Anonymous wrote:My DH of 40 years made it very clear when we were dating that he would not adopt a child. He said that he felt that he could only love his own biological children. He was ok to raise any kid and pay for college etc and make them self sufficient - but he would not consider that child his offspring.

I asked what if I could not have kids? He was ok with not having kids at all. I believed him. He is the most loving and devoted dad in the world to our two kids. And he is a fantastic husband and partner.

Most people are not well suited to adopt a child. He was being honest with you. What made, or makes, you think you would have been any more suited to adopt a child than him or anyone else? These kinds of purely hypothetical questions are just dumb unless you actually had a reason to believe you might have future fertility problems when you were dating.


There's a whole bunch of other hypothetical questions you, and OP, could have asked if you wanted to end the relationship.

You didn't, OP does.

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who couldn't have kids after a series of miscarriages and after she almost died from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. Her husband did not leave her. Imagine going through what she did and your spouse dumping you.

They aren't married. They.arent even engaged. So what are you even talking about?

Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having biological children is incredibly important to most people. He was just being honest. This is also a hypothetical scenario as I understand. You could end up breaking up for any other reason in the future. No need to think about it now.

Totally disagree. He’s telling her if they got married, tried to have kids, and they could not, and it was discovered to be a female reason and not a male reason, he would leave her. That’s very different than saying having bio children is important to him. It’s promising her that if she is one of the many women who cannot get pregnant for whatever reason, he will leave her while she is at her lowest point. It’s as if a woman said “if, when you turn 40, you start to go bald, I will leave you.” Something entirely outside of his control that he cannot predict. But promising him that she will devastate him emotionally if he starts to lose his hair, something he also secretly fears will happen to him. And just as stupid since there are many ways to have a child with the man’s sperm that don’t involve the woman needing to have eggs OR a uterus .

So she's leaving him because she asked a rather silly counterfactual hypothetical question and he gave an answer she didn't like?

OP is a woman with commitment issues and is looking for any reason to bail, but wants to blame her decision on the other person.

Why would this be a problem for anyone?

Look. People get to stop dating for any reason, even a silly one. It doesn't mean anything in particular about them, UNLESS you think women shouldn't be able to leave men behind if they want. Are you some sort of incel?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boyfriend of 2 years began talking about children making emphasis that he wanted them to be his. I then asked what would happen if I can't have kids. He said he would discontinue the relationship. While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

You are going to screen for dishonest men. You will wind up with someone who is a good liar..If you don't want to hear honest answers to difficult questions, then don't ask them.

You think all men want kids?
Or that men who want kids want to trick women who don't into marrying them and then, what, replace their partners' birth control pills with aspirin tablets?

Are you insane, or is this, like, a fetish for you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having biological children is incredibly important to most people. He was just being honest. This is also a hypothetical scenario as I understand. You could end up breaking up for any other reason in the future. No need to think about it now.

Totally disagree. He’s telling her if they got married, tried to have kids, and they could not, and it was discovered to be a female reason and not a male reason, he would leave her. That’s very different than saying having bio children is important to him. It’s promising her that if she is one of the many women who cannot get pregnant for whatever reason, he will leave her while she is at her lowest point. It’s as if a woman said “if, when you turn 40, you start to go bald, I will leave you.” Something entirely outside of his control that he cannot predict. But promising him that she will devastate him emotionally if he starts to lose his hair, something he also secretly fears will happen to him. And just as stupid since there are many ways to have a child with the man’s sperm that don’t involve the woman needing to have eggs OR a uterus .

So she's leaving him because she asked a rather silly counterfactual hypothetical question and he gave an answer she didn't like?

OP is a woman with commitment issues and is looking for any reason to bail, but wants to blame her decision on the other person.

Anonymous wrote:Boyfriend of 2 years began talking about children making emphasis that he wanted them to be his. I then asked what would happen if I can't have kids. He said he would discontinue the relationship. While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on.

Has anybody had a similar experience?

You are going to screen for dishonest men. You will wind up with someone who is a good liar..If you don't want to hear honest answers to difficult questions, then don't ask them.

You might note that it's hard to make the same income or do as many chores when you are sick with cancer or multiple sclerosis. And yet, despite what one PP would have you believe, women aren't leaving these men in droves.

Men are six times as likely to leave their sick and failing spouse than woman are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP would stay with someone who couldn't earn anymore or got impotent.

It’s very common for men to dump their partners after a cancer diagnosis, so much so that the doctors office will often mention this. Women are more likely to stick around.

Nope.

Reality resists your preconceptions about it.

In sickness and in health? For men, maybe not
SCCA study finds husbands more likely than wives to leave sick spouse
https://www.fredhutch.org/en/news/center-news/2009/11/sickness-and-health.html

A married man is six times more likely to separate from or divorce his wife soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than a married woman in the same situation, according to a study that examined the role gender played in so-called “partner abandonment.”

The study confirmed earlier research that put the overall divorce or separation rate among cancer patients at 11.6 percent, similar to the population as a whole. However, researchers were surprised by the difference in separation and divorce rates experienced by gender: 20.8 percent for female patients compared to 2.9 percent for male patients.

Educate yourself.

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? This relationship ends tonight. You don’t want it to end at a time not of your choosing and when you are way invested

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP would stay with someone who couldn't earn anymore or got impotent.

It’s very common for men to dump their partners after a cancer diagnosis, so much so that the doctors office will often mention this. Women are more likely to stick around.

Nope.

Yes it is.

It is true, something like 50 % of people abandoned their partners overall. There was a marriage study too and it was very dramatic for women being left by men but much fewer women left

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP would stay with someone who couldn't earn anymore or got impotent.

It’s very common for men to dump their partners after a cancer diagnosis, so much so that the doctors office will often mention this. Women are more likely to stick around.

True and also true that its very common for women to dump men if they can't earn or have ADHD so can't juggle chores.

Ah yes, the well known lack of effective treatments and therapies for ADHD. Oh, woe is men! Won't someone think of the men! Alas, the virtuous men left shivering and pathetic in the cold, with no hope of surcease.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP would stay with someone who couldn't earn anymore or got impotent.

It’s very common for men to dump their partners after a cancer diagnosis, so much so that the doctors office will often mention this. Women are more likely to stick around.

Nope.

Yes it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP would stay with someone who couldn't earn anymore or got impotent.

It’s very common for men to dump their partners after a cancer diagnosis, so much so that the doctors office will often mention this. Women are more likely to stick around.

Nope.

Anonymous wrote:Flip the script. How many women leave a relationship with a man who doesn't want to reproduce?
And how many men end relationships because she wants kids?
Children are a deal breaker for many.

You're conflating "wanting to reproduce" with "discovering after marriage that you're unable to reproduce."