Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really care what other people do as long as they aren't total assholes like the PP engineer who thinks she is so high and mighty with her 200k salary. Give me a break.

However, we have found that having a SAHP is a nice extra to have. It elevates our lifestyle as a whole, much like the "divide and conquer" PP said. But I wouldn't do it if my spouse didn't make more than 500k. It's a luxury at that point, not a drag.

She is 10 times the woman you are. She’s setting a wonderful example for the girls of tomorrow while you are making daddy’s martini.

How do you know what this PP is doing? All she said is that it's a "nice extra to have." She didn't say one word about what she does with her time. Any assumptions you make about shopping or lunching are just that, your ASSumptions. Maybe she does a lot of volunteering. Maybe she's the artist PP. Or a writer.

signed, working mom who thinks this entire debate is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really care what other people do as long as they aren't total assholes like the PP engineer who thinks she is so high and mighty with her 200k salary. Give me a break.

However, we have found that having a SAHP is a nice extra to have. It elevates our lifestyle as a whole, much like the "divide and conquer" PP said. But I wouldn't do it if my spouse didn't make more than 500k. It's a luxury at that point, not a drag.

She is 10 times the woman you are. She’s setting a wonderful example for the girls of tomorrow while you are making daddy’s martini.

Or fundraising more than her salary in volunteer positions.... but you have it all figured out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is pretty insane. I don't know anyone in my VHCOL area who considers 450K middle class - while that might not be wealthy per se, it is definitely upper middle class and above. I also know very few people with that income who have "cushy and secure" jobs. SMDH.

Upper middle is still part of the middle class.

There's still a distinction there. Middle is not the same as upper middle. I'd go even further and say that 450K is probably low end of wealthy, again, for my VHCOL area that is more expensive than DC/DMV.

My dream for women is -
They continue to be in the workforce even when they become moms. They are given equal - pay, paid maternity leave(and paternity leave for fathers), flexible schedule and telecommuting options.

We can continue to debate about SAHM/WOHM but the unless we address issues around - pregnancies, childbirth, childcare, flexible working, remote working, and equal pay, we are not getting the most out of our human capital.

Anonymous wrote:I don't really care what other people do as long as they aren't total assholes like the PP engineer who thinks she is so high and mighty with her 200k salary. Give me a break.

However, we have found that having a SAHP is a nice extra to have. It elevates our lifestyle as a whole, much like the "divide and conquer" PP said. But I wouldn't do it if my spouse didn't make more than 500k. It's a luxury at that point, not a drag.

She is 10 times the woman you are. She’s setting a wonderful example for the girls of tomorrow while you are making daddy’s martini.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

actually yes. But I know the reality is that they have a superior childhood because my husband makes a lot of money. So that means private school, college is taken care of, we take them on fabulous vacations all over the world, they get private tennis, ski, swim, and music lessons, cool summer camps, all the tech they want, etc. And they have a mom at home who greets them at the door, runs them around to activities, hosts the play dates, volunteers in their schools, makes a home cooked meal every night, makes sure the house is nice and tidy, keeps on top of their homework schedules, etc.

I mean, yeah it's better. It's definitely better than what they had when I was working, which was a harried mom juggling too many balls.

Exactly. It's the gift of time. Our household is much less stressed with a divide and conquer approach. It leaves our weekends free to do fun things with the kids, like go skiing or hiking (we live in CO).

It's like with the distance learning - a lot of the posts I see on here are from WOHMs who are juggling their jobs and trying to get their kids to learn and they all make it sound like a total shit show. Whereas I have the privilege to devote my day to seeing that my kids keep learning, making progress, and enriching them. It's all been very peaceful and restful.

this is OK if your attitude is divide - your husband makes the money and conquer - you take care of the children. I would prefer a more balanced life and equal perspective for my children. Frankly the fact that anyone could discourage two incomes during this situation where jobs are being lost and people are suffering enormously is pretty freaking gross. Hope you enjoy your garden while your neighbors are dying.

And BTW there is zero evidence that children of stay at home moms do better. In fact the opposite is true - especially when it comes to sons.

I don't really care what other people do as long as they aren't total assholes like the PP engineer who thinks she is so high and mighty with her 200k salary. Give me a break.

However, we have found that having a SAHP is a nice extra to have. It elevates our lifestyle as a whole, much like the "divide and conquer" PP said. But I wouldn't do it if my spouse didn't make more than 500k. It's a luxury at that point, not a drag.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is pretty insane. I don't know anyone in my VHCOL area who considers 450K middle class - while that might not be wealthy per se, it is definitely upper middle class and above. I also know very few people with that income who have "cushy and secure" jobs. SMDH.

Upper middle is still part of the middle class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG I'm DYING at someone thinking they are superior to me because they make 210k.

Oh honey. Talk about having a small life! You don't even know that is not a lot of money.

I feel sad for her.

Ok I wouldn't have said it like this because it's mean but yes. I cringed at that too.

Hi, I’m the pp you’re referring to!

I never said it was the money that makes me superior. I just can’t imagine feeling fulfilled in life doing...well nothing. I’m sure you get to travel and shop but you are kind of worthless (in my view).

Again I would never say this to your face.

these are some mighty big ASSumptions you're making there.

I'm not the PP you're quoting. However, I am an artist (as in, people actually pay me for my work) who is mostly a SAHM. I have lots of friends who are the same - they're in the art world somehow, or they write, or freelance.

But the money is shit and it's not enough to make a living on. The only people who have the privilege to focus on their art as a vocation are either financially supported by their parents or spouses. It's very rare to be able to do it just with patrons or sales. So we take on the brunt of the housework and childcare because we have the free time.

But I suppose you would say I am worthless too because I made under 20k last year. What a small, petty, SAD perspective that is.

This thread is pretty insane. I don't know anyone in my VHCOL area who considers 450K middle class - while that might not be wealthy per se, it is definitely upper middle class and above. I also know very few people with that income who have "cushy and secure" jobs. SMDH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

actually yes. But I know the reality is that they have a superior childhood because my husband makes a lot of money. So that means private school, college is taken care of, we take them on fabulous vacations all over the world, they get private tennis, ski, swim, and music lessons, cool summer camps, all the tech they want, etc. And they have a mom at home who greets them at the door, runs them around to activities, hosts the play dates, volunteers in their schools, makes a home cooked meal every night, makes sure the house is nice and tidy, keeps on top of their homework schedules, etc.

I mean, yeah it's better. It's definitely better than what they had when I was working, which was a harried mom juggling too many balls.

Exactly. It's the gift of time. Our household is much less stressed with a divide and conquer approach. It leaves our weekends free to do fun things with the kids, like go skiing or hiking (we live in CO).

It's like with the distance learning - a lot of the posts I see on here are from WOHMs who are juggling their jobs and trying to get their kids to learn and they all make it sound like a total shit show. Whereas I have the privilege to devote my day to seeing that my kids keep learning, making progress, and enriching them. It's all been very peaceful and restful.

Only on DCUM is 210K "cringeworthy" I'm not saying the engineer's attitude is OK, but I make half of that and live a lovely and comfortable life. Also, I don't think that anyone who is income earning should be turning their nose up at people who earn a living outside the home, anyone who is doing an honest day's work. For me, this time has only increased the value I see in an honest day's work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG I'm DYING at someone thinking they are superior to me because they make 210k.

Oh honey. Talk about having a small life! You don't even know that is not a lot of money.

I feel sad for her.

Ok I wouldn't have said it like this because it's mean but yes. I cringed at that too.

Hi, I’m the pp you’re referring to!

I never said it was the money that makes me superior. I just can’t imagine feeling fulfilled in life doing...well nothing. I’m sure you get to travel and shop but you are kind of worthless (in my view).

Again I would never say this to your face.

I’m cringing for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

A resounding NO. I’m not giving my kids anything that kids of two working parents don’t have.

But, I’m giving myself and my DH something: me, more time with my kids, and more space to care for myself, as I have a chronic medical issue that requires some extra attention. And for DH, the ability to focus on his work, and have our home and kids cared for.

But I hate that some WOH moms think SAH moms judge them. No, no, no. Not from me.

Bless you for this kind and balanced view, utterly devoid of digs about having "other people raise your kids".

I am glad that you have constructed a life that works for you. Best wishes.

Geez. Even during a pandemic the debate continues. Who cares?!