Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

Nope, I got into Yale and turned it down. Actually I was recruited by them and turned it down to go to a crappy state school. I knew I wouldn't be happy there. I don't regret it. And I'm sure my parents who didn't end up having to pay for it don't regret it either. They never pushed me to say yes.

yea right...we all believe you turned down Harvard for a crappy state school, yea uh huh.

I did too. It was entirely based on the fact I did not want to come out of school with debt. My parents were immigrants (but highly educated middle class immigrants) and were really upset by my choice. I went on to get a phd for free from a brand name school (all science grad students can get a free ride). I don't regret the decision at all. My State U was awesome and I gained tons of confidence in myself. My grad school has provided me all the name recognition and bragging rights on my resume I could ask for. Undergrad is only a stepping stone and I am trying to teach my kids not to allow the ridiculous pressure to get into a "great" school stress them out.

It's May 2... And....

I hope OP will report back what her DS decided, and why. I think many parents would benefit from her experience. It's hard not to want to live your dreams through your children. I would have a very hard time if my child turned down HYP to go to another school. It wouldn't seem right to me, but I'd let them do it because I want college to be their choice. Sounds like OP's kid has great choices, and will do well wherever he goes to college.

Anonymous wrote:To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

Oh, please, shut up.

I went to Yale. I can't afford to send my kids there. They are going to our State U. I loved Yale, have loads of friends from Yale, but my kids will benefit from our State U's network, which is extensive. I don't think Yale or any of the prestigious private colleges (or the un-prestigious ones) are worth $60+K per year. Not a single one.

Anonymous wrote:Gee I have never seen such a bunch of insecure and bitter group of adults (in name only because the cattiness could put a 15 year hormonal girl to shame). Everyone chill the hell out.

NO ONE here said HYP is the holy grail but in terms of many parents dreaming of this for their kids- hell yea thats the case. Doesn't mean it will happen or should happen but its perfectly normal for OP to voice her "dream". I give her credit for admitting it and hopefully after reading through what is it up to now 12 pages of "advice" she will see its not the end of the world if he does not go there.

And your point is?

Gee I have never seen such a bunch of insecure and bitter group of adults (in name only because the cattiness could put a 15 year hormonal girl to shame). Everyone chill the hell out.

NO ONE here said HYP is the holy grail but in terms of many parents dreaming of this for their kids- hell yea thats the case. Doesn't mean it will happen or should happen but its perfectly normal for OP to voice her "dream". I give her credit for admitting it and hopefully after reading through what is it up to now 12 pages of "advice" she will see its not the end of the world if he does not go there.

Anonymous wrote:Stay away from Harvard if you don't feel that you are up to the challenge. If you need to be coddled, the it isn't the place for you.

Maybe this is what it comes down to. As an almost-first-generation-college student (parent earned a BA the same week I graduated from HS), I LOVED Harvard. DH (middle class kid) did too. But both of us did very well academically from the beginning. So that's the only type of Harvard undergrad experience I know close-up. And it was unbeatable. By contrast, the grad student experience looked kind of miserable. (And I say this as someone who got a PhD at a comparable university, so it's not just a comment on PhD programs). Professional schools vary widely.

If college is just where you get your ticket punched for grad school, then maybe Harvard's not the best choice for undergrad -- especially for a kid who doesn't really love academics but who believes s/he needs to maximize GPA to do whatever comes next. From that perspective, I could see how the Harvard undergrad experience could be really stressful and demoralizing. OTOH, there were also pretty obviously happy undergrads whose lives revolved around something other than coursework -- e.g. theater, the Crimson, the Lampoon -- and who came out of college well-positioned for careers in related fields. So you don't have to be a nerd to flourish at Harvard as an undergrad, but you may have to be passionate about something and to be a confident self-starter.

Stay away from Harvard if you don't feel that you are up to the challenge. If you need to be coddled, the it isn't the place for you.

Anonymous wrote:The most valuable thing about going to an Ivy is you aren't so impressed by it later in life the way OP is. You realize that it's just people, some are bright, some aren't so much, and people have widely varying luck and opportunity and ambition.

I went to Princeton, it was a great experience, and most of my best friends from college are SAHM with young kids. Some have careers, but nobody's career is thriving right now. A couple people teach. I love my friends but I can't say I got much out of it networking-wise, except for the joy of good friendship (which is a lot).

But if OP's son gets to be a Tiger, he could go to Reunions in perpetuity! Though I guess she might want to tag along

Get through this "ordeal".

You get over it by telling yourself that you are not your child. Shit, choosing between ivy and something also really good?

I am surprised you got all the way to senior year without having disappointment that yur kid doesn't share all your preferences.

And word of advice: no one gives a shit what your kid got on his seats and no good comes of repeating that number.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

Nope, I got into Yale and turned it down. Actually I was recruited by them and turned it down to go to a crappy state school. I knew I wouldn't be happy there. I don't regret it. And I'm sure my parents who didn't end up having to pay for it don't regret it either. They never pushed me to say yes.

yea right...we all believe you turned down Harvard for a crappy state school, yea uh huh.

It was Yale. But it didn't even cross my mind that it might be noteworthy until I moved to this area and met all you insecure fools who ask everyone where they went to school. Who fucking cares? I didn't need that to feel secure in my intelligence.

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Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I have a good friend who went to Harvard who says she would be crushed if her DS *wanted* to go to Harvard. She thnks it was not a great good place to go to undergrad and doesnt believe the networking and prestige factors make up for that.

Very hard to believe, sorry. Just don't buy that one bit, in fact it sounds downright ridiculous.

Me neither, and I (not my "good friend") went to Harvard.

My Harvard friend sits in the office between a person who went to UVA and a person who went to Delaware, so I'm pretty sure I believe her when she says she didn't really get an advantage in networking and prestige, LOL.

What is ridiculous is believing that Harvard is always the best place for anyone who is offered a spot.

I'd always understood that Harvard was inferior to Princeton, Yale and many SLACs in terms of the undergraduate experience, as opposed to the graduate programs and professional schools. I don't find it surprising at all that some graduates would discourage their children from applying there as undergraduates.

I've heard the same, so often that it surprises me anyone would find it hard to believe. Hell, even the Fiske guide alludes to it.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say what you will. It is common knowledge that the networking and job opportunities upon graduation from an Ivy are unparallelled.

I think it's easy for a lot of us whose own kids will not be Ivy candidates to sit here and say in our more self righteous tone that let him choose, it's his life, etc...but come on people getting into an Ivy is big deal. I will be the first to tell you if it was my son, I would do everything in my power to at least encourage him to try it. If after the first year he is miserable then let him go where he wants to.

You see a phenomenal opportunity that COULD mean great things for your child, it is natural to want that for them. Nothing wrong with it whatsoever in my estimation.

PP who has one kid at Stanford and another at Wash U. I respectfully disagree with the bolded part. Also please keep in mind that all Ivies are not the same. But that's fine - we can agree to disagree.

Agree (not op) however if we are taking Harvard Yale or Princeton I DO agree with that statement 100%. Cornell, Brown, Dartmouth not so much. My own D attended one of these and the opportunities afforded to her were simply astounding.

I have a good friend who went to Harvard who says she would be crushed if her DS *wanted* to go to Harvard. She thnks it was not a great good place to go to undergrad and doesnt believe the networking and prestige factors make up for that.

Very hard to believe, sorry. Just don't buy that one bit, in fact it sounds downright ridiculous.

Me neither, and I (not my "good friend") went to Harvard.

My Harvard friend sits in the office between a person who went to UVA and a person who went to Delaware, so I'm pretty sure I believe her when she says she didn't really get an advantage in networking and prestige, LOL.

What is ridiculous is believing that Harvard is always the best place for anyone who is offered a spot.

I'd always understood that Harvard was inferior to Princeton, Yale and many SLACs in terms of the undergraduate experience, as opposed to the graduate programs and professional schools. I don't find it surprising at all that some graduates would discourage their children from applying there as undergraduates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a former professor, I can tell you a) that the job market is so bad that there are fabulous professors even at less-distinguished schools and b) that the "world-class" profs at Ivies may have been hired for their brilliant research and still suck at teaching and mentoring undergrads.

Also a former professor. That is true but the big difference between Harvard and WVU is the peer group.

True, but c'mon, there's a lot of daylight between Harvard and WVU. USNWR ranks Harvard as the #2 university and WVU as #168. And that doesn't include the SLACs; include them and the distance between Harvard and WVU gets even bigger. So WVU does not really belong in the same conversation.

You don't think a Harvard-eligible student can find a peer group anywhere outside of the Ivy League?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To anyone and I mean anyone- if your child got into HYP, you would want them to go. Period. I don't believe any of the bs being spewed about in this post. It is the opportunity of a lifetime and afforded to so few, and we all know it.

Nope, I got into Yale and turned it down. Actually I was recruited by them and turned it down to go to a crappy state school. I knew I wouldn't be happy there. I don't regret it. And I'm sure my parents who didn't end up having to pay for it don't regret it either. They never pushed me to say yes.

yea right...we all believe you turned down Harvard for a crappy state school, yea uh huh.

um, I think she said Yale. But don't let those blinders get in the way, LOL.