Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:51     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:OP, I apologize for aiming my comment at you. I thought you were the mom in question.

One last comment for 18:30 - "tit for tat" for invites is otherwise known as etiquette. If someone invites you somewhere, good etiquette says you reciprocate. Weddings are another story all together. We're talking about birthday invitations.


No, it's not etiquette. Just because you invited me doesn't mean I have to invite you. If I ATTENDED your party, then yes, I should invite you to mine. Seriously people, don't you have other things to do besides attending all these damn parties?!

And furthermore, if you teach children this is the proper way to do things it only sets up the BS wedding drama. It's not correct. It's not etiquette. Ask Emily Post.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:49     Subject: Re:S/O being excluded from birthday parties
I didn't read all 12 pages. But I'm shocked that the potty mouth girl poster would give her daughter so much leeway. First in letting her have a $50 per kid birthday - fine if that's what you want to do, but she made it sound like her daughter picked that and she just went along with it. And more importantly that she would let her daughter exclude the girl because "it's her party." Arent we supposed to teach our children to be kind and empathetic, to have manners and not to be exclusive? I'm no expert, but it seems that reinforcing that kind of behavior could be a slippery slope to ganging up on others later or possibly bullying.

To the OP, I think the best response to your question was on the first page of this thread - only inviting girls etc, no explanation, and leaving out one or two kids just shouldn't be done.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:47     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Wow, thanks Dad Poster #3. I didn't think you were mean before (perhaps a bit self-centered) but I do now.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:36     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
OP, I apologize for aiming my comment at you. I thought you were the mom in question.

One last comment for 18:30 - "tit for tat" for invites is otherwise known as etiquette. If someone invites you somewhere, good etiquette says you reciprocate. Weddings are another story all together. We're talking about birthday invitations.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:31     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
OP here...

After reading the whole thing - and barely having people actually answering my question - I have a question for the parents of the girl who excluded the potty mouthed girl:

Why did you allow your child to attend her party if she was not welcomed to your daughter's party?
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:30     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Those aren't standards. It's called being immature - which she should be at 7yo. It's up to parents to teach kids what's right and wrong so as they mature they can tell the difference. OP taught her daughter that it's ok to arbitrarily leave a classmate out for a silly reason. Not good parenting.


Arbitrary? Really? She didn't not include her because she dresses funny or has bad breath. She doesn't like the girl because she has bad taste and makes immature jokes. I for one would not one a child like at my son's birthday. Why teach your child tit for tat on invites? This reminds me of all the BS about bridesmaids. She asked me to be in her wedding, so I have to ask her to be in mine. NO! That doesn't have to happen! Break the cycle people and grow a backbone!


If she didn't like the little girl so much, why did she attend her birthday party after not inviting her to her own? Why didn't her mother explain that it's not right to go to the excluded girl's party because her daughter doesn't like her?


I thought I've read everything, but maybe I missed the post where the girl went to the party. I understand she was invited to the party and there was crossover at both parties which is how she found out. If the little girl in question did go, well then shame on the mom. But if she was just invited and didn't attend, I think she and her mother are totally in the right.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:29     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:OP, I cannot believe that you'd rather lay the blame for being mean at the feet of your 7yo daughter rather than admit that you should have handled it differently.


I'm the OP and I'm NOT the poster you're talking about!!!!
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:28     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:OP, I cannot believe that you'd rather lay the blame for being mean at the feet of your 7yo daughter rather than admit that you should have handled it differently.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:28     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Those aren't standards. It's called being immature - which she should be at 7yo. It's up to parents to teach kids what's right and wrong so as they mature they can tell the difference. OP taught her daughter that it's ok to arbitrarily leave a classmate out for a silly reason. Not good parenting.


Arbitrary? Really? She didn't not include her because she dresses funny or has bad breath. She doesn't like the girl because she has bad taste and makes immature jokes. I for one would not one a child like at my son's birthday. Why teach your child tit for tat on invites? This reminds me of all the BS about bridesmaids. She asked me to be in her wedding, so I have to ask her to be in mine. NO! That doesn't have to happen! Break the cycle people and grow a backbone!


If she didn't like the little girl so much, why did she attend her birthday party after not inviting her to her own? Why didn't her mother explain that it's not right to go to the excluded girl's party because her daughter doesn't like her?
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:24     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:Those aren't standards. It's called being immature - which she should be at 7yo. It's up to parents to teach kids what's right and wrong so as they mature they can tell the difference. OP taught her daughter that it's ok to arbitrarily leave a classmate out for a silly reason. Not good parenting.


Arbitrary? Really? She didn't not include her because she dresses funny or has bad breath. She doesn't like the girl because she has bad taste and makes immature jokes. I for one would not one a child like at my son's birthday. Why teach your child tit for tat on invites? This reminds me of all the BS about bridesmaids. She asked me to be in her wedding, so I have to ask her to be in mine. NO! That doesn't have to happen! Break the cycle people and grow a backbone!
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:23     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Holy cow, I haven't read all 12 pages of posts but it's this sort of thing that makes me glad I have boys. One is 7yo and talking about poop and farts is probably an advantage on the boy birthday party circuit.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:21     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:OP, I cannot believe that you'd rather lay the blame for being mean at the feet of your 7yo daughter rather than admit that you should have handled it differently.


+1
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:19     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When you don't invite everybody from one group to a party do you explain to the "not invited" ones why they're left out?

I was reading the other thread and lots of people are saying it was rude to exclude the girl and not say why so I'm wondering here if it's normal or expected to address the crowd left out.

Thanks for any insight.



well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.



Did your DD attend her party?



She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.


My daughter doesn't have a potty mouth. But you know, I'd rather she did, than that she acted like a mean little bitch.



Excuse me? Would you like to retract that comment you just made about my child? That finger you just pointed at my child? Take a look at your hand. Three fingers point back at you.

Deciding you don't wish to have a running commentary about feces and gastrointestinal noises at your birthday party is actually a pretty sound reason in my book. Had dd offered up some lesser articulated reason or no reason at all I probably would have pushed harder. But at 7, they're old enough to make guest list selections without the interference of a helicopter mother.


To the above ^ OP, I totally agree with you. If my child didn't want to return the invite - even though we recommended they do it - it's their party and their social repercussions. To the rest of you, just because 7yo think it's funny to talk about poops and farts doesn't mean it's right. In fact, I'm horrified some of you mothers actually think it's ok, or rather condone, kids to do this simply because of their age. I have a 4yo boy and he knows potty talk is inappropriate. That's not to say he doesn't do it sometimes, but when he does he is reminded it's not an ok topic of conversation. Shame on you! If pooping and farting is ok now, dare say what you will think is ok behavior when your daughters are 17! This OP's daughter is more of a lady at age 7 than the rest of you are!!
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:17     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Wow, dad, you paid $50 per girl to get manis and pedis in your house? I hope you realize how much you overpaid for that!!!!
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 18:07     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Those aren't standards. It's called being immature - which she should be at 7yo. It's up to parents to teach kids what's right and wrong so as they mature they can tell the difference. OP taught her daughter that it's ok to arbitrarily leave a classmate out for a silly reason. Not good parenting.