If the ex is psycho then the kids are already suffering. Try to be the best role model you can for them. It's only for 10 years. Kids will be so grateful.

I'm dealing with a STBX who moved out and now is being anal about my never coming in the house unless he invites me at a particular time, in advance, even if it is necessary for the kids to go in the house, and to never ever enter his house if he is not there. Maybe he is afraid that his girlfriend and I would cross paths or something. His way of enforcing it is to be a nasty asshole about it, using lots of overblown rhetoric and baseless accusations. You could try that -- it sure works to keep me well clear of the place.

And by the way, when it suits him, he will apply a double standard, so that he expects to be able to enter my house when I'm not here if it's convenient for him.

My feeling about it is that we trusted each other for over 20 years and neither of us is untrustworthy now, so we should be relaxed about it. Instead he's creating a lot of gratuitous drama, as if he's in a made-for-tv movie.

Anonymous wrote:Kids let her in. She usually walks in with them. She's home while we work.

Up top you said with or without kids.

No. She waits outside. No exceptions.

Frankly I would be glad that my teenagers were being supervised by an adult.

Anonymous wrote:If this were the other way around and it was an ex-husband hanging around the house, then all you people would be talking about harassment and what not. Why should ex-wife be any different?

How can you harass someone who is not even there?

Anonymous wrote:If this were the other way around and it was an ex-husband hanging around the house, then all you people would be talking about harassment and what not. Why should ex-wife be any different?

So true!

Anonymous wrote:OP here = really appreciate all the comments. This has all given me lots to think about. I certainly want a relationship with these kids and not have DH in the middle. One thing that gives me pause here is the slippery slope. At what point does my right to privacy and feeling comfortable in my own home trump the exes and the kids right to the status quo. We all come with baggage and I love my husband and these kids but at some point I see myself being so accommodating that she's around ALL the time (she doesn't work) and me being miserable. Is there a balance here? I can't expect her to be the reasonable one. She has and would sit on our couch every afternoon we have the kids if there was not some boundary established.

You should of thought of this before you married a man with THREE kids. Sorry but you are the odd man out.

If this were the other way around and it was an ex-husband hanging around the house, then all you people would be talking about harassment and what not. Why should ex-wife be any different?

Anonymous wrote:Why shouldn't she come in and hang out with her kids? Op- you shouldn't have married someone with kids if this is how you were going to act. You are in a co-parenting situation which means both places the kids live should be open to both parents. As long as she's not going through your personal stuff what do you care? You're really expecting these kids' mother to wait outside?

Um no. There is a custody schedule and kids typically spend time with dad at dad's house and with mom at mom's house. The kids go back and forth not the parents. This is the usual scenario - of course it is not always like this. But visitation is outlined in divorce agreements so unless the agreement states otherwise the OP has reasonable expectations about privacy.
I don't want my ex in the house (divorced for many years) but sometimes the kids want to show him something or he and i have a quick chat in the doorway - this is normal and unavoidable. Other than that no he is not to be in the house and the kids understand this. They have managed to survive
On the other hand my ex's new wife can come over anytime! Because she is not intrusive or rude and she does not make me feel uncomfortable or intimidated in my own home. Also I didn't go through a painful divorce with her. Well ... The point is BOUNDARIES people!!!

Anonymous wrote:Restricting the mom just isn't realistic if you're expecting the kids to enforce it. She's psycho and she ignores everyone who tells her not to come in. So why would she listen to the kids? It's unfair to put them in that position. She would probably punish them.

OP, what is your plan, realistically? Put in a bunch of cameras and catch her doing something really awful, and then what? Threaten to sue?

How do you know the ex is the psycho ?

Why shouldn't she come in and hang out with her kids? Op- you shouldn't have married someone with kids if this is how you were going to act. You are in a co-parenting situation which means both places the kids live should be open to both parents. As long as she's not going through your personal stuff what do you care? You're really expecting these kids' mother to wait outside?

Anonymous wrote:OP, how long have you and your husband been married?

Do you have joint custody?

Do the kids want their mother to hang out in the house with them? I think you said DH has talked to them about this; what do they say?

About 3 years. Yes, we have joint custody. Not sure. Don't think they know any better than what they are used to. She can be overbearing but finds ways to fill her long days and is just the fun parent providing all the toys.

OP this is a tough one. I really value my privacy. Like a PP, I would put an alarm and turn it on when the kids are away, I would also put all paperwork under lock and key. Nowadays you can arm and disarm alarm from your smart phone so incase your kids needed to pick up something you could disarm it. You could also offer to drop off the extra stuff your kids want. This is sadly a very thin line. Your DH should be at the forefront putting boundaries with his EX though. I just feel bad for the kids being in the middle of this situation and for you too. The EX should know better.

OP, how long have you and your husband been married?

Do you have joint custody?

Do the kids want their mother to hang out in the house with them? I think you said DH has talked to them about this; what do they say?