My cheating ex does the exact same with me. Our breakup was extremely acrimonious and bitter, we did not communicate directly for a year. Now he is constantly trying to engage me and catch my attention using the children as a cover. He is extremely remorseful about how he treated me, and how the public and his family view him. Just yesterday he called me at 2 am asking did I miss him. The more I show disinterest in him the more desperate he gets. But he is a cheater and always will be just like your boyfriend OP. BTW, I slept with him once after the divorce just to prove he would cheat on his cheating partner. OP, I'm not trying to make you feel bad like some of these posters but you just need to face reality.

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

THAT is your smoking gun?

Are you high?

Sounds like he is much more mature than you are. Wouldn't you want a person who treats his ex with courtesy and consideration. He as married to her this time last year. Calm down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are too insecure to be in this relationship. She’s going to be in his life forever so you either trust him or don’t but doesn’t sound like you do so move on.

No, his children are in his life forever, NOT his ex.

He needs to draw straight lines with his ex and his own personal life with OP. If he wants to be all chummy with his unstable ex, they should have stayed married.

I agree, OP needs to be upfront with him. The ex is not part of any package, sure they need to talk but keep it to the bare minimum.

Why? I mean, I keep contact with my own ex to a bare minimum, but that's not a hard and fast rule. I know others who have great relationships with their ex-partners. There's no "right" way to be divorced, and OP can either accept that her partner is choosing the "more contact" way or not accept it, but she can't tell her boyfriend how to run his life or relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are too insecure to be in this relationship. She’s going to be in his life forever so you either trust him or don’t but doesn’t sound like you do so move on.

No, his children are in his life forever, NOT his ex.

He needs to draw straight lines with his ex and his own personal life with OP. If he wants to be all chummy with his unstable ex, they should have stayed married.

I agree, OP needs to be upfront with him. The ex is not part of any package, sure they need to talk but keep it to the bare minimum.

Anonymous wrote:They are a family and always will be, divorced or not. That's the family, and you can join it if you like, but you cannot break it.

Nope. He's family with his kids and gf at this point. Ex is family with her kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

She is the mother of his children. She would be a part of your life forever if your relationship lasts. But it won’t. Find someone untethered.

That's so untrue. The kids are part of the package, not the ex.

OP really you should be honest with your bf especially if you guys plan to stay together. Ask him if he can limit his contact with the ex. Most men do not want to lose out on their future because of a ex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read through all of the messages. I get that she's the mother of his children, but I've since seen other messages. He's reaching out to her at least every other day over the smallest of things. She barely even responds back, but he keeps initiating conversations with her. Why even get divorced? The divorce was so ugly, I thought they hated each other and now it seems as though he wants them to be best buddies. - OP

This is my ex (I'm the DW here). I rarely reach out to him unless it's re the children (childcare, etc), and will not initiate chit chat. He does this with me regularly, especially when DC are with him.

Are you the ACTUAL DW here? Like, you recognize your ex-husband's former mistress/now girlfriend from her posts? Or the metaphorical DW?

Sorry for the confusion - I get confused at how people use these acronyms. We are not together, but i was the DW in this situation. My ex DH will often text me things - questions, etc that are tangentially related to the DC, but not necessary to ask me or communicate with me about. It is annoying and I don't respond in hopes it ends. He is the one that chose to end our relationship.

Clarifying again that I am a completely separate poster with no relation to OP, one that should clearly not multi-task.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read through all of the messages. I get that she's the mother of his children, but I've since seen other messages. He's reaching out to her at least every other day over the smallest of things. She barely even responds back, but he keeps initiating conversations with her. Why even get divorced? The divorce was so ugly, I thought they hated each other and now it seems as though he wants them to be best buddies. - OP

This is my ex (I'm the DW here). I rarely reach out to him unless it's re the children (childcare, etc), and will not initiate chit chat. He does this with me regularly, especially when DC are with him.

Are you the ACTUAL DW here? Like, you recognize your ex-husband's former mistress/now girlfriend from her posts? Or the metaphorical DW?

Sorry for the confusion - I get confused at how people use these acronyms. We are not together, but i was the DW in this situation. My ex DH will often text me things - questions, etc that are tangentially related to the DC, but not necessary to ask me or communicate with me about. It is annoying and I don't respond in hopes it ends. He is the one that chose to end our relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read through all of the messages. I get that she's the mother of his children, but I've since seen other messages. He's reaching out to her at least every other day over the smallest of things. She barely even responds back, but he keeps initiating conversations with her. Why even get divorced? The divorce was so ugly, I thought they hated each other and now it seems as though he wants them to be best buddies. - OP

This is my ex (I'm the DW here). I rarely reach out to him unless it's re the children (childcare, etc), and will not initiate chit chat. He does this with me regularly, especially when DC are with him.

Are you the ACTUAL DW here? Like, you recognize your ex-husband's former mistress/now girlfriend from her posts? Or the metaphorical DW?

Anonymous wrote:I read through all of the messages. I get that she's the mother of his children, but I've since seen other messages. He's reaching out to her at least every other day over the smallest of things. She barely even responds back, but he keeps initiating conversations with her. Why even get divorced? The divorce was so ugly, I thought they hated each other and now it seems as though he wants them to be best buddies. - OP

This is my ex (I'm the DW here). I rarely reach out to him unless it's re the children (childcare, etc), and will not initiate chit chat. He does this with me regularly, especially when DC are with him.

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you your bf’s affair partner while he and his wife were still married?

It's pretty clear from the timeline that she was. His divorce has only been final six months and they are already living together. Either she moves REALLY fast, or their relationship was the precipitating cause for the divorce.

I agree with everyone else that OP is too possessive and immature to be dating someone with kids.

OP, were you your bf’s affair partner while he and his wife were still married?

Anonymous wrote:I read through all of the messages. I get that she's the mother of his children, but I've since seen other messages. He's reaching out to her at least every other day over the smallest of things. She barely even responds back, but he keeps initiating conversations with her. Why even get divorced? The divorce was so ugly, I thought they hated each other and now it seems as though he wants them to be best buddies. - OP

A question, then. Do you want the ugly divorce guy or do you want the civil and friendly with his ex guy? Sounds like you want the asshole.

I read through all of the messages. I get that she's the mother of his children, but I've since seen other messages. He's reaching out to her at least every other day over the smallest of things. She barely even responds back, but he keeps initiating conversations with her. Why even get divorced? The divorce was so ugly, I thought they hated each other and now it seems as though he wants them to be best buddies. - OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This relationship isn't for you. It doesn't really matter what his relationship with his ex-wife is (i.e. if he's sleeping with her or just trying to be friendly) but you clearly can't handle the fact that this woman will be in his life forever. I'm not saying that to be mean, just to be truthful. Being with someone who has kids with someone else isn't for everyone. I purposefully never dated anyone with kids because I knew it wasn't for me. Just find someone else, please.

This. Consider whether you will be able to handle this long term. I say it as the ex-wife in this scenario. I have zero romantic feelings towards me ex, at all, and he was the one who wanted the divorce. We are very friendly now and frequently text, typically kid related. We will never, ever get back together. But, we co-parent well because we have a friendly relationship and open communication, we still do big events/holidays together, etc. Please PLEASE do not continue this relationship if it's going to be an issue for you going forward.

Hah. Of course you don’t want your ex dating anyone. Then you won’t have as much control and say over him,