Anonymous wrote:As of now, she does not want to go

Doesn't mean she wants you to go. There is a difference. I guarantee she prefers you to stay with her and your new baby over the first big holiday together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course I will miss my wife (and daughter)... that's the whole point of the thread

The thread seemed to be you wanting a pass to make your wife go to your fun family weekend over Xmas

That is still my preference. But I recognize I have to be fine with it if it doesn't happen.

Anonymous wrote:Of course I will miss my wife (and daughter)... that's the whole point of the thread

The thread seemed to be you wanting a pass to make your wife go to your fun family weekend over Xmas

I want to add that I am a DW who honestly would not care if you went on this trip given the child's age.
What i would have an issue with is you holding any resentment toward me for NOT going and not wanting to go. Especially since it would be unpaid and during one of the busiest travel times in the US.

What would give me pause further is if I suspected this would turn into an annual thing that we would be expected to attend each year. Somehow these reunions always end up being annually and there is no way in hell i would be promising every Christmas to your family no matter how fun they are. Just no way. Double no since travel is involved.

you need to know your priorities and hopefully, they align with your wife. Don't assume just because she is fine with you going this year, you get a pass each year. And don't assume just because your kid is too young to travel this year that other years your wife and kid will gladly go.

Please be open and understanding that this may be the only year for a while that you or your family attends and you need to stand up for that decision (or what ever you 2 decide) to your own family. Don't be the jerk husband who just doesn't get it

Of course I will miss my wife (and daughter)... that's the whole point of the thread

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little thrown off that OP wants his wife to take unpaid leave and schlepp a baby across the continent so she can sit in a house and listen to in-laws — all in order that OP won’t miss their baby. What about DW?! You don’t care whether she is actually there or not? You don’t care if this trip would be fun for her or not?

Of course the trip would be fun for her. But it might not be worth it to get there and back.

"listen to in-laws"...vs have a blast with all my cool cousins/aunts/uncles. I feel bad for you people. I like hanging out with all of my wife's family and she likes hanging out with all of mine.

yeah, i am sure your family was great for your wife before kids. And now her priorities have lined up with having a child (ie. THEY and YOU come first), however you continue to want to party it up with extended family at CHRISTMAS of all times. Who throws a reunion at Christmas. That is very selfish to all inlaws involved.
Let me guess, this will turn into some annual reunion because everyone loved it and your wife will be stuck going there for all eternity because you can't say "No" to your mom and dad.

You come off as very defensive, arguing one thing then another and never once state you will miss your wife. Infact you only discuss your wife in terms of being resentful towards her and how it is her own fault she had a baby and has no PTO to use.
Seriously dude. Get a clue.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little thrown off that OP wants his wife to take unpaid leave and schlepp a baby across the continent so she can sit in a house and listen to in-laws — all in order that OP won’t miss their baby. What about DW?! You don’t care whether she is actually there or not? You don’t care if this trip would be fun for her or not?

Of course the trip would be fun for her. But it might not be worth it to get there and back.

"listen to in-laws"...vs have a blast with all my cool cousins/aunts/uncles. I feel bad for you people. I like hanging out with all of my wife's family and she likes hanging out with all of mine.

I’m a little thrown off that OP wants his wife to take unpaid leave and schlepp a baby across the continent so she can sit in a house and listen to in-laws — all in order that OP won’t miss their baby. What about DW?! You don’t care whether she is actually there or not? You don’t care if this trip would be fun for her or not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP just realized at least a few of his extended family members are going to give him the side eye when he shows up for Christmas without his wife and baby. Its not about missing the baby or leaving his wife behind. He's crowdsourcing DCUM to get a sense of the optics involved.

I think they, like everyone else, understand the reality that it is difficult and expensive to fly across the country with a 13 month old baby. Don't get what side eye would happen.

The side-eye that comes with his decision to skip Christmas with his wife and baby in order to go on vacation.

Anonymous wrote:
I do the majority of pickup/dropoff and doctor's appointments. When our daughter's daycare is closing for a week in June, who is taking off work? Me.

I know it's satisfying to come on here and bash random husbands because you hate your own, but this was a swing and a miss

Defensiveness and an attempt to boast about your more-or-less adequacy as a partner is not helping your case, chum.

Anonymous wrote:I think OP just realized at least a few of his extended family members are going to give him the side eye when he shows up for Christmas without his wife and baby. Its not about missing the baby or leaving his wife behind. He's crowdsourcing DCUM to get a sense of the optics involved.

I think they, like everyone else, understand the reality that it is difficult and expensive to fly across the country with a 13 month old baby. Don't get what side eye would happen.

I think OP just realized at least a few of his extended family members are going to give him the side eye when he shows up for Christmas without his wife and baby. Its not about missing the baby or leaving his wife behind. He's crowdsourcing DCUM to get a sense of the optics involved.

Anonymous wrote:As of now, she does not want to go

I can respect that. It’s a pain in the neck to travel with a young child especially during the holidays.

As of now, she does not want to go

Anonymous wrote:It's a big family gathering that I really shouldn't and don't want to miss and I already purchased a flight! So my options now are to waste my flight, buy another flight for my wife or change nothing about the plans

Does your wife want to go?