OP, have you spoken with your brother about them providing financial support for her, so you don't have to take on that financial burden?

OP, you are doing a wonderful thing and I'd like to think that I'd make space in my life for a relative in need. One goofy word of caution...your niece is young and wants stuff. Don't tempt her by leaving your purse/wallet/financial records laying around. It's hard not to in your own home, but she may be tempted to steal from you if she sees it laying around. Sorry for the shitty attitude. I'm just realistic.

PS: I think you should out your bro an SIL for what they've done in their own community.

OP,

You are doing something wonderful, although it will probably feel like the biggest mistake of your life sometimes!

Sorry for being harsh, but her parents throwing her out may be in her long-term best interest, as long as the rest of her family is there to cherish and discipline her into a productive human being. Their lifestyle and strictures are partly responsible for her situation.

I knew a young woman who was abused by her religious parents when they found out she had a boyfriend. It was horrible. Your niece is traumatized by her parents' reaction - you can't see it, because she is in a flurry of pregnancy hormones and teen sulk and changing her life. However this abandonment will affect her long-term. If you can afford it, I would take her to a therapist. At least research books on the subject. She will need a lot of psychological support to build her self-esteem and sense of responsibility.

Stay strong, OP. Best wishes to you and your family!

Just want to add how amazing you and your DH are. You are setting such a wonderful example for your kids. Also, sounds like you have great parents. Hopefully, between the 4 of you, you can create an environment where your niece can feel comfortable and loved and move forward with her life. Good luck!

OP are you even sure your niece was as bad as her parents say she was? I mean clearly she got pregnant so she was doing something wrong, but I wouldn't put it past parents who would throw her out that way to make shit up. Not at all.

OP, this is a really amazing story. Good for you for being in it for the long game. It's astounding how her parents are shutting her out. You may very well be preserving her sense of self by demonstrating love and acceptance (with appropriate boundaries) in the face of their rejection.

This is also a very loving model to show your own children.

Bless you OP!

My sister gor pregnant at 16 and gave the baby up for adoption. She made it through it all after many difficult years and what made the difference was that she had people in her life that would not give up on her. You and your husband are doing an amazing thing.

A baby is never a tragedy. The way people deal with the pregnancy and aftermath can be though.

You both are really going to make a difference, not only in her life but also in the life of this baby and hopefully in the life of some loving family desperately seeking a child.

Give her time to come to her senses. My sister changed her mind whenour parents agreed to exactly what she said she wanted to do. When they offered to buy her a train ticket to go live with her abusive boyfriend, she had a come to Jesus moment and decided to look towards adoption. Your niece is in shock and denial right now. The best gift you can give her is time a guidance to help her come to her senses.

On the plus side, living in the same house with a teen crisis pregnancy was the best birth control anyone could have given me and my two younger sisters. I don't know the ages of your kids but this situation can give them wisdom for future years and help them not to put themselves in the same situation.

Many blessings and lots of prayers to your family.

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP! How about an update? How are things going?

Thank you for asking. The good news is, she seems to have been scared straight by either the pregnancy or being kicked out (or both?). Neither Dh nor I have seen any evidence of her smoking, using drugs, drinking, etc. She has gotten better and better about her diet, even to the point of adding kale to her smoothies as of last week. She's still sullen and mopes around a lot but is being better about pulling her weight and being appreciative.

The bad news is, my brother and his wife just keep chugging forward with distancing her from their immediate family. With no warning we received boxes and boxes - they packed up her entire bedroom and sent everything here. We received her school transcript. So she is now finishing the year online.

She still maintains she adamantly wants to keep the baby. So we are proceeding as if that is happening. It's an awkward time for her - she is kind of a freak to her peers what with being so young but so obviously pregnant yet also she is super lonely for friends. My parents now know and it was after my mother had a big talk with my niece that caused her to change her attitude for the better. DH and my dad are working on turning our back porch into a proper insulated room. So that's where we are.

to PP 15:00---I would argue that the teen mother's selfish desire to have a baby to have her own "baby doll" to love has now resulted in damaging two lives---her own and the child's. What is this expectation that a pregnant teen should automatically be supported by their family ---now forced to raise and care for another child just because the immature, irresponsible teen wants a new toy to love?

The teen can put the child up for adoption and ensure that the child is wanted and loved by two loving parents from the get go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your niece's parents are wretched people. No way would Jesus approve.

Why can't she live with you? Do you live in a one bedroom with a kid already? Does she do drugs and do you have an impressionable preteen or teenager?

If not, I think you should let her live with you.

Well, just off the very top of my head, because she's been wild for the last three or four years and I don't know what kind of influence she's going to be on our impressionable young kids, and equally because DH and I planned our family size. We did not plan to have two more people join our family when we planned how many children we'd have, when we planned that I would stay home, etc.

OP,

PP above is nuts and living in La La Land.

Ignore him/her.

I would applaud her for making a decision to honor the baby. (That sounds very pro-life, but I actually mean just that it is also a way of taking responsibility for her actions)

As everyone has noted, this will take a lot of support from her family.

I know a girl who did this when we were in early high-school. She did not have great family support, and ended up in a homeless shelter for awhile, despite coming from a very solidly upper middle class family. It really rocked her world, and she's never gone on to have a functional life. At the time she really wanted to have a baby bc she did not feel loved by her own family. Her son has grown up to feel like he ruined his mother's life. That is where having some family support can help.

She, and your family, will need to consider how she can support herself short-term, get a college degree, an in general begin thinking and acting fully as an adult.

I hope things are working out. Please give us an update.

Hey, OP! How about an update? How are things going?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP you are quoting here. My kids share a room - they are the same gender and two years apart. Which is COMPLETELY different than having a pregnant teen share a room with a preschooler/elementary aged kid. I'm not saying they will suffer, but they will be giving up what they are used to, which will be especially unfair once their is a baby in the picture.

Who said anything about the teen sharing a room? Obviously the existing kids would share.

They already do! Good grief, would you people read before getting so judgemental.

Anonymous wrote:PP you are quoting here. My kids share a room - they are the same gender and two years apart. Which is COMPLETELY different than having a pregnant teen share a room with a preschooler/elementary aged kid. I'm not saying they will suffer, but they will be giving up what they are used to, which will be especially unfair once their is a baby in the picture.

Who said anything about the teen sharing a room? Obviously the existing kids would share.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the 15 year old niece who can't support herself will have very little alternative except to place her child for adoption unless her family enables her to keep the child by providing food, shelter and financial support. Were I OP, I think I would be working very hard in order to get my niece into some sort of group home for pregnant teens environment, instead of agreeing to let her reside as a houseguest.

I keep returning to this thread because one of my greatest fears is that my own impulsive, ADHD, FASD, incredibly immature DD could---in just a few years time---be OP's niece---despite all the efforts we make to try to ward against those risk factors. And I would imagine that given my child's background, and her "magical thinking"---she too would be like OP's niece in wanting to continue with a pregnancy and have a child.

So I keep reading, wondering what exactly one does in order to "reach" a 15 year old and convince her that she is in no way prepared to be a mother, and owes it to her unborn child to make decisions that are in the child's best interest.

I.U.D.

For the situation you describe you need to play offense as well as defense.

Not to side track from the OP & her needs
but to answer the pp OBGYNs will not place an IUD for anyone under 18, they can be forever damaging making children impossible in the future. That's why they are marketed to women who's families are complete. I realize plenty of women opt for them in their 20s & 30s but an IUD is not without risk. (I have one now but I also have two school aged children)

This is patently untrue and out of date. I have had more than one OB suggest the IUD to me, I'm in my 20s, with one kid, plan to have more and can't take hormonal birth control. Out of my circle of friends (all in our 20s), I'd say about 30% have IUDs, most of us do not have kids now but plan on it later.

The IUDs on the market today are not like the old ones. They are safe. There are risks, but there are risks with ANY method of birth control.