Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He got upset when I told him I'd need him to stay with me overnight in the hospital after I gave birth to our daughter. He'd been hoping to sleep at home then come back in the mornings and was very upset he had to sleep on the uncomfortable recliner in my recovery room. It wasn't our finest moment but honestly, we were both so exhausted after a multi-day induction that neither of us were thinking clearly. It was a single moment of dumb@ssness from an otherwise wonderful man.

Is it really so bad? I wouldn't want to sleep on that stupid recliner either and if he's just going home to sleep and coming right back in the morning... why is that a big deal?

Because I hadn't slept for 48 hours. Because we were in a "baby friendly" hospital that provided absolutely no help with the baby besides coming in and yelling at me for doing apparently every single thing wrong, they literally wouldn't even hand me the baby if they were already in the room. Because the call button in our room didn't work so if there had been an issue, I couldn't have alerted the nurses (I tried shouting and they didn't hear me). Because my epidural didn't wear off for hours so I couldn't stand up to get the baby on my own. Because, even after the epidural finally wore off, I had a 3rd degree tear and needed help getting out of bed each and every time and needed help getting onto and off of the toilet.

Because I needed him there.

You sound really needy.

Anonymous wrote:One night many years ago I developed excruciating headache and could not turn my head, and neck was really hurting. I asked my exH to take me to the hospital, he refused. Headache continued through the night and the next morning he made me go to his family gathering which was really important to him. It was easier to go than to listen to his screaming. Just about everyone at the party said that I look really bad and have to see the doctor, my ex said that he is not going to pay for the headache. On the way back he yelled at me in the car because he had to bring me beverages (I could not eat and could barely move), and when I said I can't take any yelling right now he turned the car radio all the way up. I felt like my head is just about to explode. Headache and neck ache did not go away and late that evening. I watched few first minutes of the movie with the sound turned off, blinked, opened my eyes and the movie was over, it was really strange. I realized that I am loosing consciousness, got up and called an ambulance. When it came he yelled at the paramedic that he is not going to pay for the headache (I had health insurance and paid for it myself). They took me anyway. I had bacterial meningitis.
In the presence of my ex I was been told by the doctor to remain on the bed rest for at least 10 days after I get home. I had to go back to work after 5 because I was paying for the household groceries, did not have any savings and that's why ''did not get to eat''. He was not poor at all, in fact, he made very good money.
He was also told by veterinarian that he is starving his dog, she was seriously under weight, I fed her secretly in small portions (he was watching the consistency and color of her poop every time).
I don't think that he is selfish, I think that he is evil.
It's over, I am with a wonderful, caring and protective man.

Anonymous wrote:One night many years ago I developed excruciating headache and could not turn my head, and neck was really hurting. I asked my exH to take me to the hospital, he refused. Headache continued through the night and the next morning he made me go to his family gathering which was really important to him. It was easier to go than to listen to his screaming. Just about everyone at the party said that I look really bad and have to see the doctor, my ex said that he is not going to pay for the headache. On the way back he yelled at me in the car because he had to bring me beverages (I could not eat and could barely move), and when I said I can't take any yelling right now he turned the car radio all the way up. I felt like my head is just about to explode. Headache and neck ache did not go away and late that evening. I watched few first minutes of the movie with the sound turned off, blinked, opened my eyes and the movie was over, it was really strange. I realized that I am loosing consciousness, got up and called an ambulance. When it came he yelled at the paramedic that he is not going to pay for the headache (I had health insurance and paid for it myself). They took me anyway. I had bacterial meningitis.
In the presence of my ex I was been told by the doctor to remain on the bed rest for at least 10 days after I get home. I had to go back to work after 5 because I was paying for the household groceries, did not have any savings and that's why ''did not get to eat''. He was not poor at all, in fact, he made very good money.
He was also told by veterinarian that he is starving his dog, she was seriously under weight, I fed her secretly in small portions (he was watching the consistency and color of her poop every time).
I don't think that he is selfish, I think that he is evil.

What happened to the dog?
It's over, I am with a wonderful, caring and protective man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Jesus people... this is why there are issues with PPD. A woman who gives birth just went through a HUGE hormonal/personal/physical/etc change and ESPECIALLY with the first child--- how is it out of the ordinary to expect that the father would just stay with you for the first night? And yes, if my DH was in the hospital I would absolutely do everything I could to support him.

NP. Don't get it either. It is the father's child. His wife just delivered a baby, and may have even had a routine, but still serious, medical procedure.

And even if YOU didn't need your husband's help, someone else still may want/need their husband around. How hard is it to understand?

I don't think anyone's saying they don't care if their DH is there at ALL - he's there during the birth, during the waking hours, bringing you extra food, getting water, listening to what the doctors/nurses are saying, etc. But what some women are saying is there isn't much of a point for the DH to stay overnight in a crappy chair and probably not get any rest, thus possibly making him tired/cranky the next day, etc. The new mom probably isn't getting much sleep in the hospital either, but it doesn't make a lot of sense for both parents to be exhausted.

This kind of sexism makes me crazy, and it doesn't make it any less sexist just because you couch it in terms of "what some women are saying."

This kind of attitude -- "well, she has to do it, so why should I also have to do it? Doing it comes at a cost (of lack of rest) and at least one of us should feel well-rested" -- is ridiculous logic that, when extended through the life of raising kids means that the woman does the lion's share of parenting and suffers the lion's share of the negative damage from it (sleep, career prospects, double shift, etc.)

DH should stay overnight in a crappy chair, because the child that was just born is 50% his, so he should do 50% of the child-rearing from the start. Yes, DH might get a crappy night's sleep, but he might also be able to rise in the middle of the night to change a diaper or get me the baby, thus making my middle of the night a little less crappy. DH might also get to bond with the new baby and better learn the new baby's rythm.

Also, it is not my responsibility to insulate DH from anything that might make him tired/cranky the next day. He needs to suck it up when he is tired just like I do.

Actually you are the sexist one. Why can’t you suck it up...oh that’s right you are woman and get special treatment. Seriously you are a jerk and a hypocrite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Jesus people... this is why there are issues with PPD. A woman who gives birth just went through a HUGE hormonal/personal/physical/etc change and ESPECIALLY with the first child--- how is it out of the ordinary to expect that the father would just stay with you for the first night? And yes, if my DH was in the hospital I would absolutely do everything I could to support him.

NP. Don't get it either. It is the father's child. His wife just delivered a baby, and may have even had a routine, but still serious, medical procedure.

And even if YOU didn't need your husband's help, someone else still may want/need their husband around. How hard is it to understand?

I don't think anyone's saying they don't care if their DH is there at ALL - he's there during the birth, during the waking hours, bringing you extra food, getting water, listening to what the doctors/nurses are saying, etc. But what some women are saying is there isn't much of a point for the DH to stay overnight in a crappy chair and probably not get any rest, thus possibly making him tired/cranky the next day, etc. The new mom probably isn't getting much sleep in the hospital either, but it doesn't make a lot of sense for both parents to be exhausted.

This kind of sexism makes me crazy, and it doesn't make it any less sexist just because you couch it in terms of "what some women are saying."

This kind of attitude -- "well, she has to do it, so why should I also have to do it? Doing it comes at a cost (of lack of rest) and at least one of us should feel well-rested" -- is ridiculous logic that, when extended through the life of raising kids means that the woman does the lion's share of parenting and suffers the lion's share of the negative damage from it (sleep, career prospects, double shift, etc.)

DH should stay overnight in a crappy chair, because the child that was just born is 50% his, so he should do 50% of the child-rearing from the start. Yes, DH might get a crappy night's sleep, but he might also be able to rise in the middle of the night to change a diaper or get me the baby, thus making my middle of the night a little less crappy. DH might also get to bond with the new baby and better learn the new baby's rythm.

Also, it is not my responsibility to insulate DH from anything that might make him tired/cranky the next day. He needs to suck it up when he is tired just like I do.

Anonymous wrote:I had a major surgery and was in the hospital for five days. When I got home, he was pissed, and I mean really angry, that I asked him to bring food upstairs (one flight) to the bedroom for me. And I'm talking a popsicle one time and a pudding cup another time. I called my mom and she came and got me and I stayed with her for three weeks. We had been married two years at the time. Oh, and prior to marriage I had nursed him through a broken leg and then later a general health ailment.

Anonymous wrote:I find the complaints about selfish husbands who didn't stay at the hospital interesting.

The last thing I wanted or that would have been helpful to me is for my cheating husband to spend the night with me at the hospital. He was totally unhelpful during the birth. I asked him to go home, pick up our DC1 from relatives who minded DC during the birth of DC2. I expected him to pickup DC1, go home,make sure any last minute needs at the house were ready (DC2 was 3 weeks early) and come back the next day with DC1 to visit.

Instead, now exH went home surfed porn and escort sites, was too stupid to hide his computer history and never bothered to pick up DC1.

He came back the next day without having done anything. I insisted the hospital release me AMA after only 1 night even though DC2 was jaundiced and the insurance would pay for another night's stay, because it was easier to go home and do everything myself rather than rely on DH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Jesus people... this is why there are issues with PPD. A woman who gives birth just went through a HUGE hormonal/personal/physical/etc change and ESPECIALLY with the first child--- how is it out of the ordinary to expect that the father would just stay with you for the first night? And yes, if my DH was in the hospital I would absolutely do everything I could to support him.

NP. Don't get it either. It is the father's child. His wife just delivered a baby, and may have even had a routine, but still serious, medical procedure.

And even if YOU didn't need your husband's help, someone else still may want/need their husband around. How hard is it to understand?

I don't think anyone's saying they don't care if their DH is there at ALL - he's there during the birth, during the waking hours, bringing you extra food, getting water, listening to what the doctors/nurses are saying, etc. But what some women are saying is there isn't much of a point for the DH to stay overnight in a crappy chair and probably not get any rest, thus possibly making him tired/cranky the next day, etc. The new mom probably isn't getting much sleep in the hospital either, but it doesn't make a lot of sense for both parents to be exhausted.

This kind of sexism makes me crazy, and it doesn't make it any less sexist just because you couch it in terms of "what some women are saying."

This kind of attitude -- "well, she has to do it, so why should I also have to do it? Doing it comes at a cost (of lack of rest) and at least one of us should feel well-rested" -- is ridiculous logic that, when extended through the life of raising kids means that the woman does the lion's share of parenting and suffers the lion's share of the negative damage from it (sleep, career prospects, double shift, etc.)

DH should stay overnight in a crappy chair, because the child that was just born is 50% his, so he should do 50% of the child-rearing from the start. Yes, DH might get a crappy night's sleep, but he might also be able to rise in the middle of the night to change a diaper or get me the baby, thus making my middle of the night a little less crappy. DH might also get to bond with the new baby and better learn the new baby's rythm.

Also, it is not my responsibility to insulate DH from anything that might make him tired/cranky the next day. He needs to suck it up when he is tired just like I do.

That kind of attitude makes me feel thankful I've never wanted children. I'm pretty sure I would blow a gasket if DH wanted me to carry *our* child for nine or however many months in my body, shoot it out of my vagina, then complain that he's not well-rested.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Jesus people... this is why there are issues with PPD. A woman who gives birth just went through a HUGE hormonal/personal/physical/etc change and ESPECIALLY with the first child--- how is it out of the ordinary to expect that the father would just stay with you for the first night? And yes, if my DH was in the hospital I would absolutely do everything I could to support him.

NP. Don't get it either. It is the father's child. His wife just delivered a baby, and may have even had a routine, but still serious, medical procedure.

And even if YOU didn't need your husband's help, someone else still may want/need their husband around. How hard is it to understand?

I don't think anyone's saying they don't care if their DH is there at ALL - he's there during the birth, during the waking hours, bringing you extra food, getting water, listening to what the doctors/nurses are saying, etc. But what some women are saying is there isn't much of a point for the DH to stay overnight in a crappy chair and probably not get any rest, thus possibly making him tired/cranky the next day, etc. The new mom probably isn't getting much sleep in the hospital either, but it doesn't make a lot of sense for both parents to be exhausted.

This kind of sexism makes me crazy, and it doesn't make it any less sexist just because you couch it in terms of "what some women are saying."

This kind of attitude -- "well, she has to do it, so why should I also have to do it? Doing it comes at a cost (of lack of rest) and at least one of us should feel well-rested" -- is ridiculous logic that, when extended through the life of raising kids means that the woman does the lion's share of parenting and suffers the lion's share of the negative damage from it (sleep, career prospects, double shift, etc.)

DH should stay overnight in a crappy chair, because the child that was just born is 50% his, so he should do 50% of the child-rearing from the start. Yes, DH might get a crappy night's sleep, but he might also be able to rise in the middle of the night to change a diaper or get me the baby, thus making my middle of the night a little less crappy. DH might also get to bond with the new baby and better learn the new baby's rythm.

Also, it is not my responsibility to insulate DH from anything that might make him tired/cranky the next day. He needs to suck it up when he is tired just like I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Jesus people... this is why there are issues with PPD. A woman who gives birth just went through a HUGE hormonal/personal/physical/etc change and ESPECIALLY with the first child--- how is it out of the ordinary to expect that the father would just stay with you for the first night? And yes, if my DH was in the hospital I would absolutely do everything I could to support him.

NP. Don't get it either. It is the father's child. His wife just delivered a baby, and may have even had a routine, but still serious, medical procedure.

And even if YOU didn't need your husband's help, someone else still may want/need their husband around. How hard is it to understand?

I don't think anyone's saying they don't care if their DH is there at ALL - he's there during the birth, during the waking hours, bringing you extra food, getting water, listening to what the doctors/nurses are saying, etc. But what some women are saying is there isn't much of a point for the DH to stay overnight in a crappy chair and probably not get any rest, thus possibly making him tired/cranky the next day, etc. The new mom probably isn't getting much sleep in the hospital either, but it doesn't make a lot of sense for both parents to be exhausted.

This kind of sexism makes me crazy, and it doesn't make it any less sexist just because you couch it in terms of "what some women are saying."

This kind of attitude -- "well, she has to do it, so why should I also have to do it? Doing it comes at a cost (of lack of rest) and at least one of us should feel well-rested" -- is ridiculous logic that, when extended through the life of raising kids means that the woman does the lion's share of parenting and suffers the lion's share of the negative damage from it (sleep, career prospects, double shift, etc.)

DH should stay overnight in a crappy chair, because the child that was just born is 50% his, so he should do 50% of the child-rearing from the start. Yes, DH might get a crappy night's sleep, but he might also be able to rise in the middle of the night to change a diaper or get me the baby, thus making my middle of the night a little less crappy. DH might also get to bond with the new baby and better learn the new baby's rythm.

Also, it is not my responsibility to insulate DH from anything that might make him tired/cranky the next day. He needs to suck it up when he is tired just like I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Jesus people... this is why there are issues with PPD. A woman who gives birth just went through a HUGE hormonal/personal/physical/etc change and ESPECIALLY with the first child--- how is it out of the ordinary to expect that the father would just stay with you for the first night? And yes, if my DH was in the hospital I would absolutely do everything I could to support him.

NP. Don't get it either. It is the father's child. His wife just delivered a baby, and may have even had a routine, but still serious, medical procedure.

And even if YOU didn't need your husband's help, someone else still may want/need their husband around. How hard is it to understand?

I don't think anyone's saying they don't care if their DH is there at ALL - he's there during the birth, during the waking hours, bringing you extra food, getting water, listening to what the doctors/nurses are saying, etc. But what some women are saying is there isn't much of a point for the DH to stay overnight in a crappy chair and probably not get any rest, thus possibly making him tired/cranky the next day, etc. The new mom probably isn't getting much sleep in the hospital either, but it doesn't make a lot of sense for both parents to be exhausted.