Anonymous
03/28/2018 10:33
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
Anonymous wrote:It is admirable that OP is ignoring the off topic general blather from both sides and truly trying to find solutions.
Maintenance sex and scheduled sex worked well for us until the kids got a bit older (early elementary) and things got a bit less chaotic.
+1 to sending kudos to OP.
Like some others here, I offered maintenance sex because it was important to his self-esteem. He was a pretty terrible lover and hygiene wasn’t great, so yes, sometimes I faked it just to end it (like the Seinfeld episode). I’m not proud of that, but again he had very fragile self-esteem.
I figured that it was important to him, so I should make this effort.
Anonymous
03/28/2018 10:20
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
It is admirable that OP is ignoring the off topic general blather from both sides and truly trying to find solutions.
Maintenance sex and scheduled sex worked well for us until the kids got a bit older (early elementary) and things got a bit less chaotic.
Maintenance sex and scheduled sex worked well for us until the kids got a bit older (early elementary) and things got a bit less chaotic.
Anonymous
03/28/2018 10:01
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
OP here - So, what's the verdict on maintenance sex?
My preference is to take the time to get her off. But, she'll sometimes offer a quickie. On the one hand, I'm not all that excited about sex she's not excited about. I don't want to reinforce any negativity she might have about sex.
On the other hand, creating a lot of expectation and pressure around her having an orgasm can be counterproductive. And, turning down quickies adds to the pattern of us getting out of the habit of having sex.
Anyway, she suggested one last night. I went with it. I thought it was pleasant, but it wasn't earth shaking for either of us. When I was done, I offered to keep going to get her there, but she said she didn't think it was in the cards.
So, are these more likely to reinforce negative feelings about sex for her or are these potentially building blocks to get our frequency up and hopefully lead to better quality as we get back in the habit of having sex?
My preference is to take the time to get her off. But, she'll sometimes offer a quickie. On the one hand, I'm not all that excited about sex she's not excited about. I don't want to reinforce any negativity she might have about sex.
On the other hand, creating a lot of expectation and pressure around her having an orgasm can be counterproductive. And, turning down quickies adds to the pattern of us getting out of the habit of having sex.
Anyway, she suggested one last night. I went with it. I thought it was pleasant, but it wasn't earth shaking for either of us. When I was done, I offered to keep going to get her there, but she said she didn't think it was in the cards.
So, are these more likely to reinforce negative feelings about sex for her or are these potentially building blocks to get our frequency up and hopefully lead to better quality as we get back in the habit of having sex?
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:59
Subject: Re:Wife would be ok never having sex again
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Again, this is a husband issue as much as or more than a wife issue.
You husbands are literally killing your wife's libido over and over again for years and then are OMG shocked when she shuts down sex with you later in life.
She owes you nothing if you have given her nothing in return. You just don't like the natural consequence and instead of owning it and trying to fix it; you find it easier to cash in your chips and leave.
Well good for you, but guess what. All that sex she wouldn't give you is given 10 times over to the next guy who hasn't killed it yet.
Seriously, what makes men think they are entitled to continuous sex when they don't put in continuous effort in the day to day life. I am not talking about taking out the trash, but actually taking on 50% of the household responsibilities. If i phoned it in at work like men do in their marriages i would face consequences at work. Well your consequence at home is no sex.
Enjoy your new fling for a while but if you don't change how you treat her the end result will be the same as your current wife.
This is gospel truth. Listen up husbands of all ages.
Let's assume that this is 100% gospel truth. It simply means this: once the sex slows down, immediately DIVORCE YOUR HUSBAND. Why stay 1 extra minute with that lazy jerk that you don't want sex with? Just leave right now. Problem solved. Everybody wins.
Or, if you choose to stay, the marriage is Open.
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:49
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not and MRA guy, but it really is easy if you have a good career, stay in shape and have a nice place in the city. My last GF said she feels guilty dating me since there’s so many women my age in her office who are single and looking.
Hahaha. You are so lying.
+1000. Lying and lonely.
Not the PP but I believe him. Haven't you read the thread from the poster frustrated that men are having sex without being exclusive. Men would definitely become exclusive if that were a barrier to sex, but if you can hold a conversation, look decent and can afford nice dinners or nights out, it is very easy to have sex with women in a major city in 2018.
I have heard from single women that dating in their 40's and 50's is just like HS. Men just want to get laid and it's a big turn off to them.
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:48
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
So many marriages and sex lives could be saved if the husband was aware of this and did some damage control. Men are clueless. Men would rather divorce and lose their family and half their assets, rather than address their part of the problem.
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:41
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not and MRA guy, but it really is easy if you have a good career, stay in shape and have a nice place in the city. My last GF said she feels guilty dating me since there’s so many women my age in her office who are single and looking.
Hahaha. You are so lying.
+1000. Lying and lonely.
Not the PP but I believe him. Haven't you read the thread from the poster frustrated that men are having sex without being exclusive. Men would definitely become exclusive if that were a barrier to sex, but if you can hold a conversation, look decent and can afford nice dinners or nights out, it is very easy to have sex with women in a major city in 2018.
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:40
Subject: Re:Wife would be ok never having sex again
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am surprised by so many people needing so much sex into their 40s and 50s. Biologically, the purpose of sex is procreation. That's why sex hormones are the strongest in one's teens and 20s.
Men can procreate until their 80s or 90s so your argument is only valid for women. This is why so many men eventually trade in their over-40yo wives for a younger girlfriend with an interest in sex.
men may be able to procreate when they are old but, hate to break it to you your sperm does get old and when that happens your kids may get all sorts of health problems. Plus, you won't be around to get to know them!
Skeevy horndog pp is going to end up alone in a nursing home with an aide changing his diapers. All because he couldn’t be bothered with the “to love and to cherish” side of relationships.
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:35
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
Anonymous wrote:If I were single any guy who divorced his wife due to lack of sex would be a big red flag. Chances are he is the reason for her lack of sex drive and a leopard doesn't change it's spots.
+1,000. Plus I have zero interest in guys who don’t also care about companionship and shared interests. My sex drive is just fine, thank you, but I want more in a relationship than only that.
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:33
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
Good thing I never truly changed last names!
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:33
Subject: Re:Wife would be ok never having sex again
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am surprised by so many people needing so much sex into their 40s and 50s. Biologically, the purpose of sex is procreation. That's why sex hormones are the strongest in one's teens and 20s.
Men can procreate until their 80s or 90s so your argument is only valid for women. This is why so many men eventually trade in their over-40yo wives for a younger girlfriend with an interest in sex.
men may be able to procreate when they are old but, hate to break it to you your sperm does get old and when that happens your kids may get all sorts of health problems. Plus, you won't be around to get to know them!
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:33
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
This is the wife who wants it and a divorce!
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:30
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
I want a divorce cause I'm alone and never wanted it more!
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:29
Subject: Re:Wife would be ok never having sex again
I love how men expect women to stay physically attractive enough for them to want to have sex with or it is their wife's fault for gaining weight (while having 3 kids). Or it is their wife's fault for not wanting sex and saying she is tired after working 8 hours, driving car pool, picking up groceries, cooking a meal and then overseeing bath/bed. Men complain women aren't making them a priority.
How about YOU may HER a priority.
yes hormones fade and newness of a relationship wears off making passion a bit more difficult but in all the relationships i know of men complaining about women's 'low libido' it is not really low libido, just low interest in the DH. And that can be for a variety of reasons but the tops at the list are legit tired after handling all of the physical/emotional load and not feeling like a women to their husbands, just a housekeeper/mother/way to get sex.
See her for who she is. She is a person first and foremost. The marriages with consistent and good sex are those where both partners feel valued as individuals outside of marital roles or those of mom/dad. Remind her you see HER and she may just see YOU.
How about YOU may HER a priority.
yes hormones fade and newness of a relationship wears off making passion a bit more difficult but in all the relationships i know of men complaining about women's 'low libido' it is not really low libido, just low interest in the DH. And that can be for a variety of reasons but the tops at the list are legit tired after handling all of the physical/emotional load and not feeling like a women to their husbands, just a housekeeper/mother/way to get sex.
See her for who she is. She is a person first and foremost. The marriages with consistent and good sex are those where both partners feel valued as individuals outside of marital roles or those of mom/dad. Remind her you see HER and she may just see YOU.
Anonymous
03/28/2018 09:27
Subject: Wife would be ok never having sex again
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not and MRA guy, but it really is easy if you have a good career, stay in shape and have a nice place in the city. My last GF said she feels guilty dating me since there’s so many women my age in her office who are single and looking.
Hahaha. You are so lying.
+1000. Lying and lonely.