Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
People who do not spank usually give other "consequences" or punishments

Consequences and punishments are not the same, and the fact that you think they are says a lot about why you end up in situations with your kid where you feel like spanking is the best option.

A punishment is one type of consequence. Big deal. A penny is one type of coin. You calling this out and acting superior for it is useless.

Anonymous wrote:
People who do not spank usually give other "consequences" or punishments

Consequences and punishments are not the same, and the fact that you think they are says a lot about why you end up in situations with your kid where you feel like spanking is the best option.

Anonymous wrote:Np here. Have not read all the pages.

I was both spanked on my bare butt by my dad and hit in anger (swatted, pinched, hair pulled) by my mom.

Both sucked. I remember my dad getting angry because I wouldn’t move my hand away from my bare bottom.

So now I have anger issues. When I get mad at my kids I want to hit them. Maybe it’s genes. I’m doing really well though. DH and I don’t hit our kids.

I’m hoping my kids won’t have an inclination to hit their kids when they grow up.

I have a great relationship with my parents otherwise. But when I think of my abuse I get physically worked up and dick feeling.

There are likely other things that contributed to your "anger issues."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
NP here.

Just chiming in to say that spanking doesn't have to be the end of the world, and sometimes solves problems in a less-traumatic way than what parents resort to, ie, yelling, nagging, or enduring months or years of the bad behavior.

Like all parenting, it has to be done judiciously. You have to know your kid. You have to choose your moment, be in control of your emotions, correctly explain what you meant by it later on, etc. It's not the same as randomly hitting your child every time you're feeling lousy.

Of course people who are scared of the world and like to simplify it with black and white thinking will not like this point of view.

No, PP. Disciplining a child by the use of physical pain is always 100% wrong. It is black and white.

New poster. That is your opinion, and you are absolutely entitled to it. Believing spanking is wrong is not the same as saying it will categorically result in this or that; when it comes to the discussion of whether spanking is always harmful, as some posters think it is, that is not clear-cut AT ALL. Studies are just that: studies. The results will be accurate in some cases, and not in others. There are plenty of loving, engaged parents who will spank from time to time. There are plenty of loving, engaged parents who never spank. The children coming from either one of those circumstances will be mixed bags as well: some kids good, some troubled. Posters can keep saying that spanking is ALWAYS psychologically damaging all they want, the empirical and real life evidence simply doesn't bear that out, no matter how much they want it to. Like almost everything in life, it depends.

The anti-spanking crowd makes it sound like every spanking is a bare-butt, full-force, extreme pain causing event. It’s just not. I don’t know how it was for the other people who have been spanked, but the punishment for me growing up was the anticipation that it MIGHT hurt even though it really never did hurt that badly at all. And the embarrassment that I did something bad enough to earn a spank. My spanks were always over clothes and followed with going to my room or losing another privilege. They were never very painful and never on par with a slap or punch in the face. Not every sparking is a super violent event so just stop with the abuse nonsense. It’s the ritual of the punishment that I felt was most effective for me. I have grown up to be a nonviolent individual and I love and respect my parents very, very much. We have a fantastic and loving relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My youngest might still get a spanking occasionally, but it's very rare now.

I remember my dad telling me to “come over here and bend over my lap for your spanking.” [b] The moment from that until I got to his lap were the most fearful moments of my life. It was terrifying to me. Much like I imagine it would fell to be walking to an execution. That’s how it feels from a child’s perspective. [/b]
That’s what I remember—NOT whatever behavior got me spanked.

That's how it feels from "A" child's perspective. As in, you. I remember the feeling more like, "crap this sucks. I'm in big trouble, and it's gonna hurt." And then moving on with life. Hopefully you'll never have to actually make that walk to the electric chair, so the comparison to what your dad did will continue to be theoretical.

The first PP's experience is how I felt too. It was so anxiety provoking. I remember shaking and crying and trying to run away from him. It was terrifying. I also remember going to the bathroom afterward and pulling down my pants to see how red my butt was and it was always red and painful. I don't remember any of what I did to "earn" the spankings.

were you spanked bare butt?

Yes, I was spanked bare butt. I was never slapped in the face or anything. I'm a new poster to this thread.

Same here, and it really just wasn't that big of a deal. Maybe because we were younger.

totally true and explains a lot. my mom spanked ALL THE TIME. i'm 46 and i still defy her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My youngest might still get a spanking occasionally, but it's very rare now.

I remember my dad telling me to “come over here and bend over my lap for your spanking.” The moment from that until I got to his lap were the most fearful moments of my life. It was terrifying to me. Much like I imagine it would fell to be walking to an execution. That’s how it feels from a child’s perspective.
That’s what I remember—NOT whatever behavior got me spanked.

That's how it feels from "A" child's perspective. As in, you. I remember the feeling more like, "crap this sucks. I'm in big trouble, and it's gonna hurt." And then moving on with life. Hopefully you'll never have to actually make that walk to the electric chair, so the comparison to what your dad did will continue to be theoretical.

I hope your child remembers it the way you do.

Np here. Have not read all the pages.

I was both spanked on my bare butt by my dad and hit in anger (swatted, pinched, hair pulled) by my mom.

Both sucked. I remember my dad getting angry because I wouldn’t move my hand away from my bare bottom.

So now I have anger issues. When I get mad at my kids I want to hit them. Maybe it’s genes. I’m doing really well though. DH and I don’t hit our kids.

I’m hoping my kids won’t have an inclination to hit their kids when they grow up.

I have a great relationship with my parents otherwise. But when I think of my abuse I get physically worked up and dick feeling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My youngest might still get a spanking occasionally, but it's very rare now.

I remember my dad telling me to “come over here and bend over my lap for your spanking.” [b] The moment from that until I got to his lap were the most fearful moments of my life. It was terrifying to me. Much like I imagine it would fell to be walking to an execution. That’s how it feels from a child’s perspective. [/b]
That’s what I remember—NOT whatever behavior got me spanked.

That's how it feels from "A" child's perspective. As in, you. I remember the feeling more like, "crap this sucks. I'm in big trouble, and it's gonna hurt." And then moving on with life. Hopefully you'll never have to actually make that walk to the electric chair, so the comparison to what your dad did will continue to be theoretical.

The first PP's experience is how I felt too. It was so anxiety provoking. I remember shaking and crying and trying to run away from him. It was terrifying. I also remember going to the bathroom afterward and pulling down my pants to see how red my butt was and it was always red and painful. I don't remember any of what I did to "earn" the spankings.

were you spanked bare butt?

Yes, I was spanked bare butt. I was never slapped in the face or anything. I'm a new poster to this thread.

Related question : have you ever given your child the finger behind their back?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why strike your children on what you're simultaneously teaching them is a "private area"? I've been called a pedophile for having the audacity to find this sick.

It's an interesting question. I'd say tradition is a big part of it. Also, I think it seems a little more dissociated from the person, if that makes sense. Having been slapped in the face once or twice, it's a totally different feeling, like it's much more of a personal affront.

Where would you recommend striking them?

NOWHERE. How about don't strike your small, helpless, defenseless children at all?

Children are quite capable of harming themselves or others, by action, inaction, word or deed. That's the point.

People who do not spank usually give other "consequences" or punishments, including time outs, loss of privileges, yelling, etc. Why? Because children need to learn -- because children are not small, helpless, defenseless.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why strike your children on what you're simultaneously teaching them is a "private area"? I've been called a pedophile for having the audacity to find this sick.

It's an interesting question. I'd say tradition is a big part of it. Also, I think it seems a little more dissociated from the person, if that makes sense. Having been slapped in the face once or twice, it's a totally different feeling, like it's much more of a personal affront.

Where would you recommend striking them?

NOWHERE. How about don't strike your small, helpless, defenseless children at all?

Children are quite capable of harming themselves or others, by action, inaction, word or deed. That's the point.

People who do not spank usually give other "consequences" or punishments, including time outs, loss of privileges, yelling, etc. Why? Because children need to learn -- because children are not small, helpless, defenseless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why strike your children on what you're simultaneously teaching them is a "private area"? I've been called a pedophile for having the audacity to find this sick.

It's an interesting question. I'd say tradition is a big part of it. Also, I think it seems a little more dissociated from the person, if that makes sense. Having been slapped in the face once or twice, it's a totally different feeling, like it's much more of a personal affront.

Where would you recommend striking them?

NOWHERE. How about don't strike your small, helpless, defenseless children at all?

We're good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why strike your children on what you're simultaneously teaching them is a "private area"? I've been called a pedophile for having the audacity to find this sick.

It's an interesting question. I'd say tradition is a big part of it. Also, I think it seems a little more dissociated from the person, if that makes sense. Having been slapped in the face once or twice, it's a totally different feeling, like it's much more of a personal affront.

Where would you recommend striking them?

NOWHERE. How about don't strike your small, helpless, defenseless children at all?