Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

x 1000

A lot of women don't even want to get married anymore (Google the millennials take on it). You don't need a husband to have a baby anymore either.

Anyone who thinks it would be fine for a woman to have a baby on her own, and not try hard to be able to do it with a partner instead, cannot possibly be a parent. Do you have any idea of the sleepless nights, the trying to hang on for a few minutes more for your partner to get home so you can hand off the baby because you are at your wit's end? Do you know how many diapers need to be changed (around 8 per day), the teeth that will need to brushed twice a day, the meals prepared, drop offs, pickups, paperwork, doctor visits. Do you know that day care usually costs around $1,500 per month, and that two-parent families struggle with the schedule, and one may go into work at 5:00 a.m. and leave work at 3:00 p.m., so the other parent can drop off at 9:00, and work until 7:30 p.m., so the child isn't warehoused in day care 12 hours per day and develop behavioral problems? Do you know you will not be able to make one move without bringing the baby or child along or making advance arrangements for a sitter at probably $15 per hour? Even what would have been a quick stop at the grocery store will involve getting the child in and out of a car seat, wrestling him or her into the shopping cart (if cooperative), saying no to a dozen pleadings and possibly dealing with a melt-down while everyone stares and you and is probably thinking what a terrible parent you are, leaving the grocery cart in the aisle while you make an unexpected terrifying dash for the restroom with a child who stubbornly insisted that he or she did not have to go (or you are unexpectedly changing a poopy diaper at Safeway or your preferred grocery store). Nothing will be quick, easy, or simple again for YEARS. Don't do this on your own unless you have absolutely no other option. I think it may be better not to do it at all than to do it alone.

Plenty of single parents out there. Wouldn't be my first choice, but again, life is not perfect. Not for everybody anyway. Besides, some families are actually close, and mothers get the support they need. Saying that an unmarried woman cannot be a parent is wrong and ill-spirited.

No, it's in the best interest of the child. But of course no one thinks about that.

Widow here. Are my kids screwed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take issue with this post. Your 20s are for getting to know yourself, establish your career.

I think love and romance are just as important as "establishing a career." Sometimes I think the DC mindset is seriously f*cked. There's more to life than your resume!

+1 my relationship with my DH has given me more happiness than my " highflying" career ever did. You can still have fun in your relationship, we travel and do fun activities together.

Anonymous wrote:I take issue with this post. Your 20s are for getting to know yourself, establish your career.

I think love and romance are just as important as "establishing a career." Sometimes I think the DC mindset is seriously f*cked. There's more to life than your resume!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am glad I don't have to be in this mess you all are in. I let women know up front parenting isn't for me.

The woman I will marry has to be with me for ME and not for my sperm.....because kids will not be happening.

Good luck to all of you...pity the guys who will be left with a sexless marriage after she is done procreating and no longer needs you for anything

Some pathological cycles in life will never end.......

Good luck finding an attractive, young woman who's never been married or had kids who absolutely does not want kids.

You have no idea...and they come with degrees, careers, and common sense

I'll gladly take this than face all the drama you all are putting up with. If this whole thread is already so exhausting, can you imagine dating around a biological clock?!

Good luck

Anonymous wrote:My biggest regret in life is that I did not marry the man I really loved because he was a divorced single father of three, and he had a vasectomy and didn't want any more kids. I still am not married and have no kids of my own. I would have been happier with him. I doubt I will ever have my own kids. For me, if I couldn't have kids in my twenties, or if I couldn't be a full time mom, I couldn't do it right. I didn't think it was fair to have kids and not give them my full attention.

This is really depressing. So you'd rather not have kids than be a working mother, or have your kids after 30? How did these concrete "rules" for parenting get drilled into your head?

Anonymous wrote:
In our early 20's we dated guys who treated us like shit. They weren't alphas, just horribly mismatched and they didn't have the balls to break up with us, so they treated us badly.

Well, also girls like to date popular guys so they can gain social status and brag to their friends. The popular guys at those ages are assholes, so it kind of comes with the territory.

Anonymous wrote:I am glad I don't have to be in this mess you all are in. I let women know up front parenting isn't for me.

The woman I will marry has to be with me for ME and not for my sperm.....because kids will not be happening.

Good luck to all of you...pity the guys who will be left with a sexless marriage after she is done procreating and no longer needs you for anything

Some pathological cycles in life will never end.......

I am very happy that you do not want kids. Seriously, human race is not on the brink of extinction. Men and women who know that they do not want kids, should get their vasectomies and tubes tied, before they start dating.

I congratulate you on knowing you do not want kids. Please let your partner know, and get your vasectomy STAT!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

x 1000

A lot of women don't even want to get married anymore (Google the millennials take on it). You don't need a husband to have a baby anymore either.

Anyone who thinks it would be fine for a woman to have a baby on her own, and not try hard to be able to do it with a partner instead, cannot possibly be a parent. Do you have any idea of the sleepless nights, the trying to hang on for a few minutes more for your partner to get home so you can hand off the baby because you are at your wit's end? Do you know how many diapers need to be changed (around 8 per day), the teeth that will need to brushed twice a day, the meals prepared, drop offs, pickups, paperwork, doctor visits. Do you know that day care usually costs around $1,500 per month, and that two-parent families struggle with the schedule, and one may go into work at 5:00 a.m. and leave work at 3:00 p.m., so the other parent can drop off at 9:00, and work until 7:30 p.m., so the child isn't warehoused in day care 12 hours per day and develop behavioral problems? Do you know you will not be able to make one move without bringing the baby or child along or making advance arrangements for a sitter at probably $15 per hour? Even what would have been a quick stop at the grocery store will involve getting the child in and out of a car seat, wrestling him or her into the shopping cart (if cooperative), saying no to a dozen pleadings and possibly dealing with a melt-down while everyone stares and you and is probably thinking what a terrible parent you are, leaving the grocery cart in the aisle while you make an unexpected terrifying dash for the restroom with a child who stubbornly insisted that he or she did not have to go (or you are unexpectedly changing a poopy diaper at Safeway or your preferred grocery store). Nothing will be quick, easy, or simple again for YEARS. Don't do this on your own unless you have absolutely no other option. I think it may be better not to do it at all than to do it alone.

Plenty of single parents out there. Wouldn't be my first choice, but again, life is not perfect. Not for everybody anyway. Besides, some families are actually close, and mothers get the support they need. Saying that an unmarried woman cannot be a parent is wrong and ill-spirited.

No, it's in the best interest of the child. But of course no one thinks about that.

I take issue with this post. Your 20s are for getting to know yourself, establish your career.

I think you are totally right, OP. I wish I had this drilled in my head in my early and mid-twenties. I definitely wasted a lot of time partying and acting in ways that made guys not take me seriously. I finally got my act together in my late 20s and was married by 32, but it took me a while to get everything figured out. If I ever have a daughter I will make sure she understands this fully.

That poster said, "The woman I marry...."

Anonymous wrote:
Meaning what? You'll find and marry a woman whom you won't tell about the vasectomy?

Who said anything about marrying them?

Most of the women I know, myself included, did not date alpha guys in their 20's. All of my friends do not like guys who are alphas. (well except for one, but she is now in her 50's and never married)

In our early 20's we dated guys who treated us like shit. They weren't alphas, just horribly mismatched and they didn't have the balls to break up with us, so they treated us badly. We thought we had to "work hard" at a relationship, so we thought it was normal, plus we loved them, so we stayed.

Then in our late 20's, we dated really nice guys that were just wrong for us. Nothing horrible about the relationship, just that we were incompatible in small ways (that become larger with time). We wanted to marry them. And we thought we had to "work hard" at relationships, so we held on too long. It's hard to know when to let go of a nothing wrong, just not right relationship.

Then by our early 30's, we had a better idea of who we were and what we needed. So we were pickier. But guys seemed more skidish and it was harder to start a relationship. And if you were in one from your 20's, the guy was promising you that he wanted to get married, but just dragged his feet.

Then by our mid-30's, some got desperate. So if they found a nice guy that they were semi-compatible with, they got married. But it goes back to the problem we had in our late 20's--just because there isn't anything majorly wrong, doesn't mean you are right for each other. (lots of very unhappy married people in this group).

But some were smart and just kept dating until we found someone that we were compatible with on all levels. Someone who was right for us. But that led to lots of fertility issues and $$$. But many very happy married people in this group.

Not one woman I know put off marriage. All of us would have gladly been married in our mid-late 20's if we had found the right guy.

Anonymous wrote:The reason why women want to marry betas is because they want to dominate their husbands. They want to drag these guys around by their balls and within a few years stop fucking their lap dog husbands.

I've seen it time and time again. A woman settles for a beta and she bitched him around and then complains that he doesn't make enough money, isn't ambitious enough, and that he has no self confidence. Happens every time.

There was a jokey-keychain in the 80s that sums this up. What 4 animals does a woman need?
1) A jaguar in the garage.
2) A mink in her closet.
3) A tiger in her bed.
4) A jackass to pay for it all.

The jackass is the beta husband who pays for it all, but he'll never be the tiger in the bed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am glad I don't have to be in this mess you all are in. I let women know up front parenting isn't for me.

The woman I will marry has to be with me for ME and not for my sperm.....because kids will not be happening.

Good luck to all of you...pity the guys who will be left with a sexless marriage after she is done procreating and no longer needs you for anything

Some pathological cycles in life will never end.......

Good luck finding an attractive, young woman who's never been married or had kids who absolutely does not want kids.

Who gives a shit? That's what vasectomies are for.

Meaning what? You'll find and marry a woman whom you won't tell about the vasectomy?