Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please. Its because we have choices and laws that protect us. South Asian women need their families for survival and murders of DILs and daughters are not uncommon. You have no choice but to put up with crap from your elders and in laws. We dont have to. We can easily be completely financially independent and (unless there is a psychopath in our family) dont have to worry about being murdered for "honor" or for not producing a son.

"Not uncommon"? They're also not common.

Yeah, too bad with my J.D. from a top ten law school and an established legal career I totally financially dependent on my family

And your JD may make you capable of financial independence but it doesn't change the attitudes about your role in your family and the shame you will bring down upon them if you don't act the bowing and scraping doormat daughter or DIL. It is ingrained in those culture to such a deeply psychological extent that it takes generations of living in truly free societies for individuals to break away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please. Its because we have choices and laws that protect us. South Asian women need their families for survival and murders of DILs and daughters are not uncommon. You have no choice but to put up with crap from your elders and in laws. We dont have to. We can easily be completely financially independent and (unless there is a psychopath in our family) dont have to worry about being murdered for "honor" or for not producing a son.

"Not uncommon"? They're also not common.

Yeah, too bad with my J.D. from a top ten law school and an established legal career I totally financially dependent on my family

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please. Its because we have choices and laws that protect us. South Asian women need their families for survival and murders of DILs and daughters are not uncommon. You have no choice but to put up with crap from your elders and in laws. We dont have to. We can easily be completely financially independent and (unless there is a psychopath in our family) dont have to worry about being murdered for "honor" or for not producing a son.

"Not uncommon"? They're also not common.

Yeah, too bad with my J.D. from a top ten law school and an established legal career I totally financially dependent on my family

Anonymous wrote:Please. Its because we have choices and laws that protect us. South Asian women need their families for survival and murders of DILs and daughters are not uncommon. You have no choice but to put up with crap from your elders and in laws. We dont have to. We can easily be completely financially independent and (unless there is a psychopath in our family) dont have to worry about being murdered for "honor" or for not producing a son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In the East, it is a duty of parents to bear the cost of the child's education

... as long as they study to be an engineer or doctor. Pity the Asian kid who wants to go into musical theater!

Not really. In SouthEast Asia, there are engineers and doctors, but also musicians, dancers, actors, painters, sculptors, writers, poets etc. In fact, it will come as news to you that all professions found in western societies are also found there and many more.

The parents pay for it because it is the duty of the parents to make sure that the child gets all the education and support needed to be able to become a productive member of the society. The child did not ask to be born. If the parents had the baby, they need to also raise the baby till he/she is capable of supporting himself/herself as well as their own spouses and children.

Only in this country, we are seeing majority of Asians becoming doctors and engineers. This is partly due to the fact that academic competition is not very tough here and Asians find it easy to get into these professions (even with the barriers of higher grades and other BS requirements that has been put to prevent Asians to succeed).

I am sure that is the reason that people think that Asians are only engineers and doctors. If you were better informed or well traveled, you would know that there is not a single country in the world where there are only doctors or engineers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I see in most Asian families who I know and who continue to reside with their parents after marriage is that a lot of grandparent cannot support themselves. They worked hard and invested their money in their children education (including paying cash for Columbia or Harward). Now, when their kids have a successful carriers, they prefer to leave in one big mention in the prestigious neighborhood, rather than buy something small that they can afford after retirement. The problem that I see with these families is that children still actively using their parents. I know several Asian families, where is daughter, like OP, is happy to have parents to live with them. What does it equals to usually, that the grandparent working as a free house maids doing all cooking, grocery shopping, house cleaning, taking grandchildren to the doctors appointments, etc. In some sense, it is sad, because instead of leaving their own life after their kids grew up, they are living theirs kids life.

You don't get it. There is no "living their own life" for grandparents like this. Family is life. Seeing your kids become successful, seeing your grandkids grow up, nurturing this relationship is life. Everything else is just a minor diversion.

My mom lives with us. She doesn't do any driving or grocery shopping or cooking, but she happily spends time with the grandkids and in fact acted pretty much like their nanny when they were infants. She delights in this. Although she keeps up with her friendships, she doesn't want to spend most of her time around old people. Her words verbatim, "what do old people think and talk about? Just what's ahead of them. Decline and death. When you're around young people, you are carried by their energy because the trajectory of their lives still moves forward, not downward." She can think of no happier setup then spending her golden years with her grown kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I see in most Asian families who I know and who continue to reside with their parents after marriage is that a lot of grandparent cannot support themselves. They worked hard and invested their money in their children education (including paying cash for Columbia or Harward). Now, when their kids have a successful carriers, they prefer to leave in one big mention in the prestigious neighborhood, rather than buy something small that they can afford after retirement. The problem that I see with these families is that children still actively using their parents. I know several Asian families, where is daughter, like OP, is happy to have parents to live with them. What does it equals to usually, that the grandparent working as a free house maids doing all cooking, grocery shopping, house cleaning, taking grandchildren to the doctors appointments, etc. In some sense, it is sad, because instead of leaving their own life after their kids grew up, they are living theirs kids life.

That's such b.s. Asian families respect their elders not keep them as house maids.We do all ther cooking and laundry for them. The only thing they happily do is take our kids to the park sometimes and because they want to.
Why are you arguing over a few activities or chores? This is your family maybe and other might do the laundry and not the park.

Anonymous wrote:What I see in most Asian families who I know and who continue to reside with their parents after marriage is that a lot of grandparent cannot support themselves. They worked hard and invested their money in their children education (including paying cash for Columbia or Harward). Now, when their kids have a successful carriers, they prefer to leave in one big mention in the prestigious neighborhood, rather than buy something small that they can afford after retirement. The problem that I see with these families is that children still actively using their parents. I know several Asian families, where is daughter, like OP, is happy to have parents to live with them. What does it equals to usually, that the grandparent working as a free house maids doing all cooking, grocery shopping, house cleaning, taking grandchildren to the doctors appointments, etc. In some sense, it is sad, because instead of leaving their own life after their kids grew up, they are living theirs kids life.

Anonymous wrote:What I see in most Asian families who I know and who continue to reside with their parents after marriage is that a lot of grandparent cannot support themselves. They worked hard and invested their money in their children education (including paying cash for Columbia or Harward). Now, when their kids have a successful carriers, they prefer to leave in one big mention in the prestigious neighborhood, rather than buy something small that they can afford after retirement. The problem that I see with these families is that children still actively using their parents. I know several Asian families, where is daughter, like OP, is happy to have parents to live with them. What does it equals to usually, that the grandparent working as a free house maids doing all cooking, grocery shopping, house cleaning, taking grandchildren to the doctors appointments, etc. In some sense, it is sad, because instead of leaving their own life after their kids grew up, they are living theirs kids life.