Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found people who allegedly very smart and educated simply don't plan and look ahead to a life raising kids. They plunge in and then are somehow SHOCKED at hard and expensive it is.

When my DH started pushing for a family (I had told him I didn't want children) I told him how much daycare would be, he screamed "But that is as much as our mortgage!"

Yep, I told him.

We compromised on 1 child, and he worked from home while I kept my much more stable job.

We had a very modest 3 bedroom home.

oh FFS
Imagine thinking systemic economic and political issues affecting millions in the US, not to mention globally = people didnt plan.
Also really insightful coming from someone who didnt want kids.
Lastly, using modest in your post is all kinds of reckless.

Excuses, excuses.

I concur the setup is rigged against families, but you have to play the hand you are dealt.

My starter home was a 3/2 cinderblock we could pay on one of our salaries. We might still be there if we hadn't switched states.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never work an office job with a long commute. I sub at my child's school and surrounding k-12 schools. Pay depends on the district, this week I am being paid $50/hr (325/day) for a special education teacher assignment at one of the higher paying districts. No benefits but kids are on their fathers healthcare who also works in education. I am on state insursnce.

I am at their school about half the time. Love getting to know my kids friends more, being somewhat available if they need me emotionally, and being able to just drive home from school when I am at theirs without another stop. Their school is out at 2:10 so we often go to the beach or sky zone etc afterwards before dinner. Best single mom job ever, and we have free after school care for when I have the highschool assignments.

Might not be a fancy job, but it works for while they are young.

What is state insurance?

It means she is on Medicaid, paid by taxpayers, because she chooses not to have an office job and commute.

Anonymous wrote:I found people who allegedly very smart and educated simply don't plan and look ahead to a life raising kids. They plunge in and then are somehow SHOCKED at hard and expensive it is.

When my DH started pushing for a family (I had told him I didn't want children) I told him how much daycare would be, he screamed "But that is as much as our mortgage!"

Yep, I told him.

We compromised on 1 child, and he worked from home while I kept my much more stable job.

We had a very modest 3 bedroom home.

Anonymous wrote:I found people who allegedly very smart and educated simply don't plan and look ahead to a life raising kids. They plunge in and then are somehow SHOCKED at hard and expensive it is.

When my DH started pushing for a family (I had told him I didn't want children) I told him how much daycare would be, he screamed "But that is as much as our mortgage!"

Yep, I told him.

We compromised on 1 child, and he worked from home while I kept my much more stable job.

We had a very modest 3 bedroom home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found people who allegedly very smart and educated simply don't plan and look ahead to a life raising kids. They plunge in and then are somehow SHOCKED at hard and expensive it is.

When my DH started pushing for a family (I had told him I didn't want children) I told him how much daycare would be, he screamed "But that is as much as our mortgage!"

Yep, I told him.

We compromised on 1 child, and he worked from home while I kept my much more stable job.

We had a very modest 3 bedroom home.

oh FFS
Imagine thinking systemic economic and political issues affecting millions in the US, not to mention globally = people didnt plan.
Also really insightful coming from someone who didnt want kids.
Lastly, using modest in your post is all kinds of reckless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never work an office job with a long commute. I sub at my child's school and surrounding k-12 schools. Pay depends on the district, this week I am being paid $50/hr (325/day) for a special education teacher assignment at one of the higher paying districts. No benefits but kids are on their fathers healthcare who also works in education. I am on state insursnce.

I am at their school about half the time. Love getting to know my kids friends more, being somewhat available if they need me emotionally, and being able to just drive home from school when I am at theirs without another stop. Their school is out at 2:10 so we often go to the beach or sky zone etc afterwards before dinner. Best single mom job ever, and we have free after school care for when I have the highschool assignments.

Might not be a fancy job, but it works for while they are young.

What is state insurance?

It means she is on Medicaid, paid by taxpayers, because she chooses not to have an office job and commute.

Anonymous wrote:I found people who allegedly very smart and educated simply don't plan and look ahead to a life raising kids. They plunge in and then are somehow SHOCKED at hard and expensive it is.

When my DH started pushing for a family (I had told him I didn't want children) I told him how much daycare would be, he screamed "But that is as much as our mortgage!"

Yep, I told him.

We compromised on 1 child, and he worked from home while I kept my much more stable job.

We had a very modest 3 bedroom home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never work an office job with a long commute. I sub at my child's school and surrounding k-12 schools. Pay depends on the district, this week I am being paid $50/hr (325/day) for a special education teacher assignment at one of the higher paying districts. No benefits but kids are on their fathers healthcare who also works in education. I am on state insursnce.

I am at their school about half the time. Love getting to know my kids friends more, being somewhat available if they need me emotionally, and being able to just drive home from school when I am at theirs without another stop. Their school is out at 2:10 so we often go to the beach or sky zone etc afterwards before dinner. Best single mom job ever, and we have free after school care for when I have the highschool assignments.

Might not be a fancy job, but it works for while they are young.

What is state insurance?

Anonymous wrote:I could never work an office job with a long commute. I sub at my child's school and surrounding k-12 schools. Pay depends on the district, this week I am being paid $50/hr (325/day) for a special education teacher assignment at one of the higher paying districts. No benefits but kids are on their fathers healthcare who also works in education. I am on state insursnce.

I am at their school about half the time. Love getting to know my kids friends more, being somewhat available if they need me emotionally, and being able to just drive home from school when I am at theirs without another stop. Their school is out at 2:10 so we often go to the beach or sky zone etc afterwards before dinner. Best single mom job ever, and we have free after school care for when I have the highschool assignments.

Might not be a fancy job, but it works for while they are young.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

Let me disabuse you all of the idea that GenX/younger baby boomers were all working pink collar jobs or part time in 1998. We were full-time lawyers and journalists and doctors and accountants. Perhaps not the THE Managing Partner of a 1000-lawyer firm — but not all part-time preschool teachers.

In 1999 Washington DC.

But, we still got it done. And our kids were not dining on Cheetos and they did play sports and instruments . But not to the insane degree today’s 8 yr olds do.

Work was less demanding and school was less demanding of parents. That's it.

Did you have a laptop you took home every night and a BlackBerry that needed to be checked every ten minutes?

Did each child's school have three different apps where they sent you notifications numerous times a day on your other device?

Did your child have random assignments that were buried somewhere on those apps, but no textbook?

Did you have a "lean" team at work so you could be "nimble"?

Did your child's sports team communicate with you on yet another app?

Did you have information overload about all the things that are happening everywhere all the time?

And that's with neurotypical kids and a reasonably healthy and competent spouse.

--

Yes, we could try to draw boundaries around this crap, but in some cases it's impossible (school, for example) or there aren't reasonable options (careers, for example).

I do think the "benign neglect" style of parenting is starting to come back - but I'd be worried about lack of parental oversight when kids have free rein on their devices. Even if your kid is relatively locked down, a lot of their friends aren't at all.

This is all so true

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

Let me disabuse you all of the idea that GenX/younger baby boomers were all working pink collar jobs or part time in 1998. We were full-time lawyers and journalists and doctors and accountants. Perhaps not the THE Managing Partner of a 1000-lawyer firm — but not all part-time preschool teachers.

In 1999 Washington DC.

But, we still got it done. And our kids were not dining on Cheetos and they did play sports and instruments . But not to the insane degree today’s 8 yr olds do.

Work was less demanding and school was less demanding of parents. That's it.

Did you have a laptop you took home every night and a BlackBerry that needed to be checked every ten minutes?

Did each child's school have three different apps where they sent you notifications numerous times a day on your other device?

Did your child have random assignments that were buried somewhere on those apps, but no textbook?

Did you have a "lean" team at work so you could be "nimble"?

Did your child's sports team communicate with you on yet another app?

Did you have information overload about all the things that are happening everywhere all the time?

And that's with neurotypical kids and a reasonably healthy and competent spouse.

--

Yes, we could try to draw boundaries around this crap, but in some cases it's impossible (school, for example) or there aren't reasonable options (careers, for example).

I do think the "benign neglect" style of parenting is starting to come back - but I'd be worried about lack of parental oversight when kids have free rein on their devices. Even if your kid is relatively locked down, a lot of their friends aren't at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Child of a young baby boomer: I was a latchkey kid and was expected to get places independently at a younger age. These days, my mom would have gotten arrested for leaving us alone for long periods of time, but we had no better choices and it was normal back then.

Yes, boomers with working parents basically, did it with benign neglect, latchkey kids, I ate basically a microwave meal for every dinner.

Also back then women were still just working basically pink collar jobs, so they would end the day and come home relatively early compared to a corporate job with a commute. And no activities, except maybe ones you would do after school, it used to be easy to get on the school sports team you didn’t have to train in travel soccer since age 4.

Ask for generation X they actually started the opt out revolution, they realized it was a bad deal and they just did not keep working. https://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/the-opt-out-revolution.html

Let me disabuse you all of the idea that GenX/younger baby boomers were all working pink collar jobs or part time in 1998. We were full-time lawyers and journalists and doctors and accountants. Perhaps not the THE Managing Partner of a 1000-lawyer firm — but not all part-time preschool teachers.

In 1999 Washington DC.

But, we still got it done. And our kids were not dining on Cheetos and they did play sports and instruments . But not to the insane degree today’s 8 yr olds do.

Anonymous wrote:I could never work an office job with a long commute. I sub at my child's school and surrounding k-12 schools. Pay depends on the district, this week I am being paid $50/hr (325/day) for a special education teacher assignment at one of the higher paying districts. No benefits but kids are on their fathers healthcare who also works in education. I am on state insursnce.

I am at their school about half the time. Love getting to know my kids friends more, being somewhat available if they need me emotionally, and being able to just drive home from school when I am at theirs without another stop. Their school is out at 2:10 so we often go to the beach or sky zone etc afterwards before dinner. Best single mom job ever, and we have free after school care for when I have the highschool assignments.

Might not be a fancy job, but it works for while they are young.