Anonymous wrote:So, OP, what does being secretive involve?

OP here. Secretive means we don't go anywhere together in town. We only meet up in other cities or countries. My friends know I have a married man lover, but they don't know his name. I do this because he wants it and he does it because he doesn't want to hurt his wife's feelings and/or hurt his marriage. As I've already said, I respect that because I don't want to live with him or be married to him and because I believe it is entirely possible (and human) to love more than one person at a time.

Several posters have said I must be a sociopath and I believe they are correct.

So, OP, what does being secretive involve?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

Sure you are. You exhibit a whole lot of the signs, including the idea that right or wrong is a nebulous concept that can be decided by you. (Disregard for societal norms.)

You seek your own pleasure with total disregard to the effect on others and have no empathy for your victims.

You are a sociopath.

I choose to have an adult relationship that does not harm anyone. A lot of other adults make the same choice.

Right and wrong is based on harm to others, IMO.

I haven't read all of the responses, but of course you are not going to admit that you are doing something wrong. It's very hard to admit that you have so fundamentally wronged someone.


Let me put it this way, if you truly believed that this was ok, you'd have no problem with his wife knowing. You are lying and deceiving another person and therefore taking her choice to choose. You don't have to believe in monogamy, but do you believe in honesty?

OP here, and the person who is claiming not to be a sociopath is not me. I may be a sociopath. As far as his wife knowing, it is okay with me. I'm being secretive because he doesn't want anyone to know. I don't care if anyone knows.

Exactly. I find it incredible that you are helping this person be a lying liar who lies, and that you don't think his character (made possible by your participation) is a deal-breaker. You sound very immature. I mean, downright stupid. You seem stuck in a simplistic two-step logic map loop. One more step in any direction and you land on the "I AM WRONG" square.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

Sure you are. You exhibit a whole lot of the signs, including the idea that right or wrong is a nebulous concept that can be decided by you. (Disregard for societal norms.)

You seek your own pleasure with total disregard to the effect on others and have no empathy for your victims.

You are a sociopath.

I choose to have an adult relationship that does not harm anyone. A lot of other adults make the same choice.

Right and wrong is based on harm to others, IMO.

I haven't read all of the responses, but of course you are not going to admit that you are doing something wrong. It's very hard to admit that you have so fundamentally wronged someone.


Let me put it this way, if you truly believed that this was ok, you'd have no problem with his wife knowing. You are lying and deceiving another person and therefore taking her choice to choose. You don't have to believe in monogamy, but do you believe in honesty?

OP here, and the person who is claiming not to be a sociopath is not me. I may be a sociopath. As far as his wife knowing, it is okay with me. I'm being secretive because he doesn't want anyone to know. I don't care if anyone knows.

So you are being complicit in the act of deception. Stop making excuses for yourself.

I can't imagine wanting to be with a man with such low character.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

Sure you are. You exhibit a whole lot of the signs, including the idea that right or wrong is a nebulous concept that can be decided by you. (Disregard for societal norms.)

You seek your own pleasure with total disregard to the effect on others and have no empathy for your victims.

You are a sociopath.

I choose to have an adult relationship that does not harm anyone. A lot of other adults make the same choice.

Right and wrong is based on harm to others, IMO.

I haven't read all of the responses, but of course you are not going to admit that you are doing something wrong. It's very hard to admit that you have so fundamentally wronged someone.


Let me put it this way, if you truly believed that this was ok, you'd have no problem with his wife knowing. You are lying and deceiving another person and therefore taking her choice to choose. You don't have to believe in monogamy, but do you believe in honesty?

OP here, and the person who is claiming not to be a sociopath is not me. I may be a sociopath. As far as his wife knowing, it is okay with me. I'm being secretive because he doesn't want anyone to know. I don't care if anyone knows.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

Sure you are. You exhibit a whole lot of the signs, including the idea that right or wrong is a nebulous concept that can be decided by you. (Disregard for societal norms.)

You seek your own pleasure with total disregard to the effect on others and have no empathy for your victims.

You are a sociopath.

I choose to have an adult relationship that does not harm anyone. A lot of other adults make the same choice.

Right and wrong is based on harm to others, IMO.

YOU ARE HARMING SOMEONE EVEN IF THAT PERSON DOESN'T REALIZE IT RIGHT NOW, ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAVE KIDS! Was that loud enough for you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases, the husband would be cheating with someone. It's not like one woman declining his offer is going to change his mind.

Sleeping with someone else's husband isn't something I thought I'd ever do. Once the line was crossed, I realized it's not as bad as I thought. We have amazing sex and a friendship, but that's about it. We don't want to marry each other. We don't want to cause any trouble in the other one's life. We get together a few times per year and have sex.

I'm certain it would be someone else if it wasn't me. We both understand what we have, and what we don't have. The risk is very low and the sex is off the charts.

That's an astonishingly cowardly comment. You could apply this twisted logic to all sorts of things. "Gee, if I'm not to one who (insert any shitty action here) then someone else will, so what's the difference?"

The difference is you can choose not to do shitty things. If you choose the low road then at least accept who you are without the lame rationalizations.

At this point, it's a victimless crime. We are both very careful. The odds of him getting caught are slim with me. The only way his wife would find out is if he told her. I'd feel guilty if it affected [b]his family, but I think we've found the balance that makes that almost impossible. It works for us. [/b]

This is OP, and above is not me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

Sure you are. You exhibit a whole lot of the signs, including the idea that right or wrong is a nebulous concept that can be decided by you. (Disregard for societal norms.)

You seek your own pleasure with total disregard to the effect on others and have no empathy for your victims.

You are a sociopath.

I choose to have an adult relationship that does not harm anyone. A lot of other adults make the same choice.

Right and wrong is based on harm to others, IMO.

I haven't read all of the responses, but of course you are not going to admit that you are doing something wrong. It's very hard to admit that you have so fundamentally wronged someone.


Let me put it this way, if you truly believed that this was ok, you'd have no problem with his wife knowing. You are lying and deceiving another person and therefore taking her choice to choose. You don't have to believe in monogamy, but do you believe in honesty?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

Sure you are. You exhibit a whole lot of the signs, including the idea that right or wrong is a nebulous concept that can be decided by you. (Disregard for societal norms.)

You seek your own pleasure with total disregard to the effect on others and have no empathy for your victims.

You are a sociopath.

I choose to have an adult relationship that does not harm anyone. A lot of other adults make the same choice.

Right and wrong is based on harm to others, IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

Sociopath: a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience. Someone whose social behavior is abnormal. Sociopaths are interested only in their personal needs and desires, without concern for the effects of their behavior on others.

Interesting.

Maybe that's why OP and this other PP posted here.. to check to see if their attitude was abnormal. Consensus: yes, it is not normal to think what you are doing is fine.

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

I don't know if you're a sociopath or not, but I will say I don't share your logic at all.

I'm the one who was propositioned by a priest in training. I'm not Catholic. I'm not Christian. Hell, I'm atheist. And I also don't think lifelong monogamy is best for everyone, and I'd sure as heck not advocate for celibacy or abstinence, especially not for a job. I take issue with many Catholic dogma.

And yet I was pissed as hell that this guy thought I'd be okay with engaging him in a lie. I could care less what he did with his sex life, but I did care that he wanted to live a double life, lie about it to basically everyone (but me and himself), and rather than confronting reality, asked me to pursue a rather intimate deception with him. That alone made him a complete asshole, in my estimation. He got an earful, I'll tell you that. And in that case, there was no spouse to hurt--just a night-and-day contrast between who he projected himself to be and who he was.

Pathetic little weasel. Your dud-dude, too. Way to help this person you care about live down to his lowest potential.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

Sociopath: a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience. Someone whose social behavior is abnormal. Sociopaths are interested only in their personal needs and desires, without concern for the effects of their behavior on others.

Interesting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases, the husband would be cheating with someone. It's not like one woman declining his offer is going to change his mind.

Sleeping with someone else's husband isn't something I thought I'd ever do. Once the line was crossed, I realized it's not as bad as I thought. We have amazing sex and a friendship, but that's about it. We don't want to marry each other. We don't want to cause any trouble in the other one's life. We get together a few times per year and have sex.

I'm certain it would be someone else if it wasn't me. We both understand what we have, and what we don't have. The risk is very low and the sex is off the charts.

That's an astonishingly cowardly comment. You could apply this twisted logic to all sorts of things. "Gee, if I'm not to one who (insert any shitty action here) then someone else will, so what's the difference?"

The difference is you can choose not to do shitty things. If you choose the low road then at least accept who you are without the lame rationalizations.

At this point, it's a victimless crime. We are both very careful. The odds of him getting caught are slim with me. The only way his wife would find out is if he told her. I'd feel guilty if it affected his family, but I think we've found the balance that makes that almost impossible. It works for us.

You're clearly a sociopath. No remorse or shame. Lacking empathy. Live by a pleasure principle (if it feels good and there are no consequences to you, then why not?). Disregard for societal norms. Lying.

It's one thing to have an affair. But to completely rationalize that you're doing nothing wrong takes some sort of mental deficiency.

I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

NP

Sure, you have a right but do you have a right to infringe on the rights of others. That is what you are doing, you are infringing on the rights of that man's wife. Just because it is with his enthusiastic approval it doesn't change make your actions less of an infringement.

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not a sociopath. That's ridiculous. I'm not a believer in lifelong monogamy. I'm allowed to have a different idea of what's right and wrong. You don't have to agree to make it okay.

Sure you are. You exhibit a whole lot of the signs, including the idea that right or wrong is a nebulous concept that can be decided by you. (Disregard for societal norms.)

You seek your own pleasure with total disregard to the effect on others and have no empathy for your victims.

You are a sociopath.