There definitely are parents who can, but choose not to.
My parents did not, but forced it on me. So I had to go.
I attended a mediocre school in my home town and the commute by train took an hour. I managed to live at home, so that was a big saving.
When my parents went they had to also pay their own way, except then that was still doable, costs were lower and jobs for graduates easier to get. Upward mobility was not so rare, and even wealthy people had their kids do it on their own. My grandfather had gone to college, and with 7 children who all attended college, none of them even thought that daddy should pay.
Today it is different. College is no longer even an options to those without family money and parents willing to pay for it.

We're paying for our parents' retirements, our retirements, our student loans, 100k in health care bills, and an underwater house in another state. This is AFTER losing everything we had in the recession. We are literally starting over in our 40s. I wish we could pay for our kids to go to college, but it's just not realistic. We would, however, pay for a couple of years of community college to get them started and they will always have a roof over their heads so long as we have one over ours.

IMHO the best gift we can give our kids is to not be a financial burden on them when they are our age the way our parents have been to us. We're doing everything we can to avoid that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I agree. If you choose to have children, it's your responsibility to get them through college.

Thank you! Why is this so hard to understand?

Not every parent can afford to financially sail their children through college. Why is that hard to understand?

I got through college the same way my father did - I worked and received financial aid. Yes I will give as much support as possible but paying their way completely isn't feasible.

I posted earlier that my parents only had a college fund my brother (and it was small -about 7K) but not for my sister and I and they gave very little support while I was in college. I will do more then that and not be sexist. But my kids need to realize that I cannot and will not hand everything to them.

This post specificaly address being able to pay for your child's education, but not willing to. From what you said, I think your situation is more of not being able to (as it was when you went to school) and that is completely understandable. That's what financial aid is for. That's what scholarships are for. However, if you had the means to pay for their education and chose not to, I find that extremely selfish. If you want to make a point about not giving them everything, don't pay for cell phone's, expensive clothes, vacations, etc. But do not make this point on education. For one, it's too late when they're 18 to start telling them they're not going to get everything in life. That lesson is more appropriate at 4 or 6 or 9. All you are telling them at 18 is that they don't matter enough and that education is not something you value. And for what it's work, I think your parents were extremely unfair. If I only had $7000 I would have split it up evently between siblings. No way would I give it all to only one of them.

In that case, I agree. And I think getting through college should be a partnership, not "sink or swim".

I've mostly moved past what my parents did, but it was incredibly unfair. My dad also took out a large private loan that couldn't be deferred and once I entered graduate school I had to continue paying it. In some ways - I was an adult and on my own and never even considered asking for help but at the same time I ended up in some terrible situations (ie: running out of food, having to leave school for a year because I couldn't stop working to complete my internship, etc). It was no picnic and I was completely burnt out. I don't want to do that to my kids.

I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. That's exactly the point I was making. Kids shouldn't have to deal with all of that (if it can be helped).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will help out but I will not pay the full ride.

They will have to get student loans. I paid my way through college and it made me really think about how I spent my hours on the weekends while my friends were out every night with $50 bar tabs I was (in addition to my real job) working for a caterer to help pay off student loans.

I will also not pay for a car, phone, cable, or insurance.

I have boys so I will give them a certain amount of money when they get married to do with as they will - rehersal dinner or down payment on a house - up to them.

I'm buying a car! Better a boring but safe Honda Accord than some 20 year old death trap my kid might be able to purchase.

If they don't have student loans they will buy a sports car - or trade the one in you got and upgrade to a sports car. I drove a reliable boring car because I paid for it myself.

What the heck are you talking about? Are you equating no debt with financial irresponsibility?

My five siblings and I graduated from expensive name-brand schools with no student debt, thanks to my mother's hard work. (She wore the same polyester pants, and drank milk made from powder for years to make that happen.) We are all super-responsible adults, financially conservative. I didn't even own a car until I was almost 30 (and I paid cash for it with savings then). Heck, I earn six figures now, but my kids' clothing all comes from thrift shops.

You don't know what you are talking about.

I don't think a large majority of people are doing missions in Africa because they don't have student loans. And good for you for being responsible - which I can attribute to the polyester pants - my mom wore the same. We should do a study.

But if you talk to most 20 somethings - and I know many - Hawaii, Inn at Little Washinton, Italy - great _ I am happy for them but I am not going to pay for student loans so my kids can live the life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I agree. If you choose to have children, it's your responsibility to get them through college.

Thank you! Why is this so hard to understand?

Not every parent can afford to financially sail their children through college. Why is that hard to understand?

I got through college the same way my father did - I worked and received financial aid. Yes I will give as much support as possible but paying their way completely isn't feasible.

I posted earlier that my parents only had a college fund my brother (and it was small -about 7K) but not for my sister and I and they gave very little support while I was in college. I will do more then that and not be sexist. But my kids need to realize that I cannot and will not hand everything to them.

This post specificaly address being able to pay for your child's education, but not willing to. From what you said, I think your situation is more of not being able to (as it was when you went to school) and that is completely understandable. That's what financial aid is for. That's what scholarships are for. However, if you had the means to pay for their education and chose not to, I find that extremely selfish. If you want to make a point about not giving them everything, don't pay for cell phone's, expensive clothes, vacations, etc. But do not make this point on education. For one, it's too late when they're 18 to start telling them they're not going to get everything in life. That lesson is more appropriate at 4 or 6 or 9. All you are telling them at 18 is that they don't matter enough and that education is not something you value. And for what it's work, I think your parents were extremely unfair. If I only had $7000 I would have split it up evently between siblings. No way would I give it all to only one of them.

In that case, I agree. And I think getting through college should be a partnership, not "sink or swim".

I've mostly moved past what my parents did, but it was incredibly unfair. My dad also took out a large private loan that couldn't be deferred and once I entered graduate school I had to continue paying it. In some ways - I was an adult and on my own and never even considered asking for help but at the same time I ended up in some terrible situations (ie: running out of food, having to leave school for a year because I couldn't stop working to complete my internship, etc). It was no picnic and I was completely burnt out. I don't want to do that to my kids.

Mine paid for all 3 of our college and professional degrees and we're very grateful. We intend to pay for at least undergrad. But I owuld never suggest that anyone "should" do anything -- especially if it comes at the cost of retirement savings. Not everyone can afford it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the best of their ability, perhaps.

I wont be able to pay all, but will have a small college fund and hopefully help some. But I also believe it is important for kids to find their own way and work.

I'm finding the happy medium between no college fund/minimal support and covering it all. My parents only had a college fund for my brother and only helped (minimally) for the first two years.

Your parents had a college fund for your brother, and not for you?

Yep. They expected him to go to college, but not my sister and I. Ironically we went to college and he didn't. We're the first females in our family to get a BA/MA.

I asked this question a couple of time already and no one has answered it. If you are financually able to pay for college, but plan not to because you think your kid will get financial aid or scholarhips, what makes you think they should? Who foots the bill in that case? The state? An annonymous donor? Why should a stranger pay for your kids to go to schoool? (AGAIN I am only asking parents who can afford to pay. Not the ones who have no means)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I agree. If you choose to have children, it's your responsibility to get them through college.

Thank you! Why is this so hard to understand?

Not every parent can afford to financially sail their children through college. Why is that hard to understand?

I got through college the same way my father did - I worked and received financial aid. Yes I will give as much support as possible but paying their way completely isn't feasible.

I posted earlier that my parents only had a college fund my brother (and it was small -about 7K) but not for my sister and I and they gave very little support while I was in college. I will do more then that and not be sexist. But my kids need to realize that I cannot and will not hand everything to them.

This post specificaly address being able to pay for your child's education, but not willing to. From what you said, I think your situation is more of not being able to (as it was when you went to school) and that is completely understandable. That's what financial aid is for. That's what scholarships are for. However, if you had the means to pay for their education and chose not to, I find that extremely selfish. If you want to make a point about not giving them everything, don't pay for cell phone's, expensive clothes, vacations, etc. But do not make this point on education. For one, it's too late when they're 18 to start telling them they're not going to get everything in life. That lesson is more appropriate at 4 or 6 or 9. All you are telling them at 18 is that they don't matter enough and that education is not something you value. And for what it's work, I think your parents were extremely unfair. If I only had $7000 I would have split it up evently between siblings. No way would I give it all to only one of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I agree. If you choose to have children, it's your responsibility to get them through college.

Thank you! Why is this so hard to understand?

Not every parent can afford to financially sail their children through college. Why is that hard to understand?

I got through college the same way my father did - I worked and received financial aid. Yes I will give as much support as possible but paying their way completely isn't feasible.

I posted earlier that my parents only had a college fund my brother (and it was small -about 7K) but not for my sister and I and they gave very little support while I was in college. I will do more then that and not be sexist. But my kids need to realize that I cannot and will not hand everything to them.

the "value" of my undergrad was 90% social skills/maturation/contacts made and MAYBE 10% for just getting the diploma. i was admitted into grad school based mostly on test scores, and the grad degree got me my career today.

So yeah, for me at least (17 year old shy kid at the time), the college experience was everything.

i agree that there is something to be learned about the value of money and hard work, but if we have the means, we will absolutely help our children pay for college. my parents refinanced their house to pay for me to go to college, but I also took on some federal loans and did a part time work study. it was just enough to make me appreciate it rather than taking the free ride for granted -- the debt was not overburdensome (and i am still paying it since it is such a small amount and so low an interest rate) -- it has not prevented me from doing anything I really want to do. And I didn't spend all my weekends and evenings working in college when I should have been studying or enjoying the college experience with my friends. (I only did like 2 short afternoons a week of work study.) I wouldn't want to deprive my child of that if I had the means. I am grateful to my parents for taking this approach, and my husband and I are aiming to take a similar approach for our kids (save enough to pay for the lion's share of their education).

My husband's parents didn't have the means to pay for any of his education, and while he learned the value of money, he had in comparison to me what i consider to be a miserable college experience -- waiting tables all weekend while his friends were out. He didn't have nearly enough time to study. And he has an enormous amount of student loans that very much dictated the decisions he made in life (took the safe/nonrisky career route and he wanted to make a career switch but felt he couldn't because he would have to start from scratch and give up a job that enabled him to pay off his debt).

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely!

(assuming they can afford it)

agree

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will help out but I will not pay the full ride.

They will have to get student loans. I paid my way through college and it made me really think about how I spent my hours on the weekends while my friends were out every night with $50 bar tabs I was (in addition to my real job) working for a caterer to help pay off student loans.

I will also not pay for a car, phone, cable, or insurance.

I have boys so I will give them a certain amount of money when they get married to do with as they will - rehersal dinner or down payment on a house - up to them.

Am i reading this correctly? You will give them a lump sum for a rehearsal dinner or a down payment for a house, but not for college? I wonder how they'll make the house payments and student loan payments.

You clearly missed the point. I will give them money when they get married as a gift (not $100K more like $10K) - I will not dictate how they spend it. If they are getting married I suspect they don't have student loans anymore. If they use it for a rehersal party I will be disappointed.

This is hilarious - do you really think that your kids (who you say will have to take out student loans to pay for college) will no longer have student loans at the time they get married?

Have you read posts on this board about crippling student debt? Debt that stands in the way of buying a house, having a child, paying for childcare?

Have you been paying any attention at all?

I paid my student loans off before I got married. I waited until I was finacially stable. I did not buy a fancy car. I lived at home and paid the rent there (which sucked). I worked a 2nd job. I did not go to bars and pay $50 bar tabs that I can't even image what they are now. Yes if my kids work, buckle down - I think they will be able to pay their student loans off before they are 30 with a little help - not me paying the full tab.

One of the many reasons I will do everything in my power to get my kids through college with zero debt is that I do not want student debt to hamper/limit them during a time in their lives when they are exploring options. I want them to be free to live abroad (as I did), take piddly-pay, socially important jobs that are interesting to them, and yes, marry if they wish, without student debt standing in the way.

This is what my parents always said too, and I am so grateful for it.

PP you quoted, and yes, my parents took this view as well. (My mother is the one I posted about above, who wore polyester pants and drank powdered milk to make it happen for us.) When I graduated from college, I went abroad and lived and worked there for several years. I earned nothing, living with roommates in a crappy apartment in the center of a major city, and worked some interesting jobs for little pay. I could never have pulled this off if I had had student debt, and I am forever grateful, because I now know that the experience shaped my life for decades to come.

I think our parents sound very similar! I am the one who posted that my parents always told us, "NO, b/c we are saving for college," whenever we whined, "Why can't we go to Disney Lane like everyone else? Why can't we go to Europe for vacation? blah blah blah"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will help out but I will not pay the full ride.

They will have to get student loans. I paid my way through college and it made me really think about how I spent my hours on the weekends while my friends were out every night with $50 bar tabs I was (in addition to my real job) working for a caterer to help pay off student loans.

I will also not pay for a car, phone, cable, or insurance.

I have boys so I will give them a certain amount of money when they get married to do with as they will - rehersal dinner or down payment on a house - up to them.

Am i reading this correctly? You will give them a lump sum for a rehearsal dinner or a down payment for a house, but not for college? I wonder how they'll make the house payments and student loan payments.

You clearly missed the point. I will give them money when they get married as a gift (not $100K more like $10K) - I will not dictate how they spend it. If they are getting married I suspect they don't have student loans anymore. If they use it for a rehersal party I will be disappointed.

This is hilarious - do you really think that your kids (who you say will have to take out student loans to pay for college) will no longer have student loans at the time they get married?

Have you read posts on this board about crippling student debt? Debt that stands in the way of buying a house, having a child, paying for childcare?

Have you been paying any attention at all?

I paid my student loans off before I got married. I waited until I was finacially stable. I did not buy a fancy car. I lived at home and paid the rent there (which sucked). I worked a 2nd job. I did not go to bars and pay $50 bar tabs that I can't even image what they are now. Yes if my kids work, buckle down - I think they will be able to pay their student loans off before they are 30 with a little help - not me paying the full tab.

One of the many reasons I will do everything in my power to get my kids through college with zero debt is that I do not want student debt to hamper/limit them during a time in their lives when they are exploring options. I want them to be free to live abroad (as I did), take piddly-pay, socially important jobs that are interesting to them, and yes, marry if they wish, without student debt standing in the way.

This is what my parents always said too, and I am so grateful for it.

PP you quoted, and yes, my parents took this view as well. (My mother is the one I posted about above, who wore polyester pants and drank powdered milk to make it happen for us.) When I graduated from college, I went abroad and lived and worked there for several years. I earned nothing, living with roommates in a crappy apartment in the center of a major city, and worked some interesting jobs for little pay. I could never have pulled this off if I had had student debt, and I am forever grateful, because I now know that the experience shaped my life for decades to come.