Anonymous wrote:I married a man who dressed well and was the toast of the party. He was also a cheater. Take from that what you will.

I am sorry, PP. That sucks.

But I do think this is often the case Not at all saying you should have known, just underlining the point you seem to be making for the OP.

I married a man who dressed well and was the toast of the party. He was also a cheater. Take from that what you will.

Yes, lot of very sick people on this site. You can tell from the mean-spirtitedness in the responses. OP, keep that in mind as you read these. The nastiness is their stuff, don't internalize it. Marriage counseling is always an option. Sometimes small changes can make all the difference. Good luck

Anonymous wrote: This just hurts my heart for your husband. I don't know any answers, but I hope you don't make him doubt himself or feel less a man. Good luck.

+1

OP, you need someone more like you. See how that feels.

Love someone for who they are, not what you think they should be, or what they have to offer. If you can't love them as they are, move on. This concept took me too long to learn. There's an amazing freedom that goes with it.

I really do think this is a therapy situation. OP clearly you have some sort of insecurities or concerns about how people perceive you and your marriage and it's good to sort these things out with an impartial professional that doesn't know your husband and doesn't know you socially.

Anonymous wrote:PP 06:07 how is suggesting someone going to therapy vicious? If anything, it's a hopeful gesture that shows you have faith that someone CAN improve their situation via therapy.

Don't equate suggesting professional therapy with viciousness. Therapy isn't a shameful thing, and equating suggesting therapy with name calling just reinforces the stigma against getting help for our problems.

6:07 here. I am sure you can read, so you have not missed the nasty posts directed at OP that have nothing to do with therapy. Don't play stupid.

I think you need to leave him - for yourself but also for him. He deserves to be with someone who actually, genuinely loves him for him and is not ashamed to be seen with him in public.

PP 06:07 how is suggesting someone going to therapy vicious? If anything, it's a hopeful gesture that shows you have faith that someone CAN improve their situation via therapy.

Don't equate suggesting professional therapy with viciousness. Therapy isn't a shameful thing, and equating suggesting therapy with name calling just reinforces the stigma against getting help for our problems.

Anonymous wrote:OP--you say you are 33...are you ready to spend the next 50 years or so married to this man, even if you can't change him?

If the answer is "No", then end it now and save yourselves 50 years of unhappiness and resentment...and give both of you a chance to find happiness with someone else.

Get some therapy first.

She could dump this guy, but she's not necessarily going to 1) find a better man or 2) be happier with whoever she ends up with.

OP--you say you are 33...are you ready to spend the next 50 years or so married to this man, even if you can't change him?

If the answer is "No", then end it now and save yourselves 50 years of unhappiness and resentment...and give both of you a chance to find happiness with someone else.

A lot of the posters in this thread need to go to therapy or make some changes in their own lives. You guys can't be living happy lives if you are so eager to attack a complete stranger with such viciousness. What is wrong with you people? Telling OP that she is a cunt, she sucks, you hope her husband cheats on her, she doesn't deserve happiness. All this in "defense" of a man you don't even know? You are all clearly displacing anger, animosity, and maybe feelings of inferiority from your own lives onto OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need some heavy duty therapy so that you can gain access to the love you must feel for this man. This feeling of shame is coming from your own low self esteem and is really about being ashamed of yourself and not him. You feel that he somehow represents you. He does not. He is his own person who represents himself and you either love this man or you do not. Please get help. You have a really big problem to deal with.

THIS

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need some heavy duty therapy so that you can gain access to the love you must feel for this man. This feeling of shame is coming from your own low self esteem and is really about being ashamed of yourself and not him. You feel that he somehow represents you. He does not. He is his own person who represents himself and you either love this man or you do not. Please get help. You have a really big problem to deal with.

This is probably the closest to truth.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need some heavy duty therapy so that you can gain access to the love you must feel for this man. This feeling of shame is coming from your own low self esteem and is really about being ashamed of yourself and not him. You feel that he somehow represents you. He does not. He is his own person who represents himself and you either love this man or you do not. Please get help. You have a really big problem to deal with.

+10000