I'm curious how people think about this situation. Both affair partners are "married", but both marriages are dead. Both live in separate rooms/floors of their respective houses, and don't ever sleep with or have sex with the spouses. Years since either has had sex with their spouses. No social time with their spouses. Basically, they just deal with spouses on things that they have to (logistical stuff) and that's it. The spouses of both are agreed on the situations as well - meaning the distance - but they're not aware of the EA. No children under 20. In both marriages, they are staying in the same house and only technically "married" for various significant reasons, but those reasons are temporary and eventually there will probably be divorces once that phase is over.

I know people will ask how you know for sure this is the case in the marriages, and not just something one is telling the other in order to have the affair. Assume it is verified and true. Just wondering what people think in this regard. I used to be very black/white about affairs, and am still very strict about them, but can see some gray here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The woman my STBX was having an affair with has turned into a classic bunny boiler type.

So I would say, emotionally unstable women are among the types who have affairs with married men.

"Don't stick your dick in crazy" is the standard advice -- but, I feel like I ought to try it just once to see what crazy is like in the sack.

Bingo, EUW for sure!

Anonymous wrote:The woman my STBX was having an affair with has turned into a classic bunny boiler type.

So I would say, emotionally unstable women are among the types who have affairs with married men.

"Don't stick your dick in crazy" is the standard advice -- but, I feel like I ought to try it just once to see what crazy is like in the sack.

Anonymous wrote:Daddy issues. 99% did not have a good relationship with their real daddy.

My father an I were always incredibly close. In my mid-30s, he and I had some issues in our relationship. I had a total meltdown, one I didn't see coming. I slept with a married man. I can't even begin to describe the issues that surrounded feeling rejected by my father. We got it worked out before he died, but it is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I think it's silly to pursue and fall in love with married men or view them as a main male figure in your life and expect anything more than fun times when convenient. But they are just fine as temporary companions or parallel-track lovers.

Anonymous wrote:I'm genuinely curious to know. Do you have low self-esteem? Are you lonely? Do you need the attention? No matter how much the husband complains about the wife, do you realize or care that you are breaking up families with children?

The ones that I knew to do this had a combination of low self esteem and narcissism.

It seems as if many men, here, pick "Sleazy, slutty self absorbed women" for partners.

The woman my STBX was having an affair with has turned into a classic bunny boiler type.

So I would say, emotionally unstable women are among the types who have affairs with married men.

Anonymous wrote:Daddy issues. 99% did not have a good relationship with their real daddy.

+1,000,000

No strong daddy figure

Anonymous wrote:I'm 17:24 above and every time I hear that robin thicke and pharrell song, I sing ' I hate these blurred lines' really loud ! Blurred lines indeed ..,

Both douches. Paula is better without that dbag

Daddy issues. 99% did not have a good relationship with their real daddy.

If a married person finds that they want to be with someone else they need to divorce and move on. Or have a open marriage. Otherwise nothing will excuse cheating on your spouse.

I do not blame the other party at all.

I still stand by my other statement: I'm a little skeptical of "my spouse didnt meet me needs crap." The only thing a crappy spouse means is you have the right to leave or be honest about your intent to step out. you have no right to be dishonest. dishonesty sets an unfair playing field. Dishonesty is the hall mark of getting what you want and trying to avoid and hide from the negative consequences of your choices, while not letting your spouse honestly see who they are really married to and give them the choice whether they still want to be married to you, the person rather than having the courage to stand up and shine the light on their cheating actions,slinks in motel rooms pining "woe is me, I'm starved emotionally, physically, whatever." Shine that truth to your innocent spouse, then see if they still want to be with YOU.

Quote: It seems that you switched your position because you have a asset to protect, which is very convenient.

No, I grew empathy as an older person, something I really lacked as a young woman, and didn't appreciate the connectedness of the universe. I could not fully understand being in The wife's shoes.

I'm not excusing what I did. I find it shameful, thoughtless, hurtful, and harmful, even though we were never caught. It's something I deeply regret, and I'm sorry that I made those choices and wasn't a better person that made better choices. It was a low point for me as a human being.

Married woman here. If my DH has an affair with a single woman, he is the one who is breaking his vows to me, not the OW! If he is having an affair with a married woman, she is breaking her vows to her husband and my DH is cheating on me.

In either case, in my eyes, my DH would have done me wrong. He will be the target of my wrath (ok - the OW may be collateral damage!) and no bunny will ever be safe.