Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just call her grandma X. Or just grandma.

If you want to throw her a bone you could say "grand-mama X".

I do not want to be called "Grandma." This is very formal and distant to me. So I wouldn't be happy if my children didn't at least ask me what I wanted to be called.

Oh lord. You'll be a grandmother. "Grandma" is typically what grandmothers are called. Are you going to be like my MIL and insist on some utterly ridiculous name?

Seriously, Grandma is too formal? Does that also make "ma" and "mom" and various other diminutives of mother too formal?

This is an awful Boomer trend where they think they're too hip, young, and cool to be called Grandma. Gah.

I have two grandchildren due next year. One of them will call me "Boy", because that's what my oldest son has called me for years. I happen to like it. The other one will call me by my name. I won't be around them very much anyway, because I have? two teenagers and a 12 year old, and I have plenty going on in my life without having to babysit, plus I plan to spend most of the summer traveling. I'm not a glutton for punishment.

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Thanks for the replies. I know it's not the the most rational thing but it does bother me and I can see myself getting resentful towards her for it. She already has joked to take the kids from us at various points. Since we got married she would say things like, they can just live with me and they would probably be happier living with me than in a tiny big city apt, she asked if she could homeschool our kids and they can just live with her m-f. I've played nice. A lot. I'm just tired of always feeling like she is undermining me and crossing boundaries. It starts with mama X and then she will start using mama flat out.

My plan right now is just to refer to her as her initials to the kids.

So that is your real problem with her. She wants to be mama and she wants them to call you, "Chopped Liver".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP:

Just to chime in, you will find life is long. I've finished raising my brood, and if I had to go back in time, I would be less reactive to things like this. As long as you don't feel your MIL is deliberately trying to undermine you, let her be called Mama X (I didn't read the whole thread, but was her grandma called Mama X too? That makes a difference).

The other thing is -- it is hard to think of this right now -- this baby really is not just yours. It is a person who will have his/her own relationships. And you will be thankful for all the people who love your child and are part of his/her loving community. So let your MIL love your child and be called what she wants to be called.

Just my two cents,

Older and wiser

Good advice.

Bad advice. Being a doormat is not good for anyone's relationship with anyone else. Pettiness is bad, but not wanting someone else to be "Mama" to your child is hardly petty.

There is a difference between being a doormat and being kind to the person who birthed your spouse and is a blood relation to your children. All the crazy DCUMers forget that in a few years they will be in the same position.

DP: I have only sons and would never dream of asking my sons' kids to call me Mama-anything. I will be respectful and maintain normal boundaries, because I'm not an entitled psycho like some of the MILs we see described on here.

NP +1

I'm mama to my boys (at least until they grow up may prefer to start calling me mom), not my grandkids. OP's MIL sounds like a narcissistic nutcase.

Haven’t read every post but you will be surprised with the things kids settle on to call others. DS calls me mommy but calls his stuffed monkey Mama.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just call her grandma X. Or just grandma.

If you want to throw her a bone you could say "grand-mama X".

I do not want to be called "Grandma." This is very formal and distant to me. So I wouldn't be happy if my children didn't at least ask me what I wanted to be called.

Oh lord. You'll be a grandmother. "Grandma" is typically what grandmothers are called. Are you going to be like my MIL and insist on some utterly ridiculous name?

Seriously, Grandma is too formal? Does that also make "ma" and "mom" and various other diminutives of mother too formal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP:

Just to chime in, you will find life is long. I've finished raising my brood, and if I had to go back in time, I would be less reactive to things like this. As long as you don't feel your MIL is deliberately trying to undermine you, let her be called Mama X (I didn't read the whole thread, but was her grandma called Mama X too? That makes a difference).

The other thing is -- it is hard to think of this right now -- this baby really is not just yours. It is a person who will have his/her own relationships. And you will be thankful for all the people who love your child and are part of his/her loving community. So let your MIL love your child and be called what she wants to be called.

Just my two cents,

Older and wiser

Good advice.

Bad advice. Being a doormat is not good for anyone's relationship with anyone else. Pettiness is bad, but not wanting someone else to be "Mama" to your child is hardly petty.

There is a difference between being a doormat and being kind to the person who birthed your spouse and is a blood relation to your children. All the crazy DCUMers forget that in a few years they will be in the same position.

DP: I have only sons and would never dream of asking my sons' kids to call me Mama-anything. I will be respectful and maintain normal boundaries, because I'm not an entitled psycho like some of the MILs we see described on here.

I have sons, too, and I'll be happy to be called Grandma when/if I am ever blessed with grandchildren.

I don't think that another family using Mama X is automatically disrespectful to the new mother, though.

It is in a situation like this, where the new mother has clearly expressed discomfort with the idea.

Yes. If the new mother has actually told her MIL that she would prefer that she not use "Mama" as her grandmother name, it would be very rude and disrespectful of the MIL to insist on still being called "Mama" by her grandchild.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP:

Just to chime in, you will find life is long. I've finished raising my brood, and if I had to go back in time, I would be less reactive to things like this. As long as you don't feel your MIL is deliberately trying to undermine you, let her be called Mama X (I didn't read the whole thread, but was her grandma called Mama X too? That makes a difference).

The other thing is -- it is hard to think of this right now -- this baby really is not just yours. It is a person who will have his/her own relationships. And you will be thankful for all the people who love your child and are part of his/her loving community. So let your MIL love your child and be called what she wants to be called.

Just my two cents,

Older and wiser

Good advice.

Bad advice. Being a doormat is not good for anyone's relationship with anyone else. Pettiness is bad, but not wanting someone else to be "Mama" to your child is hardly petty.

There is a difference between being a doormat and being kind to the person who birthed your spouse and is a blood relation to your children. All the crazy DCUMers forget that in a few years they will be in the same position.

DP: I have only sons and would never dream of asking my sons' kids to call me Mama-anything. I will be respectful and maintain normal boundaries, because I'm not an entitled psycho like some of the MILs we see described on here.

I have sons, too, and I'll be happy to be called Grandma when/if I am ever blessed with grandchildren.

I don't think that another family using Mama X is automatically disrespectful to the new mother, though.

It is in a situation like this, where the new mother has clearly expressed discomfort with the idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP:

Just to chime in, you will find life is long. I've finished raising my brood, and if I had to go back in time, I would be less reactive to things like this. As long as you don't feel your MIL is deliberately trying to undermine you, let her be called Mama X (I didn't read the whole thread, but was her grandma called Mama X too? That makes a difference).

The other thing is -- it is hard to think of this right now -- this baby really is not just yours. It is a person who will have his/her own relationships. And you will be thankful for all the people who love your child and are part of his/her loving community. So let your MIL love your child and be called what she wants to be called.

Just my two cents,

Older and wiser

Good advice.

Bad advice. Being a doormat is not good for anyone's relationship with anyone else. Pettiness is bad, but not wanting someone else to be "Mama" to your child is hardly petty.

There is a difference between being a doormat and being kind to the person who birthed your spouse and is a blood relation to your children. All the crazy DCUMers forget that in a few years they will be in the same position.

DP: I have only sons and would never dream of asking my sons' kids to call me Mama-anything. I will be respectful and maintain normal boundaries, because I'm not an entitled psycho like some of the MILs we see described on here.

I have sons, too, and I'll be happy to be called Grandma when/if I am ever blessed with grandchildren.

I don't think that another family using Mama X is automatically disrespectful to the new mother, though.

My DH is from France, where grandmothers are often called Meme and Momme (especially if both are still alive, to differentiate between then) with Momme basically being pronounced Mommy. When my DC1 was born, my MIL AND her own mother (so the great grandmother) were both alive. Both very nice women, we all got along. HOWEVER, they said ok the great grandmother will be meme, and my MIL will be momme, and I just said nope, sorry. I nicely told my MIL she could pretty much be called anything she wanted, but not mommy or anything that sounded like mommy. I told her the baby would get confused. But it the end it was my MIL who got confused, because when my child started talking (she was a crazy early talker), and saying mommy or when someone told her “go to mommy” or “where is mommy” or “give it to mommy”, etc. and she would go to me, my MIL would get all upset. Pretty quickly my mil changed her tune and created her own unique nickname and decided that was her new grandmother name. It was a weird nickname, but whatever. Op should go with her gut, she’s the parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP:

Just to chime in, you will find life is long. I've finished raising my brood, and if I had to go back in time, I would be less reactive to things like this. As long as you don't feel your MIL is deliberately trying to undermine you, let her be called Mama X (I didn't read the whole thread, but was her grandma called Mama X too? That makes a difference).

The other thing is -- it is hard to think of this right now -- this baby really is not just yours. It is a person who will have his/her own relationships. And you will be thankful for all the people who love your child and are part of his/her loving community. So let your MIL love your child and be called what she wants to be called.

Just my two cents,

Older and wiser

Good advice.

Bad advice. Being a doormat is not good for anyone's relationship with anyone else. Pettiness is bad, but not wanting someone else to be "Mama" to your child is hardly petty.

There is a difference between being a doormat and being kind to the person who birthed your spouse and is a blood relation to your children. All the crazy DCUMers forget that in a few years they will be in the same position.

DP: I have only sons and would never dream of asking my sons' kids to call me Mama-anything. I will be respectful and maintain normal boundaries, because I'm not an entitled psycho like some of the MILs we see described on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP:

Just to chime in, you will find life is long. I've finished raising my brood, and if I had to go back in time, I would be less reactive to things like this. As long as you don't feel your MIL is deliberately trying to undermine you, let her be called Mama X (I didn't read the whole thread, but was her grandma called Mama X too? That makes a difference).

The other thing is -- it is hard to think of this right now -- this baby really is not just yours. It is a person who will have his/her own relationships. And you will be thankful for all the people who love your child and are part of his/her loving community. So let your MIL love your child and be called what she wants to be called.

Just my two cents,

Older and wiser

Good advice.

Bad advice. Being a doormat is not good for anyone's relationship with anyone else. Pettiness is bad, but not wanting someone else to be "Mama" to your child is hardly petty.

There is a difference between being a doormat and being kind to the person who birthed your spouse and is a blood relation to your children. All the crazy DCUMers forget that in a few years they will be in the same position.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, am I the only one who doesn't understand WTF is going on with the term "mama"? Literally NO ONE I HAVE EVER KNOWN has called their mom anything but Mom or Mommy as a kid. What is all this Mama shit?

No one, ever? It's common in my family. Both of my parents called their moms mama and I've called my mom that since I was a kid. My 5-year-old primarily calls me mama, too. Maybe it's a southern thing, but I know lots of people who use mama. I find it odd that anyone would use it for a grandmother's name.

I don't think that Mama X is that odd. It's a whole lot better than Granny is to my ears .

Sounds like something out of a white trash reality show to me.

So what. Not everything has to be hoity toity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, am I the only one who doesn't understand WTF is going on with the term "mama"? Literally NO ONE I HAVE EVER KNOWN has called their mom anything but Mom or Mommy as a kid. What is all this Mama shit?

No one, ever? It's common in my family. Both of my parents called their moms mama and I've called my mom that since I was a kid. My 5-year-old primarily calls me mama, too. Maybe it's a southern thing, but I know lots of people who use mama. I find it odd that anyone would use it for a grandmother's name.

I don't think that Mama X is that odd. It's a whole lot better than Granny is to my ears .

Sounds like something out of a white trash reality show to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, am I the only one who doesn't understand WTF is going on with the term "mama"? Literally NO ONE I HAVE EVER KNOWN has called their mom anything but Mom or Mommy as a kid. What is all this Mama shit?

No one, ever? It's common in my family. Both of my parents called their moms mama and I've called my mom that since I was a kid. My 5-year-old primarily calls me mama, too. Maybe it's a southern thing, but I know lots of people who use mama. I find it odd that anyone would use it for a grandmother's name.

I don't think that Mama X is that odd. It's a whole lot better than Granny is to my ears .