your husband needs to talk to his mother. He needs to tell his mother that he told you the truth. Then you can all talk about it.

You should also think about some sort of counseling. Most people would not be so upset after 1.5 years. I'm guessing you have a toddler now and plenty of other things to think about. Most people would just move on.

Your MIL is stupid. All she needed to say was: oh I am so happy for you, congratulations!
And you apparently don't have enough confidence to just say: to heck with this stupid woman. Or maybe your baby is super easy and you have nothing better to worry about.

Anonymous wrote:You hold on to things for far too long. 1.5 years later? Should not be an issue or even cross your mind. Also is it productive to discuss how your relationship went wrong with MIL? Why not focus on either improving it or improving your boundaries/expectations?

Ditto. You sound annoying OP. Get over yourself and let it go, already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's all DH's fault, so take it up with him. You should tell your MIL that you know now, though.

I did take it up with DH... how should I tell MIL that I know?

DH muffed it up, let HIM tell HIS mother what the fallout was. Why in the hell did he blab to her after you two made an agreement about telling everyone together?

It wasn't because he was excited and spilled the beans... it was something worse than that, but I'm not going to describe it here because it's just more trollbait.

Oh good Lord, it gets better and better. PLEASE don't have anymore children. The one you have is going to need enough therapy as it is

Why do people say things like this? I rarely post here, so I forget about the people like you who take very few details about a personal event and use it to stab people in the heart who you've never met. I urge you to choose kindness in the future, and don't kid yourself that you are trying to be kind here.

This went on for 12 pages? Are you guys best friends or something?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's all DH's fault, so take it up with him. You should tell your MIL that you know now, though.

I did take it up with DH... how should I tell MIL that I know?

DH muffed it up, let HIM tell HIS mother what the fallout was. Why in the hell did he blab to her after you two made an agreement about telling everyone together?

It wasn't because he was excited and spilled the beans... it was something worse than that, but I'm not going to describe it here because it's just more trollbait.

Oh good Lord, it gets better and better. PLEASE don't have anymore children. The one you have is going to need enough therapy as it is

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how about just saying to yourself -- My pregnancy did not get announced in the special way that I wanted. I'm disappointed about that, but c'est la vie.

And start fresh with your MIL.

I promise you I could care less about that. I'm a little upset that I had to care for my mother for a week when she had a broken ankle, sneaking off to throw up, etc., to avoid telling her, when DH already broke that promise... but that's about it.

I can't start fresh with MIL, I'm upset. If she apologized, maybe. But I don't really love soliciting apologies.

What is she supposed to apologize for? The fact that your husband told her?

Good grief, you're a piece of work.

It's not her, it's her CULTURE! Reading patiently on to learn just what this culture is. Personally I think OP is waiting for the ego-strokers of DCUM to come out of the woodwork to say how she was wronged and her MIL must be hung at dawn in payment. (Not the DH who TOLD in the first place). Back into the trenches I go!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy cow- you are upset about something a year and 1/2 later?

I couldn't get past that part. Your life must be exhausting.

DH loves his mother more than he loves OP. He betrayed OP to share secrets with his mother. OP is second-best. She probably is right to be upset.

This is ridiculous. He got over excited about this baby and spilled the beans to his mom. Big whoop. My DH did the same (but to his dad, not mom), but I am not freaking out about it. He "lied" because it is clear to both him and MIL that OP is a major reactor. She would have gone batshit then. The only thing he did wrong was ever telling his wife about the great big lie @@

If he really feels this way about me, then he absolutely should divorce me. I'm serious - if he thinks I'm such an overreactor that he has to lie to me for 1.5 years, the relationship is broken.

Luckily, he realizes that what he did was actually wrong and we're doing just fine trying to fix it.

That's pretty much what he thinks. You can let it go or you can get a divorce.

lol! I'm sure your DH loves that you are a mind reader!

What does his behavior tell you? It says that he thinks he can't be truthful with you because he can't trust your reactions.

You're not horrible, OP. But you seem to be clinging to this singular incident as the reason why you have a right to distrust and dislike your MIL. I think therapy will help you get to the real reason why you feel this way. Because this incident alone is not reason enough. Many posters have been rude but the result is the same: this isn't as big of a deal as you are making out of it.

If he really feels this way about me, then he absolutely should divorce me. I'm serious - if he thinks I'm such an overreactor that he has to lie to me for 1.5 years, the relationship is broken.

Luckily, he realizes that what he did was actually wrong and we're doing just fine trying to fix it.

He didn't lie to you for 1.5 years (unless you were talking about the big reveal on a regular basis for the last 1.5 years). He lied once 1.5 years ago and just came clean. This isn't as if he had a long term affair - not THAT's a lie and trust breaker. I hope to god you never put him in the position of having to answer 'do these pants make me look fat'?

I am going to therapy. I'm pretty depressed about my relationship with MIL among other things. Perhaps this piece of it is affecting me more than I realize. I guess in hindsight I did hope that this group would be more supportive but I appreciate the feedback.

That is a good idea. I hope that it is helpful. I am of the view that you are overreacting (especially in terms of blaming your MIL so much while seeming to pretty much give your husband a complete pass), but I don't know you or all the facts of your situation, and there may be more to it than is clear from these posts. I am trying to be constructive, not mean, and would like to recommend that you focus on regulating your own response to situations - whether they involve your MIL, other posters here, or other people in your life. You can't change what your MIL does, or what someone posts, but you can change your own reaction to it and not allow yourself to become so upset by other people's behavior.

Anonymous wrote:So OP, everyone says you are overreacting because you didn't share this horrible thing that is the main source of why youre so upset... you are so drama filled I'm having trouble believing this is real

Just never mind. You guys win, I'm horrible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's all DH's fault, so take it up with him. You should tell your MIL that you know now, though.

I did take it up with DH... how should I tell MIL that I know?

DH muffed it up, let HIM tell HIS mother what the fallout was. Why in the hell did he blab to her after you two made an agreement about telling everyone together?

It wasn't because he was excited and spilled the beans... it was something worse than that, but I'm not going to describe it here because it's just more trollbait.

But then we aren't hearing the whole story, OP.
Because there has to be more to it than what you're describing.

I told you already about the fertility issues, it's along those lines.

But in the end, we communicated in a very healthy way about trying to reconcile our competing needs in terms of telling people about the baby, we figured out ways to compromise (I let him tell lots of people), there really shouldn't have been any reason to lie to me. There's really only so much you can do unless you're willing to just cede to someone else's needs - and if he had been forthright with me about how deep of a need it was, then I would have handled the situation differently. He seemed ok with the agreement, and I think I had a right to expect him to keep that promise.

I am going to therapy. I'm pretty depressed about my relationship with MIL among other things. Perhaps this piece of it is affecting me more than I realize. I guess in hindsight I did hope that this group would be more supportive but I appreciate the feedback.

So OP, everyone says you are overreacting because you didn't share this horrible thing that is the main source of why youre so upset... you are so drama filled I'm having trouble believing this is real

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. It's all DH's fault, so take it up with him. You should tell your MIL that you know now, though.

I did take it up with DH... how should I tell MIL that I know?

DH muffed it up, let HIM tell HIS mother what the fallout was. Why in the hell did he blab to her after you two made an agreement about telling everyone together?

It wasn't because he was excited and spilled the beans... it was something worse than that, but I'm not going to describe it here because it's just more trollbait.

But then we aren't hearing the whole story, OP.
Because there has to be more to it than what you're describing.