Anonymous
10/18/2018 18:51
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to add to this, even though it was originally posted years ago. I was left quite a bit of money by my (paternal) grandfather. My mother, his daughter in law, when completely money crazy. She manipulated me out of a good chunk of it by making me feel guilty and saying that I needed to pay her back for having raised me. She immediately lost half of this money to bad investments and bad spending habits. My husband and I work and we live as frugal as possible. the money that was left allowed us to pay off our house, invest, and pay off any of our debts. If we hadn't given my mother that money we could have saved more for our retirement. My relationship with my mother is almost completely destroyed. Please do not jeopardize your relationship with your children over this money. Look on the bright side! Your youngest children might have their college completely paid for with this money. that means you don't have to pay for it yourself. Also, since they have received an inheritance already you don't have to leave them anything; unless you want too. If you are worried about them all spending it frivolously then suggest a trust fund. That way their college funds will stay safe. As for your oldest she should be old enough to decide what to do with what she gets. If she wants to spend it all on designer bags it will be her choice. This money is a gift to your children. This inheritance could really help them in life and that is a blessing.
Hey dumba$$, the original post is FIVE YEARS old. Nobody cares about your two cents worth, and you've raised a LONG DEAD thread just so you could yap about yourself.
moron.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 18:43
Subject: Re:Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
100%, no.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 18:36
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
I wouldn’t be upset because she’s obviously using her money as a pawn. I would simply re-allocate my own resources to account for the fact that your children would have money to cover expenses you normally would have. The younger children would have money for college and the older one . . . well, it sounds like you share some blame in her financial choices but she can start feeling the pinch and foregoing assistance/gifts from you because you now need to save for your retirement more aggressively.
Oh and mother certainly better have a health care arrangement in place so she can have care as she ages because I wouldn’t be helping with that!
Oh and mother certainly better have a health care arrangement in place so she can have care as she ages because I wouldn’t be helping with that!
Anonymous
10/18/2018 17:05
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
I'd be upset, at least a bit. For one thing, OP, as an only child, is likely going to be the one taking care of her mother, maybe for years as she gets older. We have just spent years, and reduced our work hours, caring for elderly parents with Alzheimer's and dementia. While it isn't a quid pro quo, and we'd do it anyway, I can't say that I wouldn't be just a bit resentful if the entire inheritance, passed over to next generation.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 16:53
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
I'd be fine with it. I'd hope she wouldn't leave 100% to my kids, but rather 25% to each of them, and 50% to my brother, who has no kids. I'd also want a trust, that opens at 35 or 40, so as to generate wealth and prevent frittering it away. But we are comfortable, and have no need of the money - I suspect that's the reason for a divide among posters here.
Also, OP, her reasons for doing this are pretty crappy, but that's a separate issue.
Also, OP, her reasons for doing this are pretty crappy, but that's a separate issue.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 16:28
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
Anonymous wrote:Long post … but basically, I am trying to gauge whether my hurt feelings is warranted. Would you be upset you if your parent(s) plan to completely cut you out of any inheritance, and leave it to your children (their grandchildren) instead of you?
To give some background … My mother finally admitted to me (although I always had a feeling) that she is planning on leaving most of her inheritance to my children, some to her sisters, and absolutely none to me because she does not like my husband. I understand her ill feelings towards my husband, who at times can be selfish; however, I am very hurt that she is completely cutting me out since I have remained close to her and for the most part we get along. I am the only child. I talk to her at least a couple times a week and see her at least once a week. I know she wants me to see her more, but I work full-time so it is difficult for me. My concern wrt the inheritance distribution is … my DD, my oldest who is in college, currently is very materialistic (example: She has at least 5x more designer purses than me, and she always has my mom buy or give her things). She very rarely calls my mom. I am closer to my mom than she is. My other two children are very young (beginnings of elementary school). I hope they grow responsibly, but time will tell. I would hate to see my mother’s inheritance spent irresponsibly or unappreciatively.
Although I am currently financially stable, we have always been on a tight budget. Up until recently we had full-time childcare expenses and we fully paid for my daughters education ($160k+). In future, we may have 2 more college expenses as well. My mother has never helped with neither my DD nor my own education expenses, nor would I expect her to. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, but I have to work for my family’s health insurance and if I didn’t work we would not be able to pay for my DD’s college. I made a lot of sacrifices for the grandkids she loves. I love her as well. But I have always felt she was sadistic towards me. I think her intentions validate she doesn’t really love me. I have never asked her for money. She has always given my children more than me, which I have greatly appreciated. But when she passes, friends and relatives will question why she cut me out of her Will when we seemed so close. Yes, I did confront her wrt my feelings, and she said I was just jealous so she would just leave everything to charity so I wouldn’t be jealous of my own kids. Am I wrong to be utterly hurt by this?
Sure. I'd be upset. But it sounds like she has a good reason. While the "her money, her choice" crowd loves to co-opt these types of threads, the fact it she IS doing it as punishment. And that is hurtful. So your feelings are reasonable.
But, keep in mind your children are benefiting from this. That's a good thing. And for me, would soothe my hurt feelings somewhat.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 15:29
Subject: Re:Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
No, I wouldn't care. That's where it would ultimately go anyway, even if it was left to me.
If my parents said some hurtful things to me to explain their estate planning, like "We're leaving our money to your kids because you are a disappointment and we never loved you," then those things would upset me. (Totally hypothetical, my parents are great and our relationship is great)
If my parents said some hurtful things to me to explain their estate planning, like "We're leaving our money to your kids because you are a disappointment and we never loved you," then those things would upset me. (Totally hypothetical, my parents are great and our relationship is great)
Anonymous
10/18/2018 15:24
Subject: Re:Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the responses, but I don't think it is fair to the extent that it makes the amount allocated to each child and their family unequal to another child and her family. For example, I have 1 sibling, and he has 3 kids and I have 2 kids. My parents will leave everything to my sib and I 50/50 - and if for some reason they left it to the grandkids, they would leave 50% of their estate to be split evenly between my kids (so each would get 25%) and the other 50% to be split evenly among my sib's 3 kids (so each would get ~ 18%). Compare that to DH who also has one sibling, but my IL's plan to leave everything to their grandkids which will mean that my 2 kids will each get 1/6th of their estate and my SIL's 4 kids will also each get 1/6th - but meaning it would be like they gave 1/3rd of their estate to DH and 2/3rds to his sister - that last part is what makes it unfair to me.
Money left to your kids is not "like" money left to you, because your kids are separate people. Each grandchild gets the same amount, which seems fair to me. If they left 1/3 to your husband and 2/3 to his sister, that would be lopsided, but they aren't. They aren't leaving any of it to either of them.
Agreed. I'd be pissed if my cousin (an only child) got 2x more than me because I have a sibling.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 15:23
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
OP, did your mother make the money?
Or has it been passed down from generation to generation?
I would have varying degrees of upset. If your mom is self made then she can do whatever she pleases. If it's money from a great great grandparent then I'd be more upset I suppose.
Or has it been passed down from generation to generation?
I would have varying degrees of upset. If your mom is self made then she can do whatever she pleases. If it's money from a great great grandparent then I'd be more upset I suppose.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 15:12
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
OP you BUY your daughter designer handbags
You’ve taught her self gratification and YET
you think you want to be a good parent and
not enable her materialistic behavior BUT
While she’s misspending on purses you’re paying
For her education, see how that doesn’t make sense?
Step up to the plate and be the parent you
need to be!!
You’ve taught her self gratification and YET
you think you want to be a good parent and
not enable her materialistic behavior BUT
While she’s misspending on purses you’re paying
For her education, see how that doesn’t make sense?
Step up to the plate and be the parent you
need to be!!
Anonymous
10/18/2018 13:44
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
I am an only child, and would not mind if the money skipped a generation.
However the situation you describe is unreasonable.
If you mother was scared that your spouse was going to be irresponsible with the inheritance to your detriment and your childrens', she would find a way. Here all she's doing is punishing you for not marrying someone she likes, and that's very hurtful.
I would tell her this, actually. Might as well.
However the situation you describe is unreasonable.
If you mother was scared that your spouse was going to be irresponsible with the inheritance to your detriment and your childrens', she would find a way. Here all she's doing is punishing you for not marrying someone she likes, and that's very hurtful.
I would tell her this, actually. Might as well.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 13:38
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
Anonymous wrote:Her mom should start a thread "Would you be upset if your children were treating your money like a deferred savings account and confronting you about how you plan to leave it when you're not even close to being dead?"
+1
In the OP, she says that her mom "finally admitted" that she was leaving the money to grandkids. Which really makes it sound like OP was asking and bugging and nagging to find out how the money was being distributed and why. Which is way out of line.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 13:35
Subject: Re:Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the responses, but I don't think it is fair to the extent that it makes the amount allocated to each child and their family unequal to another child and her family. For example, I have 1 sibling, and he has 3 kids and I have 2 kids. My parents will leave everything to my sib and I 50/50 - and if for some reason they left it to the grandkids, they would leave 50% of their estate to be split evenly between my kids (so each would get 25%) and the other 50% to be split evenly among my sib's 3 kids (so each would get ~ 18%). Compare that to DH who also has one sibling, but my IL's plan to leave everything to their grandkids which will mean that my 2 kids will each get 1/6th of their estate and my SIL's 4 kids will also each get 1/6th - but meaning it would be like they gave 1/3rd of their estate to DH and 2/3rds to his sister - that last part is what makes it unfair to me.
Money left to your kids is not "like" money left to you, because your kids are separate people. Each grandchild gets the same amount, which seems fair to me. If they left 1/3 to your husband and 2/3 to his sister, that would be lopsided, but they aren't. They aren't leaving any of it to either of them.
Anonymous
10/18/2018 13:03
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
How much money?
Is this your second marriage?
What did he do to make your mom upset?
Is this your second marriage?
What did he do to make your mom upset?
Anonymous
10/18/2018 13:01
Subject: Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?
No, but I would make my kids use some of the money they get to help with college. Currently I'm planning to pay for college, but it will hurt a little. If my kids came into a bunch of money (and I didn't) I would definitely make them contribute.