We have had* not I

As a millennial, I find that many of the women of my generation are looking for a middle ground. We want careers and we value having a family of our own. My girlfriends range in age from 26-34 and many are considering scaling back from work, advanced degrees and all, to prioritize family or to increase the likelihood of finding a marriage minded guy. I have had ongoing discussions with each other about this and the consensus seems to be that we would prefer middle management jobs/careers if it means also having a family. For myself, I love my job, but I find more fulfillment elsewhere (through family and friends and personal pursuits).

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Anonymous wrote:This is why the average age of first time moms in DC is 38. Lots of women spend a decade working on their careers, paying off all debts, building lots of equity in homes, and THEN having children.

That is sad

Nope. Sad is being 45, an empty nester and having no employable skills.

Where I'm from most woman don't work. They have children very young and are usually done having kids by 25. By 35 they are usually taking care of grandkids if their daughters stay in school after getting pregnant at age 15.

Now THAT is truly sad.

I think the values are different family comes first. Guys work for money to support a middle class lifestyle and everyone lives off of 60k easily. No eat race and waiting to have kids. The kids usually come first. I don't find it sad at all.

I don't think kids are more important than other things in life, such as educational and professional accomplishment and financial security.

Now THAT'S sad---to find meaning in life through professional accomplishment. A truly empty---and more likely than not---forgettable existence.

Said by someone without a particularly fulfilling job.

I have kids and am (imho) professionally successful. I have friends with very full lives that do not have children for a variety of reasons and lead very fulfilling lives. Your way is not the only way and I hope you are raising your children to be more open minded than yourself.

Personally I find the pressure to find a spouse early troubling (assuming the goal is to have kids in your 20s) and think it contributes to the number of failing marriages. I did not marry until 38 and if that had meant we could not have kids well I would not have been willing to compromise in my choice of spouse just in order to have kids. I feel lucky to have a wonderful family and successful career. I feel like I won the lottery when I stop and think about it and I went through student loans and high childcare bills. We are on the other side of both now with two great kids in very good public schools. We are comfortable but not rich by DC standards, but we do fine and we are happy we have been able to make it work in DC.

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Anonymous wrote:This is why the average age of first time moms in DC is 38. Lots of women spend a decade working on their careers, paying off all debts, building lots of equity in homes, and THEN having children.

That is sad

Nope. Sad is being 45, an empty nester and having no employable skills.

Where I'm from most woman don't work. They have children very young and are usually done having kids by 25. By 35 they are usually taking care of grandkids if their daughters stay in school after getting pregnant at age 15.

Now THAT is truly sad.

I think the values are different family comes first. Guys work for money to support a middle class lifestyle and everyone lives off of 60k easily. No eat race and waiting to have kids. The kids usually come first. I don't find it sad at all.

I don't think kids are more important than other things in life, such as educational and professional accomplishment and financial security.

Now THAT'S sad---to find meaning in life through professional accomplishment. A truly empty---and more likely than not---forgettable existence.

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting that the one financial mistake so many DCUMers make was made long before they thought about buying a house or having kids -- they racked up thousands in student loans.

I am stunned that so many DCUMers calmly report paying $500, $800, $1,100 a month toward student loans. I can't imagine that.

I think my 200k salary makes up for my $400 monthly loan payment.

Not really, if I can earn 150k plus bonus with no student loans cause I went to state u.

There's not enough information shared to say that definitively. Is 400/ month over ten years or thirty? I'll gladly pay 400/month for ten years to make an extra 50K per year.

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting that the one financial mistake so many DCUMers make was made long before they thought about buying a house or having kids -- they racked up thousands in student loans.

I am stunned that so many DCUMers calmly report paying $500, $800, $1,100 a month toward student loans. I can't imagine that.

I think my 200k salary makes up for my $400 monthly loan payment.

Not really, if I can earn 150k plus bonus with no student loans cause I went to state u.

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Anonymous wrote:This is why the average age of first time moms in DC is 38. Lots of women spend a decade working on their careers, paying off all debts, building lots of equity in homes, and THEN having children.

That is sad

Nope. Sad is being 45, an empty nester and having no employable skills.

Where I'm from most woman don't work. They have children very young and are usually done having kids by 25. By 35 they are usually taking care of grandkids if their daughters stay in school after getting pregnant at age 15.

Now THAT is truly sad.

I think the values are different family comes first. Guys work for money to support a middle class lifestyle and everyone lives off of 60k easily. No eat race and waiting to have kids. The kids usually come first. I don't find it sad at all.

I don't think kids are more important than other things in life, such as educational and professional accomplishment and financial security.

Anonymous wrote:you might have to cut back on the 401k contributions/savings for the next few years. Cut back on the eating out and vacations, find an in-home day care and it is do-able. Or you can move to a place with lower cost of living.

No, do not cut back on the 401K contributions or your savings. The implication and loss of wealth of not contributing in enormous. Learn to live on less.

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Anonymous wrote:This is why the average age of first time moms in DC is 38. Lots of women spend a decade working on their careers, paying off all debts, building lots of equity in homes, and THEN having children.

That is sad

Nope. Sad is being 45, an empty nester and having no employable skills.

Where I'm from most woman don't work. They have children very young and are usually done having kids by 25. By 35 they are usually taking care of grandkids if their daughters stay in school after getting pregnant at age 15.

Now THAT is truly sad.

I think the values are different family comes first. Guys work for money to support a middle class lifestyle and everyone lives off of 60k easily. No eat race and waiting to have kids. The kids usually come first. I don't find it sad at all.

+1 me neither

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Anonymous wrote:This is why the average age of first time moms in DC is 38. Lots of women spend a decade working on their careers, paying off all debts, building lots of equity in homes, and THEN having children.

That is sad

Nope. Sad is being 45, an empty nester and having no employable skills.

Where I'm from most woman don't work. They have children very young and are usually done having kids by 25. By 35 they are usually taking care of grandkids if their daughters stay in school after getting pregnant at age 15.

Now THAT is truly sad.

I think the values are different family comes first. Guys work for money to support a middle class lifestyle and everyone lives off of 60k easily. No eat race and waiting to have kids. The kids usually come first. I don't find it sad at all.

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Anonymous wrote:This thread reminds me why we decided not to have kids.

What do you spend your money on?

Hookers and blow.

Anonymous wrote:Instead of paying to freeze eggs companies should be supportive of families and encourage women that it is ok to have children in their 20's and early 30's. Companies should have internships specifically designed for women (or dads) who are returning to work and need to bridge the gap between their education, work experience and time off.

This. It's sad that we're creating a society in which women (for the most part) have to decide whether to spend their 20s/early 30s focusing on their careers or starting a family. If dual income households are going to be the norm from here on out, then employers need to be more family-friendly and/or accepting of people with gaps in their careers. And this doesn't just apply to having kids. I think child free workers should also have more flexibility to help care for aging family members or whoever else they need/want to spend time with.

What is the point to life if all you do is work yourself to the top for the sake of making a bunch of money or being successful, but then you don't have much time left over for the people and hobbies you care about. There is no job in the world that could fulfill me as much as my family.

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Anonymous wrote:This is why the average age of first time moms in DC is 38. Lots of women spend a decade working on their careers, paying off all debts, building lots of equity in homes, and THEN having children.

That is sad

Nope. Sad is being 45, an empty nester and having no employable skills.

Where I'm from most woman don't work. They have children very young and are usually done having kids by 25. By 35 they are usually taking care of grandkids if their daughters stay in school after getting pregnant at age 15.

Now THAT is truly sad.

Anonymous wrote:This thread reminds me why we decided not to have kids.

What do you spend your money on?

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Anonymous wrote:This is why the average age of first time moms in DC is 38. Lots of women spend a decade working on their careers, paying off all debts, building lots of equity in homes, and THEN having children.

That is sad

Nope. Sad is being 45, an empty nester and having no employable skills.

Where I'm from most woman don't work. They have children very young and are usually done having kids by 25. By 35 they are usually taking care of grandkids if their daughters stay in school after getting pregnant at age 15.

Where is that?

Mid west