the manipulation you describe. I was super self disciplined with school but I also had tons of anxiety and partying was a great form of self medication. Nothing really bad ever happened but I would never want my own kids to take the same path.